To the Moon, Gladys!

December 15, 1985

He does this everyday. He just wants to be the only person on the bus.

In my ongoing effort to connect everything I see to Kansas, John Greenleaf Whittier wrote numerous poems about abolition and slavery. One of those poems is "Burial of Barber", written after Thomas Barber was shot and killed by a proslavery neighbor on December 6, 1855 about four miles outside of Lawrence.

While the flag with stars bedecked

Threatens where it should protect,

And the Law shakes hand with Crime,

What is left us but to wait

Match our patience to our fate,

And abide the better time?

"The Golfer" originally aired October 15, 1955 and features the classic scene where Norton (Art Carney) attempts to help Ralph (Jackie Gleason) learn to golf. Specifically, Norton "addresses the ball" ("Helllooo, ball!!") and there's some excellent hip thrusting between Ralph and Norton. Also, Ralph threatens to beat Alice with a golf club. "Now I know why men play golf," Ralph says. "It's not because we like it. It's to get away from the wives!" You can watch that scene here.

I would much rather watch the episode on TV and not, for some reason, in my mind. Who does that?

Things are going to be changing around here. For the foreseeable future, posts will be updated on Sunday. The entire week of The Born Loser on one handy day. Make sure to follow me everywhere on social media and if you would like to offer some support, you can buy me a coffee over on Ko-fi.

Saturday Quickie

December 16, 1975

Gladys is just going to stand like that for the next two hours...

What else are you going to put in there? Most people do burgers and hot dogs or variations on burgers and hot dogs.

Even with that new-fangled grill, Brutus is still somehow going to burn the hot dogs and set his chef's hat on fire.

We're Talkin' Baseball

December 4, 1975

Veeblefester is really calling Brutus out. "You are weird! You're talking to yourself! And responding! What's wrong with you? Do you have brain damage? Can I get a tax break for hiring you? I'm going to look into it!"

My first professional sports game was a major league baseball game. It's probably why I'm not a fan of sports. Wilberforce at least had fun. And he only had a little beer spilled on him.

Gladys Is Not Motivational

November 28, 1975

"Bank-O" credit card? That's it. I'm out of here.

Sounds like Brutus needs one of these...

The Great Wine Connoisseur

November 26, 1975

Geez, Brutus, calm down. You're in public.

Brutus, you're, like, 40, 45. Stay away from those 20-year-olds.

According to the internet, cabernet sauvignon should be served at around 60 degrees which means it should be slightly chilled. What I saw is that it should be in a wine fridge of about 50 to 60 degrees. If it's too warm, you can't taste the flavor because of the alcohol or some crap.

That, and Brutus being by himself in this restaurant yet again really take away from the waiter's great microwave line.

Muesday

November 24, 1975

Brutus is going to get a lot of watered down drinks now.

Just order a damn drink, Brutus. And tip well.

Look, Brutus, you can either stay home and have your kid annoy you or you can go to work. Either way, stop complaining.

Even if Brutus got all his work done, it wouldn't fit in his out box.

August 8th To Be Exact

November 21, 1975

"Why aren't you getting the fight?" Because I don't want to watch the fight and didn't know that you wanted to watch it. Now, shut up, I can't hear the champagne music.

So was the one fighter knocked out immediately, or did one of them really get hurt and had to postpone the fight?

When I saw that first panel, I thought Brutus was going to get all huffy about all the violence and sex that's on TV these days, but no, he's just going to comment on how much he hates children. Ha, ha! It's funny!

That Golf Cart Doesn't Have Shade?

December 8, 1985

Oh, good. Brutus is getting his life together. He's stopped smoking and drinking and seems at least ambivalent that Mother Gargle is here. Then she insults him and drives him right back to smoking, drinking, and an early grave.

Brutus must feel bad about not being a good conversationalist back on July 2 (which you can read a cool BTS story here) and is trying to make up for it. Sadly, Veeblefester is not one for small talk--especially inane stuff like the weather and things he doesn't care about, like sports. I would suggest asking Veeblefester how he made his first million. Well, the first million he earned after getting a million dollar loan from his father.

Satur-sault

November 20, 1975

I believe this our earliest look at Veeblefester's desk with bags of money, a golf club, and a picture of himself. I also love that he has a stack of coins like Ebenezer Scrooge.

Brutus actually did a somersault back on January 1st. And on July 3rd if you count what happened with the Grimace Shake.

Home Fries and Coffee

November 13, 1975

I can't really tell--I zoomed in as much as I could and I think it's just his glasses and eye--but Veeblefester seems really upset that Agnes doesn't want a birthday party.

Can you people really not clean up after yourselves?

I had a thing about gummy worms I was going to put here but, enjoy your Friday.

Veeblefester Thursday

November 8, 1975

Did Brutus' dad not love him enough or did he die young? There has to be an explanation as to why Brutus cares about Veeblefester's admiration.

Yeah, who needs health care? Working for Veeblefester is the only benefit you need. Just ignore the fact that if you are sick too much, he will fire you and sue you for reverse time theft.

Didn't Even Bring His Family--That's a Vacation!

November 5, 1975

Brutus: Picky little prick about his coffee since 1975.

Just use what I wrote yesterday, just replace "decaf" with "sugar".

Good for Brutus for taking a vacation. I haven't had a vacation since 2018. Extra props for not answering the phone. Could just silence it though. The implication here is that Brutus just took a day off to go to a nearby beach. Cleveland has beaches. I looked them up. Again, good for him.

The other day, while waiting for my tacos, that god awful Alan Jackson/Jimmy Buffett song "It's Five O'Clock Somewhere" came over the jukebox. Jesus, it's terrible.

48 Big Boys

November 1, 1975

Want to see a 9-year-old smoke a cigar? Here's a 9-year-old smoking a cigar.

I always joke that Hattie has absent parents or just plain bad parents but since we actually see them in these old strips, they seem like respectable citizens. Respectable citizens who raised a young girl who smokes cigars and has a skunk for a pet.

Just drink your damn decaf and get coffee on the way to work if it's so important. You just sitting there crying in your mug isn't helping you drink 48 cup of decaf like you suggest.

Where's the Beef?

October 17, 1975

So the meal is just different variations of salt (sodium chloride) and creamed peas? Hope Brutus likes high blood pressure, heart disease and/or stroke with his meal.

And nothing has changed.

My mom had a pulmonary embolism back in January and since then she's been trying to eat a little healthier and move around a little more. One of the things she has started doing is making more things with Impossible burger. Now we get to see pictures of her Impossible meatloaf on Facebook.

I'd Rather You Were Teaching Him to Drive a Car

November 24, 1985

It's cool that Veeblefester is at work with a cold, spreading it to all his employees. The one person at work who probably has paid sick leave and he comes in anyway.

Calm down, Gladys. This happens all the time. Wilberforce is 9. Practically a man.

They just left and didn't say where they were going? And what they chose to do was golf?

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Sports Ball

October 6, 1975

That sap is really running. The tree sap, not Brutus.

Also, I'm a huge syrup nerd and sap doesn't run like that. Why does Brutus care? Does he tap trees as a hobby or something? Is that a hobby people have?

"The ball team"? That could be anyone!

Why does Brutus seem so shocked that Gladys doesn't want to watch sports? Most fictional wives don't like sports, Brutus. It's a very common trope.

Brutus Has to Go to the Bathroom!

September 5, 1975

How can a hose that's only 12 feet long(?) have 9 holes in it? One leak seems to be coming from the house spigot so you probably need to get that looked at.

No. I think Brutus went to the bathroom. He's just not sure where he was when he did. Avoid the vending machine room for a while.

Thursday Quickies

August 30, 1975

And now we're onto the stand-up bass? How is Brutus affording these instruments? They aren't cheap.

Mother Gargle turned 70 back in 2017 so by now she would be 72. Definitely not 60.

Monkey Pee All Over You

August 29, 1974

Ooh, that's certainly a song. I'm listening to the Slim Whitman version. And it really is true that everything old is new again as "Indian Love Call" has seen a brief resurgence lately as it's in the current Wes Anderson movie Asteroid City.

Brutus has apparently moved on from bagpipes to the violin, which is a more reasonable instrument.

You would think Brutus would know how to do his job by now. You would also think that he would know how to handle the Acme account since he's been working on it, off and on, for the last 15 or so years.

Movie Night

August 27, 1975

"What say, Mister Thornapple!" Is that really better? Brutus expects respect yet doesn't even use Hattie's name, instead calling her "young lady". That's not it, Brutus. That's not it.

I guess Wilberforce doesn't get to go watch movies either. Maybe it's a date night. Double feature of Barbieheimer.

Gladys should nudge Brutus. His snoring seems pretty loud.

Brutus Should Explain What the Fish Pond Thing Means

I realized while I was driving around yesterday that I posted a weekday comic when it should have been a Sunday comic. Well, he's a double dose of classic Born Loser, if you're into that kind of thing.

Another thing you might be into, is Threads, the new Twitter-killer from Mark Zuckerberg. You can get there from my Instagram in the Elsewhere link at the top of the page.

November 17, 1985

We've done this before. I wouldn't ask that couple in the old comic and I wouldn't ask children either. So really, this is all on this guy.

When I was in high school, we had a student get impaled in the skull with a broom, which of course made the news. Some reporter stopped at Sonic to ask for directions to the high school. My dumbass friends gave him wrong directions. I always felt guilty about that. Of course, I didn't correct them so I guess I'm a dumbass, too.

August 25, 1975

Did Brutus just have a stroke? Well, if he's not dead from the stroke, landing square on his head will kill him.

Oh, crap! I never gave my son the fish pond talk! How will he overcome whatever that helps you overcome?

Wilberforce looks way too enthusiastic about listening to and learning from Brutus. Wilberforce should know better after nine years.

Brutus Left a Lot of Tea

August 26, 1974

At least they nicely put Brutus' food on the floor and didn't just dump it onto the ground. And he apparently gets to keep his chair.

Does he mean a UPS Store or FedEx Office? You could also just use the post office. I feel you could also just look one up on your phone. I also don't think Uncle Ted lives in another city so you should know where the "shipping stores" are.

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Brutus Isn't Taking Wilberforce With Him

August 15, 1974

The guy two seats behind Brutus can clearly see so anyone further up should definitely be able to see. Eh, at least the nice guy behind Brutus who doesn't like to assert himself is able to see now.

Maybe she just didn't want to see Brutus' shirt anymore.

He could start now and become a good golfer by the time he's ready to play professionally. He'll grow to love it. I feel that happens with most golfers.