Monday, January 30, 2012

He's Also Drunk

How many of you like the TV series Arrested Development? Then you should read part one of my story "Suicidal Tendencies" over at Liberty. I tried to write it in the same documentary style and the same type of humor. "Suicidal Tendencies" is the story of Daniel Judge who is tasked with having to bring his family back together when his grandmother reveals she's going to commit suicide. It may sound kind of dark and depressing but I promise you, it's not.

Like I do with most of my stories, I wrote "Suicidal Tendencies" out by hand in a notebook but for some reason, most of the first chapter went missing so the, if I may say so, really good funeral scene was gone but I had it typed out and saved so I wasn't too worried. But then, the flash drive I used to save my stories went all...stupid erasing everything I had saved on it. I attempted to retype it but just couldn't get the funeral scene the way I wanted it so I put it away and moved onto something else. But then, I began going through some of my other drives and disks and, on a mini SanDisk I used for a phone I stopped using about four years ago, I found a saved copy of "Suicidal Tendencies."

I originally didn't want to post "Suicidal Tendencies" this soon, I wanted to promote it before publishing it but my lack of writing caused things to change for Liberty #31 and 32. So go check it out. I hope you like it.

To be fair, Brutus stopped working years ago so Veeblefester really shouldn't be surprised.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

I Was Born On the Mean Streets of Bloomfield Hills, Michigan


It's kind of nice to learn that Veeblefester worked his way through the muck to become the tea cozy magnate he is now but I don't buy it. I think by "few means" Veeblefester really means his family was making between $100-250,000 and so wasn't able to get his son an office job and had to start in the mail room.

I would've had Brutus say something in the next to last panel. Something like "His rise to the top really is remarkable...now if he could just do something about his breath." But what do I know? I'm not the writer and artist of a 45 year old legacy strip.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Yes, Put This In Your Mouth


So I guess all doctors shove things in mouths and then expect you to talk about your symptoms and/or your day. Or this guy really isn't a doctor which is what I am putting my money on.

Friday, January 27, 2012

No Snuggling Zone

All the Republican presidential candidates have been talking about when they get into office that one of the first things they are going to do is repeal Obamacare or, more accurately and less insultingly, the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. My question is, how do they plan on repealing it? They make it seem like they will just introduce another bill that effectively undoes the process but I know there are several things in the bill that both Democrats and Republicans like so those things are likely to remain. But my bigger question is, the United States Supreme Court is scheduled to hear the case on whether PPACA is Constitutional or not starting March 2012. What if they uphold it? What if they decide that it is Constitutional that the federal government make sure that the citizens of the country are insured? Has there ever been a Supreme Court decision that has been overturned by the Legislative branch on a decision that hasn't been deemed outmoded? I know a lot of Republicans promise to get Roe v. Wade overturned but most people consider a Supreme Court ruling the definitive answer until the case makes its way back to the court for some reason.

And even if the Supreme Court says PPACA is unconstitutional, that doesn't get rid of it. I feel all of the candidates are overstepping their bounds by saying they will repeal the PPACA because that is essentially saying that the American people are stupid and they don't know how a bill becomes a law no matter how many times they watch Schoolhouse Rock.

I also feel they overstep their bounds when they promise to get Americans back to work. The President doesn't create jobs.

I love this. I love to cuddle up with my wife in the car but it's hard to do because both of our cars have consoles in the middle. Clearly that's not the problem here and Gladys no long snuggles (Brutus hasn't moved!) because she now finds her husband just awful. She just doesn't know it yet.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Brutus Loves a Raging Clue


I love reading. But I tend to never borrow other people's books because I don't know when I'm going to read. I could read it within the next month or I'll have the book for over year. Same with movies. I still have a copy of X-Men 3 my best friend loaned me a year ago.

And it is wrong that when Veeblefester mentioned The Hardy Boys that all I could think of was this:

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

It's Because Brutus Uses a Fork to Eat His Burger


I am always up for some really good hamburgers but I will admit that I would be a little leery eating at a place called Bodacious Burgers--especially in Ohio. But don't get me wrong. I am sure the Bodacious Burgers in Sedona is amazing.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Lum-De-Lum-De-Lie-Ay


I used to have it, then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it and what's it seems weird and scary.

You should be glad that Brutus is walking around singing "Lum-de-lum-de-lie-ay" and carrying a banana while still fully clothed. Usually the shirt or pants are the first things to go.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

I'm Here All Week


"I don't have any trouble using one hand after you say 'no' to me, Gladys! And that is one area where I am ambidextrous, so there!"

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Say It Ain't So

As you may have seen on my Twitter, I had a dream a couple nights ago where Mitt Romney was trying to defeat me for a political office. I blame this on all the debates, caucuses, primaries and random news I have been reading about the GOP candidates. I'm not really sure what office we were running for, I want to say mayor or something but what was really weird was that I wasn't actually running for office. Mitt, as far as I could tell, was running unopposed but kept trying to drag me into debates and showing up at my house and airing attack ads about me.

Mitt was doing a news conference and said "I would bring jobs and businesses to the city and if I had to, move them brick by brick to relocate them here. My opponent wouldn't do that. He would rather pay businesses to not move here and, in some cases, go somewhere else." Meanwhile, I'm at home screaming at the TV "I'm not running! Where would I get this money to pay these companies not to move here! How do you know who I am?!"

 Are Brutus and Gladys finally going to get that divorce that's been hovering over their head the last five years of their marriage? At least their divorce is expected, unlike these two's divorce:

Friday, January 20, 2012

Stull #25

It was early morning and Frank was already at the Society entering information into the computer. Frank woke up about two hours ago after a nightmare. Frank never went back to bed after a nightmare.

He left a note for Lana, who was still asleep at his place, explaining he was at work. Frank was currently working on a history of Brothel, Ohio, a small town located about a few miles south of Tontzville. On the surface, Brothel was a simple agricultural town with a shocking name but most of the buildings in the central business district were associated with prostitution.

For a little more than a year, Brothel was allowed to operate normally. But then Tontzville began interfering and wanted the town to shut down. Then, one day in April, the town was burned. The fire was put out but nothing was salvageable. It was soon discovered that all the prostitutes had been murdered and left in the buildings to burn.

It was never discovered who killed the girls, the town was dismantled and forgotten. Frank finished typing and read over what he had written before saving it.

The lights and computer then flickered and shut off. There was a loud rumbling and a series of small explosions followed. The glass in the Society's windows and door shattered and pictures fell off the wall. Frank could hear car alarms in the distance. He got up from his chair and went outside. The stairs to the Society were broken and he could see what looked like a fire just a few blocks away.

Frank took his phone and dialed 9-1-1. After one ring, an operator answered. "Yeah, I'm in Stull and I think there's been an explosion."




"Sinkhole"
The sun was now just sitting over the horizon. It seemed as if every deputy in the county was in Stull, every reporter and just about every citizen and firefighter were standing around the massive hole that had formed along 5th Street destroying much of the town between Ohio and Walnut Streets.

Frank, Katie, John and Lana stood near the sinkhole as well, looking at all the rubble and destruction. "So weird. It almost looks like someone dug underneath the town," Frank said, looking into the hole. "It looks like one elaborate tunnel under here."

"Well, whatever caused it, it destroyed Stull's main road, about a dozen houses, two churches and the ruins of the Old Stull Church," Katie said.

"It also damaged a lot of buildings downtown, including the Society," Frank said. "Is the house okay?" Frank asked Lana, pulling her closer to him.

"Some stuff fell off the wall but I think the house is fine," she replied.

"That is a giant hole! Is everyone all right?" Detective Bilko exclaimed as he and Caitlin approached the group.

"We're all fine. The Society is fine and our houses are fine," Frank said. "Look at this. It's like the ground underneath the city was excavated. Doesn't it look like there are tunnels running underneath?" Frank kneeled down and pointed this out to Detective Bilko.

"But who would do something like that?" Bilko asked. "And didn't they know tunneling would weaken the structural integrity of the ground above? I'm not seeing any evidence they used reinforcement for the tunnels."

"I'm going to get permission to go down there and solve this mystery," Frank said.


No. Not Even Close


You know what's interesting about this? This joke hinges on the fact that Phoenicians and Phoenix begin the same way when spelled but when actually pronounced, it's Foe-nee-shuns and Fee-nix, not Fee-nee-shuns or Foe-nix.

What I want to know is how many people in Phoenix actually call the old people there "Ancient Phoenicians."

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Four Years, One Day

Did everyone survive Blackout Day? I got a bit of writing done but unfortunately I still had the TV which meant I paid extra attention to what was playing on Cartoon Network. I really like that show "The Amazing World of Gumball." I do feel they show Johnny Test way too much and it's such a loud and seizure-inducing show.

I'm pretty sure your employer can't speak to you in that way but if they can I'd be more up for being yelled at by being called a nincompoop or birdbrain instead of a feeble-minded horse testicle or something like that.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Workplace Gnomes?


Sweet Christ it is! Probably because the home offices of Veeblefester Incorporated were built on an Indian burial ground. What's more horrifying is that Veeblefester purposely exhumed graves from an ancient Indian burial ground, had them reburied where his company was going to go then began construction on his building thus disturbing the graves twice.

This blog will go dark tomorrow in protest of SOPA and PIPA, the two bills making their way through the House and Senate that essentially stifles creativity on the Internet. For more information, you can learn more here. As for the other two blogs Tauy Creek produces, there will just be no post on either of them.

See you Thursday and I hope to see a lot of websites down tomorrow.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Guard Your Ears...with Gorman's


I, for one, am ready for the FCC to start demanding that commercials cannot be louder than the TV show. Does anyone like it when the TV show is at a decent volume that you and anyone else listening can hear it BUT THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE COMMERCIAL TALKING TO YOU ABOUT YOUR DIABETES TEST STRIPS COMES BLARING ON!!!! However I can see TV stations making both the show and commercials louder just to make up for their commercials not being loud anymore.

Ah, the roofie Veeblefester slipped into Brutus' coffee is working perfectly. What Veeblefester plans to do with an unconscious Brutus I am just going to leave to your own imagination.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

A Second Opinion? For This?


Rancid Veeblefester is a typical man in his fifties, maybe early sixties, so you have to start thinking that anytime after Veeblefester is finished talking about the strict diet his doctor is recommending, Brutus is going to hear a long, detailed story about his colonoscopy.