Monday, March 31, 2008

Lividea?


Have we ever met Lividea? Not since I've been doing this but ever? I don't recall her. And what the hell kind of name is Lividea? I Googled "lividea" and the first thing it pulled up was this. A digital content manager that has a non-functioning website. Nice. Also, Veeblefester looks really different with his feet propped up like that. I beg Chip to never draw anyone like that ever again.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Battle of the Fattest


I hate the double standard of today's strip. Mother Gargle is just as short and fat as Brutus is and it's been proven that it's unhealthier for women to be short and fat so Mother Gargle should get off her soapbox and start saving her life unstead insulting Brutus. And Brutus looks very uncomfortable.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Oh, Just Hit Her, Brutus!


I want to know what they are arguing about. I'm sure it's probably something completely pointless like what most husband and wife fights are about. I imagine Brutus and Gladys getting in some pretty good scuffles once in a while. I remember one comic where Wilberforce walked in on them wrestling in their bedroom and from what I could tell Gladys was winning. Now you have scoop that part of your brain out! BWA-HAHAHAHA-HAHAHA!

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Uh, That's Entrée


Just look the damn word up in the dictionary Wilberforce. You are old enough to know that you don't come from the best stock and that both your mother and father must be cousins or something so next time you have to learn the definition of a word just look it up. Open a book or just Wiktionary it.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Being Skinny Doesn't Make You Prettier


This Off the Mark struck me as funny. First because the Father Cat is trying to get rid of his own children and second, because of the way the kittens are being obnoxious. I like the one rolling around on Father Cat's stomach and just what the hell is that one in the left corner doing?


Today's strip teeters awfully close to talking about the weather in my world. And what does she mean there's no more holidays? What about April Fool's Day? Passover? Earth Day? Bataan Day? Oh wait, she wants legitimate holidays. Days actually used for some kind of celebration or memorial.

Editor's Note: Now that's just mean. Passover and, to a lesser extent, Bataan Day are very important to the people who celebrate them. And wasn't April Fool's Day a legitimate holiday at one point? I'm too lazy to look.)

Monday, March 24, 2008

Chances Are I'm Behind Her


You mean to tell me that Gladys has been stopping on green since she learned to drive? What about intersections that aren't marked? Does Gladys just sit there in her car and panic and cry nervously? And Brutus has never noticed this annoying quirk in his wife before? That's pretty damn unobservant. Even more unobservant than this husband and wife team usually showcase.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Weather Joke #3,417


I'm tired of the weather jokes in The Born Loser. Yes, it's been a pretty hellish winter this year but I'm sick of people commenting on it. I made a promise last summer when it was so damn hot that I would not complain about winter this year and I have done a good job. Today's strip is the last time I want to see a winter weather joke. If I see another one I am going to write to Chip and tell him to cease and desist. I'm tired of it.

Plus, this strip incorporates golf. Does every comic strip character have to play golf? Do the cartoonists choose golf because it's fairly easy to draw or because their lives are not as wild and crazy as their comic strip counterparts?

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Signs of Spring


I've seen robins all winter. I don't know what old wive's tale says that robins are the harbingers of spring but it's all a lie. Today's strip has Brutus apparently seen the "first" robin of spring. As I'm writing I am near death. I'm sick which is one reason I've been negligent with updating this blog. I don't like being sick because when I get sick I get sick. Even the humor and whimsy of TBL can't ease my pain although I do love the look of the strip as it seems that Brutus is trapped behind that window only able to look out on a world he never created.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Showing the Love


Man, miss a couple of days and the strip goes basketball crazy. Gladys should know about March Madness. Especially if Brutus pays that much attention to it. It just baffles me the way comic strip/movie/television are always portrayed as women who are shocked to learn their boyfriends/husbands love sports. I don't like sports so I am a rare breed.

I received an email from this guy. I haven't looked at everything on his site but this stuck out: Products Only Douchebags Buy and I have to say that I agree.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Yay, Basketball Metaphor

I'm from Lawrence, Kansas so the Kansas Jayhawks are my team but I'm not a sports player so I did not get the joke in today's strip (and I do know it's now Tuesday. I'm a little late.) so I had to look it up because I had no idea what the NIT was.


Apparently, The National Invitation Tournament (NIT) is a men's college basketball tournament operated by the National Collegiate Athletic Association. The association plays two tournaments each season. The first is played in November and is known with its sponsorship as the Dick's Sporting Goods NIT Season Tip-Off (formerly the Preseason NIT), and was founded in 1985. The second is a post-season tournament played in March and April. In both cases, its final rounds are played at Madison Square Garden in New York City, and the post-season event (called the MasterCard NIT as per sponsorship) was founded in 1938. In both common and official usage, "NIT" or "National Invitation Tournament" refers to the post-season tournament unless otherwise qualified. Both the pre- and post-season tournaments were operated by the Metropolitan Intercollegiate Basketball Association (MIBA) up until 2005, when they were purchased by the NCAA.

Thanks, Wikipedia. Anyway, would businessmen really talk like this? How many people actually walk up to their boss and ask how important they are to the company? That seems very daring/stupid to me.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Brutus Is Old, We Get It

I have a problem with a couple of other strips today. In today's Hagar the Horrible we see a good portion of Hagar's life when he's not raping and pillaging. Now I would note that "Hagar the Henpecked" wouldn't be as exciting as "Hagar the Horrible" but when was the last time Hagar the Horrible was exciting?

The other strip is today's For Better or For Worse which now uses Sunday's strip to back in time to the 1970s. I'm assuming the Pattersons don't hit but yell constantly at each other thus I think damaging their children more. This strip also shows just how neglected and screwed-up Elizabeth will become. This strip would be funnier is April had been born and Elizabeth slammed her down onto the hard floor.

In today's Born Loser strip I am very scared of Wilberforce's face in the first panel. Someone has to remind Chip that these are not characters that should be drawn face front. Also, I think Chip should have Brutus shave his mustache because it's kind of pointless. It's so small you can barely see it and does really nothing to distinquish the character.

Next week is Spring Break for a lot of people (and I am one of them) so I'll try to find something cool for you throughout the week along with the daily comics so I hope all of you who get the week off enjoy the time off.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

That's Die---With a 'T'


Today's strip apparently expects us to believe Brutus and Gladys are on a diet. I believe you can have a wonderful meal with just a garden salad. I love to eat salads and am kind of ashamed that I don't eat them as much as I should. Oddly enough I hate alfredo sauce and would much prefer French dressing. Pass that salad over here Brutus, I'll give it a good home.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Three Days

I finally got part one of Born Loser X written. Only three more! Anyway, I've decided to get caught up on the days that I have missed because I love you all so much.

In Wednesday's strip we see Gladys owns a God-awful looking shirt just like Brutus does. And just how does that apron think it's going to stop messes from appearing on Gladys' pants? And her look in panel three is just outright devious.

Thursday's strip finally shows us Mother Gargle who hasn't made an appearance since I started this blog. It's about time because I've always loved her hair. How does she get it to stand up like that? Twirl it around a fork and pull up? And that's Brutus' future right in front of him so maybe they should be looking into divorce.

And for Today's strip we see what Gladys might have looked like back in her heyday and it's still not pretty. Although this comic makes me laugh for another reason:
"What's the soup of the day?"
"Eh, what's the soup of the day, mum?"
"Bread!"
"And the soup of the day is bread."

Born Loser X, Part One

Brutus Thornapple sat at a workbench in his basement. The radio softly played a Mozart composition. Brutus liked Mozart because it was simultaneously cheerful and depressing depending on the piece. He softly hummed along. His wife, Gladys, was in the kitchen either eating, making her something to eat or getting ready to make her something to eat. He wasn’t sure but figured it was one of those. Brutus was currently working on a scale model city. It was a hobby he had picked up a few years ago and had so far created three. He was working on a town he named Mason City, after his father, Mason Thornapple. Brutus had even created a history for Mason City and these little towns of his were more of a pride and joy than his own family.

Brutus was born in 1957 and has barely been out of the town he was born in. He blended into the back all through elementary school, junior high and high school. In college, Brutus started coming out of his shell. He dated and actually had fun in college. He lived off campus in a huge house co-rented by six other guys and there was a party just about every night. Brutus had several girlfriends throughout his four years at Borchmore but none he ever considered as a long term thing. He graduated in 1980 and immediately was able to obtain a job at Dickens, Jarndyce and Veeblefester, a company that was considered up-and-coming in the business world and Brutus had a chance to make his mark in the world.

It was five years into his career at DJ&V when he met Gladys. At the time, Gladys was an attractive yet stocky woman with long blond hair down to her butt. They dated for nearly five years until Brutus finally worked up the nerve to propose to her. By then, DJ&V had been restructured and Rancid Veeblefester became the new CEO of DJ&V which he renamed The Vebblefester Corporation. Brutus had been able to raise through the ranks at work but his promotions had stalled and had moved up as far as he figured he was going to go.

Brutus Thornapple and Gladys Gargle married in 1992 and the honeymoon was in St. Louis, not terribly romantic but both had agreed to go there. For the first three years, all was good…Gladys wanted a child and she and Brutus tried but it wasn’t until 2000 when Wilberforce was born.

Wilberforce was Gladys’ pride and joy but Brutus didn’t feel right being a father. It wasn’t until Wilberforce was around four when Brutus stopped being a father and became a dad. They were finally a family but Brutus wasn’t happy. Money. Brutus made decent money with Veeblefester. Brutus was always reminded that money does not buy happiness. But he figured it could put a decent down payment on it.

“Brutus?” Gladys’ shrill voice pierced the quiet coolness of the basement as she yelled down from the kitchen. “Would spaghetti be okay for dinner tonight?”

Brutus sighed. “Yes,” he reached over and turned off the radio.

“Why don’t you go ahead and tell Wilberforce dinner will be ready soon? You two can go get cleaned up.”

“Mm-hmm,” Brutus mumbled and scooted his stool away from the table. He took one last look at Mason City and slowly made his way up the stairs into the kitchen.



Rancid Veeblefester has lived in the Baymont Hotel for six months since his wife, Lucille, had evicted him from their house of 25 years. At the time, a pre-nup never even entered his mind but now he wished he’d consulted a lawyer before following through with the wedding. But he was young and impetuous at the time and was willing to take a chance and until the last year, it had been a decent mistake. Currently, Veeblefester had the best lawyers working around the clock to either make divorcing him impossible and costly or not make it worth her while.

Veeblefester took a swig of the Jack Daniels that was on the nightstand next to the bed. He got up and looked out of the window and into the city. He had worked too long and hard and had grown too accustomed to his lifestyle to hand it over to some second-rate whore. Thoughts were racing through his mind and then his lips curled into a slight smile. “Dead women can’t file divorce papers…” he whispered.

Then he went to work on figuring out how to do it.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Postponed

I've been trying to get the first chapter of Born Loser X done so I can post it. It's harder than I thought writing for these characters because they are so one-dimensional. I'm going to get back to doing the daily strips as soon as I finish the story then I'm going to get the story printed here, one chapter per week. Until then, you'll have to do without The Born Loser unless you look at it on Comics.com or something.

Until next time, I remain...
~Brian

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Wanted: Money. Dead Or Alive

Today's strip really hits home as Brutus wants to know how to keep his money longer (or at all). I just want money. I was laid off from my job and am looking but I live in a town where new business is shunned and forced to go to Kansas City, Topeka or God forbid Ottawa.

So if you would like to help out with this please email me and I will email you back my mailing address. Checks, money orders and cash welcome (I won't tell) and for those of you who do send me something, I will list your name along with declaring that you are a nice person who is kind to stranger and it will be forever known on the Internet. So it's win-win.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

I'd Say 'Yes' To the Steakhouse.

I'm a little late with today's strip because my computer got infected with five viruses at the same time and the anti-virus thing I have couldn't delete them. After scanning the computer three times with two different anti-virus systems and trying a system restore five times, I finally discovered that the problem came from some program inadvertantly installed so one quick run of Uninstall and the problem became fixed. I don't know how it works but I'm just glad I got it all worked out.

So we learn here that Gladys will eat just about everything. I would much rather go through the drive-thru too but if going to a nice restaurant was so blatantly needed by my wife I would just push away my pride and take her. But what about Wilberforce? Does Wilberforce get to go? And if money is really an issue to Brutus then I completely understand wanting to spend $20 on fast food and get well fed instead of $75 for a nice restaurant and possibly not get well fed.

But I'm really going for Brutus just doesn't want to be seen in public with his large ogre of a wife.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Yeah!! Go LeBron!!!.....?

Whoa!! Check out the skirt on Hurricane Hattie in today's strip. It's barely worth using fabric for. Now I know why Wilberforce hangs out with her. Wait a minute, she's only eight, Brian. Now I feel creepy.

Hattie may be dressed like a transsexual Filipino whore but she should really make the business deals in this relationship.

Place Your Bets!! Is It Money Or a Menu In Brutus' Hand?

I think today's strip shows us what a Brutus/Veeblefester genetic mix-match would be. Although I don't particulary like the derby. We also learn that Brutus' mom wasn't exactly the best cook despite the fact that Brutus would've been raised in an era where women typically stayed at home and should've been a decent cook. Even if we're led to believe this strip takes place in 2008, Brutus would've been raised between 1958 and 1976 so his mom wouldn't have gotten all caught up in the hippie movement.

Also, Brutus doesn't like to pay for food. If he's that bothered by the prices, eat at home, bring your lunch or just stop whining.

The Born Loser X, Prologue

Warning: Mature Themes. Read With Caution.

Brutus Thornapple sat at a workbench in his basement. The radio softly played a Mozart composition. Brutus liked Mozart and softly hummed to the tune. The basement door was open and he could hear his wife, Gladys, clattering around in the kitchen. She was either eating, making herself something to eat or getting ready to make her something to eat. It was hard to tell with her but Brutus figured it was one of those. Brutus was working on a scale-model of a city. Brutus liked working with his hands and he had taken up the hobby of creating a miniature town. He created it's own history, neighborhoods, businesses and named it Mason City, after his father Mason Thornapple.
As the music ended, Gladys' shrill voice echoed from the kitchen down into the basement. "Brutus, does spaghetti sound good for dinner?"
"Yes, that's fine," Brutus clicked off his radio and scooted away from the table. "I'm gonna take a quick shower and wash the stink of work off of me."
"Okay, dear," Gladys said.
Brutus looked back at Mason City and smiled, which was something he really hadn't done in a long time. Then he headed upstairs.

Rancid Veeblefester had been flopping at the Tilson Hotel for the last six months since his wife had kicked him out of their home. Their home. That was a laugh. He had bought that house years ago after he made his first million at Veeblefester Incorporated. It was his house for seven years before he had married that shrew. A pre-nup never even entered his mind at the time. He had the best lawyers in the city working around the clock to either make divorcing him impossible to not make it worth her while. So far, nothing had worked.
Veeblefester took a swig of the Jack Daniels that was on the nightstand next to the bed. He stood up and looked out of the window at the street. He had to stop her. He had worked too hard and was too accustomed to his lifestyle to have some second-rate whore take it from him.
"Dead women can't file divorce papers," Veeblefester said and his lips curled into a slight smile. Now all he had to do was figure out how to do it.

To be continued...

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Not One of Us


I'm doing this early because I have drinking plans tonight. I'm not a fan of Republicans at all but for some reason John McCain scares the bejeezus out of me. I, too, also think McCain is too old to be president. I find it odd that back in 1996 Bob Dole's age was a main concern but you barely hear about that with McCain. Honestly, look at McCain and determine if he would survive the four years in office. Hell, Cheney barely survived and he's Vice-President.

I vote for the person who pisses me off the least during the campaign. So far all McCain has done is scare me. His Nixon-like jowls do not look presidential. I guess we'll see which way I swing in November but in all honesty I was rooting for Ron Paul because, even though he was Republican, his policies almost mirror mine exactly. Oh, well. Not everyone can be president. Now if only Ralph Nader can get that through his head.

In today's strip we get a glimpse of a couple of Brutus' coworkers. Do people actually walk up to people and ask to be included in the conversation? I thought you just overheard then joined in if the topic was something you could bring experience or knowledge to. Why does Brutus ask? That just leads to people rejecting you. Come on, Brutus. Grow a pair and just force yourself into the conversation.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Year of the Brat

In ancient times the Rat was a protector and bringer or material prosperity. People born within the Year of the Rat are leaders. They are charming, passionate and charismatic which from what I know about Mother Gargle doesn't describe her at all. Maybe the leader part but that's about it.

I have a feeling TBL has talked about the Chinese New Year before but I can't find the strip if it exists. Also, why would a boy as young as Wilberforce know what the Year of the Rat means? From what I read, Wilberforce is about five years old but he looks remarkably older.

Must be all that Bovine Growth Hormones in the hamburger.

(Love the title? I do.)

Monday, March 3, 2008

Happy Birthday, Brutus

I was goofing around online and I found another website that devoted itself to making fun of The Born Loser although not on a day-to-day basis. The Comics Doctor provided an in-depth analysis of why TBL has been allowed to languish on the vine. And for the most part I agree. I believe Born Loser has been allowed to survive due to the fast that it's essentially cheap. While Garfield, Dilbert and even Peanuts reruns have great merchandising potential, Born Loser offers to potential like that but it can get a few laughs from elderly people or morons and because there's no merchandising potential the syndicate doesn't have to pay Chip as much as Jim Davis or Scott Adams or the estate of Charles Schulz.

And according to today's strip it's Brutus' birthday. I'm not sure how old he is but according to various stuff I've read he's 50. But here is how I think the strip should've went today.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Defending Wikipedia

Ironically, both Wilberforce and Hattie got their information from Wikipedia.

I am a regular user of Wikipedia and I have read countless things saying that Wikipedia is a horrible device and needs professional people to write and edit. I've contributed some to Wikipedia and what I've written is actually historic and relevant to the article for which it's talking about. I believe the actual point of Wikipedia is to get a general idea of what you are looking for and then use the external links or print references to further inquire about the subject. Besides, those opponents of Wikipedia are probably just mad because their article was speedily deleted by SmackBot.