Well, That's the First Problem

November 14, 1973

I find it interesting that Gladys greets Brutus at the door. I vaguely remember in TV shows where the wife would meet the husband at the door. I think June Cleaver did it quite often. I think even Lucy did it a few times. I just think it's interesting and kind of weird considering we're in 1973/2023 right now and she still does it.

At least Brutus doesn't come home with a toupee anymore.

Props to these men for drowning their sorrows in coffee and not some sort of alcohol. Although I guess it could be early in the morning and the bars just aren't open yet.

The Born Loser, L.L.C.

January 20, 1985

For some reason, I get the feeling this type of stuff happens a lot these days what with all the pandemic funds handed out over the last three years. It all gets recycled back into company funds or goes back to the government anyway. "If you want your bonus, dance for me, monkey! Prove to me this job is worth more than your health, well-being, and sanity!"

This is people's livelihoods. Quit making it a game.

Look, I understand saying "The Chief" is a lot less time consuming to both say and write than "Veeblefester" but seeing Uncle Ted say "The Chief" just sounds wrong.

And what would Brutus' business be? Would he open his own tea cozy conglomerate? That sounds like a terrible, awful idea and you know that Veeblefester makes his employees sign a no-compete contract. At least, Brutus is self-aware.

Typed In Front of a Live Studio Audience

November 13, 1973

Oh, hey. So Brutus once took over for the janitor, who would later take over for Brutus.

Maybe he was laughing at something they didn't program the laugh track over. Most people don't need a laugh track to know when to laugh. Laugh tracks distract me and I rarely watch new shows with them because they seem so over-the-top.

What Did Brutus Expect?

November 12, 1973

I understand the walk to get your dog some exercise so they won't get fat and lazy or be rambunctious, but fence in your yard so they can just do their business. Why should you suffer in a downpour because your dog has to pee?

Typically if you work on salary, you don't get overtime. But I'm sure, even if Brutus was hourly, Veeblefester would figure out a way to not pay overtime.

Why Are We Learning About This If It's Not Going to Be on a Test?

November 10, 1973

This is how Veeblefester starts every day. He goes up to every employee, stands uncomfortably close, and yells this at them. It's a great motivator and wakes you up better than coffee.

I'm just kidding, of course. Veeblefester only does this to Brutus.

I am not a fan of Groundhog's Day. We all know it's dumb, doesn't signify anything, and is basically useless, right? But I've already complained about this. No need to bring that up again.

I love that we can't talk about actual American history in school or slavery, or sexuality, or anything that will help kids gain a perspective on the world and their place in it but we're gonna spend a good chunk of class time yammering about some fake weather-predicting rodent.

You At Least Have Some Water

November 9, 1973

G'yeesh! Apparently the therapist is being played by a Gahan Wilson character!

If the first thing your therapist does is criticize the way you are sitting, laying down, whatever, then you need to find a better therapist. They aren't there to help you with that but with all the other, more important problems in your life.

Was Brutus trying to do a bit? What is he doing? And of course Hattie said 'both.' Hattie is a very optimistic girl with a pessimistic attitude, much like many of the children today.

That's Some Good Side-Eye

November 7, 1973

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply carved: Returned unopened.

Well, I would say that Brutus is going to get another talking-to from human resources but it's 1973 and this kind of stuff is okay.

Maybe math gives Wilberforce trouble because "good at math" isn't something that's hereditary.

The Most Romantic of Waltzes

November 6, 1973

Are these love letters Brutus wrote to Gladys or love letters Brutus wrote to/received from other women? Because I can see Gladys laughed at either.

Years ago, when I was dating someone, we would pass notes to each other over the cubicle wall. As a gift, I compiled these notes and made them into a book. I kept the book for years until finally throwing it away when I moved from Lawrence to Topeka. I often wondered if she kept her copy or if she eventually tossed it, too.

You also apparently wrote hilarious love letters like how you would take care of Gladys and she would never want for anything. You can't take care of your family by playing "Chopsticks", Brutus.

Is "Chopsticks" still a reference the younger generation would understand?