One Saturday Morning

July 21, 1966

I'm not cleaning that up. And neither is this guy. I can't tell because it's so dark and this was printed in black and white, but what is this supposed to be? I hope it's not blood.

We ordered a box of syrups and one of bottles had completely emptied into the box. I don't even know how or why the box made it to us. It was clearly dripping syrup. The delivery guy had to carry it upside down but it still left a trail of syrup from street to my kitchen sink. Such a mess.

Are there still Saturday morning cartoons? I don't think there are, even educational ones. I loved watching Saturday morning cartoons, but I also loved sleeping late so I missed them a lot of the time. I was more of an afterschool cartoon person.

Get a Room You Two

February 1, 1966

I don't think whatever is in that box is approved for shipment based on United States Postal Service guidelines. Even in 1966.

This is same stuff Chip wrote in the card for his wedding anniversary...

By the way, I've never had a boss that I felt this way about. I wouldn't say they've all been terrible, but none of them provided me guidance. Although to be fair, I am a loner, Dottie. A rebel, and I'm not really mentee material.

Did They Also Send a Newsletter About Their 2024?

July 27, 1986

Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn entered the public domain in 1961(? I'm seeing conflicting dates and I don't care enough to investigate further) so if they are reimaginings, then they are fair game and kudos to nameless author here for getting his money. And if they are just word-for-word copies of the originals then that's really on the publisher, isn't it?

What I don't like is this guy writing Huckleberry Finn in the 1980s. Is he still using n-word Jim? That ain't cool.

I find it hard to believe that Wilberforce doesn't know what a Christmas card is. I'm also a little upset at Gladys' use of "back in the last century". But the last century was 24 years ago. I've spent more years in the 21st Century than I did the 20th. Now I hate this strip even more.

The Berwalds get another mention.

In case you missed it, I have an expanded post on Joseph Bartleson and his family of Tecumseh, Kansas, with the lovely obituary for 11-year-old Sylvia Bartleston included. If you would like to support me or this website, you can buy me a cup of coffee on Ko-fi.

Tuesday Quickies

November 30, 1965

Who's Princie? Another kid? A dog? It's not like you are moving at a high rate of speed, just open the door and lean out.

Gladys couldn't just leave the mail in the box outside their house? Maybe it needs a stamp.

Brutus is in the doghouse and he didn't even do anything. Even whatever is in his mug is scared.

Based on a True Story

March 7, 1989

"Well, we could always cut the salary of the ones in charge. They do very little around here and, let's be honest, they could go without for awhile and still have more money than all the employees who work here combined. And, I'm fired now, I see."

Why did Veeblefester think Brutus was going to be any help? If Brutus knew how to maximize cash flow, don't you think he would've done it by now? He's always looking to please the almighty, all-knowing Veeblefester.

The only thing we've had taken off our porch was some bed sheets. And we got those back, but it was weird. Thieves would find our packages very disappointing. Usually it's pills and other health-related things. Even during the gift-giving season we got a journal and a vanity plate. Not much fun there.

¿

People Love Their Junk Mail

Harry Anderson, I don't think I have to explain who he is at this point, would've been 71 this year. I didn't plan a big post like some years past. You can read about his book here, his first hosting appearance on Saturday Night Live here, or his guest appearance on some awful Canadian kid's show named Noddy here. This year, just some fond memories and a dollar bill/cigarette trick from a 1981 appearance on SNL.

November 18, 1976

Agnes' last name is 'Dooley'. That tracks.

Does Agnes wear better clothes, get her hair out of her hair, and put out her cigar when soliciting her services door-to-door?

Yestiddy.

I was going to comment about how that seems like a lot of mail just thrown away and then I realized that we probably throw that much away without doing anything with it every week. Comic strip characters--they're written by people who are just like us!

"Boy, there are a lot of credit card offers in here. They know we have no money, right? Or is that what they're going for?"

You Want Your Money's Worth

October 25, 1976

I'm going to assume that Veeblefester didn't even put a return address on the postcard or Gladys would've known who it was from. Maybe she doesn't read postcards that aren't for her. That shows great willpower and I'm impressed.

Veeblefester still sent the postcard. It's the thought that counts.

Another free plug for BritBox.

If she doesn't watch out, she's going to turn into a British mystery show. Innit, guv'ner?

The Great Portland Adventure (Not Shown)

Why does Mother Gargle get to dictate the menu? Is she helping pay for it? Is she helping cook it? It'd be one thing if she just showed up once a month but clearly she's been here for more than a week and we're on our second, maybe even third liver and onion dinner.

We're not at that point yet. Things that are in the can will still air, production has stopped on most everything else. Besides, there are hundreds, maybe thousands, of shows out there you can watch. You don't have to succumb to any of these things--especially the reality shows.

I don't even want to glance at the comments on this strip about how schools don't teach cursive anymore. They don't have time, people. They have to make sure the kid's reading comprehension is up to par before the four standardized tests they have to take during the year.

I thought Mother Gargle had recently sent Gladys a letter and I was like "But she spends 50% of her time at her daughter's house", but then I realized that it's probably a letter from when Gladys was in college or something. Replies for Gladys asking for money.

Common mistake I assume as most people are going to Portland, Oregon and not Portland, Maine.

Brutus had to drive to Portland?! That's an 11-hour drive! He had to have stayed in a hotel! Did Veeblefester pay for that? What about gas?! Good lord, now that's a business trip!

We had to come up with a one-word description of ourselves when we started back up at work. I didn't come up with one--I refuse to be dumbed-down to just one word. But I should've said 'steady' and saw how many people asked themselves "Steady? What the hell is he talking about?"

"I didn't go shopping, I stayed home and shopped." Brutus is now shopping online for how much quicklime he would need to dissolve Gladys and if it would damage his bathtub or pipes.

He's reading the manual for a universal remote, which is weird considering all it has is the instructions on how to program the remote and the codes all in seven different languages. What are you expecting to find? A way to remove laugh tracks? A way to give the vaguest description and still be able to find the actor you want to watch? A way to mute Gladys when she starts complaining about you watching too many sports games?

Brutus Left a Lot of Tea

August 26, 1974

At least they nicely put Brutus' food on the floor and didn't just dump it onto the ground. And he apparently gets to keep his chair.

Does he mean a UPS Store or FedEx Office? You could also just use the post office. I feel you could also just look one up on your phone. I also don't think Uncle Ted lives in another city so you should know where the "shipping stores" are.

It's summer so I'm not getting paid! If you would like to support my writing or website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

Just Eat At Home!

November 20, 1973

Wilberforce mailed a letter that really reamed Hurricane Hattie. Feeling guilty and better for just having written the letter, wanted it back. As you can see, hijinks ensued and now Wilberforce is locked inside the mailbox. Classic!

Smart move. I love scrambled eggs but sometimes it does seem like you get less egg. Now, a lot of times at restaurants, I order eggs so I can count the yolks. Nothing against the restaurant, I just like a lot of egg.

"Hey, Brutus? Is that your kid getting back in the mailbox out there?"

Just Take the Rest of the Year Off

October 3, 1973

I guess there's no law against sending torn up pieces of paper through the mail. Considering junk mail is basically advertisements, it just seems like a waste of *checks internet* eight cents.

Everyone should get December 22 through January 2 off. "Sorry, folks, economy's closed for twelve days. The moose out front should've told you."

I'm a huge proponent of doing your job whenever the hell you feel like it. We live in a 24/7/365 world so there's no reason at all why industries and occupations can't work around the clock and fit their schedules to what employees want to work and when consumers want to go.

We should also pay people more.

Must've Slipped Past the Machines

July 7, 1985

Classic and perfect set-up. And the icing on the cake is who knows where that plunger has been! And she just stuck it on his head, filth and all!

A rural part of Idaho? You mean, Idaho? Ha! Take that, Idaho! Suck it! Boom!

Remember that Mother Gargle does not live here. Why would she get mail at Brutus and Gladys' house? Sure, it kind of seems like she lives with them but she does not.

If you would like to support my writing, research, or website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

Butterfly Apocalypse

September 1, 1973

I could've sworn there was a scene in a cartoon where butterflies ate someone's skin leaving only bones but if it exists I couldn't find it. Instead, I was reminded of when the inhabitants of Bikini Bottom on SpongeBob Squarepants destroyed their city because a butterfly was on the loose.

"I thought you didn't believe in Santa anymore? I mean, you've been walking around the school singing that 'Santa Doesn't Exist' song everyday since Thanksgiving ended. You made seven Kindergartners cry."

2016.

In the Mail? How Long Has Brutus Been Sick?

Before we get to today's comic, there's a couple of announcements I would like to throw out here. First, I'm going to be keeping up my history, gravestone, and comic posts on social media over the summer. History posts will be on Mondays, gravestones will be on Wednesday, and comics will be on Friday. If you enjoy any or all of these, please engage with them on social media: Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I'm still figuring out how I want to post these comics on the website.

Next, the creator of My Dad Is Dracula, a wholesome comic that you may have seen bouncing around the intersphere, has created a plush of his two characters: Dad and Son. Get yours today a few months from now by going here.

Covid has finally punctured the comic strip bubble the Thornapples live in. "Cold." Sure. Or maybe he has monkeypox. Or something else. We're living in the plague-times now.

Love how Brutus blames the papercut on his mother-in-law and not on, you know, the whole point of the strip, him being a born loser.

If you would like to support my writing, research, photography, or comics, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

Pizza Dude?

Do porch pirates take the Thornapple's packages a lot? I mean, Gladys is home all the time so if they have packages constantly going missing, I'd start there. Maybe Gladys is in on it. If so, that video doorbell isn't going to help.

1168: 9:02

We're learning about chemistry in my science class and we were going over what different elements can be used for. We got to nitrogen and said that it's used in fertilizer and can be an explosive if mixed with the right stuff and the teacher mentioned that ammonium nitrate was used in the Oklahoma City bombing. All the kids in class looked at him and several said "Oklahoma City was bombed?" He turned to me and gave me a look signifying that we were old. "Yeah, it was what? 1995? Didn't 100 people die in it?" I replied, "Closer to 150, I think. A lot were children."

The point is, this was a class for high school sophomores. These kids were born in 1999 or 2000 so their world doesn't contain the Oklahoma City bombing and it barely contains 9/11. I was only 12 when it happened (my birthday was one week before) but it really made more of an impact on my life. Much more than 9/11 ever had on me. The main reason being, 9/11 was a strictly big city attack. An attack like 9/11 would only happen in a big city--a major big city, while something like the Oklahoma City bombing can be anywhere. Timothy McVeigh bought all of the stuff he used in the bombing in Kansas. What if he had chosen the Frank Carlson Federal Building in Topeka instead of the Alfred Murrah Federal Building?

When on a trip to Houston in 2001, my mom and I stopped in Oklahoma City specifically to see the memorial among a couple other things but that's all a long story. It was so powerful walking into it and seeing the chairs representing the 168 men, women and children who died. Visiting that memorial has always stuck with me. I was 18 at the time, about to become a father, and about a month later, 9/11 would happen.

"Murrah Building - Aerial" by US Army Corps of Engineers - Hronek, Sheri (August 2001).

Why would you have to request the box be marked "Fragile?" The person shipping the thing should automatically write "Fragile" on the box of highly fragile dishes or package them better so they don't knock together.

Instead of wondering why the deliveryman would do that, it's time to call the company who delivered it and ask them to pay to replace the dishes and why they are delivering on a Sunday.

I Love Getting Mail, Hate Getting Crap

So I went to check out a library book today and I didn't have my library card so the librarian proceeded to look up my information and found my library account from ten years ago. I have gotten a new account since which makes this even stranger. There are three books on my old account that are lost. I know they are lost because they were in the backseat of a minivan that got repossessed and the dealer refused to let the owners get their stuff out without paying what they owe.

Anyway, so now I owe money on these three books (two of which are out of print) and I can't check any new books until I pay off what I owe. But for the last five, six years I've had another library account I've been using and no one has bothered me at all about those three books. Same name, name social security so I don't know why this hasn't came up until now. I also wonder did my current account even come up with she looked me up?

I hate receiving junk mail and hate getting junk emails. I'd rather get nothing than filled my mailbox and my inbox with useless crap I am going to immediately throw away/delete. I think if the post office quit giving bulk senders discounts, they wouldn't be hurting for money.

I Hate Fake Post Offices

A couple nights ago I had a dream where I was the new boss on The Office. Of course, no one respected me and tried their best to avoid me but it also seemed like I couldn't do anything right. First, I accidentally ran my chair over a group of power cords unplugging Andy and Meredith's computers and then I had to deal with all the viruses, spyware and malware that Michael's old computer had due to all of his nip-slip and AIM sex accounts. I don't know where Dwight was in my dream. Probably off creating a diabolical plan or something.

I do most of my bill paying online now. The only thing I actually use stamps for is to pay rent and the occasional odd letter or bill that for some reason I can't handle online. I'm also wondering if this woman is a real postal employee. I don't care if she does have a light blue shirt with a nametag, it just looks like she's standing in a box she labeled "POSTAGE".