Born Loser Roadshow

I am going to be trying something a little different over the next week or so. Starting today, Born Loser posts will be up on Ko-fi. The classic strips will still be there along with today's strip.

In today's classic strip, Brutus does some strange parenting and that doesn't include him quoting Prometheus.

Meanwhile, what is "watching something special"? Is Uncle Ted watching Blossom? Or maybe that episode of Saved By the Bell where Elizabeth Berkeley gets addicted to caffeine pills? Maybe he's watching the first season of How I Met Your Mother, one of the only absolutely perfect TV seasons.

To read today's post, you can go to Ko-fi here.

You're Gonna Look Fabulous

December 10, 1965

"This man will be perfect for my bland and boring daughter, Gladiolus. It's the only way she'll ever get married. I'm going to make him my executive vice president."

Are they going to paint their nails? I'll tell you what, if I didn't chew my fingernails, I'd paint the hell out of my nails. When I worked overnight at a call center oh so many years ago, we'd paint each other's nails to pass the time.

Hattie doesn't strike me as a makeup girl. Maybe they're there for something else. "I overheard my mom talk about her toys in her bedroom. They sound like fun to play with."

Late Night Post

December 9, 1965

Cream puff? What kind of descriptor is 'cream puff' for a car?

Hey, we got another funny hat.

Veeblefester is so upset at Brutus that he can't even look at him. Go home, enjoy your weekend. Come back Monday and we'll see how I feel about you then.

Summer Doldrums

December 8, 1965

That is an...eclectic group of women. More than one of them is clearly inspired by Wilma and Betty on The Flintstones.

Is that guy Mrs. Nooshnick's husband or one of those male escorts that are welcome here?

It's kind of mean and rude to be calling Brutus a born loser. I don't care if it is true, you don't say it out loud. Plus, losers are made, not born is what I always say. You want to stop being a loser? You have that power.

Two-Recliner Family

December 7, 1965

Yeah, sure, it's disturbing that the plane is flying upside down, but 500 feet is not very high up. The Washington Monument is 555 feet. This flight is definitely getting on the news tonight.

I'm too tired to look it up, but I don't think I've ever seen the Thornapple house with recliners. They are a feet up on the ottoman family.

Bathe Your Children!!

December 6, 1965

Someone's getting probed tonight! Lucky bastard.

All that for $40!? That is a great deal!

We had to shave our long-haired cat yesterday because he had a couple lumps that we couldn't brush out and they were really bothering him. It was definitely not $40.

You can't get Wilberforce to take a bath?

Strawberry or Cherry?

December 4, 1965

I understand that using K-W-I-T for quit is supposed to show us that Lunk here isn't the brightest bulb in the pack, but the dropout rate was around 15% and it was much easier to get a decent paying job without a high school diploma back in 1965. I know someone like the comic strip elite like Art Sansom wouldn't understand, but sometimes school just isn't for some people.

Gladys makes Brutus breakfast every morning. It's nothing special, Arnie.

So Brutus is eating a cold toaster pastry and drinking cold coffee...from a Styrofoam cup?

Why don't Brutus and Arnie carpool?

Foot Pain

When a group of bandits make an important cattle drive pass impassable, a group of cowboys--and Bess, a cowgirl(!), try to figure out a way to their destination. But, when their best shot, and Bess' boyfriend, is gunned down, a mysterious stranger steps up. But can he be trusted? Read Ride Fast for Wyoming!

May 25, 1986

Knowing Veeblefester, I'd appreciate the empty box.

First Veeblefester remembers I have a kid and their name is Wilberforce. Now he's gifting me empty boxes.

The walk-in clinic was too booked up to help you? You can't speak with your own doctor to try to get into the podiatrist? I know the American healthcare system is terrible, but Brutus just seems lazy here. Which I'll allow.

He dropped a can of paint on his foot.

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Poolside

December 3, 1965

I can only assume that he tested it when done fixing it and the lamp worked fine. Therefore, the problem lies with the outlet, not the lamp.

I can tell you one thing for sure. I did not need to see Wilberforce's weird body today. Or any day. Nobody needs to see that.

Maybe Brutus Would Work Better If You Didn't Stand Over Him

December 2, 1965

Ha-ha! It's funny because it's true! Have you been to some small towns? If we can't have a good sports team then we'll just burn the town down!

Is Coach Thornapple Brutus' father? Maybe that's why we don't see him in current comics. He was hanged by his small town sports fans.

Tomorrow's Saturday so I am definitely not going to work on that report tomorrow. And now that you've insulted me, working today seems unlikely so you'll get this report, at the earliest, on Monday.

(440)555-1213 Is a Made-Up Number Anyway

December 1, 1965

I apologize that this week has been kind of hit-and-miss with posts. I didn't plan it, it just kind of happened. Anyway, what do we have here? The filing department is turning important into paper airplanes? That can't be good. Hope this business doesn't get audited or something? What's the 1965 equivalent of Enron?

That does seem kind of rude. But I guess it all depends on how you take it and how you perceive yourself. I do hope that Uncle Ted used some of the moves he learned in the military on that clerk. What war was he in? World War I? II? Korea? Vietnam? The timeline's fuzzy.

Eh. Why are you still paying for a landline anyway? You should be glad it's been disconnected.

Why is the ear piece green and the mouth piece red? Is it just to add some color?

Tuesday Quickies

November 30, 1965

Who's Princie? Another kid? A dog? It's not like you are moving at a high rate of speed, just open the door and lean out.

Gladys couldn't just leave the mail in the box outside their house? Maybe it needs a stamp.

Brutus is in the doghouse and he didn't even do anything. Even whatever is in his mug is scared.

The Other Team's Coach Also Tells His Players to Move In

We're going back to look at the short-lived Golden Age comic book character, The Cat Man by June Tarpé Mills. This story is taken from his first appearance in Amazing Man #5 in 1939. I like the premise of the story and it gave us this amazing quote pictured here. There's also some old Sunday comics for you and Gladys in a horrible "Super Mom" sweatshirt.

May 18, 1986

Veeblefester's tennis partner broke his hip? He'll be dead within months. I used to be pretty good at tennis. I think it was mostly because I took it seriously while most everybody else in high school goofed around. Is Brutus confusing tennis with another sport or does he and Wilberforce not play with a net?

Hey! Veeblefester knows/remembers that Wilberforce is Brutus' kid!

For some reason, I figured today would be a rerun. I love Brutus' skepticism and concern in the next to last panel. "Really? In what context?" You are not ambidextrous and definitely favor your right hand. Do I need to have a talk with this coach? Is this how I'm going to spend my Sunday? Beating up a pervert?

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Also the Screen Is Very Small

November 29, 1965

Yeah. Ok. But Cary Grant looked good.

Maybe he should try a hat that, you know, maybe, fits his head?

What? Are we talking about uploaded stuff on YouTube or something? Most places you can stream movies have an app that you can put on your TV and watch. Or was this strip supposed to be an ad for some kind of VPN? The real losers are those that don't use VPNs to encrypt their data.

🌈✨Wholesome✨🌈

November 27, 1965

Heh. That'll shut her up.

I don't see her holding cards, so she doesn't even get to play? She just has to sit there in a smoke-filled room watching these men play some low-stake games of poker? At least they aren't making her serve them food or something.

Is she able to leave the room?

Is the concert playing on the radio or are they just putting on whatever music they feel like? Do people just say one day "Want to go to a random concert tonight?" I never have.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Sizzle & Pop

November 26, 1965

I've had my fingers pinched by bowling balls before and that hurts, I can't imagine getting hit in the head with one at full force. Although, there is an Unsolved Mysteries episode where this man pummels his mother-in-law with a bowling ball and she was fine.

Yeah, it's quieter and I get to sit on my own couch. Also, I can stop fireworks and watch something I actually want to see.

Wilberforce doesn't get to watch fireworks on TV though. Maybe he's actually outside watching the real stuff.

Wrinkle In Time

November 24, 1965

Ooh, more Quincy Madison! I think he appears once or twice more in 1965. I like him. I think it's interesting that Quincy will walk through atomic fallout for his Emilie, but getting married is a bridge too far.

I wonder if we were anywhere close to getting The Born Loser starring Brutus Thornapple Quincy Madison?

Part two?! This isn't a joke or even remotely funny. This is just an explanation. I do have to hand it to Brutus for not using this opportunity to mock Mother Gargle.

Ageism In the Comics

November 23, 1965

What I don't like about this comic is that he has two hats. I get that it's cold and god forbid a businessman be seen without a hat on, but this annoys me.

I'm glad his plan didn't work.

Wilberforce really hates old people. I would agree that it's just a kid being a kid, but he seems really vindictive and not just curious. "How does it feel being old?" "How's those wrinkles treating you?" "Surprised you woke up this morning!"

Dope Springs Eternal

November 20, 1965

I've never been stranded on an island before. It's on my to-do list. But these islands never seem big enough to even rise above the water. Wouldn't an errant wave just wash you into the sea? I mean, islands in the middle of the Pacific freak me out anyway. I don't see how the people of Napari, Te Tautua Village, or Adamstown do it. Just hoping you don't get swept away into the ocean like Wilson the Volleyball.

Brutus is going to get yelled at, fired, and possibly thrown out a window. And it's a holiday week, too.

I've Never Seen You Leave Ohio

Pinkie Prim was a young girl cat clearly created to get little girls to read the comics in the newspaper. The strip was created by Dick Wood and ran from 1906 to early 1911. The strip was distributed by World Color Printing. World Color was founded in St. Louis in 1903 and was an early supporter of Krazy Kat creator George Herriman. World Color would then enter the comic book business in the 1930s, something that would continue for 50 more years including printing Marvel and DC comics. World Color is currently headquartered in Quebec.

May 11, 1986

This sounds annoying. My car screams at me too much. It yells at me when the car starts, when there's low fuel, when people aren't buckled in, when a tire is low, when someone is in my blind spot and my blinker is on, when I'm approaching the rear end of a car too fast, when there's ice over the front camera. The other day it yelled at me with something new: My key fob battery was low. At least these are just a series of dings and not some voice talking to me.

Oh, Wilberforce is in summer school? That sucks.

If a hurricane is a tropical cyclone over 75mph, then a tropical depression is a tropical cyclone under that speed. Is there a carbon monoxide leak in this house? Why has everyone been so stupid lately?

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