Born Loser Roadshow

I am going to be trying something a little different over the next week or so. Starting today, Born Loser posts will be up on Ko-fi. The classic strips will still be there along with today's strip.

In today's classic strip, Brutus does some strange parenting and that doesn't include him quoting Prometheus.

Meanwhile, what is "watching something special"? Is Uncle Ted watching Blossom? Or maybe that episode of Saved By the Bell where Elizabeth Berkeley gets addicted to caffeine pills? Maybe he's watching the first season of How I Met Your Mother, one of the only absolutely perfect TV seasons.

To read today's post, you can go to Ko-fi here.

You're Gonna Look Fabulous

December 10, 1965

"This man will be perfect for my bland and boring daughter, Gladiolus. It's the only way she'll ever get married. I'm going to make him my executive vice president."

Are they going to paint their nails? I'll tell you what, if I didn't chew my fingernails, I'd paint the hell out of my nails. When I worked overnight at a call center oh so many years ago, we'd paint each other's nails to pass the time.

Hattie doesn't strike me as a makeup girl. Maybe they're there for something else. "I overheard my mom talk about her toys in her bedroom. They sound like fun to play with."

Late Night Post

December 9, 1965

Cream puff? What kind of descriptor is 'cream puff' for a car?

Hey, we got another funny hat.

Veeblefester is so upset at Brutus that he can't even look at him. Go home, enjoy your weekend. Come back Monday and we'll see how I feel about you then.

Summer Doldrums

December 8, 1965

That is an...eclectic group of women. More than one of them is clearly inspired by Wilma and Betty on The Flintstones.

Is that guy Mrs. Nooshnick's husband or one of those male escorts that are welcome here?

It's kind of mean and rude to be calling Brutus a born loser. I don't care if it is true, you don't say it out loud. Plus, losers are made, not born is what I always say. You want to stop being a loser? You have that power.

Two-Recliner Family

December 7, 1965

Yeah, sure, it's disturbing that the plane is flying upside down, but 500 feet is not very high up. The Washington Monument is 555 feet. This flight is definitely getting on the news tonight.

I'm too tired to look it up, but I don't think I've ever seen the Thornapple house with recliners. They are a feet up on the ottoman family.

Bathe Your Children!!

December 6, 1965

Someone's getting probed tonight! Lucky bastard.

All that for $40!? That is a great deal!

We had to shave our long-haired cat yesterday because he had a couple lumps that we couldn't brush out and they were really bothering him. It was definitely not $40.

You can't get Wilberforce to take a bath?

Strawberry or Cherry?

December 4, 1965

I understand that using K-W-I-T for quit is supposed to show us that Lunk here isn't the brightest bulb in the pack, but the dropout rate was around 15% and it was much easier to get a decent paying job without a high school diploma back in 1965. I know someone like the comic strip elite like Art Sansom wouldn't understand, but sometimes school just isn't for some people.

Gladys makes Brutus breakfast every morning. It's nothing special, Arnie.

So Brutus is eating a cold toaster pastry and drinking cold coffee...from a Styrofoam cup?

Why don't Brutus and Arnie carpool?

Foot Pain

When a group of bandits make an important cattle drive pass impassable, a group of cowboys--and Bess, a cowgirl(!), try to figure out a way to their destination. But, when their best shot, and Bess' boyfriend, is gunned down, a mysterious stranger steps up. But can he be trusted? Read Ride Fast for Wyoming!

May 25, 1986

Knowing Veeblefester, I'd appreciate the empty box.

First Veeblefester remembers I have a kid and their name is Wilberforce. Now he's gifting me empty boxes.

The walk-in clinic was too booked up to help you? You can't speak with your own doctor to try to get into the podiatrist? I know the American healthcare system is terrible, but Brutus just seems lazy here. Which I'll allow.

He dropped a can of paint on his foot.

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Poolside

December 3, 1965

I can only assume that he tested it when done fixing it and the lamp worked fine. Therefore, the problem lies with the outlet, not the lamp.

I can tell you one thing for sure. I did not need to see Wilberforce's weird body today. Or any day. Nobody needs to see that.

Maybe Brutus Would Work Better If You Didn't Stand Over Him

December 2, 1965

Ha-ha! It's funny because it's true! Have you been to some small towns? If we can't have a good sports team then we'll just burn the town down!

Is Coach Thornapple Brutus' father? Maybe that's why we don't see him in current comics. He was hanged by his small town sports fans.

Tomorrow's Saturday so I am definitely not going to work on that report tomorrow. And now that you've insulted me, working today seems unlikely so you'll get this report, at the earliest, on Monday.