Tuesday, May 31, 2022

He Just Wants to Be Loud

As some of you may know, I had my Twitter account locked earlier in the month. I have this bad habit of telling politicians to "eat ass and die" when they are being stupid, proposing stupid things, taking away personal rights, or doing absolutely nothing about how we're a terrible country. Well, apparently someone took offense to that and reported that I was encouraging suicide. So my account was locked until I deleted the tweet--which I did about three days later. I still stand by that tweet.

Anyway, it happened again. I don't know if someone was scrolling through my account or doing a search or if I'm now on some kind of algorithm bot that checks to make sure I'm not a threat to other accounts but someone or something had to go back a year to find another "eat ass and die" tweet. Anyway, I deleted a bunch of tweets where I used "eat [whatever] and die" and will lock my account for a few days to see if anything else happens. I don't know. I just see numerous account--many with more followers than me--treating people worse. I'm not punching down unlike many other accounts who are clearly racist, bigoted, and just downright mean for likes and retweets. I just feel that with all the actual terrible people on Twitter, why has my account--which mainly focuses on stupid local foibles, history, comics, and writing--become a target?

Arnie is dressed nicer than Brutus which makes me think Arnie has a more important job than Brutus. Maybe that's why Brutus can't get promoted, because Brutus is basically just a nondescript white blob when he's at work.

Monday, May 30, 2022

Why Can't Uncle Ted Drive Himself?

Gladys and Wilberforce must not appreciate the sacrifice that our servicemen and women make since they aren't going with Brutus and Uncle Ted to the cemetery. We'll remember that when the great revolution comes.

Is it me or is the tear that Uncle Ted is shedding a bit much?

Sunday, May 29, 2022

The Best Burgers (and Fries) In Town

Ok...but what do you all want on it? Is it stringy lettuce? I don't want that. Are their tomatoes good? Maybe I'll keep those on. Can I slop on some ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise? Pickles? Sure. Onions? You can throw those right in the trash. Do the burgers have cheese or bacon? Can I add them?

Does Jumbo (I'm just assuming the guy running Jumbo's Burger Joint is a large, sweaty fat guy named Jumbo) just throw burger patties on a bun and call it good? "You can put ketchup on it or not. I don't care."

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Saturday, May 28, 2022

He Brought Wilberforce To His Death Trap Kitchen?

"Uncle Ted, could you make Wilberforce a healthy meal?"

"Sorry, Gladys. That's your job. I'm a fun uncle. We gotta go now. We'll see you on the flippity-flip!"

I don't care how much cheese and bacon is on that pizza, it still sounds like garbage pizza.

Friday, May 27, 2022

There Uncle Ted Goes Again...Bragging That He Lives Alone

It's hard to be extra careful when a hot drop of grease sets your ugly lavender sweater on fire.

Are we at Uncle Ted's residence? If so, this kitchen does look like a death trap. You can't even turn around without there being a kitchen island right behind you.

Thursday, May 26, 2022

It's Amazing Brutus Has Any Clients

Brutus was just complaining yesterday that he deserved a promotion and here he's apologizing for screwing up the most basic part of his job.

So Brutus is clearly just a salesman, right? I know I've theorized that Brutus is just a couple rungs below Veeblefester but I was basing that on how often Brutus is seen with Veeblefester and how Veeblefester seems to rely on Brutus for some pretty important stuff.

It's kind of deflating knowing that Brutus is just a lesser Dwight Schrute. No, wait. Dwight was a good salesman. Brutus is just a lesser Andy Bernard.

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Junior Employee 2

You would think a mass shooting happening every 3-5 days would be enough to actually force the leaders of our country who we elect to keep us safe to actually do something about gun control. I hate to generalize but our country fails us at every level and at every age. It's time for change. Actual, meaningful change.

To look up your Congressional representative and Senators, you can enter your address or search them by state or name (Rep | Senator). You can phone them, their offices in your state, and email them.

Brutus was just talking about the office manager. What happened to Smith? Has Smith been fired? How many office managers has Veeblefester gone through? Maybe Brutus shouldn't want that job.

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Up a Tree

Wilberforce knows what kind of tree his frisbee and, I guess, baseball is stuck in? He doesn't know how to get something out of a tree but he knows what kind of tree it is.

By the end of the day, all of Wilberforce's toys are stuck in that one maple tree. "I guess I'll start throwing clothes..." he sighs, dejectedly.

Monday, May 23, 2022

Could've Sworn I Heard the Word 'Drowning'

I don't really have anything for today. It's just a married couple being a married couple. Nothing to see here. As you were.

Sunday, May 22, 2022

Where'd That Orange Chair Come From?

I'm sure they could find a house on a golf course and near a beach. Isn't that basically what Florida is? A golf course on the beach. With alligators.

Now how they will afford that house on the golf course beach, I don't know. You know Veeblefester's retirement plan is garbage and retirees probably end up having to pay money back.

Well, we're heading into summer so I will be out of work for a couple months. If you would like to support my writing, research, comics, or anything else that I do online, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi. You can also give through CashApp and Paypal on the About page or on Twitter.

Saturday, May 21, 2022

There's Gotta Be Someone In This Park That Will Give Hattie $5

Uh oh. Hurricane Hattie is in trouble with the mob again. This happens from time to time because she harasses Don Mulcahy the same way she harasses Brutus.

Wilberforce wants a job? From what I see online, there are hundreds of opportunities to make money if you're a kid if you're willing to wander the city and talk to complete strangers. Clearly, young Boomers and Gen-X have their finger on the pulse of society.

Friday, May 20, 2022

Two for the Price of One

It is May. Why are you buying a sweater? You are in the Northern Hemisphere. You don't need a sweater right now. But that explains why they were 50% off.

I don't know why Brutus is mad. How many other people would do this exact thing? It's a completely normal thing.

Thursday, May 19, 2022

Junior Employee

Wait! Brutus doesn't have a title? That seems highly unlikely. Everyone in corporate America has a title even if it's just "salesman" or "customer service representative". Based on evidence and context clues, Brutus is clearly either a salesman, as we see him go out trying to win business for Veeblefester. Or, a kind of quality assurance/client relations specialist as we see him going over contracts and trying to save or win back clients.

Anyway, it's Veeblefester's company and he doesn't have to listen to me. Mediocre Office Worker is fine with me.

Wednesday, May 18, 2022

I Mainly Listen to White Noise

Does anybody remember that "Pure Moods" CD that was sold on TV and, eventually, stores? I loved that CD and would listen to it all the time. I need to get a new one. You can find close facsimiles on Spotify but it just seems different somehow.

What I love about the last panel is that you can imagine it in one of two ways. One, Brutus is so boring that he just faded away. Two, it's now an hour or so later and he just left this guy's office. Either way, it's perfect.

Monday, May 16, 2022

Pill Popper

"So I just took none of them. I'm on borrowed time, Brutus. I've got maybe two more hours. I'll see you on the other side."

My vote would be for the bedtime pills but I'm neither a doctor nor pharmacist. Hell, I barely even take pills.

Sunday, May 15, 2022

Fried Eggs? Not Scrambled?

Why did Brutus call it "dinner delivery" in the first panel? Just say you're ordering pizza. "I'm taking orders for pizza delivery, Mother Gargle. I'm ordering individual blah, blah, blah..." Since the first panel is meaningless anyway in a lot of newspapers, the repetitiveness of 'pizza' isn't as noticeable.

I usually get the same pizza every time. Why deviate from it when I know what I get is going to be good and satisfying? Are most people the same way or do some switch it up occasionally?

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Saturday, May 14, 2022

It's Nice to Make a Friend

Friday the 13th, or "Thirteenth", means nothing but okay.

Gladys could've just shut her hole after "Glad to hear it!" She didn't need to continue talking. I also don't know why Brutus is worried about Friday the 13th. One, it's just another day and, like I said above, means nothing. Two, he's a born loser. Every day is a day filled with bad luck for him.

What the hell happened between yesterday and today? We just open on a damn bird sitting on Brutus' head and you just expect us to okay with that? Maybe I'd be less upset if it were Monday and this could be a continuing storyline for a day or two but just hopping into the middle of this and then not getting a satisfying ending because tomorrow is Sunday irks me.

Thursday, May 12, 2022

Oh, Won't You Come With Me...

I am impressed that Wilberforce, who at this point would be born in about 2013, knows what a record is.

Anyway, here's the entire song.

Wednesday, May 11, 2022

At Least Gladys Seems to Be Getting Upset Now

Jesus, Mother Gargle is a selfish, greedy, and angry piece of crap. Brutus is loving Gladys just fine but because he's not draping her in gold jewelry and fur coats then he's a terrible husband? No wonder Gladys' father either left or died years ago.

Tuesday, May 10, 2022

That Is a Terrible Card

I don't think Gladys is going to be thrilled with getting just a card for her wedding anniversary. Especially one with such a stupid comment inside of it. I know that we should be shaming Brutus but I think we should also shame this Hallmark Crown Store employee who is just "Wedding anniversary? Here's a card. Five dollars, please."

Getting Gladys nothing would be better than whatever this is.

On a serious note, today is the 57th anniversary of The Born Loser (hence, why Brutus is anniversary shopping). Here are the first two comics from May 10 and May 11. Remember, the strip originally had no regular characters and the art was very different.

Monday, May 09, 2022

We Also Got Rid of Every Chair Except This One

Brutus is the only thing around here that makes money. 😒

Gladys talks all the time about shopping and I just assume she's shopping for clothes because she's a woman in a comic strip written by a man that takes place in the 1960s but with all the accoutrements of the 2020s. That would be the first thing I'd suggest she cut because she typically just wears the same pink or black thing anyway.

Sunday, May 08, 2022

I'm Currently Writing a Television Pilot If Anyone Is Interested

Only Murders In the Building has only has ten episodes. It's not like you have to invest in 22 episodes. Honestly, I can't invest in 22 episodes anymore. 13 or less, please. Make those episodes count.

"Streaming series that have lots of episodes." Please.

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Saturday, May 07, 2022

Pre-Mother's Day Jitters

Gladys already gets money every week or so in the form of Brutus' paycheck so she doesn't need any more.

The Born Loser very rarely talks about Mother's Day. It's usually not specifically the focus of the strip. I went through my archive and found that we've never seen Brutus give Gladys a Mother's Day present. Maybe that was the problem. She kept returned what he was buying her so stopped giving her gifts in 2008 and now she wants a present for 2022. Because it's been a rough three years.

Thursday, May 05, 2022

Hello, Fellow Employees

Doesn't Veeblefester have work to do? I mean, he's owner and CEO of a giant tea cozy conglomerate so he must have something to do or paperwork to sign. Something. Instead, he's just standing next to the employee entrance--the bad one, not the good one--and is literally begging for morning salutations.

Wednesday, May 04, 2022

Phones Got Smarter Than Brutus Back In, Like, 2007

I always thought that Brutus was working with an iPhone 5 or something similar from around that time but it is completely possible that Brutus could be working with something older. What I always thought was a smartphone could possibly be a Motorola Razr from 2006.
It is also very possible that the call got dropped because you are in the middle of a very large industrial office building. Try moving closer to a window.

Tuesday, May 03, 2022


You may have heard that a draft of a decision from the Supreme Court of the United States was leaked last night. Essentially, the draft reveals that the Supreme Court is poised to overturn the 1973 decision of Roe v. Wade, which means that within months, abortion could be criminalized in most states.

I, personally, find it very strange that we would outlaw something that is something only the woman and their doctor should be concerned about and that we are doing nothing to actually stop abortions. Criminalizing abortion doesn't end abortion. What does? Maternity and paternity leave, universal health care, comprehensive sexual education, a steady income, good education, free or cheap daycare and pre-K, a social welfare safety net. At the bare minimum, if you are going to force children to be born, you should offer at least the bare necessities of food, water, and shelter, and we, as a country, can't even do that.

Anyway, the fight isn't over--they never are for some reason. Abortion funds are grassroot organizations that help people obtain abortions, the abortion pills, transportation, lodging, and other services to help people get the care they need. If you would like to donate and help fight this fight, you can search for your state at abortionfunds.org.

I knew this was coming when I saw the middle panel up on GoComics.

I bet Chip was pretty proud of himself when he finished this comic. Probably chuckled all the way to the post office. "Frank Lloyd? Right!" he guffawed as he handed the postal employee the envelope of comics he mails to United Features.

Monday, May 02, 2022

Brutus Is Using Too Many Exclamation Points

Someone help me with this. What are we talking about and what's the joke? I mean, I guess Brutus is doing poorly with putting in periods and commas in whatever he is writing and he thinks Veeblefester is talking about him being late. I guess I'm just combining "punctuation" and "punctual". As you were.

And Brutus has been late.

Sunday, May 01, 2022

Netflix and Chill...the chill being lasagna

Is that where Wilberforce is when Brutus and Gladys have dinner without him? He's over having dinner at Hattie's? Then Wilberforce spends a lot of time over at Hattie's. I've always pictured Hattie to be poorer than the Thornapples. Working class parents, something similar to Peppermint Patty in Peanuts. Instead, maybe Hattie's father is a lawyer and her mother the CEO of some mid-sized corporation. It would kind explain the outfit that Hattie wears.

I don't know why Brutus is suggesting a romantic dinner tonight. He'll just have to do it again next week for Mother's Day. And I'm pretty sure Gladys isn't going to like not doing anything for Mother's Day.

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