Thursday, May 26, 2022

It's Amazing Brutus Has Any Clients

Brutus was just complaining yesterday that he deserved a promotion and here he's apologizing for screwing up the most basic part of his job.

So Brutus is clearly just a salesman, right? I know I've theorized that Brutus is just a couple rungs below Veeblefester but I was basing that on how often Brutus is seen with Veeblefester and how Veeblefester seems to rely on Brutus for some pretty important stuff.

It's kind of deflating knowing that Brutus is just a lesser Dwight Schrute. No, wait. Dwight was a good salesman. Brutus is just a lesser Andy Bernard.

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Junior Employee 2

You would think a mass shooting happening every 3-5 days would be enough to actually force the leaders of our country who we elect to keep us safe to actually do something about gun control. I hate to generalize but our country fails us at every level and at every age. It's time for change. Actual, meaningful change.

To look up your Congressional representative and Senators, you can enter your address or search them by state or name (Rep | Senator). You can phone them, their offices in your state, and email them.

Brutus was just talking about the office manager. What happened to Smith? Has Smith been fired? How many office managers has Veeblefester gone through? Maybe Brutus shouldn't want that job.

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Up a Tree

Wilberforce knows what kind of tree his frisbee and, I guess, baseball is stuck in? He doesn't know how to get something out of a tree but he knows what kind of tree it is.

By the end of the day, all of Wilberforce's toys are stuck in that one maple tree. "I guess I'll start throwing clothes..." he sighs, dejectedly.

Monday, May 23, 2022

Could've Sworn I Heard the Word 'Drowning'

I don't really have anything for today. It's just a married couple being a married couple. Nothing to see here. As you were.

Sunday, May 22, 2022

Where'd That Orange Chair Come From?

I'm sure they could find a house on a golf course and near a beach. Isn't that basically what Florida is? A golf course on the beach. With alligators.

Now how they will afford that house on the golf course beach, I don't know. You know Veeblefester's retirement plan is garbage and retirees probably end up having to pay money back.




Well, we're heading into summer so I will be out of work for a couple months. If you would like to support my writing, research, comics, or anything else that I do online, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi. You can also give through CashApp and Paypal on the About page or on Twitter.

Saturday, May 21, 2022

There's Gotta Be Someone In This Park That Will Give Hattie $5

Uh oh. Hurricane Hattie is in trouble with the mob again. This happens from time to time because she harasses Don Mulcahy the same way she harasses Brutus.

Wilberforce wants a job? From what I see online, there are hundreds of opportunities to make money if you're a kid if you're willing to wander the city and talk to complete strangers. Clearly, young Boomers and Gen-X have their finger on the pulse of society.

Friday, May 20, 2022

Two for the Price of One

It is May. Why are you buying a sweater? You are in the Northern Hemisphere. You don't need a sweater right now. But that explains why they were 50% off.

I don't know why Brutus is mad. How many other people would do this exact thing? It's a completely normal thing.

Thursday, May 19, 2022

Junior Employee

Wait! Brutus doesn't have a title? That seems highly unlikely. Everyone in corporate America has a title even if it's just "salesman" or "customer service representative". Based on evidence and context clues, Brutus is clearly either a salesman, as we see him go out trying to win business for Veeblefester. Or, a kind of quality assurance/client relations specialist as we see him going over contracts and trying to save or win back clients.

Anyway, it's Veeblefester's company and he doesn't have to listen to me. Mediocre Office Worker is fine with me.

Wednesday, May 18, 2022

I Mainly Listen to White Noise

Does anybody remember that "Pure Moods" CD that was sold on TV and, eventually, stores? I loved that CD and would listen to it all the time. I need to get a new one. You can find close facsimiles on Spotify but it just seems different somehow.

What I love about the last panel is that you can imagine it in one of two ways. One, Brutus is so boring that he just faded away. Two, it's now an hour or so later and he just left this guy's office. Either way, it's perfect.

Monday, May 16, 2022

Pill Popper

"So I just took none of them. I'm on borrowed time, Brutus. I've got maybe two more hours. I'll see you on the other side."

My vote would be for the bedtime pills but I'm neither a doctor nor pharmacist. Hell, I barely even take pills.

Sunday, May 15, 2022

Fried Eggs? Not Scrambled?

Why did Brutus call it "dinner delivery" in the first panel? Just say you're ordering pizza. "I'm taking orders for pizza delivery, Mother Gargle. I'm ordering individual blah, blah, blah..." Since the first panel is meaningless anyway in a lot of newspapers, the repetitiveness of 'pizza' isn't as noticeable.

I usually get the same pizza every time. Why deviate from it when I know what I get is going to be good and satisfying? Are most people the same way or do some switch it up occasionally?




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Saturday, May 14, 2022

It's Nice to Make a Friend

Friday the 13th, or "Thirteenth", means nothing but okay.

Gladys could've just shut her hole after "Glad to hear it!" She didn't need to continue talking. I also don't know why Brutus is worried about Friday the 13th. One, it's just another day and, like I said above, means nothing. Two, he's a born loser. Every day is a day filled with bad luck for him.

What the hell happened between yesterday and today? We just open on a damn bird sitting on Brutus' head and you just expect us to okay with that? Maybe I'd be less upset if it were Monday and this could be a continuing storyline for a day or two but just hopping into the middle of this and then not getting a satisfying ending because tomorrow is Sunday irks me.

Thursday, May 12, 2022

Oh, Won't You Come With Me...

I am impressed that Wilberforce, who at this point would be born in about 2013, knows what a record is.

Anyway, here's the entire song.

Wednesday, May 11, 2022

At Least Gladys Seems to Be Getting Upset Now

Jesus, Mother Gargle is a selfish, greedy, and angry piece of crap. Brutus is loving Gladys just fine but because he's not draping her in gold jewelry and fur coats then he's a terrible husband? No wonder Gladys' father either left or died years ago.

Tuesday, May 10, 2022

That Is a Terrible Card

I don't think Gladys is going to be thrilled with getting just a card for her wedding anniversary. Especially one with such a stupid comment inside of it. I know that we should be shaming Brutus but I think we should also shame this Hallmark Crown Store employee who is just "Wedding anniversary? Here's a card. Five dollars, please."

Getting Gladys nothing would be better than whatever this is.

On a serious note, today is the 57th anniversary of The Born Loser (hence, why Brutus is anniversary shopping). Here are the first two comics from May 10 and May 11. Remember, the strip originally had no regular characters and the art was very different.


Monday, May 9, 2022

We Also Got Rid of Every Chair Except This One

Brutus is the only thing around here that makes money. 😒

Gladys talks all the time about shopping and I just assume she's shopping for clothes because she's a woman in a comic strip written by a man that takes place in the 1960s but with all the accoutrements of the 2020s. That would be the first thing I'd suggest she cut because she typically just wears the same pink or black thing anyway.

Sunday, May 8, 2022

I'm Currently Writing a Television Pilot If Anyone Is Interested

Only Murders In the Building has only has ten episodes. It's not like you have to invest in 22 episodes. Honestly, I can't invest in 22 episodes anymore. 13 or less, please. Make those episodes count.

"Streaming series that have lots of episodes." Please.




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Saturday, May 7, 2022

Pre-Mother's Day Jitters

Gladys already gets money every week or so in the form of Brutus' paycheck so she doesn't need any more.

The Born Loser very rarely talks about Mother's Day. It's usually not specifically the focus of the strip. I went through my archive and found that we've never seen Brutus give Gladys a Mother's Day present. Maybe that was the problem. She kept returned what he was buying her so stopped giving her gifts in 2008 and now she wants a present for 2022. Because it's been a rough three years.

Thursday, May 5, 2022

Hello, Fellow Employees

Doesn't Veeblefester have work to do? I mean, he's owner and CEO of a giant tea cozy conglomerate so he must have something to do or paperwork to sign. Something. Instead, he's just standing next to the employee entrance--the bad one, not the good one--and is literally begging for morning salutations.

Wednesday, May 4, 2022

Phones Got Smarter Than Brutus Back In, Like, 2007


I always thought that Brutus was working with an iPhone 5 or something similar from around that time but it is completely possible that Brutus could be working with something older. What I always thought was a smartphone could possibly be a Motorola Razr from 2006.
It is also very possible that the call got dropped because you are in the middle of a very large industrial office building. Try moving closer to a window.

Tuesday, May 3, 2022

Wrong

You may have heard that a draft of a decision from the Supreme Court of the United States was leaked last night. Essentially, the draft reveals that the Supreme Court is poised to overturn the 1973 decision of Roe v. Wade, which means that within months, abortion could be criminalized in most states.

I, personally, find it very strange that we would outlaw something that is something only the woman and their doctor should be concerned about and that we are doing nothing to actually stop abortions. Criminalizing abortion doesn't end abortion. What does? Maternity and paternity leave, universal health care, comprehensive sexual education, a steady income, good education, free or cheap daycare and pre-K, a social welfare safety net. At the bare minimum, if you are going to force children to be born, you should offer at least the bare necessities of food, water, and shelter, and we, as a country, can't even do that.

Anyway, the fight isn't over--they never are for some reason. Abortion funds are grassroot organizations that help people obtain abortions, the abortion pills, transportation, lodging, and other services to help people get the care they need. If you would like to donate and help fight this fight, you can search for your state at abortionfunds.org.


I knew this was coming when I saw the middle panel up on GoComics.

I bet Chip was pretty proud of himself when he finished this comic. Probably chuckled all the way to the post office. "Frank Lloyd? Right!" he guffawed as he handed the postal employee the envelope of comics he mails to United Features.

Monday, May 2, 2022

Brutus Is Using Too Many Exclamation Points

Someone help me with this. What are we talking about and what's the joke? I mean, I guess Brutus is doing poorly with putting in periods and commas in whatever he is writing and he thinks Veeblefester is talking about him being late. I guess I'm just combining "punctuation" and "punctual". As you were.

And Brutus has been late.

Sunday, May 1, 2022

Netflix and Chill...the chill being lasagna

Is that where Wilberforce is when Brutus and Gladys have dinner without him? He's over having dinner at Hattie's? Then Wilberforce spends a lot of time over at Hattie's. I've always pictured Hattie to be poorer than the Thornapples. Working class parents, something similar to Peppermint Patty in Peanuts. Instead, maybe Hattie's father is a lawyer and her mother the CEO of some mid-sized corporation. It would kind explain the outfit that Hattie wears.

I don't know why Brutus is suggesting a romantic dinner tonight. He'll just have to do it again next week for Mother's Day. And I'm pretty sure Gladys isn't going to like not doing anything for Mother's Day.




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Saturday, April 30, 2022

Death Waits for No Golfer

"There are some mornings that I don't even recognize him, he's so obsessed with golf. He's not even very good at it but still subjects himself to it every other weekend or so. I've prepared myself for the inevitable but I worry about the other kids whose fathers subject themselves to golf."

It's nice that Uncle Ted's high school buddy died doing what he loved but that doesn't change the fact that he keeled over on a golf course, which are very difficult for paramedics to get to. It's very possible that if he was doing nearly any other hobby, Uncle Ted's high school buddy would still be alive.

Friday, April 29, 2022

It's a Brutus' Dozen

Four?! Geez, I can forgive one. Maybe...maybe two, but four?! I get the feeling this meeting isn't going to go great.

I hope Brutus spent the entire car ride to work from Dodo's Donuts and upstairs to Veeblefester's office repeatedly thinking "Please don't look in the box. Please don't look in the box. Please don't look in the box. Please don't..."

Brutus is not a fan of Arbor Day. Brutus hates trees. They're hard to mow around and then he just has to deal with the leaves that fall to the ground. Brutus is going to cut that tree down and if his tree-hugging hippie son goes with it then so be it.

Wednesday, April 27, 2022

Mother Gargle Has No Interest In Peace

I'm sorry but until Mother Gargle can learn to respect me, she's not allowed in my house.

Has Brutus gotten shorter? Well, no wonder you can't get any respect from your mother-in-law. No one likes an incredibly shrinking Brutus.

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

Brutus, We Just Came In Here To Ask About Dinner

Did Brutus go to a small high school? I find it hard to believe they'd keep a debate class with only one student. Unless it was an after-school program that Brutus did, if there's only one student in class then the school just shrugs and goes "Well, I guess there isn't going to be a debate team this year."

I can't see Brutus being any good at debating. I mean, we've all seen the way Gladys, Veeblefester, Mother Gargle, Wilberforce, and the woman at the diner just rake Brutus over the coals.

Monday, April 25, 2022

Get Ready for Mo' Problems

I'm going to focus on the elephant in this comic strip. The use of the phrase 'purchasing power'. Who talks like that? Gladys needs to understand that they should be using extra money to shore up their finances and saving it for their future. Instead, she wants to continue to buy moronic tchotchkes.

Don't get me wrong, I buy moronic tchotchkes too but I feel guilty about it because I'm damaged from growing up poor.

Sunday, April 24, 2022

Surely My Child's Stupidity Isn't My Fault

Why are we getting report cards in late April? Report cards come out at the end of each quarter. Is it a progress report? If it's a progress report then you should already know Wilberforce was doing poorly in school. But let's be honest here, it's probably the teacher's fault. She's probably too busy discussing critical race theory and talking about homosexuality while showing the students pictures of trans genitalia that the kids don't know what's what. Gladys should go yell at the school board.

"What books are you teaching my child in there?"

"Why don't you come visit and see for your..."

"No, no. Just ban them all. Don't make me get my state legislator involved."

Saturday, April 23, 2022

Brutus Is Like a Transformer

oh gee look another fat joke ha ha

It's odd that Brutus tries to go to great lengths to say he is more than he is. There's nothing more to Brutus. What you see is what you get. Brutus shows no ambition, seems to have no goals or really any hobbies anymore (haven't seen him play golf since July), and seems perfectly fine with his station in life. Not to mention he rarely fights back when someone wrongs him or messes up his diner order.

Anyway, Mother Gargle does notice that she and Brutus (and Gladys) all have the same build, right?

Friday, April 22, 2022

I'd Be Upset Too If You Were an Hour Late and Didn't Call and Let Me Know

"How mad was he"? Veeblefester is always mad. How would you know he was mad about this exact thing?

I would've liked to be there as Veeblefester shouted across the building "Payroll! Dock Thornapple one hour!" and payroll shout back "Done!"

Thursday, April 21, 2022

Hey There, It's Yogi Ber-ra

Brutus, have any of your teams ever had a comeback before? If anything, Brutus' team is ahead and then the other teams begins scoring ultimately winning. That's the worst kind of loss.

And of course he's still watching. He has to watch until the bitter end.

Wednesday, April 20, 2022

The Magic Is Over

I think it's time to draw up some divorce papers. I mean, if being promised to give you the best of everything is the only reason you got married then that marriage is doomed from the start. It's just a shame that there's a kid involved.

Maybe Brutus and Gladys will leave Wilberforce out of their divorce like they leave him out of dinner, family game night and road trips.

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

Pie Is Pie


While I'm not thrilled about Gladys shattering another beloved piece of Brutus' childhood, I do appreciate that not only was the pie from a local bakery, they are still open and still making the most amazing pies. I hope it's a place like LaVerne's Pies Tires Fixed Also.

Monday, April 18, 2022

Gladys Says It's Too Early In the Morning for Brutus' Crap

If you had a physical subscription or one of those hybrid you get both subscriptions then you could be looking at your newspaper without having to rely on your internet. I have to give props to Brutus for having a subscription to his local newspaper. It makes me think Chip has one as well even if it's just to see his own comic strip in print.

Sunday, April 17, 2022

I Don't Really Know Where I Was Going With Today's Post

Credit card companies don't do this. No company does this. You could be laying on the floor, hacked to pieces and your credit card won't do anything. You want your credit card company to acknowledge your death? Then get a family member or something to call them and even then they'll probably need a death certificate so make sure you get an extra one ordered or maybe several. But enough about death and being hacked to pieces...

Despite not being an Easter comic, the color palette is very Easter-y.

Saturday, April 16, 2022

Fresh Eggs? In This Economy?

You know, I had completely forgotten that an "Easter Bunny" supposedly hides decorated eggs for the children to find. My family just always used plastic eggs with candy or coins in them. I'm not too thrilled with Wilberforce still believing in the Easter Bunny though or that Brutus and Gladys buy fresh eggs, boil them, decorate them, and hide them.

Honestly, Easter just makes no sense and the more you think about it, the less sense it makes. I need to go take some headache powder and lay down for a minute.