Tuesday, January 31, 2017

The Big CC (Comic Comics)

The Amazing Spider-Man
What? What does that mean? Shut up, Peter. You aren't funny.

Funky Winkerbean

While I think it's kind of a hack job to give the main character cancer after just about everybody else had cancer, I look forward to Funky getting cancer, going through all the stages of cancer, doing what he can to get rid of the cancer only to eventually go into remission and be perfectly fine.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Very Late Night

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith
Well, if Donald Trump can just make up laws, then so can your local police.

Family Circus
Were they holding an intervention for Kitty Cat? Cats don't respond to them. I've tried.

Mark Trail
AAAH! Where'd you come from?! How'd you get out? Back in the crawlspace with you.

Dennis the Menace
It's never a good thing when an older person breaks a bone. Dennis doesn't care. He will loudly whisper about how you may have hurt yourself to his friends and you'll just stand there and take it.

Mother Goose and Grimm

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Still Better Than Today's Mallard Fillmore

Family Circus
This is one of the dumbest things I have ever read or seen. I've looked up these words and I don't see how any of the fake definitions are jokes. A couple, you really have to stretch logic to make the joke fit and the others have nothing to do with the words. It's like Jeff Keane gave a list of words to drunk frat boys and told them to come up with definitions.

Mary Worth
You know, that last panel would make a great tattoo.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Is That a Cobblestone Street?

Family Circus
So this is how, at least, two of the Keane kids die and it's all because Jeffy can't handle the simple task of looking both ways before crossing the street. I guess, to be fair, PJ seems a bit suspicious and could be thinking that Jeffy is wrong about this.

Friday, January 27, 2017

Friday Quickies

I had a dream last night that I owned a spider farm. And yes, it was exactly what it sounds like.

Mother Goose and Grimm
HAHA! Waiters. Amiright?

This storyline is getting so weird.

Hagar the Horrible
HAHA! Wives. Amiright?

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Those Photos Are Just Drawn On There

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith
Well, lookee here. It's singer-songwriter and Nancy cartoonist Guy Gilchrist in today's Barney Google. Guy and Brad Gilchrist took over Nancy back in 1995 then Brad mysteriously vanished. Did Guy do something to Brad or was Brad just a made-up person used by Guy to get two paychecks?*

Mary Worth
No, it's totally a great idea. I love getting matching tattoos with people I've just barely started...dating(?).

Family Circus
"And I'm telling you, Jeffy, I am getting damn tired of saying that extra syllable."

Mark Trail
Here's hoping that Mark Trail will still provide us with the wildlife scenes, conservation guilt-trips, and zoological science that we're going to need in the upcoming four years.

I wish this trope would die. I wish this trope would die. I wish this trope would die. I wish this trope would die.

*Don't worry. I'm well aware that Brad Gilchrist is alive, well, and in existence.

Monday, January 23, 2017

How Did Lukey Even Get the Idea?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith
Not like that anyway. Why would Lukey want to do something like braid his beard in the first place? That's not something someone from Appalachia does. Brooklyn, yes. Appalachia, no.

Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean
I don't care if they are set in the same universe, Batiuk, I do NOT want to see Ed Crankshaft twice in one day.

Baby Blues
Dear parents, you do not need to give me a card or anything else apologizing for how terrible your kids are or might be. You have kids, I'm just going to assume that they will be terrible until they prove me wrong. For the most part, they are good but this is a comic strip and just like a TV show, kids and babies always have to be terrible when out in public even if they normally aren't.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Bobbo #3

“Please pass your tests to the person in front,” Ms. Ortiz said. All the kids passed their papers up and she collected them. As she was picking them up, she a crumpled piece of paper on the floor. She picked it up and opened it. “Whose cheat sheet is this?” Ms. Ortiz asked.

All the students looked at each other but no one answered.

“Then I will assume it belongs to all of you so this entire class gets an F,” Ms. Ortiz said.

The class groaned in unison.

“Unless the owner of this comes forward by the end of school day tomorrow, everyone in here gets a zero.”

“We need to figure out whose cheat sheet that was,” Bobbo said as he, Max, and Brooke walked through the halls to their next class. “Do you think Ms. Ortiz will let us look at the handwriting so we can point fingers?”

“Come on, Bobbo,” Max began, “even if we know whose handwriting it is, us saying that isn’t going to help. The person needs to come forward or that zero isn’t going away.”

“Brooke, are you in?” Bobbo asked.

“No. Max is right. The person needs to come forward or it doesn’t matter.”

“You of all people,” Bobbo shook his head. “What about your 4.0?”

“Sorry, Bobbo.”

Brooke and Max went into their class but Bobbo stayed in the hall. “Psst. Griffin,” a voice said from behind him. “I heard what you said. I’m in.”

Bobbo turned around. “Shala?”

“I can’t afford a zero on this test. You can’t maintain a C-average with a zero on your grade card. I say we ask Ms. Ortiz to show us the cheat sheet and we...persuade the cheater to come forward,” Shala punched a fist into her hand.

“I don’t think we need to go that far,” Bobbo said.

“You play your way, I’ll play mine,” Shala growled.

After school, Bobbo and Shala went to Ms. Ortiz. “Ms. Ortiz, can we see the cheat sheet you found today?” Bobbo asked.

“Why?” she asked. “Was it yours?”

“What? No,” Bobbo exclaimed.

“We want to see if we recognize the handwriting,” Shala said, matter-of-factly. Ms. Ortiz sighed and handed the paper to Bobbo and Shala. “I don’t recognize it,” Shala said.

“Sweet. I got question nine right,” Bobbo said.

“No, you didn’t,” Ms. Ortiz said.

“What?” Shala asked.

“Several of the answers on the cheat sheet are wrong.”

“So the perp made a cheat sheet that had wrong answers?”

“It was probably a mistake. The cheat sheet does match up with the study guide we did. I rearrange the questions on the test. Instead of writing down A for number one, they should’ve written down ‘transcendentalism.’”

“Sweet. I got that one right,” Bobbo said.

“No, you didn’t,” Ms. Ortiz said.

“We’re no closer to figuring this out,” Shala said. “We all may just have to take a zero.”

“No, I refuse to break my C-average streak,” Bobbo said. “Maybe it’s time to start questioning some suspects.”

“Like who?”

“Was it yours?” Bobbo demanded when he and Shala found Trent playing basketball in the park.

“Was what mine?” Trent asked.

“The cheat sheet that Ms. Ortiz found in class. The whole class is going to get zeroes unless you fess up,” Bobbo growled through clenched teeth.

“Sucks to be you. The cheat sheet can’t be mine.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not in your class, moron,” Trent said. “I expect this from him, but you Shala?”

“Sorry. I wanted to see where he was going with this.”

“Well, that was my idea. What do you have?” Bobbo asked.

“I think we should just go home. We don’t have any idea who it is and it’ll be dinner soon.”

“Yeah. We’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas,” Bobbo said.

“I guess we’ll all just take zeroes,” Shala sighed. “I’ll see you at school, Bobbo. This was fun. Wish we would’ve been better at it.”

“I wish we had been, too. Not just for our grade but so we didn’t look like complete idiots,” Bobbo said. “See you, Shala.”

“Class,” Ms. Ortiz began, “I have decided not to give you all zeroes because of the cheat sheet I found yesterday. As Bobbo and Shala made me realize yesterday that most of the answers on the cheat sheet were wrong so it’s not like anyone could’ve gotten a perfect score.”

Bobbo and Shala perked up at this. “We actually did something?” Bobbo exclaimed.

“Well, I said the answers were wrong. You pointed out that the cheater would pass.”

“We did something!” Bobbo exclaimed again and he and Shala air high-fived from across the room.

“I wonder whose cheat sheet that was,” Max said, between bites of his pizza, at lunch.

“I don’t know,” Shala said.

“And I guess we’ll never know,” Bobbo said, ominously.

In Ms. Ortiz’s classroom, the cheat sheet was lying crumpled up in the trash can next to her desk. Ms. Ortiz took a sip of her coffee and frowned. “Mm. Cold,” she said and dropped the cup into the trash. The lid popped off and coffee spilled, completely soaking the cheat sheet.

“I guess we’ll never know…” he said, again, ominously.

Bil Should Know To Just Turn Right Around When Thel Is Looking At Pictures

Family Circus
"Let's have another baby."

"That sounds like a great idea. Just give me a minute and we can start." *Googles 'How to perform your own vasectomy*

Funky Winkerbean
Yeah, I really miss all the wasted trees and getting ink on my hands or having to read a soaked paper or wait to have a new delivered. I certainly miss dealing with pages that won't fold back properly or get that stupid kink in the fold when I try to turn the page. Also, black and white daily comics? I wish that was a still a thing.

Hagar the Horrible
Does the artwork seem a little off today? It just seems a bit more cartoony than usual and that's saying something considering how cartoony Hagar normally looks.

Slylock Fox and Comics For Kids
"I have solved the mystery. Shady Shrew and his friend ate your pizza so you may have the last piece."

"Gee, that's very kind of you."

"Not a problem. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go teach that dog-boy over there some things about kite aerodynamics."

"Kick ass, Shady. We just ate an entire stolen pizza and there were no consequences for it."

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Bart Gets an F

Episode Number 7F03 (#214)
Created by Matt Groening; Developed by James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Sam Simon
Written by David M. Stern
Directed by David Silverman
Executive Producers James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Sam Simon
Starring Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, and Harry Shearer
Special Guest Voice Marcia Wallace
Also starring Jo Ann Harris, Pamela Hayden, Russi Taylor

The kids in Ms. Krabappel's class are giving book reports. Martin is giving his about The Old Man and the Sea and Ernest Hemingway essentially putting on a one-man show of the book. Bart is called up next and begins his report on Treasure Island. Bart clearly has not done his assignment and tries to fake his way through his assignment by describing the cover and reading the name of the author and publisher. Ms. Krabappel talks with Bart, telling him to straighten up and fly right so Bart does the only thing he can do. He fakes being sick, calls Milhouse, and gets the test answers from him. When Ms. Krabappel sees that Bart's test is even worse than Milhouse's exam, she calls Marge and Homer and Dr. Pryor to discuss Bart repeating the fourth grade. Bart swears that he will study and pass the next test but no one has faith in him.

Bart realizes that he is not going to pass by himself so he enlists the aid of Martin Prince to help him. In return, Bart teaches Martin how to be cooler. At first, it does work out but soon Martin is tempted away and abandons Bart to his own devices.

Bart prays that a miracle happens to cancel or postpone the test so that he can study more. Soon after Bart falls asleep, it starts snowing. School is canceled and as Bart runs outside, Lisa reminds him of the promise he made. Bart opts to stay inside and study which isn't easy for him. At school, Bart finishes the test and asks Ms. Krabappel to grade it. She does and he fails with a 59%. Bart begins crying saying that he tried his hardest and that failing is still the best he can do. Ms. Krabappel tries to cheer him up by saying that it's a high F but it doesn't help. Bart then mentions that he must feel like George Washington did when he surrendered Fort Necessity to the French. Surprised, Ms. Krabappel gives Bart an extra point for demonstrating applied knowledge thus passing the test and the fourth grade.

Random Observations
  • Martin titles his book report "An Afternoon With Ernest Hemingway."
  • Video game at the arcade that Bart plays: Escape From Grandma's House.
  • Homer makes Bart watch a gorilla movie marathon with him before bed where Homer really identifies with Gorilla the Conqueror.
  • When Bart goes to the nurse, she is picking tongue depressors off of the floor and putting them back into the jar.
  • Bart takes the test after getting the answers from Milhouse. Ms. Krabappel grades it immediately. "This test is worse than Milhouse's exam," she exclaims.
  • Dr. J. Loren Pryor talks with the Simpsons, Ms. Krabappel, and Principal Skinner about Bart and says that Bart is an "underachiever...and proud of it." Even the doctor's own diagnosis doesn't hold up because Dr. Pryor then states that Bart has a fear of failure which means that he's not proud of it. Bart even says so. A "fear of failure" is usually due to a kid not being smart enough but too shy or afraid to ask for help. Early Bart is capable but doesn't apply himself. While there may be some sort of learning disability, Bart just doesn't apply himself for the most part. I am glad that the writers and producers attempted to quell the assumption that Bart was an underachiever and proud of it, even if that's not why, according to James L. Brooks, they did this episode.
  • Martin (looking at Bart's desk): "No study area is complete without adequate plant life."
  • When school is canceled for the snow storm, even the utility companies are closed. That definitely doesn't happen. The city still needs water and power.

There Are Many Fine Women In Antarctica

Beetle Bailey
"Apparently when you run over more than three people, they deem you 'a danger to the state.'"

Mary Worth
Give Wilbur a little credit. It's possible that he's found a lovely female penguin down in Antarctica. Maybe you'll soon be getting a postcard saying that he's taking care of him and his girlfriend's egg.

Rex Morgan, M.D.
Wow! Trump's only been president for 24 hours and the Morgans are already winning! Wait...this has always happened, the Morgans falling ass backwards into money. But soon we will all fall ass backwards into money. Soon.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Inauguration Quickies

We have a new president for the first time in eight years. I hope this doesn't become a regular thing because I would like to see more than just one one-term president in my lifetime. I am not a President Trump supporter and I have promised to give him and his administration the same respect that Republicans gave Obama and his administration. That's not to say that I hope Trump fails as a president. A bad president hurts the entire country but from what I've seen from him for basically my entire life hasn't been good and I have little reason to believe that Mr. Trump will change now that he is president. He has said he will be a president for all Americans. He has also called people who have spoke out against him and his policies losers, crooked, and liars. That doesn't bode well for a president who says that he will unite us.

Nothing President Trump campaigned on is stuff I want to see happen but that happens with every president. We're not going to like every single thing they propose or sign into law. What we can do is stand with them and make sure they are accountable. They all need to be held accountable. Just like Republicans were there to call Obama out on flawed policy, we'll be there to call Trump out on not only every flawed policy but every lie, every insult, every attack, every tweet. Welcome to work, President Trump. I hope you know how.

"Oh, no, it's the Hitler Youth."

Mark Trail
I feel like this is the best example of life these days.

"Wow. Everyone loves this shiny new thing I made."

*posts shiny new thing on Internet*

"Well, that was a terrible mistake..."

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Unappreciated Thursday

Funky Winkerbean
"Fantastic! I'm in! I'm all for being reminded about how my wife died of cancer and left a gaping black hole in my heart and life. Great idea!!"

Rex Morgan, M.D.
"What? No. I am a fantastically acclaimed doctor. June just misses working because she doesn't like being a mom. To Sarah anyway."

Beetle Bailey
Before school started, our district got rid of daily planners but my school wanted to keep something that the kids could keep track of their assignments on and have hall passes on them. We decided to make our own. That meant that before school started, the paras, which includes me, had to three-hole punch them and bind them. The planners were just paper so they were easily ripped apart. We binded roughly 600 planners--probably more--and the kids just destroy them so I know exactly how Beetle feels.