Monday, November 28, 2016

Calendars and Hips Don't Lie

Rex Morgan, M.D.
"Hard to believe Michael will be a year old tomorrow."

"The calendar doesn't lie. Although time is arbitrary. What is a year, really? Random days and night shoved together helping us remember the time that has already passed but warning us of the limited time we have left. You're still talking? Jeez, talk about rambling..."

Family Circus
"This isn't my house. Whose nightclothes are these? Where's my underwear? What's a crayon doing in there?"

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Bobbo #1

Brooke’s character sprite jumped off of the platform and onto the flagpole thus winning the game. Bobbo angrily tossed his controller toward the game system. “I don’t know why I let you win,” he said.

“You didn’t. I schooled you,” Brooke smiled at him. “I need to get going.”

The two of them got up and Bobbo showed Brooke to the door. “I’ll see you at school?” he asked as she stood in the doorway.

“Where else would we see each other?” she chuckled and turned to leave. “Hey!” she exclaimed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Where’s my bike?”

“You parked it right here,” Bobbo came out of the house and looked up and down the yard.

“I know. What happened to it? Did someone take it?”

“Why would someone do that?”

“I need to find it. Will you help me look?” Brooke asked Bobbo.

“Wait here. I know someone who can help,” Bobbo smiled and ran off back into the house.

“Someone?” Brooke questioned.

A couple minutes later, Bobbo reemerged in a red shirt and a red cape and mask. “Super-Duper Man is here to help you, miss,” Bobbo said in a deeper voice.

“Bobbo, what are you doing?”

“Who’s Bobbo? Oh, that nice young man who lets me, Super-Duper Man, use his house? What seems to be the problem?”

“You know what the problem is,” Brooke was already tired of this.

“My powers of super-deduction…”

“Not a thing.”

“...Tell me that your bicycle is missing.”

“Oh my God.”

“Come with me. Let’s see if the neighbors saw anything,” Bobbo grabbed the cape and as he turned around, waved the cape with a grand flourish.

“Are you going to keep talking like that?”

Instead of going to the neighbor’s house across the street, Bobbo and Brooke went two doors down and across the street to Max’s house. Bobbo knocked on the door and Max opened it. “Oh, this looks like fun,” Max beamed.

“Hello, citizen,” Bobbo began. “This little girl is missing her bike. We were wondering if you’ve seen anything suspicious.”

“What’s with the voice?”

“This is how Super-Duper Man talks,” Bobbo said. “So, did you see anything?”

“No, I didn’t. Why does a missing bike require the services of a superhero? You really should’ve used your detective persona, Bobbo,” Max said.

“So you haven’t seen anything?” Bobbo asked, using his normal voice.

“No, I didn’t,” Max said.

“To the next house,” Bobbo exclaimed in his Super-Duper Man voice and gesticular flair.

Bobbo led the way with Brooke and now Max following. “You don’t have to come,” Brooke said.

“No, no. I want to see how this plays out.”

They walked past several houses and passed in front of Trent Elder’s house. Trent was in the front room, sneering and cackling over Brooke’s missing bicycle, wringing his hands in a weird fashion. “Heh, stealing Brooke’s bike is the best joke I’ve ever had.” Trent then heard Bobbo’s Super-Duper Man voice outside and he ran to the window to see Bobbo in some sort of weird cape get-up, Brooke and Max. “Bobbo’s dressed like a superhero to help Brooke find her bike? That gives me an idea.”

Within minutes, Trent had donned a blue Ninja Turtle mask and one of those styrofoam Hulk hands that makes noise and went outside with the bike. “Halt!” he demanded, using a deeper voice like Bobbo was. “I have what you seek.”

The three of them turned around. Bobbo gasped in shock. “The bike!” he exclaimed.

“The precious bike--in the clutches of The Evil Fist,” Trent declared.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Max smiled and pointed in the direction of Trent.

“Evil Fist, you are no match for Super-Duper Man,” Bobbo shouted and ran toward Trent. Trent sat the bike down and raised the hand with the Hulk gun. Bobbo faked-punched Trent but Trent really hit Bobbo with his foam which didn’t hurt or do anything. “I’m using my heat vision on you,” Bobbo said.

“I’m immune to your pathetic heat vision,” Trent said.

“Nothing is immune to my heat vision,” Bobbo said.

“I am,” Trent said.

“Well, nothing is immune to my nuclear vision,” Bobbo yelled and focused his eyes on Trent.

“I am,” Trent gritted his teeth in a smile.

“You can’t just make up powers,” Bobbo said and threw a fake punch.

“I’m immune to your punches too. Evil Fist is immune to all punches.”

Brooke walked over to the boys and picked her bike off of the ground and walked back to Max. “Thanks for trying to find my bike, Bobbo,” she said. “I have to head home. I’ll see you at school, Max.”

“See you, Brooke,” Max waved and the two went their separate ways as Bobbo and Trent faked punched each other in Trent’s front yard.

If He's Running After the Bear Thief, Who Is Watching the Store?

Mother Goose and Grimm
Does Mother Goose have that painting hanging in her house or did they go to a museum just to point out that the Queen's Elizabethan collar is basically the same as a veterinarian cone?

Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids
Reading today's Slylock Fox, I was initially thinking the solution had something to do with 'root beer' actually being written on the bottle, or maybe the bear at the bus stop had been drinking his so his would have less liquid in it. And why is one of those bears not wearing shoes? The robber bear wore shoes because he knew that he was going to commit a crime.

What? Open the soda bottle and let all the carbonation escape? Let the root beer overflow and get my paw sticky? Great.

Rex Morgan, M.D.
I don't blame Sarah for wanting to stop shoveling the snow. That sidewalk goes on forever. I would much rather honor Richard Thompson, too.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Tauy Creek Digest #29: Murder Or Suicide

Eric and Chris sat in the diner in booths across from each other. Their food had just arrived and they started eating. As they ate, Eric took a bite of his food and began talking, "Would you rather kill somebody and go to jail forever or kill yourself and be dead?"

"What?" Chris asked, about to put food in his mouth.

"Would you rather kill someone or kill yourself? Simple question."

"Why are you asking? Have you seen the future?"

"I'm just wondering," Eric shrugged.

Chris took a couple more bites of his food. "Kill someone, I guess."

"Ooh, harsh," Eric said. "Why would you kill somebody?"

"I don't know. My choices were kill somebody or kill myself. I was answering your question."

"Why did you choose kill somebody?"

"Well, I'm not going to kill myself. What reason would I have to kill myself anyway?"

"What reason would you have to kill somebody?"

"At least while I'm in jail, I'll be alive. Plus, there's the chance I'd be released sooner or later."

"No, it was be in jail forever. No parole."

"What? It's my first murder? It's my first crime of any type. I seriously wouldn't be given just 25 years or something? I've seen murderers on 'Law & Order' get twelve years."

"This isn't a TV show. You're going away for a long time."

"No, I don't think I will. I will be back out on the street in 12 to 25 years."

"I will go to your parole hearing and testify against you."

"Hard to testify against me when you're the one I killed."

Eric gasped. "How dare you. Why did you kill me?"

Chris shrugged. "I don't know. Got in my way."

"So you'd rather kill somebody than kill yourself?"

"Yes, because I don't have a reason to kill myself."

"You don't have a reason to kill anybody either."

"It was just a question," Chris sighed. "I don't want to be dead so I chose the option where I stay alive and can still have a life."

"But you're in jail forever."

"No, I'm not. I'm not in jail forever. But I would be dead forever. That's why I chose to kill somebody," they continued eating, each taking a couple of bites. "What would you choose?"

"Kill myself. It's not my place to take someone else's life away from them."

"Are you just choosing kill yourself because I chose kill somebody? Are you trying to be the better person?"

"What? No, of course not."

"Mm-hmm," Chris glared at Eric and they went back to eating. "Why did you ask me this anyway?"

"I was thinking about it last night while trying to go to sleep."

"Mm," Chris grunted and went back to eating. "I'm still going with kill somebody. I don't care what the question says, I won't be in jail forever. Twenty-five years at most and then I'm free to go."

"You'd still be in jail for twenty-five years and highly unmarketable when you get out. Not to mention, you'd be a murderer. Who'd hire a murderer?"

"I'd hire a murderer. They paid their debt to society and they deserve a second chance. Now, if they murder again then they don't deserve a third chance."

"So someone kills someone else, you give them a pass?"

"I didn't say that. I said they can pay their debt to society and then be given a second chance."

"'Please, Mr. Murderer, promise us that you won't murder again,'" Eric clasped his hands and spoke in a baby voice.

"Yes, that's exactly how that would work," Chris sighed and rolled his eyes. "Maybe we could also make them sign a murder abstinence agreement."

"Please submit your resume with a cover letter, employment history, and murder abstinence agreement," Eric chuckled.

"This is a stupid conversation," Chris said, putting his fork down. "How the hell did this start?"

"I asked you whether you would rather kill somebody or kill yourself."

"Why do we always have the stupidest conversations when we have lunch together?" Chris asked. "We never have any conversations that make us think, it's always stupid, pointless things that have no relevance in anyone's life."

Eric continued eating but Chris was mostly done with his food. They sat in silence, seemingly in agreement with Chris' opinion. A waitress came by and refilled their drinks. Eric finished his food and sat back in the booth.

"The Jetsons are the best looking animated family," Eric said.

Chris looked at Eric. "Oh my God. You're right. How is that possible?"

"I know, right? It boggles the mind."

Saturday Discoveries

Adam @ Home
I am a very progressive guy. I am all for a young girl discovering herself and her body. I believe that is important for development--physically, mentally, and sexually. I'm not sure that I approve of using a family holiday decoration to do this discovering but I don't judge.

Mary Worth
Iris receives a text message.

Iris, can you make sure I turned off my oven? I always leave it on just in case I get a hankering to bake something. Thx.

Iris: Who dis?

Friday, November 25, 2016

Making His Search Results Come True

Mary Worth
"Well, you're not a teacher so you can't help me with my grade but that doesn't mean we still can't have fun. Know where we can score some vicodin?"

Thursday, November 24, 2016

That Is a Huge Bowl of Peas

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith
I may have mentioned this before but I love Thanksgiving. Christmas can honestly suck a bag of nuts because I'd rather get together with family and eat a bunch of food. I don't like buying gifts, I don't necessarily like receiving gifts (I'm strange, I know), but I love cooking and eating food.

Dennis the Menace
The Pilgrims. The Native Americans got diseases.

Rex Morgan, M.D.
And look, Sarah is trying to eat that pie like a duck!

Funky Winkerbean
Tom Batiuk is trying his hand at some historical fiction. The thing with historical fiction is that it has to be believable. This isn't believable.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Captain Kid and Old Clothes

It's another edition of Captain Kid!! In this story, we learn that, for some reason, his parents actually named him Captain Kid. I mean, I guess it could be that he asked to be called Captain Kid and his parents are just that open-minded but even I think that's being too open-minded.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

"We Won't Have To Drive Through Kentucky Do We?"

The Amazing Spider-Man
Drive out to California?

Peter Parker is a city-boy. It was bad enough having to deal with Long Island existing in the last adventure but having to deal with all that empty land between New York City and Los Angeles will be the worst. Ohio?!!? Missouri?!!? And don't get him started on New Mexico!!

"Great kids you have there, all going to Disney World and not taking you, their own mother. Wellp, I've finished my tea, see you Monday."

Family Circus
Five seconds later...

"Mommy! Jeffy's holdin' my head UNDER the water again!"

Mary Worth
HOT DAMN!! He's certainly no Wilbur!! Hubba-hubba!

He seems slightly younger than Iris though. I can't wait to hear what Mary has to say about this. Where is Mary anyway? We've barely seen her since June Brigman took over the art.

Monday, November 21, 2016

I Guess History Hasn't Caught Up to Comic Strips

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith
Snuffy: "Didja hear that you can put yer name on a guvmint list and no one kin call you?"
Lukey: "That sounds like a great idear, Snuffy, except for one thing."
Snuffy: "What's that?"
Lukey: "Why would I want to put muh name on a guvmint list?"

This guy should get a Twitter. Those kind of jokes go over well on Twitter.

Mother Goose and Grimm
Mary Todd Lincoln was very supportive of her husband. She was an intelligent and caring woman, often raising their children alone while Lincoln was off politicking before becoming president. The Lincolns had four children, two surviving into adulthood and only one outliving Mary Todd. Mary Todd suffered through bouts of depression due to this and especially after witnessing her beloved husband get killed right in front of her. While many people initially thought her psychotic episodes and mania were related to depression and bipolar, many historians now believe that she had a B12 deficiency. What I'm getting at is that Mary Todd was a loving and devoted wife to Abraham and he was ever grateful that she was in his life.

Family Circus
"And the cat's in the cradle
And the silver spoon.
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
When are you going to be done with laundry, Mommy?
I don't know when
but we'll color together then, Dolly.
We're gonna have a good time then.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

PJ Has Just Resigned Himself to Celery

Family Circus
Why are those celery stalks the size of their heads?

I know the answers to all these questions. The fascinating thing about the human brain is that it is capable of remembering important dates and locations but also useless pop culture trivia. So you can remember your state capitals and the words to the theme song for "My Mother the Car".

Beetle Bailey
Schools can do both, Mrs. General Halftrack. That's what schools do, they teach kids a range of different things from history to music. Damn, that song makes the General happy. It's nice to see.

God loves granting personal favors. That's what He's there for.

Liberty #65: The Original of Cassandra, Part Two

I bet Adam got an amazing welcome home last night, I wrote on the paper I tossed into Cassandra’s cubicle.

What do you mean? she wrote back.

You were pretty in the mood when I left. I’m assuming you did something to take care of business, I wrote.

The paper came back over. No. Adam was too tired. Besides, like I told you last night, I want you inside me and the sooner, the better.

If time-off is offered, take it.

We both died a little that afternoon. We stayed, for as long as we could, intertwined in each other’s arms in my bed. We marveled at how perfect we felt to each other. Seeing her completely naked body made me love her more. While behind her, I traced the light stretch marks on her lower back and butt, occasionally making her giggle. When I was on top of her, I memorized the jiggle of her torso and breasts made with each of my thrusts.

By chance, we both climaxed simultaneously and I didn’t want to leave. I stayed inside until neither of us could keep me in. Immediately I missed it but rolled off of Cassandra but took her in my arms.

“Worth the wait,” I sighed.

“A perfect end to a perfect couple of months,” she said.

“They have been really good months,” I replied. “I’ve never been happier, Cassandra. I can’t believe I get to do these things with you—kiss, date, make love—I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”

Cassandra giggled. “Hmm. You and Adam.”

“Well, I don’t see Adam here so right now, I am the luckiest guy in the world,” I said. “How long have you been waiting for this?”

“About two weeks. You?”

“Since I saw you walk down the aisle to your cubicle. I’ve wanted you ever since. I still want you and I just had you.”

She hugged tighter. “This isn’t going to end well,” she said with a hint of warning in her voice.

“You keep saying that but all I’m seeing is things getting better. And I told you that I don’t care. I’m willing to take that chance so that I can be with you. I love you so much, Cassandra,” I rolled over and ran my hand over her check as I looked into her eyes.

“I love you, too, Brian and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not going to hurt me. This is all on me. I know what I’m getting into.”

“You say that now,” Cassandra sighed and rolled over to get out of bed. “We should’ve grabbed lunch first and then came here. I’m starving but it’s after two.”

“We can get something small or have something delivered,” I sat up in bed. “We could order sandwiches and you can just order a half one.”

Cassandra began getting dressed. “I could do sandwiches,” she agreed.

I got out of bed and joined her in getting dressed. “What do you want?”

“Italian. Where are you ordering from?”

“The Cheese Shoppe. Best subs in town.”

“Never had them.”

“What? How is that possible? I’ll go order. You want an Italian sandwich? They should have something like that.”

I ordered our sandwiches and they were delivered within the half hour. We sat down next to each other on the couch and ate them while I flipped through channels on the TV.

“I never watch television anymore,” Cassandra said, her mouth full of sandwich. “My evenings are overrun with kids’ movies and shrieking, annoying characters on Nickelodeon or Disney. Sometimes I think the whole point of those shows is to see how loud the voice actors can scream into the microphone.”

“Calm down, Andy Rooney,” I patted her head. “I love watching cartoons. There’s just something simple about cartoons. You can just enjoy them and you don’t have to think. I mean, I love my hardcore dramas but sometimes I just want to be numb.”

“Numb. That’s how I feel when I watch Nickelodeon,” Cassandra agreed. I reached my arm around her chest to hug her. I quickly stole a fondling of her right breast. “Watch it,” she warned, jokingly.

She finished her sandwich and we watched some movie together. After an hour, I slid my hand down between her legs and began to rub the warmth between her legs with my fingers. As I rubbed, she went perfectly still, her eyes staring and her mouth slightly opened.

Soon she relaxed, closing her eyes and leaning into me. I had slid my hand into her pants and slid a finger inside her as I rubbed. She her eyes tightly and began making a noise like a dog crying. She gasped and shook, letting out a long breath.
For our second time, my shirt and her bra stayed on and we cuddled closely on the couch. She rubbed my arm while I rubbed her stomach. “I need to go,” she said and rolled over to look at me.

“I know,” I kissed her and squeezed the side of her belly. We both got up and I helped her pick up her clothes that I had just tossed in various directions while in the heat of the moment. “I’ll see you tomorrow at work?”

“Of course,” she smiled as I escorted her out of the door.

“Love you, Cassandra.”

“Love you, Brian.”

Adam worked for his brother’s construction company. Actually, Adam and his brother were the construction company. They would hire day laborers from a job placement center, usually Mexicans, they’d have one day of work and then hope they could get work the next day.

Due to their method of running the company, there was a lot of work that Adam felt needed to be done. His brother would go home at a normal time while Adam would stay and record the work and workers for the day.

Adam hated it and always came home tired and stressed which would melt away when he would get home to Cassandra and Emily. Cassandra had been sleeping with me for just over a month although it was hard to find the time between work and her other life, and she tried hard to keep them separate. During those first few weeks where it was clear that she loved me more, she barely greeted Adam with a ‘hello’. He would come home, give her a kiss on the cheek or neck and then be called away to Emily’s room or to take a shower.

Cassandra refused to have sex with Adam if she had sex with me earlier in the day, and vice versa. During the week, it was difficult for Cassandra and me to get together but we would occasionally find times or places. Shortly after our month anniversary, Adam came home and went into the kitchen where Cassandra was preparing dinner. He wrapped his arms around her midsection and squeezed while leaned down and began tenderly kissing her neck.

She giggled and attempted to squirm out of his hold. “Stop, I need to get dinner going.”

“Come into the bedroom with me. I want to tell you something,” he whispered into her ear.

Cassandra and I had made love in her car after work a block from where Emily’s daycare was so she was leery about being near Adam in the bedroom. “Not right now. Can’t you tell me out here?” Adam lifted Cassandra up onto his shoulder. “Adam! No! Put me down! I’m warning you,” she screamed, in-between her laughs.

Adam carried Cassandra to their bedroom and flopped her down on the bed, her shirt riding halfway up her torso. Adam got on top of her and smiled. “I have a surprise for you.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen your surprises, Adam. They aren’t surprising anymore.”

“I’m cutting back my hours at work.”


“I told Brandon that I am going to start working eight to five and that’s it. If he wants to keep his company afloat, he is going to have to do more work around there. I told him that it is his company, not mine.”

“Why did you do that?” Cassandra asked as she ran her hand over Adam’s beard stubble.

“I want to spend more time with you and Emily. I’ve spent too much time at work and not enough time with the people who really matter, Cass,” he tenderly rubbed Cassandra’s cheek with his finger.

She teared up and they started making out and soon were removing clothes. “Do it fast,” Cassandra panted. “And quiet because of Emily.”

As they got redressed, Cassandra asked “What if the business goes under because your brother is a terrible businessman?”

“Then I’ll find something else. Working for Brandon has given me a lot more experience,” he answered. “I do want to talk to you about, if you want, quitting your job.”


“I know you don’t like it and you’d be able to be a stay-at-home mom to Emily.”

“I like working though and Emily needs to be around other kids. I’ll keep it in mind though. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Cass.”

It started out with Cassandra missing two days, usually Monday and Tuesday or Thursday and Friday. She then began missing work whenever it was raining since Adam was always home from work when it was raining. In the five weeks this went on, Cassandra and I only made love once.

As I started feeling left behind, Adam and Cassandra were moving forward quickly. After being engaged for two, nearly three, years, they finally set a wedding date for over a year from now. Cassandra started planning and when I would get a glance of her computer at work, if it wasn’t on our database, it was on a site with wedding dresses or decorations. She refused to skip work with me or see me for even a few minutes after work. “Cass, I was wondering if you’d want to go out this weekend,” I asked, catching up with her at her car after work. “And Emily can come. Have you seen the movie Teacher’s Pet? It’s animated, about a dog who pretends to be a boy. I’m seeing it tomorrow at 7 if you and if you and Emily want to come, my treat.”

“What would I tell Adam?” she asked.

“Say that you’re going with Kerry—a girl’s night out.”

“I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”

“Okay, well, I’m seeing it away so not a problem if you don’t come.”

“Okay,” she smiled uneasily. “I’ll see you Monday,” she said as she got in her car.

“Unless we see each other before then,” I laughed but felt stupid for saying it.

I bought the tickets and waited as long as I could, checking my phone often for a text from Cassandra. As the lights dimmed and the movie started, I gave up on waiting.

Adam had sent Cassandra out for a mani- and pedicure along with a haircut while he and Emily stayed home to clean and cook dinner. “You are so beautiful,” Adam said upon seeing Cassandra enter the house with shorter brown hair that had some blonde streaks combed through it. “Of course, you were always beautiful.” They kissed and Cassandra hugged Adam tight.

“You made dinner?”

“Emily helped,” Adam shrugged. “Also, I got us all something this morning. Just a sec,” Adam went into the garage and emerged a few seconds later with a puppy in his hands.

“A puppy!” Emily screamed, running toward Adam.

“Really, Adam? A dog?” Cassandra tried to be upset but seeing the dog and Emily’s reaction to it kept her from being too angry. “What made you want to get a dog?”

“My brother mentioned that he had a friend whose dog just had puppies. I thought it would be nice to get Emily one. A little responsibility wouldn’t hurt either,” Adam explained.

“What’s going on with you?” Cassandra smiled at Adam.

“What do you mean?”

“You seem different. More attentive.”

“I was taking you and Emily for granted. I felt you drifting away and I didn’t want to lose you. Or Emily,” Adam said.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere,” she leaned in and softly kissed him on the lips. “So what should we name her?”

“Lucy!” Emily shrieked.

Cassandra laughed. “Lucy it is.”

After the movie, I tried three times to write a text to Cassandra. Nothing I wrote sounded right. I grabbed dinner and drove around, wanting to talk to her or see her. I drove by her house which was completely dark. I wondered if she and Adam made love but didn’t want to think about it.

I returned home, masturbated, and got into bed. I grabbed my phone and quickly texted ‘It was a good movie. Sorry you missed it. I’ll see you at work. Love you.’ I sighed, deleted the message and rolled over to fall asleep.

Cassandra and I had stopped seeing each other but we didn’t talk about it nor did either of us really acknowledge it. We both knew it was over but it was really the beginning of the end.

“I should have proposed when I had the chance,” I shook my head.

“Do you think she would’ve accepted your proposal?” John argued. “I mean, she already has one fiancée she’s not sure about, why would she want two? And what if you aren’t the father? Could you really help raise Adam’s kid?”

I had thought about that a lot. I had always thought of myself as a guy who could raise another guy’s kids but with that reality a true possibility, my opinion had changed. “I don’t think I could. I barely want Emily around and her father isn’t even in the picture. Ugh, that sounded bad. I’m just not a guy that wants children.”

“But you’re hoping that the woman you had an affair with is pregnant with your child so she will choose to be with you?” John said. “Yeah, that kid won’t have any issues.”

“I love Cassandra and I’d love any kids that we would have together, it’s just that I don’t think I’m ready for that responsibility yet,” I explained. “I also want to have a little time to ourselves before we throw kids into the mix.”

“You realize that you are making an argument against being with Cassandra, right? Cassandra wants more children and I think she wants them with Adam. You were a fun distraction for a while but she has invested a huge part of her life in Adam and you can’t compete with that.”

“What about the time that she invested on me?”

“You two went on, what? Three actual dates? All you did was hang out at work, hang out with Kerry and me, and fuck. That’s not much investment compared to dinner, sex, child-rearing, and engagement over the last four years,” John said.

“We still care about each other and love one another. It’s not our fault that we couldn’t get any time alone together.”

“But it is. She could’ve left Adam when she realized that she loved you or never started anything with you in the first place. You also didn’t have to pursue Cassandra and respected her and Adam’s relationship. This is all on both of you so you have no one to blame but yourselves,” John lectured.

I was silent but stared intently at John. “You’re right,” I shrugged. “You, Cassandra, Kerry, all warned me. I was the one that was going to get hurt but I didn’t want to listen. I didn’t want to lose her.”

“You’re losing her anyway,” John said.

“But I never really had her, did I?”

“I’m not pregnant,” Cassandra said to Kerry. “I thought I was because I was over a week late with my period but I got my period yesterday so no worries.”

“So why are you worried?”

“I’m not but can you imagine if I was pregnant? I don’t know who the father is. Is it my fiancée or the guy I’m using on the side? Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have another baby and when I first missed my period, I was kind of happy but then I realized the mess I was in. I told Adam and Brian that I missed my period but I was going to wait a few days before taking a pregnancy test or going to the doctor and they both reacted so differently. Adam teared up and kept hugging me while Brian seemed angry and frantic.”

“Not surprised by that,” Kerry rolled her eyes. “So you told both of them, did you have a preference as to who you wanted the father to be?”

“Not really but Adam is so much more of a father to Emily and I know it’s because she’s around him more. Brian could never seem to get in the door with her. Brian isn’t really a kid person. Adam is so attentive to mine and Emily’s needs, but the main reason I started sleeping with Brian was because my relationship with Adam was becoming stale and Adam seemed to be drifting away. Brian loves me and cares for me and wants to take care of me. He opened me up to new things and made me feel comfortable in my own skin. But that’s not something he can extend to Emily or even his own children. Not yet anyway.”

“It sounds like you know who you want to be with,” Kerry said.

“Yeah, I think I do.”

We began our night in the hotel room against the door with my head between Cassandra’s legs. It had been awhile so I took my time before we went to the bedroom to finish up. We cuddled together for several minutes before she got out of bed.

“I’m going to take a shower before dinner,” she said and kisses me.

“Want me to join you?” I asked.

“You don’t have to,” she smiled.

I watched her as she walked away then got out of bed myself. I put on my underwear and went out to the couch in the front room and turned on the TV. I found an old black and white TV show and watched that. I heard the water shut off and a couple minutes later, Cassandra came out wrapped in a towel. She sat down next to me and we sat quiet for several minutes watching television.

“You smell nice,” I said. I turned to look at her and saw that she was still pretty wet. “Needed to get my stink off of you?”

“No,” she laughed. “I just want to look nice for our dinner.”

“Will you mind if I start making out with you?”

“I was hoping you would.”

We made out. I ran my hand over her wet stomach and breasts. Her towel fell away and I pulled off my underwear. She immediately reached down, took me in her hand and began stroking. I leaned down and whispered in her ear, “I love you so much.”

“Fuck me,” she whispered back.

We made love again on the couch then got ready to go to dinner. The restaurant was fancier than either of us was used to with small portions, dark ambiance, and candles on the table. Cassandra seemed nervous as I pulled out her chair.

“This place is named for the guy that founded the first hotel in the city,” I said, trying to start a conversation. “The hotel we’re staying at was where his hotel once stood.”

“Interesting,” she said softly.

A waiter came by and asked if we wanted wine. I happily ordered us some. Cassandra seemed to get more nervous. “Hope you like wine. I just assumed,” I said.

“No, I do,” she replied.

“I’m a huge history buff,” I said. “Especially local history.”

“Really? I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah and I’m trying to start a book about the history—mainly ghost towns and cemeteries but it’s been slow going.”

“Why have you never told me this?”

“It just never came up. We didn’t exactly start out having a normal relationship. We barely knew each other’s name. What is your middle name?”

“Ann. Yours?”

“I don’t tell people that,” I said.

“No fair. You have to tell me. I told you mine.”

I picked up my glass of water and rolled my eyes. “Fine. It’s Travis. Happy?”

“About you telling me, yes. But not about your terrible middle name.”

“We’re going to name our child Travis.”

“Over my dead body.”

“If it’s a girl, Travisina. No, wait. Travisann.”

“I hate you.” Our wine came and Cassandra immediately took a sip. Her lips slightly puckered and her eyes went wide.

“Are you okay? Is it good?”

“Very good. I see why you ordered it. So you could get me drunk and take advantage.”

“Since when do I need to get you drunk to take advantage?”

“True,” she replied and burped softly. Behind us, a piano started playing. Her eyes widened and teared up. “Holy crap. I think this just became the most romantic night I’ve ever had.”


“No,” she suddenly said, loudly. “Don’t ever apologize for treating me this way. I should apologize to you for the way that I handled everything with you and Adam.”

“Cassandra, it’s fine. Let’s just enjoy the night.”

After dinner we walked hand-in-hand through downtown and got some ice cream, continuing to walk through the large city park at the south end of downtown.

“Crane Park was once four separate parks. It was cut into quarters by Market Street and 13th. During the fiftieth anniversary of the city in 1909, they removed 13th Street and renamed the parks for a former mayor who fought in the Civil War,” I told Cassandra as we walked down Market Street through Crane Park.

“I need to remember to bring Emily to this ice cream place. It’s really good.”

“Best ice cream in a two-county radius.”

“We should head back to the hotel,” she sighed. “The wine is starting to wear off.”

For the night, we cuddled together. She fell asleep on my arm and I stayed awake listening to the muffled sounds of downtown five stories below. When she rolled over onto her other side, I followed, wrapping my arm around her stomach and gently rubbing it. She sighed contentedly and we slept.

I awoke to a gentle hand around my penis. When Cassandra saw that I was up, she went down on me. I gasped and exclaimed as her head bobbed up and down. I warned her that I was about to cum but she kept her lips around my shaft along with one hand and I finished inside her warm, wet mouth.

She laid back down next to me, circling my stomach with her finger. Her eyes kept moving from my eyes, to my mouth, to my penis.

“What was that for?”

“I wanted to end this date focused entirely on you,” she said. “Get dressed. I have to leave for the baby shower.”

We got dressed and walked down to her car. I took her hands as we stood in the parking lot. “So when are we doing this again?”

“Brian, there’s a reason I wanted last night and this morning to be special. I’m choosing Adam. We’ve loved each other longer and because of Emily…She loves him so much and I just…”

“I thought that you chose me which was why you wanted to do this.”

“It’s a thank you. I break your heart and you get some amazing memories of me,” Cassandra smiled, holding back tears. “Find someone else. Find someone not already in a relationship.”

“At least we’ll always have work,” I faked a smile.

“My last day was Friday,” she replied. “We need to cut each other out of our lives completely. Just rip the Band-Aid off.”

“But I usually just leave the Band-Aid on until it becomes a disgusting, useless mess and falls off in the shower. So this date was all a sham?”

“I wanted to give you…us, one last amazing memory before we parted ways.”

I nodded. “Just so you know, if Adam ever leaves you or, God forbid, dies, I will be back,” I said.

She smiled and touched my arm. “I look forward to it. In the meantime, move on. Find someone special. I love you, Brian.”

I had said ‘I love you’ to her several times but those words just weren’t coming out right now. This would be last I would ever hear it from her and I wanted it to sink in. “You should get going to your shower,” I said and opened her car door. “It’s a two hour drive. Be careful.” I closed the door and we waved to each other. She backed out of the parking space and drove away. I waved to her again. “I love you, too,” I said, to no one in particular.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Krusty Gets Busted

Episode Number 7G12 (#112)
Created by Matt Groening; Developed by James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Sam Simon
Written by Jay Kogen, Wallace Wolodarsky
Directed by Brad Bird
Executive Producers James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Sam Simon
Starring Dan Castellanetta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, and Harry Shearer
Special Guest Voice Kelsey Grammer
Also Starring Hank Azaria, Pamela Hayden

We open on an episode of Krusty the Klown where poor Sideshow Bob has to be shot out of a cannon yet again. After Marge comments on the violent episode of Itchy and Scratchy where Itchy hits Scratchy with a flaming arrow setting him on fire, we learn that Patty and Selma are coming over to show the family their vacation slideshow. Marge calls Homer and tells him to pick up some ice cream which he goes to the Kwik-E-Mart to obtain. While there, Krusty is there warming up a burrito in the microwave and reading a magazine while wearing a black mask for some reason.
They'll never recognize you, "Krusty".
After Homer steps on Krusty's foot, it's learned that Krusty is there to rob the place. Homer heroically dives into a display of chips while Apu gives Krusty all the money in a paper bag. Homer is able to ID Krusty to the police and Krusty is promptly arrested all before the 10 o'clock news. Bart, upon hearing the news, is heartbroken that his hero is nothing but a common criminal.
Krusty's prison uniform is number A113, a common easter egg in media by students of
the California Institute of Art. It has appeared in every movie made by Pixar.
Continuing the trend of Springfieldans overreacting to everything, Reverend Lovejoy proposes a public burning of all Krusty merchandise. It goes exactly as you would think.

However, Bart is positive that Krusty was framed and enlists Lisa to help him prove it. Their first stop is the Kwik-E-Mart, where Apu is still a little jumpy despite working there for years and being shot numerous times. Lisa notices that the robber couldn't be Krusty because the robber used the microwave and Krusty has a pacemaker. She also notes that the robber was reading a magazine and Krusty can't read. Wondering if Krusty had any enemies, the two of them run off to meet with Sideshow Bob.

Sideshow Bob has turned Krusty's show into an intellectual's program with readings from "The Man In the Iron Mask" and a segment where Bob dissects pre-teen troubles called "Choices" which Bart reluctantly goes on when Bob notices how despondent he is. As Bart goes through the clues that Krusty was framed, Bob pokes holes in each clue but Bart finally figures it out and proves that Sideshow Bob framed Krusty. As a reward, Bart get a signed poster of himself and Krusty and all of his Krusty merchandise back.

Random Observations
  • Krusty: "How much do you love Krusty?"
    Audience: "With all our hearts!"
    Krusty: "What would you do if I went off the air?"
    Audience: "Kill ourselves!"
  • Krusty: "Don't blame me, I didn't do it."
  • One of my favorite running jokes in the early years were Patty and Selma's vacation slideshows. This episode has them recently back from the Yucatan. My favorite photos:
Selma taking a siesta.
All the mail waiting for them upon their return.

  • After Krusty's heart attack and subsequent triple bypass surgery and pacemaker, Krusty becomes an advocate for illiteracy coming up with the slogan, "Give a hoot, read a book!"
  • I'm impressed by how popular Sideshow Bob's show became.
  • Sideshow Bob just happens to have a copy of the Springfield Review of Books on the coffee table during "Choices." Not suspicious at all.
Krusty has a heart attack on live TV.