The Turkey Returns

Oh, good. Mother Gargle stayed home for Thanksgiving in order to keep everybody safe but now she's here the week after to spread COVID and election conspiracy theories.

It's clear that Mother Gargle lives a storage unit, right?

Would You Buy Fruit from a Freddy?

Oh, God! Is Brutus one of those people who hold their cell phone near their face but have it on speakerphone? Ugh, I hate that. It's bad enough I have to hear your half of the conversation but now I have to hear a crackly and kind of muffled other half of the conversation? No thanks.

So Brutus just went on a tirade, badly explaining what's going on, and then just...hangs up? Yep. That'll clear everything up.

Back Pain

The heating pad and ice pack are in different places on his back so is the pain in the middle of his back or his lower back? Maybe his entire back is just one big throbbing pain. Anyhoo, I've used the word throb in a description of The Born Loser so enjoy the rest of your Saturday. Bye.

Beloved Parents

 In loving memory

of beloved parents

Elijah Sims was born in 1839 in Clinton County, Indiana. He served during the Civil War, participating in the battles of Murphreesboro, Munfordville, and Shiloh. He remained in Indiana until 1878 when he came to Kansas and started a homestead where he remained until retiring in 1906 to Topeka.

Jeannetta Sims was born to Peter and Elmira DeMoss in 1846 in Clinton County, Indiana. Peter DeMoss also served in the Civil War. Jeannetta passed away in Turlock, California, where she and Elijah had taken up residence. She was survived by her husband and all 10 of their children.

Mount Hope Cemetery, Topeka, Shawnee County, Kansas

Just Change the Station

It's true. We listened to Christmas song for a couple days about a week or so ago while we were at work. It was nice but I don't need to hear anymore for another week or so. For me, Christmas season doesn't truly begin until I hear Mel Torme's "The Christmas Song" and Elton John's "Step Into Christmas".

God Bless Us...*gravy dribbles down chin*...Everyone!

The Thornapple family certainly cleaned their plates. It looks like those plates weren't even used. It will make clean-up much easier.

I also commend the Thornapples--and ergo, Chip--for having a small, contained Thanksgiving. Here's hoping you and yours are staying safe. Happy Thanksgiving.

Tank N Tummy #21

Dominic and Ryan stood behind the counter wearing masks and gloves. Numerous signs on the counter stated that cash transactions were being limited. A piece of Plexiglas hung from a chain from the ceiling. A customer came up to the counter, also wearing a mask, with some bottled drinks and a cup of coffee. "Have you guys been working this whole time?"

"What do you mean? We didn't close when schools or everything else did. We are apparently essential workers which really makes you think," Dominic said.

"Hopefully you're getting hazard pay or something," the customer said.

"I think Harvey gave us a five dollar gift card to McDonald's," Ryan said.

MaryJane came into the store for her daily 52 ounce drink. She came in without a mask. "'Sup, sluts," she said. 

"MaryJane. Mask," Dominic said.

"Oh, sorry," she dug a mask out of her purse and put it on. "I'm still not used to this."

Dominic noticed that the mask had a hole over the mouth. "MaryJane, your mask has a hole in it."

"Oh, crap. Grabbed the wrong one. This is one of those masks that you can wear and use to eat."

"Those masks are only used for one reason...blowjobs," Ryan said.

"You got me," MaryJane shrugged and laughed. "I'll be right back. I have a regular mask in my car." She left the store.

As she left someone else came in without a mask. "Sir, please put on a mask," Dominic said.

"Eat my ass," the customer said.

"Alrighty then," Dominic responded.

"At least we're doing the right thing," Ryan tried to comfort Dominic.

After the morning rush, Dominic and Ryan were alone in the store. Harvey came in, stained shirt, cargo shorts, and no mask. "Harvey, put a mask on."

"I'm not giving any legitimacy to this hoax. I came to this country from my communist home so I wouldn't have to wear a mask," Harvey explained.

"You came here in 1996," Dominic said. "And you're neither Chinese or Cuban."

"You sound just like the prime minister," Harvey grumbled as he went into his office and slammed the door.

"We're all going to die," Dominic sighed, shaking his head.

“Hey, guys,” Aaron said as he came into the store. “How are you doing?”

“We’re good. Can’t complain,” Dominic replied. “Geez, you look tired.”

“I am,” as if on cue, Aaron yawned really big. “I hardly got any sleep last night. I kept having this weird dream.”

“What about?”

“Well, my room was flooded with this bright blue light and these three strange creatures entered my room and got me out of bed. It was like they wanted to show me something as they kept pointing to the light outside my window. I went with them and started following the light to their spaceship. They then took me onboard and began poking and prodding me. They then removed my clothes and laid me down on this cold metal exam table,” Aaron began explaining. “They began closely examining me like a doctor would almost like they were trying to see what everything did.”

“Then they shoved a metal rod up your butt?” Dominic asked.

“What? No. They did have me pee in a cup which was weird.”

“Did you wet the bed?” Dominic asked.

“No. Why would I wet the bed?”

“Whenever I dream about peeing, I wet the bed.”

“What? What the hell?” Ryan exclaimed.

“Doesn’t everybody?” Dominic looked back and forth between Ryan and Aaron. “Then what the hell is wrong with me?”

Ryan and Aaron turned away from Dominic and looked at each other. “I don’t think that was a dream,” Ryan said. “I think you were actually visited by aliens.”

“What? No. It was a dream. Aliens don’t exist.”

“Sure they do. They’ve been all over the last few years. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of videos of UFOs being caught in the sky,” Ryan excitedly said.

“You believe in aliens and UFOs?” Aaron seemed skeptical. “Yeah. So does Dominic.”

“Now wait a minute. I believe in aliens up to the point that they can travel here. I believe aliens do exist but they evolved over roughly the same period of time as we have therefore they would not be capable of vast interstellar travel.”

“Then what was that flying object in the sky when we were driving to Colorado, Dominic? What was that flying object in the sky?”

“I’m going back to my magazine,” Dominic sighed and lowered his head.

“Flying object…”

“About three years ago, Dominic and I were driving out to Colorado so we were out in western Kansas. Dominic was driving and I was looking out the window. I saw this small black disc-like object in the sky kind of hovering, kind of moving. I pointed it out to Dominic but he thought it was a plane or a drone or something military related.”

“It was!” Dominic exclaimed.

“’Sup, sluts,” MaryJane came into the store.

“Aaron got abducted and probed by aliens,” Dominic said.

“No, I did not. I didn’t,” Aaron shook his head.

“Seriously? You have to tell me about it,” MaryJane took Aaron’s hand.

“Aliens and stories of alien abduction get MaryJane horned up,” Ryan said.

“Really?” Aaron raised an eyebrow. “It was just a weird dream. I just dreamt that I was abducted. I definitely wasn’t probed.”

“Could I come over about seven? We can have some dinner and you can tell me about your experiences and I can spend the night and see if the aliens come back,” MaryJane said.

“Uh, I guess so. Like I said, it was just a dream and I don’t think anything will happen but you can come over. Whatever,” Aaron shrugged.

“Great. I will see you at seven,” MaryJane tickled Aaron’s chin and left the store.

“Aaron’s gonna lose his MaryJane virginity,” Dominic said. “Remember when you lost yours, Ryan?”

“We were 23. MaryJane had broken her leg and couldn’t put any pressure or weight on it. I brought her food and kind of helped take care of her and she wanted to pay me back.”

“We’re not going to sleep together,” Aaron discouraged. “Are we? It’s just dinner, a sleepover, and maybe an alien abduction.”

“I have two rules: Everybody gets one—everyone gets a chance to lose their virginity. The other is everybody gets one…time with MaryJane,” Dominic said.

“Does she know you talk about her like this?” Aaron asked.

“It’s fine,” Ryan pshawed.

“When was your first time?” Aaron asked Dominic.

“We were eight. We had had a long night of gambling at this casino in Las Vegas…”

“Neither of them will talk about it,” Ryan said. “They always tell a different story. I sometimes think they haven’t been together and they’re just lying about it. I, personally, recommend sleeping with MaryJane.” Dominic looked at him in an odd way. “What? I do. She genuinely enjoys sex, she’s a very pretty young woman, she’s smart and funny, and not a bad lay.”

“Geez. Why don’t you just marry her?” Dominic said in a mocking tone.

Aaron let MaryJane in. She had a pizza box with her. “I brought pizza. I hope you like meat on your pizza.”

“Who doesn’t? The kitchen is around the corner. You can set the box down on the counter,” Aaron directed.

The two of met in the kitchen a couple seconds later and MaryJane was already digging into the pizza. “Hungry?”

“High. Are we gonna see aliens tonight?”

“I told you that it was just a dream. I don’t think anything is going to happen,” Aaron said.

“Show me your bedroom,” MaryJane took Aaron’s hand and began dragging him toward an open door off the hallway. “This is it?” MaryJane shoved the last of her pizza into her mouth and got into bed. “You were laying down, right? Then what happened?”

“Uh, there was a bright blue light that came in from the window. I heard a loud rumbling and then I felt the presence of someone—two someones—in my room. I didn’t actually see anything and fell back to sleep pretty quickly.”

“Cool. I wonder what the light and rumbling were,” MaryJane questioned. She got out of bed and went over to the window. She peeked out the blinds and didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. “And you weren’t probed?”

“No. I’ve never had anything go into my butt,” Aaron replied.

“Okay,” she nodded thoughtfully. “You should try it but aliens don’t do that.”

“They don’t?”

“Why would they? Think about it. If aliens, who have already flown light years across the universe so have already mastered expansive space travel, needed to understand how humans work, wouldn’t they just ask or abduct and analyze us? They could also just kill us and perform an autopsy. They would learn very little about us just through a colonoscopy.”

“That does make sense,” Aaron said. “I guess I never thought about it before.”

“Look, I believe aliens exist. There’s no way we are all alone in the universe. But I don’t believe they have the ability to travel long distances, just like we don’t. But I want them to be real and exist and I want them to communicate with us. Also, I saw this adult magazine with some aliens really giving it to a woman so I’ve always been fascinated with that as well,” MaryJane explained. “Let’s get some more pizza and I’ll pull the magazine spread up on my phone.”

Aaron sighed deeply. “All right, why not?”

“What are you doing?” Aaron asked, watching MaryJane look around in his closet. “You said you were going to the bathroom and I find you digging around in my bedroom closet?”

“I did go to the bathroom. Thanks for your concern. Why do you have a bowling ball?”

“Because I used to bowl. I was pretty good at it, too,” Aaron seemed to take too much pride in his bowling skills.

“I used to bowl, too. My dad taught me. I was pretty good, too. We should go bowling together some day,” MaryJane said, sitting the ball back down on the floor of the closet. “We should probably start heading to bed. It’s almost midnight. What time was the light and everything?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Like I said and have been saying, I was probably asleep or it was sleep paralysis. I wasn’t contacted by aliens,” Aaron explained for what he thought was the fiftieth time.

“I’m gonna go change,” MaryJane said. “Hope you don’t mind that I’m not gonna wear pants.”

“I don’t care. I figured I’d sleep on the floor or the couch,” Aaron said.

“Oh no you don’t. What if the aliens come in and don’t see you in bed and just leave? You need to be in the bed with me.” When they got there, MaryJane was in a baggy shirt and underwear while Aaron was wearing sweatpants and a shirt. MaryJane requested to sleep closest to the window. “This has been a pretty good evening, Aaron. Even if we don’t see any aliens, I still had a good night.”

“It was fun. The pizza was good and the company was good. I’ll see you in the morning, MaryJane,” Aaron snuggled into the bed with the blanket pulled up to his chin.

“Thanks for indulging my stupid, crazy fantasies,” she said and leaned over to kiss Aaron on the cheek. She rolled over and the two of them fell asleep fairly quickly. MaryJane woke up a soft rumbling a couple hours later. She rocketed up to the rumbling and saw a blue light shining in from the window. “Aaron. Aaron!” she shook Aaron awake.

“What?”

“A light. There’s a light,” MaryJane pointed to the window. Aaron sat up and saw the light.

“Yep, that’s what I saw. Now I know I’m awake so I wonder what that is. What’s that sound?”

“I don’t know. That’s what woke me up.”

Aaron got out of bed and went over to the window. He pulled the blind slats apart with his fingers and looked outside. He saw a bulldozer of some sort in the parking lot across from his building. It was just idling which was where the noise was coming from. “It’s construction equipment,” Aaron said. “It must have been the light and sound mixed with sleep paralysis that made me think there was someone in my room,” Aaron reasoned.

“I guess that makes sense. I knew it was a stretch that aliens actually appeared here, especially in the bedroom of a close friend,” MaryJane said. “Oh, well.”

Aaron started getting back in bed. When he laid down, MaryJane rolled on top of him. “What’s up?” Aaron asked.

MaryJane kissed Aaron and began removing both of their shirts. The next day, Aaron came into the Tank N Tummy with a smile on his face. Dominic and Ryan looked up from their magazines and over at Aaron.

“Hey, Aaron,” Dominic began, “how was your weird alien sleepo…?”

“Twice,” Aaron exclaimed, smiling.

Paper Swap

Cleveland only has one newspaper--the Cleveland Plain-Dealer which has been published since 1842 so what newspapers are they reading? Don't tell me that Chip--and therefore The Born Loser--live in a world where cities still have multiple major newspapers, which hasn't been true in Cleveland since 1982.

Another question I have is why does Brutus get so mad at someone asking to look at his newspaper? Does this happen a lot and do the people just run off with it? Do people borrow Brutus' newspapers and spoil all the news for him?

Not a Fan of the Color Though

I commend Brutus for seeing a problem and trying to do something to fix it. I would love to fill out day planners and things like that but I can't ever motivate myself to do those things on a daily basis. I mean, I've been doing a daily Instagram photo challenge and have to play catch-up every three days or so.

By Gee, You're the Only Boss for Me

Brutus, always one to lavish compliments on Rancid Veeblefester, actually gives us the side-eye in today's strip. Even Brutus feels like this was a stretch. It's one thing to force/threaten an employee to say nice things about you but quite another to say "I'm perfect!" about yourself.

Jingo, for whatever reason, is a euphemism for Jesus or God. Why? Well, your guess is as good as Wikipedia's.

Adventures In Television

I just looked at the three things that I use to watch TV and you can't manually change the channel on either one. You need a remote. The TV has no buttons and neither does our Roku box or Chromecast. If our remotes stop working then we are really up Dawson's Creek without a paddle.

Where Are They Going? Thanksgiving Is Next Week

The Thornapples are trying out the new In-N-Out Burger in Aurora, Colorado.

Photo by Sky9 News.

It's refreshing to see Wilberforce in the backseat during this road trip as Brutus and Gladys seem to just leave him at home on their vacations or just outright forget him. 

The Sherman Plot

Bird D. "B.D." Sherman was born in Ohio in 1855. For a time, he apparently lived in Michigan and moved to Kansas sometime in the late 1800s settling in Hope, Kansas and then outside Solomon, Kansas. He and his family then moved to Topeka. He died of gall bladder complications in 1923 at the age of 68.

Henrietta Fisher Sherman was born in Monroe, Michigan in 1857. She married Bird at the age of 19 and they had 6 children. She died at the home of her daughter Elvira in North Topeka at the age of 86.

Lerue Sherman was born November 28, 1888 and died on his family's farm north of Solomon of rabies after being mauled by a dog while his family was visiting in Michigan. Lerue was originally interred in Prairie Mound Cemetery near Solomon but was moved to Mount Hope Cemetery in 1936. B.D. took the matter of the dog into his own hands.

Mount Hope Cemetery, Topeka, Shawnee County, Kansas

Pittance

GAH! Damn it, woman, can't I get through the door before you start yammering about money to me? I don't know why Gladys was so hopeful. Veeblefester continues to pay his employees like it's the 1950s. This is no longer a Veeblefester/Payroll/HR problem and Brutus should really think about getting an attorney involved.

I Like the Color On Those Shoes

When I first saw today's strip, I just the middle panel and knew that the joke would be something along the lines of "Yeah, but when you wear them then they're loafers!" Anyway, I don't know if I just really understand this comic strip's humor or if it was just low-hanging fruit but now I'm sad and need a Devil Creme.

Is His Ear On His Nose?

Wait. The electric company in this town isn't a monopoly? You can actually choose where your electricity comes from? I would love to have more than one option for my utilities but that's not the way capitalism works.

I wonder if Bigsby and the other energy company use nuclear power because having two massive nuclear power plants in town would explain why Brutus is holding the phone up to his nose.

So Tired

"Uncle Ted is asleep again!"

"He's entitled--he's retired!"

"He's not snoring like usual."

"Here, take this mirror and hold it under his nose. If it doesn't fog up, come find me."

How Long Has This Been Going On?

     Do more people grab their toothbrushes by the bristles than I think? I never pick up my toothbrush by the bristled end so I would never know that my toothbrush is wet. For all I know, my wife has been brushing the dog's teeth with my toothbrush for months and I'd probably never know.

Wilberforce Is Interrupting Brutus' Mathing

Pretty bold of Brutus to offer to help Wilberforce with math when he isn't good at it--new or old. I, for one, don't understand this new math. If it helps some, great. But it doesn't help me.

Groceries Again?

All these groceries and they only lasted a week? How is that possible? Wilberforce is rarely seen even eating dinner so it's not because you're feeding three people.

Parsonage

 

Philip H. Parsonage was born in March 19, 1846 in Liverpool, England and immigrated to the United States in 1852. He came to Kansas in 1872 and settled in Eskridge on a farm. According to the U.S. Census in 1870, Parsonage was listed as living with William Dooley in Palmyra, Missouri. In 1880, he was listed as living in Wilmington Township in Wabaunsee County, Kansas. Philip married Mary shortly after arriving in Kansas with their first child, Flora, being born in 1875.

Philip retired from farming in 1914 and moved to Topeka to 1013 Morris Avenue, now Mulvane Street. His wife, Mary Southerland, was born in 1849 and spent most of her life in the Eskridge area. They had four children: Flora (1875 - 1929), May (1879 - 1972), and Jennie (1882 - 1971).

Their second child, son Elwood, was born February 25, 1877 in Wilmington Township in Wabaunsee County. He became a carpenter and died July 26, 1962 at a Topeka hospital.

Mount Hope Cemetery, Topeka, Shawnee County, Kansas

The Chair Might Tip Over

How is Hurricane Hattie hanging on that chair? Her legs are even crossed. That is very impressive. Usually she's hanging more over Brutus' head so she's balanced on top of the chair but today's she has her arms crossed and is just hanging off of the chair. Just hanging...

Thursday Catch-Up

 

Why is Wilberforce looking through an empty toilet paper roll? That seems very disrespectful and Wilberforce should be hoisted from the tallest yardarm or whatever it is the military does to punish people.

In the comments on the GoComics site, people are complaining that Wilberforce is saluting with the wrong arm clearly not understanding the point of the strip. Chip Sansom had to come in and explain what he was trying to do. Anyway, people are stupid.

Blond-Hair McWhiteGuy shouldn't have to worry about what he says. He's probably just tired of hearing from his purple-haired niece who leans trans and came out as pansexual over Christmas of 2017.

Thanksgiving Plans

 

Y'all shouldn't be having Thanksgiving anyway what with a pandemic going on. Since we can't seem to social distance or wear a damn mask because muh freedoms then there's gonna be no Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year's for anyone.

Anyway, this makes me wonder what the other half of the news is. Wait. Why did Gladys phrase it "bad news and good news"? That's not how it goes--it doesn't flow off the tongue as smooth.

And Frappuccinos. And Skinnys. And Blondes. And Cold Brews...

Ugh. Is this what The Born Loser is going to be now? Brutus seeking some sort of validation from Veeblefester for things that don't matter. If I went to my boss and asked them if I were boring they would be so confused. If I kept going to them asking if I was quick-witted or whatever else Brutus needs stroked this week, they'd probably have a talk with me about my job performance and how none of those things matter when I am at work.

Gross Sunday

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Grocery Day

 

What's the joke here? Brutus buying so many groceries? Brutus wanting Gladys to help him carry in the rest of the groceries? That the hat Brutus is wearing looks almost like the hat Harry Anderson was wearing in my dream last night?

Charles and Mahala Munns

 

Mahala Munns was born Mahala Silliman in New Genegus, Illinois on July 13, 1872. She then moved with her parents to Nevada, Iowa where she attended school, even attending the State College in Ames where she met Charles K. Munns. They married in Nevada on June 24, 1890 and had two children: Clyde Silliman Munns (1898 - 1936) and Lois (1899-2002).

Mahala had a sister, Alice, who married Alexander Jeffrey. The Jeffrey's lived in Topeka where Mahala would visit often. For several months leading to her death, Mahala suffered from a tumor and had two surgeries in Omaha. She died at her sister's home in Topeka on December 22, 1922, and, surprisingly, Mount Hope Cemetery in Topeka was chosen for Mahala's final resting place.

Charles K. Munns was born in April 1871 in Corning, Iowa. After the death of Mahala, Charles married Cora Alice Hill in 1924. She died in March of 1949. Charles died in Corning on February 17, 1962 and was brought to Topeka for burial.

Mount Hope Cemetery, Topeka, Shawnee County, Kansas

10 Items or Less

 

Ok. Which male character wearing a blonde wig is this? I'm gonna go with Ken Holt with a nose job.

He Didn't Call You Slow-Witted, He Called You a Slow Cooker

 

Okay, now Brutus just deserves all the insults he gets. He should know better than to set up Gladys like that. He should know.

Slow Cooker Food Is Good

 

Should've kept the smile on Brutus' face and added a fourth panel. *six hours later, Brutus shoots straight up in bed* "Hey!"

Be Prepared

 

Brutus should know if they have aspirin and where it is.

I have to dope myself up before work these days, too. I am in constant pain.

Good Trick

 

I haven't been paying attention but I guess The Born Loser takes place in an alternate universe where there is not a pandemic going on. "I'm gonna draw masks on all my characters," Chip screams as he continues to draw characters roughly a foot away from each other.

Did Hattie trick or treat on Halloween and she's just trying to get a second round of candy or did she skip Halloween in an attempt to maybe get candy that's going to be thrown out?

Back to Work

It's been hard for me over the last six months to get anything done in the way of writing. As the pandemic and the shut downs began, I did really good posting 21 things over the course of about two months. I don't know if it was just burnout or if I hit a wall with my writing or research either by running out of easy-to-do ideas or just becoming engulfed in pandemic depression. Maybe a little bit of both. Anyway, I need to find a way to get back into the spirit of writing so I am returning to commentating on Born Loser comic strips. I don't know if this will be a permanent thing or just until I get other posts written. There are a few that will coming over the next couple of weeks so be sure to look for those. I am also trying to do more things on social media so check out my Facebook Page, Twitter, and Instagram to see new things. If you would like to support my writing or research, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

I did yardwork yesterday too. It's the last time this year that I'm going to mow and I purposely waited until most of the leaves were off the trees so I could kill two birds with one stone. It's quaint that Brutus still lives in a timeline where you have to change the covering on your windows depending on the season.