Phone Bemoan

from Heathcliffcomix Instagram

The boys all just came from running over Garfield. What's Scratchy doing here? He's not a comic strip character.

January 11, 1987

I guess building a snowman is a young man's game? I don't know. I've never built or helped build a snowman in my life.

Why is Brutus sitting on the giant snowball?

He should memorize a number or two. Businesses still tend to have landlines. You can also ask someone to borrow their phone. "Can I borrow your phone?" "Yeah, sure." "Damn it!" "What's wrong?" "None of my numbers are in your contacts!"

Brutus needs to be honest with himself that even with phone numbers memorized, Wilberforce would be useless in an emergency.

In case you missed it, I believe I have found myself a new nemesis in The Brain. Although I don't think I'll go to this well as much as I do with Capt. Kid. If you would like to support me or this website, you can throw some money at my Support page.

Sleep Big Last Night

April 4, 1966

What's going on here? Is this a "I don't like the idea of Milhouse having two spaghetti meals in one day" thing only the spaghetti is roast ox and, what is it? Crepes belle otero?

Dreaming is different than sleeping or cat napping. The size(?) of sleep is not indicative of the size of dream. When I sleep, I have a lot of little dreams. Quick stories to rile up one of my emotions. When I nap or doze, that's when the sleep paralysis demons come out to play.

Moldy WOLDI Oldie

March 16, 1966

Who's this kid hiding from? Is this a "Home Alone"-type situation or a Rosalyn situation or are his parents trying to punish him? Eh. Whatever is going on, I hope he gets strangled.

It's fine. It's 1966.

I don't know. I think if an older loved one of mine just sat down at a table to listen to the radio, I'd suggest maybe seeing a doctor. "It's okay, Brutus. You just listen to the radio..." Gladys says sadly.

WOLD (102.5 FM) is a real classic rock station out of Marion, Virginia. WOLDI makes no sense as radio stations aren't given five letters. I get what Chip is doing but he should have stopped with WOLD.

Dog Eat Food World

November 30, 1976

Or...

I wonder what kind of decoder ring it is. I know we're hinting that it's a childish decoder ring like Little Orphan Annie or something out of a Cracker Jack box but looking up pictures of decoder rings, there are some pretty nice ones out there. Makes me think I'm missing out.

I always pictured Kewpie as a bloodhound so he/she was originally bred for hunting. As evidenced in the last panel, that has been completely bred out of them. Poor, dumb oaf.

Uncle Ted Is 13.8 Billion Years Old?

February 19, 1976

Reverend Dr. John Bonell began a "Dial a Prayer" service from the Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church in New York City in 1956. I'm assuming there were others around the country, some, I guess, that doubled as answering services for rich narcissists.

The most famous "Dial a Prayer" is probably not the 2015 movie starring Brittany Snow and William H Macy, but Springfield's own "Listen Lady".

Is Wilberforce at a school for smart kids? (I kid, Wilberforce isn't smart.) What elementary school is teaching (not just teaching but assigning a book and possibly homework) about the Apollo Space Program? None of the elementary schools I'm around.

Toot Your Horns for 2023!!

As you may know, the comic strip Funky Winkerbean is ending today. The last couple storylines have shown why the time jump happened, merging the timeline with Crankshaft, and going into the future where Les Moore's book about his first wife dying of cancer, Lisa's Story, is one of the only books to survive the book burnings? What?!

It also doesn't feel great that Lisa's life was toyed with so that all of this could happen as explained by the Westview High janitor a couple weeks ago. I'm also bothered by the sudden John Byrne art this week.

Anyway, it's over. You can still read Crankshaft, which is currently doing a storyline where Crankshaft made a resolution to not buy anything from Bean's End and is seen for three days under the covers with a flashlight looking at a catalog like some 12-year-old who just learned how great boobs are.

Furthermore, buy Tom Batiuk's books!

December 31, 1973

In Apex Doob's defense, most New Year's parties continue long after midnight. Brutus is even still in his tuxedo and party hat. Anyway, happy New Year to you all. My only Born Loser wish for 2023 is that Chip reintroduces Apex Doob. Maybe I'll go message him on Facebook and ask about that.

This and this. Stop wanting the next year to be better. That's what it wants!

I've been posting this regularly since 2016 and I'm not gonna stop now!

Billion Dollars or Quit

I've never been big on the lottery. I'm not greedy. Just a few million dollars to help me through the rest of my life is all I ask. As long I have that, my gold house, and my rocket car, that's all I need.

Bart Gets Hit By a Car

Wait. Hold on. What's the title of this episode again?

Oh! Thank you, random title screen.

Credits
Episode 7F10 (#23)
Created by Matt Groening; Developed by James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Sam Simon
Written by John Swarzwelder
Directed by Mark Kirkland
Executive Producers James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Sam Simon
Starring Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, Harry Shearer
Guest Starring Hank Azaria, Doris Grau
Special Guest Star Phil Hartman

Story
Bart is skateboarding through the streets and sidewalks of Springfield when he approaches an intersection and is promptly hit by a car. Whether a dream or reality, Bart is sent up the golden escalator to Heaven.

Despite a Heavenly Voice telling Bart not to spit over the side, Bart does it anyway and is immediately sent to Hell. Due to a clerical error, Bart isn't scheduled to die until the Yankees win the pennant and is sent back into the living. He awakes in the hospital surrounded by his family and lawyer, Lionel Hutz. Hutz gives Homer his business card (which is also a sponge if you get it wet!) and leaves. The next day at work, Mr. Burns offers Homer $100 to sign away any legal right to sue Mr. Burns for hitting his child. Homer casually mentions that $100 won't cover Bart's medical bills which sends Burns into a rage screaming about extortion. Homer then decides to call Lionel Hutz.

"You can ching-ching-ching cash in on this tragedy!"

Hutz promises to get Homer a million dollars (50% of which Hutz will take) from Mr. Burns who so carelessly targeted and ran down the little boy. Hutz brings in Dr. Nick Riviera to look Bart over again and come to the conclusion that instead of a bump on the head and a broken toe, Bart now has whiplash head and facial trauma. He wraps Bart in bandages, gives him a wheelchair, and the trial is a go.

The first day doesn't go very well for Mr. Burns. Bart's testimony of an evil Mr. Burns targeting and running down Bart while he's trapped against a wrought iron fence doesn't sit well with the jury. Mr. Burns' testimony of his sanctimonious excursion to deliver toys to an orphanage brought to a premature end as Bart kept skating right toward Mr. Burns no matter which direction Burns steered just cemented the jurors' hatred for this 104-year-old man. Burns and his lawyers decide to offer the Simpsons a settlement of $500,000 which Homer turns down because Homer knows that Burns knows that he's going to lose the case. Marge tries to get Homer to take the money and mentions shifty lawyers and phony doctors. Unbeknownst to them, Burns and Smithers have been listening to them and now have a plan of action. They cancel the offer and release the hounds.

The next day, the Blue-Haired Lawyer calls Marge to the stand. When questioned, Marge tells the truth and nothing but the truth. Now out $1,000,000 dollars, and whatever the Lionel Hutz's fee was because, as we'll learn in later episodes he does not work on contingency (Money down!), Homer is looking at his wife a bit differently. After dinner, Homer goes to Moe's and is followed by Marge. Homer reveals that he's not upset about the money but that his wife didn't stand by him. Marge wants him to look her in the eyes and say that he doesn't love her anymore. Homer does and realizes that he can't do it. He loves Marge more than ever and everyone in Moe's celebrates with 1/3 off pitchers of domestic beer.

Random Observations

• Bart, looking down at his body: "Hey, cool. I'm dead."
• This is the first episode where Mr. Burns is genuinely evil and not just a curmudgeon. He would continue to be evil for the rest of the series although some would argue he went from being evil to cartoonish supervillain.
• This is the first episode to guest star Phil Hartman. At the time, Hartman was on Saturday Night Live. In this episode, Hartman voices Lionel Hutz and the Heavenly Voice. Hartman would become one of the most-used guest voices. Sadly, Hartman died in 1998 in a tragic murder-suicide.
  

• This episode also debuts the voice of Doris Grau. Grau, the script supervisor for the series, would go on to voice Lunchlady Doris. Grau would go on to voice Doris on The Critic. Grau would pass away in 1995 of respiratory failure.

• "I'm the Devil!" is a great read by Harry Shearer.
• The Devil tells Bart that he's not due to die until the Yankees win the pennant. The Yankees would win in 1996 and win again six more times over the next 24 years.
• Homer to Lionel Hutz: "Yeah, who are you? I saw you chasing Bart's ambulance."
• Lisa: "Mr. Hutz, are you a shyster?"
  Hutz: "How does a nice little girl like you know a big word like that?"
• Dr. Hibbert touches Bart's bump and broken toe causing Bart to say "Ow, quit it" just like in the Christmas special.
• Mr. Burns offers Homer $100 so he doesn't sue. Burns explodes when Homer mentions the medical bills. Homer has a point and it's a shame he was led to use shifty lawyers and fake doctors when he truly had a case against Mr. Burns. But then, I guess, we wouldn't have an episode.
• Lionel Hutz makes his secretary give him fake phone messages to impress clients. "The Supreme Court called..."
• Dr. Nick: "And this smudge here, that looks like my fingerprint, it's trauma!"



Mr. Burns thinks about the newspaper headlines if he fired Homer after running over Bart:
"Burns fires ungrateful employee"
"Another smart move by Burns"
"Hooray for Burns!"





Hutz: "Now let's pretend you're on the witness stand. How are you, Bart?"
Bart: "Fine."
Hutz: "Oh, fine. Isn't that nice? Bart says he's fine. WRONG! YOU ARE NOT FINE! YOU ARE IN CONSTANT PAIN!"
Bart: "I am in constant pain."
Mr Burns, in court after his lawyer mentions how rich and powerful he is: "I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!"
Judge Snyder: "You wouldn't lie to the United States, would you, Bart?"



No. NO!



"Take me! I'm old!"
Homer and Marge definitely should've taken the $500,000.
Marge tells the truth. It does not go well for Homer and Lionel Hutz.
While the writer's have Homer say it's not about the money, Homer is upset that his wife blew his one chance. While this is a decent argument (my wife should stand by me) it still goes back to losing out on the money.
I believe this is the first episode that really stuck out to me. Maybe because it's Bart-heavy and I was eight-years-old at the time this aired but this episode always stuck out to me as one of the best shows of the first couple of seasons. It has that Simpsons humor but also Simpson heart in equal doses.

Hope They Get a MatheMagician

I've been wanting to do a post on the "Millennial burnout" that had been making the rounds a couple weeks ago but I just never sat down and got it written because while I feel a lot of it is just laziness (really? you can't mail a letter?) I do get where fellow Millennials like myself are coming from. I think I have this "adulting" thing down because I can work a steady job, pay bills, get groceries and feed myself, not to mention take care of a family, kid, and four animals. But when the author began mentioning other things that she was putting off (email, signing/mailing a book, library donations) I realized that I do that too. For me, it's the non-rewarding stuff. The cat box, dishes, taking the bag of plastic bags back to the grocery store to be recycled. Those little insignificant things then pile up. Instead of just scooping the litter, I now have to replace the whole box; we have no dishes and nothing to eat with; it's now three bags of plastic bags. And it's here where my burnout begins.

Millennials were taught, just like the three generations before us, that if you work hard then good things will come to you. But we're the first generation that is realizing that isn't true. And it's not true either because the system is rigged and so stacked against us now or it was never true to begin with. We can work eight hours and still barely pay our bills and get groceries. We can work twelve hours and still not get by. We can work 16 hours, live as frugally as possible yet still barely break even. What's the point? And just like that cat box, what's the point of scooping it clean when your cat is just going to take another dump in it? We have to keep working, in some form, if we want to survive, but washing dishes, taking out the trash, cooking dinner, are all chores that get placed on the back burner because we are tired.

That's part of the reason I have cut back on my writing. Part of it is to focus on my books and getting things published but the other part is burnout. And the next generation--my son's and everyone younger than him--will have to work even harder unless things get fixed. How do they get fixed? I don't know, I don't have a degree in that and I'm too tired.

So what am I doing? I finished chapter eight of one of my novels and am outlining the next few chapters. I finished two short stories that I'm going to edit and submit to places and am doing some research on a couple of local history items I find interesting. Not to mention my daily updates on my social media. If you would like to support my writing or research, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-Fi. There's no commitment or subscription involved.

I love cursive but I don't write in it. A lot of my students think I do because my letters are close together and several are connected but that's just the way I write. Recently, there has been an ever so small push to start teaching cursive in schools again. While I think that'd be great, I think just going in-depth on teaching handwriting would be just as effective.

As for writing everything down, they could just hide the paper or tear it up. Also, I love Gladys calling her nine-year-old son a "big boy" that can read.

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I'm off for the next week so until next Sunday, I remain...
~Brian

Hip-ster

I've talked about the murder of Charles Dow by Franklin Coleman that happened in Hickory Point a few miles north of Baldwin City. Dow's death was never avenged. Coleman implicated a friend of Dow's in his murder and Coleman would later go on to fight against John Brown in the Battle of Black Jack. Dow's murder happened on November 22, 1855 but nearly a year before, on November 29, 1854, Lucius Kibbee was imprisoned for the murder of Henry Davis.

an illustration of Lucius Kibbee, courtesy FindAGrave

November 29 was the day of the Territorial Election. Lucius Kibbee and N.D. Johnson were returning to Hickory Point from Lawrence along Blanton's Crossing (present-day Louisiana Street) when they passed a wagon carrying Henry Davis (not to be confused with Henry T. Davis, another settler whose family cemetery and namesake bar are located near 6th and Kasold in Lawrence). Davis and the men he was with were witnessed by Kibbee and Johnson burning down a house which angered Kibbee. When confronted, Davis asked what business it was of his. When Kibbee continued to press, Davis drew a knife and within seconds Kibbee had unloaded into Davis' stomach.

Kibbee turned himself in to Judge Elmore and was sent to stand trial in front of Chief Justice Samuel LeCompte. His trial took place on December 27, 1854 and was the second trial held in the territory. A dozen or so witnesses testified about Kibbee and Davis' confrontation. According to Johnson's testimony, after learning about the burnt property, Kibbee threatened to report Davis to the authorities. Davis threatened "I'll report you to Hell", brandished a knife and struck at Kibbee, missing him.

Kibbee passively turned away citing that he had no quarrel with Davis. Davis then swore he'd cut Kibbee's heart out and made two more lunges with the knife before Kibbee shot him right before Davis made a third lunge. The arguments were submitted and Kibbee was released on $1,000 bail until a trial could be held.

Lucius Kibbee was born in Iowa in 1815 and came to Kansas with his wife and children settling on land near Hickory Point about a mile from the Santa Fe Trail. Since preemption laws required improving the land, Kibbee built a small cabin. In July of 1854, Reverend William Goode preached the first sermon under the authority of the United Methodist Church. For months it was rumored that Missourians were going to come in from Missouri and hang Kibbee and in March 1855, Rev. Goode found the Kibbee cabin surrounded. The group was dispersed but Kibbee was charged with assault. Knowing he wouldn't get a fair trial, Kibbee gave up and returned his family to Iowa. He would later move to Nebraska where he died in 1880.

Kibbee Cabin replica at Baker University. Photo courtesy Baker University.

Kibbee's abandoned claim became property of David Jones who reportedly had slaves. When the tides turned and Kansas became a free territory, Jones left and asked Henry Barricklow to watch his land. Barricklow moved his family to the land and eventually bought the land. In 1857, at the Barricklow, formerly Kibbee, cabin, it was decided by the preachers at the Methodist convention that Baker University be established. A replica of Kibbee's cabin sits just north of the Old Castle Museum. A plaque commemorating the Kibbee/Barricklow Cabin is on private property just east of Signal Oak north of Baldwin City.

If you would like to support my writing or research, you can buy me a cup of coffee on Ko-Fi.

You know, I've seen Brutus golf with unnamed stangers, Veeblefester, Arnie, and even Wilberforce but I have never seen him play golf with Uncle Ted. Uncle Ted must not want to waste time playing golf with someone who is as terrible at it as Brutus. Veeblefester and Arnie can justify it because it's good for a few bucks or a laugh.

Here's your new hip, Uncle Ted. Whoops. Heh, heh. You'll have to go easy on it.

To-Do

Spring cleaning is a thing for various reasons. The reasons in the United States is because March was normally picked as the best month for dusting because it was warm enough to open the windows but not enough for insects to be a problem. I'd rather just have things accumulate until you can no longer move or go in and out of the house then just nail up an ABANDONED sign and just walk away.

Itchy & Scratchy & Marge

Credits
Episode 7F09 (#22)
Created by Matt Groening; Developed by James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Sam Simon
Written by John Swartzwelder
Directed by Jim Reardon
Executive Producers James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Sam Simon
Starring Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, and Harry Shearer
Also Starring Pamela Hayden, Maggie Roswell
Special Guest Voice Alex Rocco

Story
Homer is gushing about Marge's pork chops and to reward her for being such a great cook, he goes down to the basement to build her a spice rack.

"Beautiful."

While down there, Maggie grabs a mallet and hits Homer on the head. It's learned that she learned this behavior from Itchy & Scratchy. Marge writes a letter to the president of Itchy & Scratchy Studios but receives a snarky letter back. Marge winds up creating an entire movement going to shut down Itchy & Scratchy so Roger Meyers, the president of the studio, relents and makes Itchy and Scratchy more peaceful and loving.

Kids stop watching Itchy & Scratchy and begin going outside. But when Michelangelo's statue of David is making its way across the country with a stop in Springfield, the same group Marge started wants to censor the statue but Marge isn't on board. Marge is questioned over how she could justify disliking the violence of Itchy & Scratchy but not the nudity of David. Marge cannot so violence returns to Itchy & Scratchy.

Random Observations

• This is one of my favorite episodes from the first two seasons. I like the 'behind-the-scenes' look at Itchy & Scratchy Studios and the argument against violence on television despite the world always being a violent place and of course compared to sex and nudity.
• Like Marge, I am against gratuitous violence on television not because it's offensive or because it may cause some to act on what they see but because it lead to viewers becoming desensitized to real world violence meaning that when something happens they won't react properly and won't be able to empathize with what's going on.
• Krusty can't read so after a couple of turns of the letter, he just crumples it up and throws it away.
• "...and the horse I rode in on?"
• Marge is spending a lot of time with her anti-violence group so the family has to resort to eating TV dinners.
  Homer: "There's peas in my fruit cobbler."
  Lisa: "There's peas everywhere."
• All through the episode, Roger Meyers is calling Marge a screwball. When letters by the mailtruck start arriving I love Alex Rocco's read of "Ladies and gentlemen, the screwballs have spoken."

• The first Itchy & Scratchy cartoon post-violence is just Itchy and Scratchy sitting in rocking chairs serving each other lemonade and commenting on how great friends they are. "Lemonade?" "Please."

• After the cartoon, Krusty threatens the audience: "Wasn't that funny boys and girls? Well? Wasn't it?"
• Michelangelo's David is arriving in New York, Springfield, and, if there's time, Chicago, Boston, and Los Angeles.
• Helen Lovejoy: "I told you she was soft on full-frontal nudity."
• This is the last entry for #ElevenSeasons for the foreseeable future. I'm hoping to bring it back sometime in 2018 but with all the other things I am currently working on, keeping this going isn't feasible. Thanks for reading and I hope to be back with more Simpsons.

Bart the Daredevil

Credits
Episode 7F06 (#21)
Created by Matt Groening; Developed by James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Sam Simon
Written by Jay Kogen and Wallace Wolodarsky
Directed by Wes Archer
Executive Producers James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Sam Simon
Starring Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, and Harry Shearer
Also Starring Hank Azaria, Pamela Hayden, Maggie Roswell

Story
While watching wrestling, Homer and Bart see an advertisement for a monster truck ralley featuring TRUCKASAURUS. Both Homer and Bart want to go but as luck would have it, Lisa's recital is also that night. Thankfully, Lisa's recital is at 5 while the monster truck rally is at 8. Surely there's enough time to go to both, right?

The recital ends with barely enough time to get across town to wherever the rally is being held but then Homer can't find a parking spot. When he thinks he's found one, it's learned that it's the entrance to the stadium. The car gets stuck in the mud and then TRUCKASAURUS appears ready to eat them. After being rescued, the Simpsons are ready to watch the monster truck rally. A high point, for Bart anyway, is the daredevil stunt from Captain Lance Murdock, who manages to ride his motorcycle over a tank of sharks, electric eels, piranhas, and a lion, with a bit of his own blood just to rile them all up, only to accidentally fall in when his bike tips over. With that, Bart decides to become a daredevil.

This makes me want to be a daredevil.

Bart starts out with skateboarding over cars, dogs, a bus, but soon sees bigger challenges with the Springfield Gorge. Lisa overhears his plan and tries to get Dr. Hibbert and Lance Murdock to dissuade Bart from pursuing this life. Instead, Murdock tells Bart to go for it because "bones heal" and "women love scars." Lisa then tells Homer and Marge who forbid Bart to jump the Gorge. Bart goes anyway and Homer arrives at the Gorge just in time to stop Bart. To prove a point to Bart, Homer says he is going to jump the Gorge just so that Bart has to watch someone he loves do something dangerous. Bart comes to his senses and stops Homer from going. Unfortunately, the skateboard starts rolling down the ramp and launches him over the Gorge but Homer doesn't quite make it and winds up in the hospital next to Lance Murdock.

So close.

Random Observations

• TRUCKASAURUS!!

• I originally thought having Lisa's recital on Saturday was strange. Most of my afterschool programs and such were only on Fridays but I guess there are programs on Saturdays but usually it's because it's a two-night thing or if it's a big school. This is neither of those things.
• There is a three hour time frame but yet the recital takes up nearly all of that time. Franz Schubert's "Unfinished Symphony", which Homer thinks won't last very long since it's unfinished, is actually 25 minutes or so which doesn't seem long but when performed by 2nd graders is probably difficult to sit through.
• Schubert didn't finished this symphony, technically Symphony No. 8, either because he started working on another, more appealing to him, piece or because of a bout of syphilis. Musicologists cannot agree on which one.
• I've always overlooked how the Simpsons wind up in the pit and nearly killed by TRUCKASAURUS but now that I'm watching it and actually reviewing it, it's so silly and unbelievable. Clearly this was the "children are watching" gag.

• Bart: "Dad, I want to be a daredevil."
  Homer: "Hee, hee. Kids say such stupid things."
• I have to give credit to Bart--and really the writers-- for building up Bart's attempts at being a daredevil. He tried jumping a car and got injured. Trying again, he was able to leap it and moved onto bigger things ultimately deciding to jump Springfield Gorge. I feel other animated shows and even The Simpsons of today would have Bart immediately try to jump the Gorge instead of having a build-up of Bart actually doing well at being a daredevil.
• I've always loved the heartfelt autograph that Lance Murdock writes for Bart with his mouth.