I'm Going to Ignore the Bad Joke

Gordo, August 28, 1965

I appreciate Gus Arriola putting in all the sounds cats make when they wash themselves.

That is a very well-drawn cat.

September 20, 1965

You're going to die thousands of miles from your loved ones and you are upset about not having matches? I mean, I guess I get it: You have these cigars, why not smoke them, but still, get your priorities straight.

Is Brutus' stomach in knots because he has a crush and that crush just got into a new relationship? Eh. Probably just some bad pudding or something.

Take Your Dependent to Work Day

September 18, 1965

I know how this ends. Fairfield burns the building down and steals money so he can move to a tropical island.

Why are we denying vacation as punishment? You give him that vacation. He has earned it. He gets to take it whenever he wants. Frankly, this place deserves to be burned down.

Yeah, I'm sure Wilberforce would love watching Brutus push paper around his desk and making sales calls. I've seen that episode of The Office (numerous times) and the kids hated it in that, too.

Employees Are Bad

In the shadow of a power plant, a high school reunion disrupts the lives of three friends. Returning to Framingham, Stephen, Shawn, and Brian reunite and upend their lives when reunited with Vanesss, Brian's ex Alison, and Stephen's ex, Nicole. From Liberty #1, The Kings of Framingham. Contains sexual situations.

September 17, 1965

I used to think I was "with it" and I mean "with it" as in I understand quite a lot of things from the silent and boomer generation. I watched a lot of old TV and read a lot of old pop culture books. But I had to look up martinet (strict disciplinarian) because who says "Mr. Burke is a real martinet" anymore?

I'm assuming those guys' suits are supposed to be a solid color but the scan makes them look like a terrible patterned monstrosity.

Maybe Brutus should've stayed at work on Monday.

Weird coloring in this strip. The briefcase is the same color as the door. The wall color is leaking into the speech bubbles. And Gladys' pink sweater is just eyuck, although that's not really the colorists' fault.

Height Hate

September 16, 1965

I listened to three Schubert sonatas and symphonies and don't understand this. Is it because as it seems to fade out, it kicks back up to an ecstatic flourish? Maybe this comic, about a composer who died in 1828, landed better with 1965 audiences.

Jimmy Buffett died back in September! It took Chip almost eight months to do a tribute?! Might as well do nothing at this point.

I don't know why Brutus is telling Veeblefester that he's leaving. Just leave. He doesn't need to know.

Is that hair even a centimeter? Are you five nine and eleven centimeters and that little hair puts you into five-ten category? Whatever. You won't be worrying about your height when that blood work comes back.

Strike Out

November 12, 1989

I hate escalators. I try to avoid them whenever I can. After bridge collapse, escalators is second on my list of possible ways I will die.

At least this strip didn't end with Brutus' mangled, bloodied corpse caught in the comb plate like so many of my nightmares.

There's not another game you can watch while this one figures itself out? It's gotta be boring just watching the announcers complain and bad video of the field with fans slowly leaving.

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That's What She Said

As you may have seen, Post News, the social media site specifically created to cater to longreads and journalists is shutting down. As with every other social media site that emerged when Elon Musk took over Twitter and then renamed it to a porn site, I joined and had hoped it could become a new home for these Born Loser posts and maybe more. I was on Post for about six months before abandoning it mainly because I wasn't getting any traction or followers. It was a grand idea and I wish more journalists and writers would've tried it out. It could've been a good place to get your news that's not controlled by algorithms.

In other social media news, about a month ago, I deleted my Hive Social account because it doesn't seem to be getting updated anymore, the founder has locked their account, and it seemed as if I was the only one on my timeline still updating their account. You can check out all my socials on the About page.

September 15, 1965

How much buried treasure is there in this country? You hear stories, sure, but how much buried treasure actually exists in the United States? Is it enough for this guy to buy a new hat? I hope so and I hope he finds the treasure.

Oh! Now Wilberforce is coming for his own father! Again, get wrecked, old dork! Wait. Brutus is roughly my age. Oh, no!!

Here's the real strip. Why can't Brutus just have a damn day off? Let him relax, jeez.

Young Vs. Old

Felix the Cat, June 4, 1933

Most of the early Felix comic strips deal with Felix wanting to be adopted. Everyone is always so mean to him. I'd adopt him.

It was from old comic strips that I learned where the phrase ix-nay came from. "Nix" is a mostly obsolete way of saying "No". Most likely due to The Three Stooges shorts, "ixnay" and "amscray" (scram) entered into the American lexicon, becoming the only Pig Latin words to become mainstream.

Those kids are worried about a goat but are perfectly fine with a cat the size of a small child being able to talk and ride a bike?

Speaking of Felix the Cat: The Felix the Cat Nintendo game is available on the Nintendo Switch now! Help Felix save Miss Kitty from the Professor. This port retains it's playability, it's cuteness and originality, and great music. If you've never played it, I highly recommend it.

September 14, 1965

Is this something kids did back then? Draw circles on the ground and goad other kids into fights? I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same.

I don't like either of these kids. I kind of want them to beat each other to bloody pulps.

Instead of drawing a small circle around himself and challenging Hurricane Hattie to a fight, Wilberforce is gutting Uncle Ted like a fish. "How does it feel to be old, Uncle Ted? You are probably closer to death than I am to my birth and I'm 9. Is the Grim Reaper a constant sight in your peripheral vision? Get wrecked, old dork!"

Nationally Syndicated Comic Strips Would Still Be Required to Work 7 Days a Week

September 11, 1965

Elmo Zorp is clearly the greatest football(?) player of all time because he was able to run 99 yards in one second. If I were the coach, my tactic would be give the ball to Zorp and just keep everybody away from him.

All hail Zorp!

I am all for four-day work weeks. I am also all for universal income. And universal healthcare. I'm basically all for things and services that improve people's lives. That sack of money should be given to the employees, not sitting on Veeblefester's desk like a paper weight.

I'll Take Things That Never Happened for $500

from FindAGrave

Victor Blakely was born in Topeka, Kansas on September 15, 1897. He was killed October 15, 1918 leading his troops in the Meuse-Argonne Offensive during World War I.

Back in Topeka, he was originally supposed to be honored, along with pilot Louis Phillip Billard, with a street named after him. You can read about that street here.

Pictured is Lt. Blakely's gravestone in the American Cemetery in Lorraine, France.

September 10, 1965

Ooh. We should all do this for 9/11 this year. Really show our patriotism.

Is that someone's bird? Someone's trained bird? Or did a random bird just land on the flag? If it's just a random bird then this would be an amazing picture. Be even better if it were an eagle though.

I find it hard to believe Veeblefester gave you 25 "attaboys". Even when he gives you an "attaboy", it's caked in sarcasm and followed by an insult.

Tis the Season

October 29, 1989

Where did Wilberforce get that Cookie Crisp Wizard (Cookie Jarvis) outfit? Cookie Crook and Officer Crumb had been the mascot for the cereal for five years at this point.

I hope Wilberforce and Hurricane Hattie are robbing Brutus and beating the crap out of him.

Finally, it's Weasels Baseball season. It's my third favorite season after Snowman Brutus Winter and Golf.

Shitter. Coach called you the Designated Shitter.

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I'll Watch What the Dog Is Watching

September 9, 1965

What's Fiffner's story here? Is he adopted? Is his mother Asian? Fiffner looks Asian and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Sorry, Gladys, Kewpie makes the rules.

"The Singing Show"? Which one? And are we sure we're not confused with the "The Dancing Show"?

In the Red

October 22, 1989

I'm not saying writing and drawing a daily comic strip (nearly) every day for 59 years is easy, but this gag was used four years ago. I do appreciate this strip more because of the different angles used, the shot of the house, and whatever is going on in the fourth panel.

Maybe this is payback for when Mother Gargle did this. Brutus was just waiting--biding his time--until she forgot about Brutus' birthday four years ago.

This is serious, Gladys. We could be homeless within six months. We've already had to sell Wilberforce which is why he was out eating with us the other day. And I just don't think we'd get much money for either of us if it came down to that.

It's nice that on this Easter holiday, we are reminded how tenuous our lifestyles really are. How many of us are one paycheck or one bill away from being cast out onto the street? Capitalism has turned us into a country of born losers.

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Just the Fax, Brutus

September 8, 1965

Finally, some action at this golf course. Did you specifically bring those cymbals or do you always carry those around with you? This guy was going to receive both the Club Championship Trophy and the Senior Club Championship Trophy (He won both!) but now he will just be embarrassed in front of a large and distinguished group.

Uncle Ted, you are not that old. Also, this joke doesn't make sense because the fax machine was invented in 1843. Faxes became more prevalent in the 1920s and 1930s and the first commercial fax machine (basically what we use now) was made in 1964.

If Uncle Ted ever had to transfer files, the documents were probably on carbon paper or photocopied, which was invented in 1938. I've had to fax exactly one thing in my life and I did not like it. Just take this email I sent you with a scan I made from my phone, thank you very much.

Casual

September 7, 1965

You can look all you want, dude, but Wilma here is never going to leave Fred.

What's up with that tree? Is it a portal to another dimension? Are there schlubs like this guy there? Maybe Gloria should check it out.

"I was born dressed like Mr. Peanut and I will die dressed like Mr. Peanut!"

Corporations believe that their employees would rather be able to wear jeans to work than get paid what they're worth. "Here's your Friday Pizza and Jeans Day! Try not to think about how much you get paid compared to those above you who do less!"

Wilberforce F. Thornapple

September 4, 1965

Did...Did Brutus ring the doorbell? Why? It's his house.

Why are you getting upset, Brutus? You can't do math either.

Wilberforce is going to be sent to bed without his dinner again. And he just got invited back.

I've Always Been Wary of Echo Point

After catching the Black Fox, Doctor Doom shows up wanting the old man for some reason. Spider-Man then tries to protect the Black Fox but it doesn't go well.

Also, Peter is reunited with Uncle Ben.

Check out my post on Amazing Spider-Man #350.

September 3, 1965

I absolutely hope that he is showing his boss his film, slides, whatever, and now his boss is making out with his wife in the dark. I doubt that's what's going on--it looks like a daughter or something which honestly is just as bad, maybe worse.

Special guest commentary by ChatGPT: In today's "Born Loser" comic strip, we find Brutus venturing into the technologically enhanced wilderness of Echo Point. But wait, what's this? A sign proudly proclaiming, "Now enhanced with AI." Well, isn't that just what we all need? Even our scenic overlooks are now getting algorithmically upgraded. Because nothing says "nature appreciation" quite like knowing there's a computer somewhere crunching data to enhance your view of a tree. Congratulations, Echo Point, you've officially been digitized. Now, if only they could enhance Brutus with a bit of common sense, we might actually have something worth celebrating.

ChatGPT really hates Brutus apparently. If ChatGPT knew that Echo Point didn't have a guardrail, it'd probably tell Brutus to continue walking. Anyway, now AI is stealing our voices when we yell into the abyss so I think we've entered the eighth circle of Hell.

Brutus Is Just Trying to Get Medicinal Marijuana

September 2, 1965

Tom Landry, watch out!!

These days we know the blind side as a 2009 movie starring Sandra Bullock as someone who would be a terrible person, but the actual blind side is where a right-handed quarterback can't see if anything is coming over his left shoulder. I would assume a left-handed quarterback would have the same blind side just on his right side. I'm guessing this is funny because Not Tom Landy was hit by the door in his blind side.

So Brutus is going to see a divorce lawyer? Or...a hitman? I'd go the hitman route first.

Why Don't You Both Hush Up?

September 1, 1965

It's going to be fun seeing how many jobs this proto-Brutus has. Will it be more or less than Homer Simpson?

I Hear Kum & Go Will Be Available Soon

October 1, 1989

Brutus didn't have to say anything. Gladys was clearly asleep, just get up and brush your teeth. Or wait until morning. One thing I try not to do when having to get up in the middle of the night is wake the other people in the house up.

Cool. This place just went down a notch from "diner food" to "gas station food". We have a gas station that serves some food. Apparently they have really good biscuits and gravy. So people are just going to leave their cars at the pumps while they eat? That seems inconvenient.

As for a catchy slogan, I think people will notice the changes based on the newly installed gas pumps.

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Tasty, Terrific Pizza

August 31, 1965

Bemus Point is a village in New York. I'm guessing Art spent some vacations there or something. Maybe he had a second family. This family looks terrible. I hope this isn't what the Mobley family looks like because I absolutely hate them. Especially the screaming/crying one in the foreground.

I love the sexist ass question "How do you make yourself pretty...?" Your husband should love you no matter what you look like. Besides, you're the one at home raising his five damn kids while he's basically having a party at work. She should take that vacation to Bemus Point by herself.

Just let Uncle Ted eat, Brutus! How about we don't turn every little thing into a "you shouldn't eat that" argument? Just let people eat!

Thanks for holding the pizza that way, Uncle Ted. People need to know you are holding a pizza, even if it does mean your toppings are going to slide to one side.

Friday Quickies

August 30, 1965

This happens a lot...

At least somebody is going to show up and help this guy, because I'm pretty sure the guy in the above link died.

I don't know about you but I absolutely would not wear a shirt that read "XXL".