Wednesday, October 22, 2014

982: Ha! Veeblefester Hires Terrible Employees

I've worked many soul-sucking jobs. You could hear part of your soul dying every time the doors opened into the recycled air-filled building. For most of my job career I talked to the elderly about their insurance. It could be very depressing and could wear on you depending on the calls you took. I was always considered, and knew I was, the more negative of the people I worked with. Mainly I was negative because of the system. I wanted to help these people but knew I couldn't and could do nothing to change it.

My job these days is more upbeat. I actually get to help people and it's one of the few jobs I actually like. I am no longer the "negative one." That role has fallen to about 30% of my coworkers and that crap is more grating on you than hearing about how someone is going to die if they can't get Medicare to pay for something. They complain about the kids, the teachers, the parents, the lack of God and basically everything else. I'd actually complain if I knew something would be done but I know nothing will be.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Sunday, October 19, 2014

980: Pumpkin Spice Makes Me Angry Too

If you are trying to be nice to someone, why would you get them something only a percentage of people actually like. "But everyone likes pumpkin spice crap." Yeah, they like it about as much as they like McRibs and Shamrock Shakes.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

979: The House On the Lot Was Torn Down After That Meth Lab Exploded

Why does Hurricane Hattie care that there is a lot for sale down the street? And why does she think Wilberforce will care that there is a lot for sale down the street? "What can we do at this lot?" "A ton of stuff. We could make a movie." "What kind of movie?" "Take off your shirt."

"When you're the Born Loser, you end up being allergic to lemons."

"When you're the Born Loser, you aren't handed lemons, they are thrown at you."

"When you're the Born Loser, you have to squirt lemon juice in your eye before you can make lemonade."

Thursday, October 16, 2014

978: I Hope Ted's Eating Muesli

I get the joke but I don't think it's written very well. Preservatives may be harmful to your health but Uncle Ted needs preservatives to live but preservatives may cause you to die sooner but Uncle Ted needs all the preservatives he can get but...

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

977: She Just Lost Her Tip

I love me some carrot cake. I think it is my favorite cake of all the cake. After ice cream cake of course.

Now I know Brutus comes off as kind of a jerk here but in his defense, the waitress should just keep her mouth shut and bring that carrot cake out.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

976: Who Wears Pork-Pie Hats Anymore?

When you are at work, does anything new and exciting ever happen? I've worked several jobs and everyday is usually status quo. Occasionally there may be new information in the Medicare script or an impromptu drive down to Altamont to drop off additional pallets of alcohol or maybe some kid got lice but no one will send her home from school. Either way, it's all still technically status quo--nothing new or exciting.

Monday, October 13, 2014

975: No Money, Mo Problems

Let's not turn this into a big thing. LAMNB is back, continuing the run started back in 2008. Since regular updates to Whiz Bang, Adventure and 16th & Mass are going to be sporadic as heck the first couple of months, I've decided to bring LAMNB back. I know you are excited.

It's too bad that Brutus didn't get his raise Grab the putter, Brutus. but that's the way of business. Beat Veeblefester over the head with it. Tea cozies just haven't rebounded since the recession. Pull down his pants and shove that golf ball inside him as far as you can. Luckily, you still get cost-of-living and regularly scheduled raises. Use the handle of the club if you need to--make him feel that ball in his esophagus.