Monday, June 30, 2014

For Those of You Who've Always Wanted to See Brutus Say 'Sexual'

Ugh. There comes a point where you just pull your kids out of the sport he's bad in. Although to be fair, we always get a different story about why the Weasels are a bad team. Sometimes, everyone is good but Wilberforce is bad. Sometimes, everyone is bad and Wilberforce is good. Sometimes, we don't know who is good or bad because it's just Wilberforce sitting on the bench and that doesn't really tell us anything.

Did Wilberforce shrink in the last panel?

I hope the therapist isn't charging Brutus for the time he's out in the waiting room compiling this stupid list. Isn't that something he should be compiling on his own time and not paying $200 an hour for?

I'm just going to assume that this strip admits that everyone is equal and that we all deserve to marry who we love no matter our orientation. I'm not looking too much into it, am I?

Friday, June 27, 2014

Brutus Still Hasn't Accepted His Inferiority

Based on the "therapy" tag, it appears the therapist was always bald but he trimmed his beard. We've also rarely seen the therapist from the side, it's usually from the front or just slightly turned.

Hmm, sounds like I should be on that couch more than What's-His-Name up there.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Ode to Bradley

Um, Brutus have you never actually looked at Bradley Cooper? I mean, really looked at him?

He's handsome with long hair, short hair, stubble, clean-shaven, beard. He's also a good actor as evidenced in Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle. Bradley Cooper is everything you aren't and everything you can never be.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

NOW It's Hump Day

Is it me or does it seem like the speech bubble in the first panel has been edited?

I want to know who convinced Veeblefester to go to therapy even if it was only for a week. Usually when we see Veeblefester in therapy it's because he wants to brag about how much better and richer he is than everyone else. I can only imagine that it was some sort of court- or HR-mandated thing.

Brutus is just going to take the next three days off.

Designated sitter. That's a good one.You would think Wilberforce would be used to not playing by now. He's rarely put in the game and when he is, he screws up monumentally. I do find it odd that he is the only one on the bench though.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

At the Forefront of Playing Card Feminism

I remember "War" being a bit more complicated. If the cards are the same number then don't you do an actual war with laying down three cards or something like that. Ah, who cares? I care about Wilberforce and Hattie's card game about the same as I care about the U.S.-Portugal World Cup game being played right now.

Actually I care about Wilberforce and Hattie's card game slightly more than the World Cup.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Did the Therapist Shave His Head?

Studies have shown that counting sheep is ineffectual as a method to fall asleep. Sleepologists recommend thinking about waterfalls or other water-related things. I imagine that if counting sheep doesn't work then counting Brutus' wouldn't work either.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Cthulhu Spotted in Cleveland Diner

Holy crap! Cleveland is being overrun by a white guy's tribal tattoo!!

When is this comic strip going to start heading in a "Breaking Bad"-like direction only instead of cancer, it's Gladys' stereotypical shopping addiction?

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Things Get Dark

This isn't funny. It's sad. When I read the funnies, I don't want to be reminded how terrible and depressing life can be. I want to laugh. I can even handle getting sentimental or thoughtful as Peanuts or Calvin and Hobbes is wont to make people do. But this. This is just depressing. Brutus should just shoot himself in the second panel and the third panel could just be his dead, bleeding body.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Just Hate All Days of the Week

Today I wandered around downtown and the adjacent neighborhoods taking pictures while my son played at the pool. I had a good day. Of course, I didn't have to go to work at a job I don't like with people like Veeblefester.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Worker Drone, Just Like His Father

When I was Wilberforce's age, I wanted to be a bus driver. Or a Walmart employee. I aimed high.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Wait, Two of These Voters Legally Can't

Well, it's taken nearly six years but Wilberforce has finally confronted his grandma about committing fraud against the Tooth Fairy.

Father's Day Anecdote: I don't actually have a father so this will be about my grandfather. My Grandpa was helping me with some car trouble I was having and as he walking from the house, I heard a small explosion and my Grandpa screaming "God damn!" A lighter had exploded in his jeans pocket. He made it seem like it was a common occurrence but nothing was going to keep him from smoking, not even a small explosion in his pants.

Friday, June 13, 2014

Selfish Brutus

Do you think the people Brutus talks to ever wonder why he refers to himself as "The Born Loser?" "Hey, today is Friday the Thirteenth." "Sigh. When you're The Born Loser, every day is Friday the Thirteenth." "(Thinking) What the hell is Thornapple talking about? The Born Loser? Everyone has bad days, why does he think crap only happens to him? What a narcissistic piece of crap."

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Pour the Coffee In His Lap

"Or I had one of my famous Thornapple mini-strokes. I don't know. I'm dead inside. We're all dead inside here."

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

You're Going to Tie Him Up and Throw Him Overboard?

Veeblefester sure does threaten Brutus a lot. Does the CEO of your company constantly threaten you? I want to know if this a new practice in our capitalist regime.

Why'd she get so angry all of a sudden? It's a perfectly legitimate question. "I want something fast and cheap." He's in a friggen diner, not a four-star restaurant on the west side of town.

Saturday, June 07, 2014

Anything's Better Than Gladys' Food

There are very few things that I could eat every night but pizza is one of them. Especially if I can have different pizzas from different restaurants. I do have to admit that I don't like alliteration when it comes to my pizza parlors though. Seems like you're trying too hard.

Friday, June 06, 2014

Impressed He Went With Yo-Yos and Not Donuts

One of the (many) problems with the Internet is the proliferation of National "Insert something here" Days. It seems about every week there is some sort of National Whatever Day and what's funny is that most of them have to do with shoving food into your mouth. Like Americans really need a special day to justify shoving food into our faces.

Thursday, June 05, 2014

Brutus Acts Like Kind of a Magnet

From this strip, it doesn't seem as if Brutus has a problem communicating but that he keeps getting interrupted. Brutus shouuld know by now that he is unimportant in this world but yet, ironically, fills an important role as life's punching bag. Brutus' life gets turned to crap so yours doesn't have to.*

*Your results may vary.

Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Is Brutus Pregnant?

We have a burger joint here that sometimes has a burger that has peanut butter on it. I would never order it but I'm fine with it existing. Weird burger toppings are fairly big right now so what you may think is weird, is perfectly normal in towns overrun with college students.

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

My City Has, Like, Three E-Cig Stores

I know a couple of people using e-cigarettes. As far as I can tell, they seem to be a good alternative to smoking. But to be honest, almost anything is a good alternative to smoking.

Monday, June 02, 2014

Refund? Yeah, Utility Companies Love Handing Out Refunds

I used to work for utility companies and it always baffled me when people would ask if they got a refund when we charged them more for their services (and it happened more often than you think). Of course you aren't going to get a refund for the probably less than two dollars you were overcharged, it's going to be credited to your account.

And I don't know why the Cleveland Water Department has such disregard for the precious resource that is water but I don't suggest wasting water like this.

Sunday, June 01, 2014

She Was Looking At How Handsome the Newscaster Is

When I first opened the GoComics site, I only saw the top two panels of today's strip and wondered what was going on. I originally thought this was going to turn into a joke about how predictable the news is now or something about the mute button.

Nope. Audio not synced with picture joke. The Born Loser is now officially post-2010.