Monday, February 27, 2023

Hope Brutus Likes Being Hung Up On

How 'bout that Dilbert guy? For those who don't know, Scott Adams, the creator of the popular comic strip, posted an episode of his podcast where he said that Black people were a hate group and that white people should stay away from them. Anyway, Andrews McMeel Universal, the syndicate that distributes and publishes Dilbert has severed their relationship with Adams and that includes Dilbert.

I don't know necessarily what this means but, to me, it means Dilbert will cease being in newspapers and the website will either be shut down or given to Adams to maintain on his own. We'll see over the course of the next couple weeks to a month as it will take awhile for anything to actually happen. Will Dilbert actually go away? If Adams retains ownership then probably not. Adams could just post the comics on his own website, effectively turning it into a webcomic but, I am not positive, I do think Adams stopped doing the strip years ago and has a staff of people do it for him. Similar to Jim Davis and Garfield. Whether or not he would want to go back to writing and illustrating a daily comic strip or could afford to keep a staff employed to do it for him is entirely up to him. I'm sure he'll make a good decision.

Let's get onto some The Born Loser. Chip will hopefully never say or do anything wrong.

December 6, 1973
The Born Loser: Quantumania

Is he real? Is he the reflection? Who knows? He's a ghost!

Again, I don't presume to understand what kind of contracts go down between a tea cozy company and whatever companies they do business with but I'm starting to think the sales tactic is just reading a script like those shady pharmaceutical or insurance companies.

"The Chief gave me the best advice when making a sales call. 'K-I-S-S' Keep it simple, stupid. Great advice. Hurts my feelings every time."

Sunday, February 26, 2023

Ba-Da-Ba-Ba-Ba I'm Hating It

March 17, 1985
Ugh. This is a terrible way to begin your school day. I feel like I would do the same thing if I had to sing this every morning while my teacher conducts us. Is this really an important part of the school day?

Why don't you get out of the way?! You just sit in the drive-thru snacking on your fries while people are behind you, waiting? This is far more aggravating than singing a good morning song everyday at school.

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Saturday, February 25, 2023

Friends for the Friendless

December 4, 1973
Animal could be be some form of fur coat. Mineral could be jewelry. What's vegetable? This?

We were way too excited about just throwing credit around back then. President Carter was right.

Take your loss of friends as the beginning of your supervillain era. They'll be sorry! They'll live to regret this!!

I feel Wilberforce has the same problem as me in keeping friends and I don't know what the problem is. I'm absolutely delightful.

Friday, February 24, 2023

Not-So-Special of the Day

December 3, 1973
I apologize for the Thanksgiving/Christmas themed strips. We're in that time of the year and I'm not going through and saving them for November or December. I'm a lazy, lazy man.

That tree is a year old? And in another year will grow to the size of the other tree? I don't know about that but I'm not a tree-knowing guy.

There Brutus goes again! Going to that awful diner for lunch. And he's dragging someone with him. I don't know what I'm more frustrated about, that Brutus is continuing to go to this diner or that he keeps going out to lunch while complaining about money.

Thursday, February 23, 2023

The Best Policy

November 30, 1973
Who's this girl and why is her stocking cap so long?

It has a calendar? You mean it shows the date. I have an Apple Watch and even that doesn't have a calendar so I doubt even the most expensive watch in 1973 had a calendar.

It's a job performance review. You don't ask if you can be honest, you just be honest. Not that Brutus listens and will actually attempt to do better at his job. It's not like he's gonna get fired.

Wednesday, February 22, 2023

Don't Blame the Car for Your Ignorance

November 29, 1973
Those are all Santa's helpers, dear.

Or being Santa Claus is just one big scam.

Did he test drive the car just to see how good it parks? Seems like a waste of that salesman's time. And he had the car long enough to get a ticket? And you didn't notice it was in a no parking zone? Seems to me that you got yourself that ticket and it's not the car's fault at all.

Also, the car doesn't find the parking spot, right? You drive it to the spot and the car parks itself. Well, I guess as long as no one died.

Tuesday, February 21, 2023

Fake Career Day

November 28, 1973
You don't have to whisper, Brutus, she probably understands that you are probably shopping for your wife or girlfriend and not for yourself. And even if you were shopping for yourself, she doesn't look like she'd kink shame.

Dr. Brutus P. Thornapple, DTc, BLs. Doctor of tea cozies. Born loser.

Even if Wilberforce did lie about what Brutus does for a living, I'm glad to see him so excited to have his father there. Hopefully Brutus doesn't ruin this for him.

Monday, February 20, 2023

Laundry Day

November 27, 1973
This waiter doesn't care! His shift is about to end and even though the tip is going to be pathetic, he still wants it.

What's Brutus' game here? He hasn't done laundry since before Wilberforce was born and all of a sudden he wants to lug this stuff down into the basement and wash it? Hope you all like your clothes wrinkly, discolored, and with bleach splotches.

Sunday, February 19, 2023

Brown Eyed Brutus

February 24, 1985
Brutus gets little pockets of luck so he's not a complete born loser. Unfortunately, all the luck happens during moments like this so they don't matter.

And if this had happened while he was doling out card to his friends during a game, they'd accuse him of cheating. Brutus gets screwed no matter the scenario.

Bob Dylan. I didn't know that. I looked it up. I never would've guessed it on my own. I don't think I've ever even heard this song.

It's great that 'Brown Eyed Girl' is one of your favorite songs, Uncle Ted. But Van Morrison would prefer that it be a newer song.

Saturday, February 18, 2023

Brutus Is Also the Only One Trying to Make This Relationship Work

November 26, 1973
Are we in the present-day and Brutus is just some sort of volunteer for the town's annual Thanksgiving event? Or are we back in pilgrim days? What crime did Brutus commit? Something ribald, no doubt.

Mother Gargle is one to talk. At least Brutus knows where his teeth are.

Friday, February 17, 2023

Friday Mistakes

November 21, 1973
All the turkey did was meow. You're the one who was so shocked that you let go of the leash. Outsmarting Brutus isn't exactly a challenge.

The drugs, alcohol, and syphilis have just eaten away at Uncle Ted's brain.

Is Brutus seriously debating the pros and cons of learning from your mistakes? "Hey, Brutus, instead of doing the same thing wrong all the time, maybe you should learn from your mistakes." "I don't know, let me get some advice on the matter first."

Thursday, February 16, 2023

Just Eat At Home!

November 20, 1973
Wilberforce mailed a letter that really reamed Hurricane Hattie. Feeling guilty and better for just having written the letter, wanted it back. As you can see, hijinks ensued and now Wilberforce is locked inside the mailbox. Classic!

Smart move. I love scrambled eggs but sometimes it does seem like you get less egg. Now, a lot of times at restaurants, I order eggs so I can count the yolks. Nothing against the restaurant, I just like a lot of egg.

"Hey, Brutus? Is that your kid getting back in the mailbox out there?"

Wednesday, February 15, 2023

And He's Actually Touching Them!

November 19, 1973
What is with the hot foots?

You're sitting there bored, nothing big going on and you're starting to feel a little out of sorts. So you stick a match in your shoe and light it. The flame tickles your foot, in a bad way, but at least you're feeling something now.

I'd be afraid that the match would set my shoe on fire. That doesn't sound like fun.

No! I don't want to look at Mother Gargle's denture-less, wrinkled mouth. I never want to see something like this again! Bad Chip! Bad!

Tuesday, February 14, 2023

Ladies, Don't Debase Yourself for Chocolate...With Brutus

November 17, 1973
He's probably going to take you to the Cleveland Boondock Steakhouse. Or just bring home some flowers. Hell, he may even break out the painted turtles like he did with your birthday.

Was Arnie the only person who chose Kansas City to win and everyone else picked Philadelphia? Or was it like a bracket situation or whatever? Some guy comes to you in September: "Here. Pick who you think will win the Super Bowl and give me $20."

I'm gonna give Wilberforce the same advice I've been giving my students: Why do you need to be with anyone? Be your own valentine. Love yourself before finding someone to love you. Sure, relationships can be great but they are not the end all, be all of existence.

At least with telling a non-living comic strip character this, they can't make fun of my pants or my hair after I finish talking to them.

Sunday, February 12, 2023

Maybe Wilberforce Could Sing 'America the Beautiful'

February 17, 1985
I think if the Thornapples are robbed one more time, they get a free submarine sandwich. Hope they kept their punch card.

There are so many components to a Super Bowl game now that it's increasingly likely you could end up in one. Take a good look, readers. It's very possible we could be seeing Wilberforce in a kind of left shark situation.

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Saturday, February 11, 2023

Shake Harder, Boy!

November 16, 1973
I always thought blowing smoke out of your ear was something you could do if you inhaled or exhaled just right but it apparently isn't. It's basically like if your ears are popping while you are smoking and even then it may not work because of how our body is designed. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that center panel was used in those Energy Wise ads I posted on Twitter.

While searching about this, this blurb came up. I think I've heard of blowing smoke into a kid's ear but didn't know it was still a thing people do. This doesn't specifically mention cigarette smoke but it's still strange it came up. Even stranger that the one benefit they mention isn't really a benefit at all and can be accomplished by going to a park or something.
Humans should be extinct.

One of the rules I live by--I think it's Rule #427 or something like that, I'll actually make a list someday--is that you never make up with someone named 'Biff'. If your child is named (or nicknamed) Biff then they will be a terrible person from the day they're born until the day they die. 

Friday, February 10, 2023

Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V

Sometimes I think Veeblefester talks to Brutus and asks his opinion on things so when he gets opinion from other people, he's already heard the worst one.

That's some fine cut-and-pasting with minor edits. I'm not complaining, many artists I follow online just copy-and-paste. I just find it odd in a newspaper comic.

I don't believe a man like Veeblefester would talk about a politician like this. Maybe a Democrat but Veeblefester would love Republican's nonsense.

Ah, Brutus was just trying to save his butt. It's a shame that inflation has caught up to the tea cozy industry. If I can't afford tea cozies then how am I supposed to keep my tea pot warm?

I guess I could just buy an electric tea kettle...

Tuesday, February 07, 2023

Late Night Tuesday

November 15, 1973
This is a bit much. I don't care how much motivation you think you need in the morning, this just seems more annoying than anything else. I guess it's working because look at that face.

Maybe this is why Brutus does so poorly at work--Gladys no longer jumps onto the table and shouts encouraging words to him while he eats oatmeal.

Wilberforce fell asleep in front of the TV. Just like his father does.

I have work for the next two evenings so no posts. I'll see you on Friday!

Monday, February 06, 2023

Well, That's the First Problem

November 14, 1973
I find it interesting that Gladys greets Brutus at the door. I vaguely remember in TV shows where the wife would meet the husband at the door. I think June Cleaver did it quite often. I think even Lucy did it a few times. I just think it's interesting and kind of weird considering we're in 1973/2023 right now and she still does it.

At least Brutus doesn't come home with a toupee anymore.

Props to these men for drowning their sorrows in coffee and not some sort of alcohol. Although I guess it could be early in the morning and the bars just aren't open yet.

Sunday, February 05, 2023

The Born Loser, L.L.C.

January 20, 1985
For some reason, I get the feeling this type of stuff happens a lot these days what with all the pandemic funds handed out over the last three years. It all gets recycled back into company funds or goes back to the government anyway. "If you want your bonus, dance for me, monkey! Prove to me this job is worth more than your health, well-being, and sanity!"

This is people's livelihoods. Quit making it a game.

Look, I understand saying "The Chief" is a lot less time consuming to both say and write than "Veeblefester" but seeing Uncle Ted say "The Chief" just sounds wrong.

And what would Brutus' business be? Would he open his own tea cozy conglomerate? That sounds like a terrible, awful idea and you know that Veeblefester makes his employees sign a no-compete contract. At least, Brutus is self-aware.

Saturday, February 04, 2023

Typed In Front of a Live Studio Audience

November 13, 1973
Oh, hey. So Brutus once took over for the janitor, who would later take over for Brutus.

Maybe he was laughing at something they didn't program the laugh track over. Most people don't need a laugh track to know when to laugh. Laugh tracks distract me and I rarely watch new shows with them because they seem so over-the-top.

Friday, February 03, 2023

What Did Brutus Expect?

November 12, 1973
I understand the walk to get your dog some exercise so they won't get fat and lazy or be rambunctious, but fence in your yard so they can just do their business. Why should you suffer in a downpour because your dog has to pee?

Typically if you work on salary, you don't get overtime. But I'm sure, even if Brutus was hourly, Veeblefester would figure out a way to not pay overtime.

Thursday, February 02, 2023

Why Are We Learning About This If It's Not Going to Be on a Test?

November 10, 1973
This is how Veeblefester starts every day. He goes up to every employee, stands uncomfortably close, and yells this at them. It's a great motivator and wakes you up better than coffee.

I'm just kidding, of course. Veeblefester only does this to Brutus.

I am not a fan of Groundhog's Day. We all know it's dumb, doesn't signify anything, and is basically useless, right? But I've already complained about this. No need to bring that up again.

I love that we can't talk about actual American history in school or slavery, or sexuality, or anything that will help kids gain a perspective on the world and their place in it but we're gonna spend a good chunk of class time yammering about some fake weather-predicting rodent.