Sunday, October 15, 2017

Tutorforce


To Gladys, there is shame in it. Good to know.

I went through my back posts to see if Miss Crabtree was the name of Wilberforce's and Hattie's teacher. Their teacher is normally named Miss Preen so is this a new teacher, did Miss Preen leave? Did Chip forget her name and just replace it with Crabtree because that's what teachers are usually named?

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Supercomics #6


“They refused my $25 million offer? That’s twice what it’s worth,” Arthur Bullock said into the phone. “Did you inquire about the property across the street? Good. Only $5 million? Buy it and build something that will block the ocean view. They won’t take $25 million then we’ll make them beg for a quarter of that.” Arthur hung up and began working on papers on his desk.

The spaceship appeared over New York City out of nowhere. Once it appeared, it blasted the Empire State Building. People on the street began screaming and running in different directions. Arthur, whose building was only a few blocks from Empire State, heard and felt what happened. Arthur went to the window, saw the alien ship then ran back to his desk and picked up the phone.

“Ms. Penny, hold my calls and appointments. I’m going to the pool,” he said.

“Yes, sir,” Ms. Penny answered.

Arthur hung up and went over to a window in the wall that looked like an aquarium. He opened a secret door in the wall, removed his suit and jumped into the water. He swam down the entire height of the building and when he emerged on the street, he was garbed in a red scaled suit with green pants that had a red stripe on the outside of each leg. Arthur then looked at the ship in the sky then lept up toward it.




“We have something going on in New York,” Agent Spider reported, looking at the monitors.

“What’s going on?” Superkitten asked quickly since her mom and best friend were still there.

“Some kind of alien ship,” Spider said.

“In New York?” Dmitri confirmed. “Keep monitoring the situation. Maybe Red Fish can handle it.”

“Red Fish?” Superkitten questioned.

“You may know him as Arthur Bullock,” Spider said.

“That jackass has superpowers? He once wanted to buy my entire block. He bribed someone at the water department to shut off everyone’s water. He was found out but that didn’t stop him. He just hired a demolition crew to demolish a building with people still living in it claiming it was an accident,” Superkitten revealed.

“Really?” Agent Spider asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Superkitten answered. “And his track record with minorities is deplorable. Charging higher rents as ‘security’ or outright denying housing. He would hire people to keep tabs on his property and routinely purchase dilapidated properties in poor neighborhoods, fix up the buildings, then charge exorbitant rent just to raise surrounding property values even if it meant his building stayed empty.”

“He’s just trying to live the American Dream,” America said.

“The American Dream includes being a dick to people who have less than you?” Superkitten asked. “You’re African American. I’d think you would have compassion for your fellow man.”

“I do. When they try and work as hard as I have. If they can’t pay the rent that Arthur Bullock asks then look for something cheaper or work harder,” America explained.

“A lot of these people are working as hard as they can--sometimes harder,” she took a step toward America.

“Sure. At dealing drugs. At grifting the system. At raping and killing little girls like you.”

“And he’s supposed to be representative of the American ideal?” she turned to Agent Spider.

“It actually makes sense when you think about it,” he said.

“It’s just a name chosen based on costume design. I’ve never said that I represent America,” America said. “I’m gonna step away now.”

“I can’t believe that there are still people like that,” Superkitten said.

“I’m guessing that the honeymoon is over?” Agent Spider asked, commenting on the romance that Superkitten and America found themselves in shortly after she arrived despite her being underage and half America’s age.

“We were just having fun,” Superkitten huffed, collapsing into a chair. “We both know what was going on and knew the consequences. Ugh,” she shuddered and made a face. “How’s Red Fish doing?”




Back in New York, metallic tentacles had come out of the ship to fend off Red Fish. It at least wasn’t shooting at the buildings anymore. As long as Red Fish was wet, his powers worked. Super strength, invulnerability, the ability to leap ⅓ of a mile, all made him one of the most powerful people in the world. If he didn’t have to remain wet, he could’ve ruled the world. Luckily, he was able to make money without having to use his powers.

He could feel himself drying up so he wanted to finish this quickly. He focused his attention on the tentacles. He grabbed a tentacle and began pulling, hoping to pull it out or drag the ship down. A sharp pain then erupted in his side.

“Leave us alone,” an older woman, holding some sort of glowing trident, hovering right next to Red Fish, said. “You can’t stop us. Many have tried.”

Red Fish felt dizzy--lack of blood? He saw the old woman with the glowing trident, his blood staining the tips. “Who…?”

“I am Rodham. Kon’s Army have traversed this universe conquering numerous worlds. This one is next,” Rodham cackled.

“Over...my dead body…” Red Fish said woozily before passing out.

“That can be arranged,” Rodham said, taking Red Fish with her aboard the ship.




“We need to head out,” Agent Spider said, getting out of the chair in the monitoring room. “I’ll get the ship going, you grab the others,” he told Superkitten.

Aboard the ship, Red Fish, still unconscious, was hooked up to some wires in some sort of capsule. Earth was the fifth planet Kon’s Army had visited. The first four were now uninhabitable wastelands.

Kon was a tall and gangly Daxote. Though not personally dangerous, Kon was a brilliant leader and was easily able to turn these three individuals into well-oiled killing machines. Rodham was an old school warrior from a planet of warrior women. Rodham chose to join Kon after her people chose to live a more peaceful existence. They will learn the error of their decision soon. Grunge was pure muscle and loyal like a dog. He was specifically bred on his home planet to be a killer like all males on his planet. He was then sold to Kon like all the males that aren’t kept for breeding.

The fourth member of the Army was newly acquired. Plucked from a dead alternate universe, he was faster than an argon ray, more powerful than Grunge, able to leap the United Federation of Planets building in a single bound. Standing behind Kon as Rodham and Grunge came in, the newest member was garbed in his symbolic blue uniform and flowing red cape. The red pentagonal S-shield on his chest seemed to radiate from the blue.

“He was easy to dispose of,” Rodham said. “They have other warriors.”

“We can easily take care of them. We have Grunge and Supercat,” Kon said and rubbed his mustache.

Money, Money, Money, Money...Money


Well, you have to have money in order to hear it talk so of course you can't hear it. Every time you're over we have to hear you complain about how you can't afford your medicines or doctor's appointments because you didn't plan accordingly for your retirement.

Happy 65th

As I do, it's Harry Anderson's birthday once again so happy birthday to Night Court and Dave's World star, Harry Anderson. To celebrate, here are screen stills of the "Starring Harry Anderson" parts of the Night Court opening credits from seasons 1, 2, 5, 7, and 8, each season his title card changed.






Friday, October 13, 2017

Work Thoughts


Darn. I was hoping for part three of the kale dinner storyline.

I think during my commute to work as well. "Do I still have time to call in?" "Maybe there will be a huge traffic jam somehow and I can't get through." "What would happen if I just kept driving?" Is that a dead body? I should pull over and see." "What? I'm already here? How'd that happen?"

Thursday, October 12, 2017

And the Refrigerator Does That Now


Any idiot can follow a recipe so I don't understand those people that are all "I'm no Master Chef but..." Well, I'm no Master Chef either but I can coat a piece a chicken with five different spices and throw it in the oven. Honestly, just follow the recipe and you'll be fine. You won't win any television food competitions but hey, neither did Guy Fieri and look at him!

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Kale


A way I'll love it? Seems like a waste to make something I like and then just throw the kale away but whatever.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Is the Sign Getting Smaller?


She was probably laughing at how tiny that bus stop sign is. It looks like one of those plastic toy stop signs that I had when I was a kid. Or she was laughing at Brutus' stupid bow tie and hat.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Chip Really Phoned It In Today


Realizing that people like series that don't have a lot of back history to them, Chip has decided to reboot The Born Loser. Forget everything you knew about Brutus, his family, Veeblefester, and all your favorite characters because none of that matters now. Popular origins and stories be damned!!

Sunday, October 8, 2017

The Thornapple Offensive


I don't know what I am more confused about. That fourth graders are seemingly learning, in depth, about both World Wars or that Brutus doesn't know the answer to this question that you don't even need to know anything about the World Wars to answer.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Math and Steaks


I'm not a student of math. I leave the math to the experts and people far better at math than me. So it was kind of a punch in the face when I was assigned to a math class at work one year. I've apologized numerous times for it.

Wilberforce is done with his math homework and is now asking Gladys what's for dinner. I love when there's some continuity. Swiss steak seems like an odd dish. Half the recipes I found sound pretty good but the other half sound disgusting. I don't know if I'd want to try it or not.

POB #3: The Wickenberg Massacre


In the early morning hours of November 5, 1871, a stage coach carrying seven people en route to San Bernardino was ambushed just six miles west of Wickenburg, Arizona Territory. Of the eight people in the stage coach, only two people would survive. What followed was an investigation consisting of circumstantial and conflicting was done leading to another massacre but what's the real story?

Wickenburg city limit sign. Courtesy kazb.org.
One of the travelers on the coach was up-and-coming Boston author Frederick Wadsworth Loring--in fact, the massacre, during the investigation, was called the Loring Massacre. Loring was sent out west to do some reporting and was fresh off the publication of his first novel Two College Friends. After his death, Loring was considered by many to have possibly become a great American novelist.
Frederick Loring and his mule, Evil Merodach, 48 hours before his death. Courtesy jbowers.org.
A party of mounted men--either Apaches or Mexicans dressed as Apaches--ambushed the coach and began shooting. All but two were killed and those were wounded. The survivors--William Kruger and Mollie Sheppard--were able to run and get away. The next day, a group of men went out to the massacre site with Kruger who detailed what had happened. The contents of mailbags were strewn around, the passengers belongings were disturbed but remained intact. Peter Hamal was the only person that had been scalped indicating that he had tried putting up a fight. That nothing was taken, indicated the attack was perpetrated by ignorant Natives but since the ammunition and animals weren't taken either, it pointed to Mexican bandits.

Kruger admitted that it was a crowded coach but that everyone was in good spirits and got along well. Kruger was positive that the attackers were Natives and since he was one of the only survivors, his word was accepted. W.G. Salmon was buried immediately as he was badly mutilated. The other bodies were either interred at the massacre site or taken to one of two cemeteries in Wickenburg at the time--Stone Park or Lumber Yard. The graves of the massacre victims are interred at the massacre site marked with crosses and stones.

The massacre led to the slaughter of several Yavapai Indians and their forced removal to a reservation with enemies of their tribe where several more were killed. Battles between the U.S. government and Yavapai began in early 1871 and came to an end in 1875 when the Yavapai accepted treaty conditions and were moved to the San Carlos Apache Indian Reservation.
Yavapai memorial of the Skeleton Cave Massacre. Courtesy Wikipedia.

Mollie Sheppard was an Irish immigrant born in 1847. She had just sold her brothel and was loaded with around $9,000 and William Kruger. In all, there was between $25,000 and $40,000 aboard the stage coach. The money was never recovered. During the attack, both Kruger and Sheppard were injured by the attackers and Kruger said that Sheppard died of her injuries sometime after January 11, 1872 which was the last time they were seen together. Several decades after the massacre, the local Saddle Club went out to the massacre site and noted the six graves from the original victims and one more, smaller, like for a woman.

It is suggested that Kruger hired the attackers so that he and Sheppard could run off with the money. They took the money and buried it with plans to go back out and retrieve it when everything died down. Whether or not they found the money is unknown but it's possible that if Sheppard didn't really die of her injuries sustained at Wickenburg, she was possibly murdered by Kruger and buried with the victims. Others consider him a hero, foregoing his life-savings in order to protect Sheppard. There is not enough evidence to make any solid conclusions as to what actually happened and is just one of the many stories of the Wild West.
Wickenburg Massacre Memorial, erected by the Arizona Highway Department in 1937. Courtesy Classic Film on Flickr.

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Thump Day (Thursday Hump Day)


Is...Is Brutus drunk? Don't get me wrong, it's Thursday and I may be a little tipsy myself but at least I'm not dropping papers on the floor. I might be yelling "I can fight anyone in this classroom!" and telling the kids "I love you, man" a bit too much but I am not! Dropping papers! On the floor!

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Why Does Veeblefester Even Keep Him Around? The Abuse?


Today I was going to post the return of Tauy Creek Digest focusing on what's been going on in the country the last couple of weeks but with recent events such as Puerto Rico and Las Vegas, I decided to forego the return. It will return next week instead--every 2nd and 4th Wednesday now. It will showcase a variety of short tidbits from news, stories, research, history, and things in between.

Veeblefester isn't even going to let Brutus come into the office and sit down. He just has to stand there in the doorway while the secretary and various coworkers coming in and out of the front office listen and chuckle.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

🤑


I'm assuming the next two things are health and either friendship, love, or companionship. Any of them can easily be bought with money so Veeblefester's advice is correct. Sure the relationships won't be "real" but who cares? Look at this money I have!!

Monday, October 2, 2017

To Sleep Perchance...


I'm tired too, Wilberforce. I couldn't get to sleep last night because my brain just kept thinking. New stories, new storylines, research topics, just a bunch of stuff. Here's hoping for a better night sleep tonight.

I am a huge proponent of later start times for students. I'm a huge proponent of later start times for everyone.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

The Pager Wizard


Thankfully Uncle Phineas died before the bottom fell out on the pager market. He's probably spinning in his grave seeing how we treat pagers these days--throwing them in the trash, making fun of them on TV shows, losing them in junk drawers. Based on our treatment of pagers, we don't deserve Uncle Phineas Thornapple's millions.

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Paper Clowns


I think the main difference is napkins, if you buy the higher brand, are softer than paper towels. I don't care if you use paper products but if you're going to use napkins in an effort to be fancy, use cloth napkins. Unless you are one of those families that always keep napkins on the table in a holder. I never had fancy napkins--paper or cloth--growing up so Wilberforce should be glad he lives in a family that can afford paper napkins.

Incredible Comics #17

The riverfront Goebel Building was ready for its grand opening. It’s lower floor, looking out over the street was to be filled with half a dozen commercial businesses. The next several floors were to be a casino, the only part of the building that was open and ready to use at the moment. After that, was office spaces. A few of those were occupied and Alderman Lucius Goebel, who had commissioned and built the skyscraper, had his company’s office and campaign headquarters in it. The next six stories was a hotel, the first in the neighborhood. Nobody spent a night along the harbor unless they absolutely had to. This building was going to change that. Above that were residential units for the wealthy elite. A couple had been purchased by Lucius’ friends but they hadn’t moved in and the residences were still bare.

Everybody who was anybody was at the opening gala for the casino. Numerous news outlets were there along with all the aldermans of Golden City, many business owners and other upper crusts. Even the mayor was there. For the Golden City Herald, Gail Porter was there to take photos and get a write-up for it in the social section. It was going to be her first written assignment for the Herald so even though it was just a simple society piece, it was a big deal that could lead to other thing. She took pictures of attendees milling about and talking. She figured that this might get a full page spread so out of a hundred or so she’d take, maybe six would be used.

The party had been going for almost an hour when Lucius Goebel showed up. He immediately began shaking hands with everyone around him. With women, he would take their hand gently in his and give them a fake peck on the cheek. Gail hated all this fake appreciation. She hated things like this that glorified money. Maybe she’d think differently if she had any money.

A man came out of the kitchen and Lucius quickly made a bee-line to him. Gail followed and got a couple of pictures of Lucius and the man shaking hands. “Who’s that?” Gail leaned in and asked someone near her that looked important.

“I don’t know. He came out of the kitchen. Maybe the caterer,” the person responded.

“The caterer?” Gail exclaimed. “Lucius seemed really anxious to shake his hand,” Gail took another picture.




A couple hours passed. Dinner had been served and Lucius stood up and walked over to a podium. “Ladies and gentlemen. Fellow Golden Citians. I thank you for being here tonight. I am pleased and honored that you are here to witness and be a part of the revitalization of Ward 7. As you all know, I’ve been alderman of this ward for seven years and have been working with the city to take this neighborhood back from crime and poverty. We have demolished half a dozen abandoned or terribly dilapidated buildings. The building this casino and hotel and office space are in once had a derelict warehouse. It housed hundreds of homeless people and was used to traffic children. When it collapsed, it nearly killed hundreds of people. I bought the ruins of that warehouse to create a beacon of hope for the neighborhood.”

Applause.

“It’s only the beginning but an important one. I can only do so much as an alderman. But I want to be able to do to the whole city what I want to do to this neighborhood. With that, I am announcing my intention to run for mayor. Sorry, Mr. Mayor,” Lucius smiled with his teeth at the current mayor, Donald James. The audience laughed. Mayor James blushed slightly, smiled back at Lucius, and waved to the crowd. “Tonight, the casino is open to all of you. All money that the house wins will be donated to two local charities--The Golden City Rescue Mission and the Willow Street Women and Children Service Center--so this is the one and only time you want the house to win.”

Laughter, and then louder applause.

People began getting up and heading to the casino. Gail followed with her camera. For almost two hours, everything was fine. People were having fun and more than willing to let the casino take their money. Gail learned that Lucius filled the remaining empty space in his building. It was a really good night for Lucius Goebel.




The man stood in the robotic suit on a rooftop across from the casino. This was going to be an easy job. The jet boots he wore would fly him over to the casino, he’d break through the window and begin shooting, wounding several people including Lucius Goebel but killing Mayor James. Then he flies back out the window and ditches the suit. The suit would be unidentifiable and not be traced back to the manufacturer, himself, or the boss.

He took a deep breath and stepped off the roof. The jet boots ignited and he flew gracefully toward the casino. He came through the window, shattering the glass. In the confusion, he found Lucius and Mayor James. He began shooting into the crowd but taking care to hit Lucius in the arm and Mayor James in the head. He missed Mayor James, hitting his shoulder.

“I should’ve known you were up to no good and stopped you before this,” Time Man came up behind the man and pulled his arm up, keeping him from aiming into the crowd.

“No,” the man bellowed. He wasn’t sure if this suit could stand up to what he heard Time Man could do and he didn’t want to find out. Get away from him and get out.

“Who are you?” Time Man asked, crushing the arm gun built into the suit.

“I was hired,” he answered and tried to get away from Time Man. His attempt failed and Time Man crushed the chest shield on the suit. It sparked and smoked.

“By who?” Time Man clutched the suit’s helmet. The man felt as though once he gave up a name, Time Man would rip his head off. He remained silent. The helmet was ripped off of the suit an thrown down. Police had started coming up to the casino. The man knew he was done. Few recognized him. Gail recognized him as the strange man who shook Lucius’ hand earlier in the night. “Who are you?”

The man inhaled deeply then exhaled. If he was going down then Lucius was going with him. “Rance Brookings. I was hired by Lucius Goebel to assassinate the mayor.”

“Lies from a criminal,” Lucius said. “I’ve never laid eyes on this man before.”

“You met him earlier tonight,” Gail spoke up. “I have a picture,” she held up her camera.

Everyone looked at Lucius.

“Until we get this sorted out, you should come with us,” one of the policemen said, putting his hand on Lucius’ shoulder.

“Get your hands off me,” Lucius demanded. “I, and several others, require medical attention.”

“We’ll take care of that. Come with us, sir.”

Lucius refused to move.

“I’d go with them,” Time Man said, standing taller than Lucius with his arms crossed.

Lucius then went with the police.




Gail’s story didn’t make the society page. Her pictures and her write-up about the night appeared on the front page along with several of her photos and Lucius Goebel’s mugshot. She had also been promoted with a pay raise. She sat at her new desk in the bullpen of the Herald and smiled. It was a really good night for Gail Porter, reporter and photographer.








COMING IN JANUARY 2018!!


Friday, September 29, 2017

Health Unconscious


Just walk.

That's what I tell everyone who mentions they want to get at least a little exercise. Smart small--paved trails, river levees, around your neighborhood--and then work your way onto unpaved, hilly or rocky trails. You may not actually lose any weight or get into shape but at least you are getting your heart and body working.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

I Would Rather Just Have a Pumpkin Pie


Chip is really on a pumpkin spice roll lately. I'm not sure but I'm positive Chip will use a strip of Gladys being all sad and the punchline being something along the lines of "I only get this sad when pumpkin spice lattes go away." If he hasn't already done something like it.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Good Use of Company Time


The better coarse of action for this would be to get the place shut down since they may not even be serving food. Taking them to court just because they consider themselves food seems like the long, tedious, and drawn-out path. Just contact whoever does restaurant inspections. That'll probably be quicker.