Saturday, April 30, 2011

Michael's Last Day

I wrote about a year ago about "The Office" and how, to me, it has jumped the shark. It jumped with Jim and Pam's wedding and subsequent birth of their baby, Cecile. I'm not a fan of babies being born on TV shows because that tends to ruin the series. Go ahead and name a series that got better after a baby was born.
Although technically it was a flashback in the first episode but I say it still counts.
This last Thursday featured Steve Carell's last episode as regular character Michael Scott. I say "last episode as regular character" because more than likely he will be back as a guest star either for Michael's wedding to Holly (Amy Ryan) or even one of the final episodes when the series is put to rest. In Michael's place, D'Angelo Vickers (Will Ferrell) was introduced and in a, I'll admit clever, interesting way of having him as an acceptable replacement for Michael. He was liked, acted like a boss and not like a friend. He seemed like a good fit but then we realize that D'Angelo is a terrible salesman, is sexist and yells at food that he thinks tempt him (he was once overweight). So that is how they will get rid of Will Ferrell.
Even though years of terrible movies still haven't.
I never thought that "The Office" would come to an end when Steve Carell left. They will have at least one more season to see if the show can continue. If NBC, the writers and producers are smart, all of the eighth season will be done with no mention of Michael. Hire the new boss (I'm hoping either James Spader or Will Arnett) and just keep going. Now I know what you may be thinking. "You just said Steve Carell will be a guest star. Why can't he guest star in the eighth season?!" Because the eighth season will be a test to see if "The Office" can continue and be just as good without Carell. It can do it. The new boss just can't overshadow the fact that this is, and always had been, an ensemble cast.
And ensemble casts are always the best.
From what I could tell from the preview after the episode, it almost seemed like a completely different series and since all the characters have grown and changed over the past seven years, it is like a whole new show. Look at early second season episodes and compare them with early seventh season episodes. It's a whole other show.

The thing is that unless NBC has a great season next year, "The Office" doesn't even have to try to get a ninth season renewal. It can just coast along with dwindling ratings and be picked up as long as NBC is the fourth most-watched network.
"It's like we're not even trying anymore."

No, It Was an Accident Caused By the Principal Startling the Janitor...


That's some hardcore biting if she was able to break her tooth on a human bone. I guess if she bit at the wrist, there's not much skin it would be possible. Or the knee. I could definitely see Hattie attacking someone at the knee or ankle--like a rabid dog.


Professional basketball is so boring. It's not about the team, it's about the players and who can score more points and make more money.

When I was in school, I was always picked early on to be on a basketball team during gym because I was tall. I could barely make a basket so my teammates got mad at me and I was all "just because I'm tall doesn't mean I'm good at basketball" which usually shut them up. They then learned to start picking me last.

Friday, April 29, 2011

#230: A Good-Bye, Of Sorts

Like many people, I check Facebook several times a day. Nothing rarely changes but I still do it. There are only 7 out of 76 people I am friends with who I legitimately care knowing about the little intricacies of their life and one of those people I live with and most do not go on Facebook very often. But I continue to check it--see people's stupid Status Shuffle updates, see pictures of them doing stuff I either don't care about or things I'm jealous of. Relationship problems have seem to vanish which is good (except from this one girl but she's a 15-year-old trapped in a 30-year-old's body) and basically I'm noticing a huge drop in posts which may be because I am home all day to see them come in but more than likely other people are bored too. So I am going to try to not go to Facebook for at least the month of May. I know it sounds impossible but I am going to try. I'll keep you informed on how I do.

 I know when I posted POB #229, I figured that would be the last entry but then there's this one. It's been a struggle to figure out what to write for POB and since I have so many other things to be writing and just doing in general, POB is going on hiatus for a month or so. Hopefully, during that time I can finish up on everything I am writing and maybe get a backlog of POBs written and ready to be posted.

Currently what I am working on a as-yet-untitled short story about ghosts living in a cemetery but I am also working on expanding Seven to be a novel. I always felt drawn to the story of Seven--who I created way back in 1997. Even back then, the story was about a journey. I've always been fascinated with just getting up and going somewhere even if there is no destination in place. When I was younger I loved just getting out and going somewhere and while I can be extremely lazy, I still like to get out and do something--go somewhere. My friend and I were supposed to go to Rossville a few weeks ago because there was a time where I talked about Rossville all the time. He'd never been so I agreed but figured that since there really is nothing in Rossville that we would also explore the former Uniontown site. We have yet to go because our schedules don't line up or because he slept until noon.

I'm hoping with the return of POB to not only do the boring journalesque ramblings I've done since 2006 but also to do some history, some reviews and just random stuff so that posting this doesn't become a chore like it has been the last six months. So POB will be back probably in late June or early July so until then just enjoy the other stuff Watch This Space has to offer.

Until next time, I remain...
~Brian

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Beep Beep. Beep Beep. His Horn Went Beep, Beep Beep


He's also not on his cell phone or looking at himself in the vanity mirror or eating a hamburger! Does this man not know how to drive?


"And I swear to God if I don't get any chocolate chip cookies right now then I am going to lose MY FREAKING MIND!!"

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Reincarnation Powers Activate! Form of...


I take it from Wilberforce's facial expression of rolling eyes and pursed lips that he, too, is tired of his mom complaining about her weight.

Monday, April 25, 2011

You Wore That to Bowl?


Gladys doesn't care. She is just thrilled that she was able to keep her ball in her own lane unlike the previous times where the ball wound up going into other people's lanes and two people were killed.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Sundays at the DCR

There's no post over at The DCR this week. There may not be a post over at the DCR for quite some time. In case you haven't read, Jim Davis (or Paws, Inc.) ordered Photobucket to remove a few Garfield strips. I am assuming the Paws, Inc. Image Robot noticed those strips, sent a message to Photobucket who then saw all of the other comic strips on there and just decided to cancel the account. Even if Photobucket were to reinstate the account, all the comics posted from the last four years are gone. We're currently working on a solution and hopefully will be able to come back and be better than before. But, as promised, here is one last comics review.

The Knight Life
Knight Life 04-24-11
Amen. I get so tired of people complaining about the post office and the high price of stamps. What else can you buy for $0.44?

B.C.
B.C. 04-24-11
Much like Jesus, Johnny Hart has risen from the dead to do an Easter strip of his popular comic strip.

Girls & Sports
Girls & Sports 04-24-11
Hmm. So how come he can't just answer the phone or take it out and look at how's calling and press ignore? Because he's an idiot in a strip created by idiots? Oh, okay.

Maybe Daddy's Home will ease the suffering...
Daddy's Home 04-24-11
Sweet Holy Hell! There...is...no...God...

The Born Loser
Born Loser 04-24-11
Hah! Gladys is fat and fat people can't control their eating. It's funny because it's a stereotype.

Have a great Sunday everybody. Hopefully the DCR will be back soon and we can get back to making fun of bad comics and bringing attention to good comics.

Stull #13

I’ve lived in Stull my whole life. I’ve studied extensively the history of Stanton County and the state of Ohio in general. I will always consider Stanton County my home and I’m sure a lot of you feel the same way.

For years I have run the Rock Creek Township Historical Society out of the old Stull Library at 7th and Ohio Streets. My goal is to create the most extensive history of Stanton County and so far, I’ve done what I think is a wonderful job but I can’t do it all on my own. My staff does a spectacular job and the citizens of the county who allow us to wander around on their properties and fields also deserve mention.

For the last few months the Society has been investigating the founding of Stull. We were told the founding of Stull was like that of any other Ohio town but as we’ve come to find out, it was a lot more violent. Before the 1830s, all of Rock Creek Township was a reservation for the Comchau Indians. Nearby was Fort Bradshaw which was in operation from 1817 until 1832. It was asked that the fort be closed because of the End Road Massacre.

As of now, we have yet to find any additional information on the End Road Massacre. We’re assuming it was a battle between the military at the fort and the Comchau. In the last 1800s, a book was published—possibly self-published—that told, in detail, how Stull and Rock Creek Township was founded. The book is now lost but there has to be a copy out there or someone who knows what the book contained. If anyone knows where a copy of this book can be obtained please contact the Rock Creek Township Historical Society at (937)555-8967 or stop by the Society 645 Ohio Street in Stull. It is important that we keep our past and our heritage alive, no matter the circumstances.




“The Article”

“Hey, Matt, check out this rebuttal to the letter I wrote to the Tontzville paper a couple days ago,” Frank folded up the paper and flipped it around toward Matt and pointed at the title of the letter.

“’The Past Is Past’,” Matt read. “That is clever. ‘I am tired of having history, most of which does not pertain to us, shoved down our throats. Mr. York’s previous letter talking about a book and some sort of massacre that happened 180 plus years ago. Why should we keep guilting the American people about things that happened before they were born and had no control over? Maybe I would feel a bit different if our county had a more extensive history like the East Coast cities or even Gettysburg but compared to other areas of the country, the history involving Stanton County is pretty boring.’ You know, he has a point,” Matt chuckled.

“Yeah, but that’s why I want to know more about this massacre thing. What if this is our big historic moment? I don’t want to ignore it,” Frank explained. “I’ve also gotten a couple phone calls telling me to ignore it which then makes me want to find out everything.”

“Did the people who called you have any idea what the massacre was?” Matt asked.

“No, they were just prank calls because one of them asked me if I…fellate myself.” Frank smiled. “That’s what happens when you publish your phone number in a newspaper.”

The bells above the front door jingled and Jen could be heard speaking to the person who came in. “How can I help you?” she asked.

“Is Frank York in?”

“Just a moment,” Jen said and came into the office. “Are you available?”

“Yes, Jen. I’m always available. We’ve been through this,” Frank sighed.

“How am I supposed to be a gatekeeper if there’s no gate to keep?” Jen wondered as she left the office.

The man walked into the office, holding his hat and a cane. He was an elderly man and walked slowly. “Mr. York?” he asked.

“Yes? And please, call me Frank,” Frank said standing up. Matt moved off to the side.

“My name is Jarvis Houk, my grandfather was stationed at Fort Bradshaw and was the namesake for Houk Township,” Jarvis began.

“Where Irving is located,” Frank acknowledged. “I’ve ran across Charles Houk’s name numerous times. Fine man.”

“Thank you. I’ve come to ask you about the book on the massacre.”

“Do you have a copy of the book?” Frank exclaimed.

“I’m here to tell you that you will ruin the honor of many great men if you reveal what happened during the massacre, including my grandfather and his great-grandfather,” Jarvis pointed at Matt.

“Sir, I respect the things that those men did but it’s a piece of our history and it needs to be remembered so we can learn from it. Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery but he still felt like blacks were not equal to whites and wanted to send them all back to Africa but that hasn’t changed people’s opinions about him,” Frank said.

“True but Lincoln was an extraordinary man. The men at Fort Bradshaw were ordinary men and a bad reputation can destroy an ordinary man,” Jarvis said.

“I don’t believe there are extraordinary men. I believe there are ordinary men who do extraordinary things. You’re not the only detractor I’ve had over the last few days and I don’t understand this aversion to history but I am not going to back down.”

“Okay. Have it your way. I hope you find what you are looking for,” Jarvis sighed and turned to leave the office. “I do hope you find the book so you will know what you are dealing with.”

Jarvis left the Society and Frank and Matt looked at each other. “Do you think he knows what the massacre is?” Frank asked Matt.

“I think so. Probably should’ve asked him,” Matt nodded. “Although what Mr. Houk said makes me think, even more certainly, that something really bad during the massacre. He mentioned that it could ruin the men at the fort.”

“History has already judged them. Nothing more can help or hurt them,” Frank said, sitting back down.

“Hope you’re right,” Matt said.




John and Katie arrived at Stanton State Lake in Palmyra Township. Palmyra Township had no towns or communities. John and Katie were out there to find the graves of Ludwig and Wilhemina Kaeckell. The Kaeckells homesteaded on most of the acreage that would become Stanton State Lake. Ludwig died in 1901 and Wilhemina passed in 1912. Their heirs took ownership of the property but like it fall into ruins. When the WPA began constructing the dam, the original plan was to move the graves to Pleasant Valley Cemetery, the only other cemetery in Palmyra Township. The Kaeckells demanded that the graves remain. It was difficult to get to the graves, they were located off the path down the Overlook hill. John and Katie exited the car and began walking the path toward the top of the Overlook where a bench had been placed that looked out across the lake.

“I find it hard to believe that Frank doesn’t have a picture of these graves,” John said. “I’ve seen his cemetery scrapbook. He has hundreds, possibly thousands of pictures of cemeteries and graves.”

“Well he doesn’t. He’s never been able to get out here with one of us and he doesn’t want to go alone.”

“At least it’s a nice day. Could use a bit more cloud cover though,” John said as he glanced at the sun.

They walked in silence most of the way to the bench at the top of the hill. As they reached the top, they noticed that someone was sitting in the bench. The reached the top of the hill and saw that the person was sitting slumped over, wearing a trenchcoat and hat.

“That’s odd,” John whispered toward Katie. John approached the man and tapped his shoulder. “Sir? Are you okay?”

The man did not move. John removed the man’s hat and knelt down to look closer at his face. Katie took a couple steps back. “John? Is he okay?”

“Do you have your cell phone?” John asked. Katie nodded. “Call 911.”

To be continued...

Friday, April 22, 2011

Screw You, Good Friday


Just a quick update. Here is today's full strip and don't forget that I am also on Twitter (and there's a WTS Facebook but it's not as good).

Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Workers Are Revolting


As someone who has called out a boss on numerous occasions about how things could be better run, I have to tell all of you that it is a bad idea. Even if you don't get fired, your boss can make your job a living hell or even just the angry stare your boss gives you can shrivel your testicles (or ovaries).
Dammit, Biden!!

Addict


Well, at least Uncle Sam isn't shooting up between his toes...

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Lot of Jerks in the Service Industry


At least the barber didn't comment on giving Brutus a nice buff and wax. Yet another service employee that won't be getting a tip...

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Price of Crude


I'm wondering why people aren't fussing more about gas prices. I remember back in 2008 that people struck back, using public transportation and just not going anywhere. This time, not so much.

I looked up gas prices in Cleveland, Ohio and the cheapest I saw was $3.67 per gallon which would give Gladys not even 3 gallons for her $10.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Monsieur--And He Uses That Term Loosely


According to Google Translate, the French word for 'cheeseburger' is 'cheeseburger' only it's pronounced sheh-zay bou-jay. Anyway, this waiter is not getting a tip.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Spousal Abuse Sunday

A new post is up at the DCR. There's Herb & Jamaal, Adam@Home and two days of The Born Loser. Go check it out.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Disney Fairytale My Butt


Does Jerry Holbert make over $250,000 a year?

I don't think Obama thinks this at all. It's not a matter of getting "average Americans" to like him (or the government), it's reducing our debt, budget and generating more money which is what needs to happen. While raising taxes on the rich won't solve all of our budget/debt problems, it's a start.

Unfortunately, even if the higher taxes get approved and actually work to create revenue once a Republican gets into office tax cuts for the rich will be back.

Brutus Is Like a Stupid Dog


Has Brutus done any kind of work this week? Veeblefester is an all-powerful CEO giving himself bonuses even when telling the federal government he won't but he can't get Brutus out of his office?

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

#229: Non-Issues

The Kansas House and Senate have approved two different budget plans for the fiscal year that starts July 1. The House plan includes a provision that eliminates the pass-through of federal family planning funding to Planned Parenthood clinics.

The Senate budget plan doesn’t have such a proposal. Legislators return from their break to reconvene the session on April 27.

What the hell? You would think the Kansas state government would have better things to do than deal with an issue that is technically not an issue. I've received mailings from Kansans for Life and I didn't like the message they preached then either. I'm getting tired of these non-issues being the ones the politicians we've erroneously elected deal with when there are 2 1/2 wars, economic problems, unemployment and a huge divide with the people on the left and right. We can't agree on anything like little kids on the playground who all want to be first to kick the ball.

“Americans don’t want their taxes to help an immoral business,” said Kathy Ostrowski, of Kansans for Life. Opponents of Planned Parenthood say the funds should go to other local health clinics.

Um, our taxes don't go to pay for an immoral business. Only 3% of Planned Parenthood's business is abortions and those cost between $300 and $1,000, definitely not tax-subsidized. I would like to know how many people the Kansans for Life actually know who have used Planned Parenthood or gotten an abortion. And people belonging to KFL don't count. Being someone who knows several people who have used Planned Parenthood and gotten abortions (myself, well a girlfriend, included), I honestly don't see the big deal. All are productive members of society with their own families and doing just fine. Do they regret what they did. Probably but their lives would've been much different had they not gotten the abortion.

Planned Parenthood says the funding is crucial to support Planned Parenthood health centers in Wichita and Hays, which according to a recent study serve nearly 9,000 women per year. No abortions are conducted at either one of those clinics. Planned Parenthood also points out that the Hays clinic is the only one for low-income women in Ellis County.

Nice. No Planned Parenthood in Kansas except for the one in Overland Park performs abortions. Overland Park, the mecca for Republicans in Kansas has the Planned Parenthood that does abortions. So there are Planned Parenthoods in Wichita and Hays that serve 9,000 women per year. Where will those women go if those places are shut down? How many county health clinics are out in the boonies of Kansas? Luckily, with a quick search of Google News shows that we are not taking the lead on this for once. Other states are also creating bills defunding Planned Parenthood or wanting to reject the Federal money for Planned Parenthood.

You would think Americans would get tired of non-issues such as gay marriage and abortions being shoved down our throats as an excuse for our representatives to not actually do any work but they apparently haven't. They would rather argue the merits of something that was already upheld by the Supreme Court in 1973. Why don't they demand our government do something about the debt, the wars, the economy, jobs, immigration or ending our dependance on oil?

What's interesting is that I'm seeing a lot more people who actually voted these people in wonder what they hell they are doing. The Religious Right (or Tea Party) elected these people based on the assumption they would bring down the deficit, cut the budget, create jobs and bring this country back to prosperity. That clearly isn't happening because during the budget battle, both sides came out looking like impotent dogs. I don't care who got the better deal--Obama or Boehner--both lost because they both looked and acted like children.

I feel offended that our government threatened a shut down. They think we can be manipulated to do their bidding. The President doesn't want a shut down because that makes him look really bad, like he has no power so this was completely Boehner's fault. I feel they made it public so the American would voice support for getting rid of Planned Parenthood funding, hence the scare tactics but a majority of Americans are not stupid and they can see through that. The only ones who actually think Planned Parenthood is a threat to the well-being of our daughter and women have been nicely brainwashed by Fox News so they agree with whatever Fox says.

I find it odd that the Republicans want women to bring children into this world when they are also slashing school funding and Medicaid. "Your child may be sick as a dog and dumb as a post but at least it's alive!"

It's Sports, You Really Don't Need Sound


Gladys should put away the vacuum, it's starting to rain the first panel.

The Not-So-Great Simpsina

I've been watching The Simpsons since it premiered which normally would be a pretty good feat because that shows dedication and an example of how good a show is and can remain to be. Unfortunately that's the case with The Simpsons anymore. Currently it's just a meandering shadow of what it used to be. Which is why people call it Zombie Simpsons.
Sadly, not good zombies but bad zombies.

A few weeks ago, the episode "Love Is a Many Strangled Thing" did something no other Simpson episode has done. It did not make me laugh. Anymore, Simpsons can make me chuckle but not laugh. "Love Is a Many Strangled Thing" did neither. I sat through the episode and just stared. It was a pretty much wasted 22 minutes. But I'm not here to discuss that episode. I'm here to bad mouth the following episode that aired this last Sunday. "The Great Simpsina".

The episode started out badly by being something that was whoring out the movie "Rio". There was no opening sequence so no couch gag, which is fine because it seems as if all couch gags have went on way too long. The episode starts with the Simpsons at a family-owned peach orchard. There is an establishing shot of the orchard with a few cars, the Simpsons' station wagon and an old truck but there is also a sign "Freestone Family Peach Orchard - Pick Your Own!" and I noticed something pretty glaring in the shot. There's no joke. The shot lingers a bit too long giving morons time to read the sign but what's the point? There's no humorous sign or comical object in the shot. Once we're inside the orchard, things don't go much better. Homer apparently picks 19 barrels of peaches all by himself and Bart and Lisa are harassed by Ewell Freestone (voiced by Jack McBrayer) who sings a song about all of the peaches. The song, like many jokes nowadays, go on too long and have no purpose.

The Simpsons bring home the 19 barrels of peaches and Marge quickly goes insane making all their meals out of the peaches. Homer then announces he's taking Marge for a massage and has Bart and Lisa work to get rid of the peaches. The storyline diverges here. After Bart and Lisa dispose of the peaches, Lisa notices a garbage can lid is moving and immediately goes to see if Oscar the Grouch is living in the garbage can.
Oscar the Grouch would be a bit more entertaining.

Why would Lisa think that Oscar the Grouch is living in that trashcan? In the classic episodes it was always refreshing to show Bart and Lisa actually acting like kids but now when it happens it doesn't work as good. Eight-year-olds know Oscar the Grouch is not real. What is in the trash can is a rabid raccoon who begins chasing after Lisa which ends up having her meet the Great Raymando (voiced by Martin Landau). Lisa then becomes his protege because Lisa has always shown an interest in magic and begins performing magic shows--and just a few weeks after Homer performed shows with Cheech Marin.

What's the reason Lisa is learning magic? She's not becoming more popular because of it and she immediately loses concentration when a cute boy cons her out of one of the tricks. The press release from Fox made it seem like the "schoolgirl crush" would a pivotal plot point but it's not. The boy, who is Craig Demon's (a parody of Criss Angel) son, shows up on screen, says a few things to Lisa and is nearly forgotten about the rest of the show. During the magic montage, Lunchlady Doris is seen and heard. Apparently she was heard back in season 18, 19 and season 20 and voiced by Tress MacNeille. This unnerved me because after Doris Grau passed away in 1995, the character was reduced to just a background character. And that's where she should remain--she doesn't need to talk.

Anyway, Craig Demon fails at performing the milk can trick that only Houdini, the Great Raymando and now Lisa can perform and the Great Raymando is attacked by fellow magicians Penn & Teller, David Copperfield and Ricky Jay (all voicing themselves) but is able to severely injure all of them.
In real life, these guys can kick your ass.

The episode ends on an odd note with the Great Raymando hepped up on ether and hallucinating about his deceased wife. The two begin dancing, fade to black. That would've been sweeter and a little less creepy if there was something in the plot about the Great Raymando wanted to dance with his wife again. It would've been a better plot if there was actual substance to the plot like Raymando wanting to show everybody that magicians like Craig Demon are not in it for the magic but for the fame and glory and used Lisa to achieve that goal but no, Raymando just seems like a bitter old man and this episode already had enough Grandpa.
We had to say 'dickety' because the Kaiser had stolen our number 20.

For the sake of posterity, here is how the peaches subplot ended:
Homer and Marge are getting a massage and Homer blurts out "The kids are getting rid of the peaches." Marge freaks out and screams "But what will we have to eat!" but then the masseuse begins working her elbow into Marge's back who slumps back down on the table and moans "Who cares?"

My thought exactly. "Who cares?"

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

No. 22: Wilbur and Kolak

Wilbur walked up to his father who was working on a car in the garage. “Dad? If I found a cat, could I keep it?” he asked.

“Of course not. You know I’m horribly allergic to cats,” Wilbur’s dad explained.

“Oh, yeah. Well, could I keep it in the tree house until we found it a home?”

“Sure, I guess. Why? Did you find a little lost kitten?” his dad chuckled.

“Kind of…” Wilbur said, walking away. Wilbur walked to the far back of the backyard to a smoldering crater with pieces of a rocket ship in it. Next to the crater was a calico cat wearing a fancy jeweled collar. “My dad won’t let me keep you but said you could stay until we do find you a home,” Wilbur said to the cat.

“Oh, well, I guess that’s better than nothing,” the cat replied.




“So your name is Kolak?” Wilbur asked the calico, now in Wilbur’s tree house behind the main house. “And what are you doing here?”

“I was sent by my planet’s High Emperor to evaluate humans, unfortunately I misjudged the landing so now I’m stuck here,” the cat explained.

“That’s too bad. Well, you can stay here until we can find you some other place to stay.”

“I appreciate that but I can’t put a burden on you or anybody else. Technically, I’m not even supposed to let on that I can talk.”

“Hate to say it but you’re doing a bad job of that,” Wilbur chuckled. “Look it’s no problem, you can stay up here until we can find you a place to stay and then you can be a normal cat for them.”

“I guess. It’ll be harder to do my reports but I...Wait! That’s impossible!” Kolak shrieked.

“What?”

“I can’t be anyone’s pet. If I become anyone’s pet they will probably fall in love with me and when I have to leave and go back home…”

“You’ll break their heart. Well, I guess you’ll just have to stay up here until you leave.”

“I guess.”

Wilbur glanced at his watch and stood up. “It’s suppertime so I’ll see you later. I’ll bring you something to eat when I’m finished.”

“No hurry. And Wilbur? Thanks,” Kolak smiled.




Inside, the Terwilleger family all sat around the dinner table as Wilbur’s sister, Nancy, talked about her day at school. Wilbur showed obvious disinterest in Nancy’s story.

“...And then, when I was in music class, I saw David walk past the door and he looked right at me!” she said in a shrill voice.

“Well, maybe he was looking at someone else. Your music class is pretty big…” Wilbur said, purposely trying to dash his sister’s dreams.

“He looked right at me because I heard later from my best friend’s cousin’s best friend’s girlfriend that David looked right at me as he walked by,” Nancy explained.

“Well, I’m glad you were able to verify that,” Wilbur sighed heavily and rolled his eyes.

“Leave her alone, Wilbur. How was your day at school?” asked his father.

“It was great. Alex threw up at recess and Trevor broke his collar bone. I also tripped Amy tripped twice and poured sand on her head. Principal Arevalo says ‘hello’ by the way,” Wilbur elaborated.

“Wilbur,” his mom sighed exasperatingly “why do you torment that girl?”

“Because he loves her,” Nancy mocked.

“Shut up! I do not! Girls are icky!” Wilbur shouted.

“Now everyone calm down,” Wilbur’s dad said, calmly. “There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why Wilbur, and boys in general, treat girls the way they do: one, they want to feel a sense of superiority; or two, because he loves her.”

“Dad!”

“I’m sorry but it’s cute. We and the Parkers are already planning the wedding,” Dad joked.

“Aargh!! Can I be excused?” Wilbur groaned.

“Yes, you can,” Mom answered.

“Can I take some meat out to Kolak?” Wilbur asked. “Maybe some milk or water, too?”

“Kolak? Is that the kitten? Where’d you come up with that name?” Nancy asked.

Wilbur loaded some meat and vegetables onto a plate. “I didn’t come up with it. It’s his name.”

“So the cat has a home?” asked Dad.

“No,” Wilbur said.

“Then how’d you come up with the name Kolak?” Mom demanded.

“He just looked like a Kolak, like I look like a Wilbur and Nancy looks like a horse,” Wilbur got up from the dinner table with the plate and went outside. He climbed up the tree to the tree house and placed the food in front of Kolak. “I brought you some turkey. Hope you like all this,” Wilbur motioned to the food on the plate.

“Thank you, Wilbur,” Kolak kneeled down and began chewing the turkey.

“Can I ask you a question, Kolak?” asked Wilbur.

“Of course.”

“What do those jewels on your collar do?” Wilbur asked, referring to the six crystals upon the collar around Kolak’s neck.

“Every citizen of Juriorty has one and each crystal does something different. Green can create anything you desire; white can translate and decipher any language; blue has infinite knowledge; yellow can morph you into anything; red is a communicator and black, well, black should never be used.”

Wilbur looked out the tree house window to the house next door. “I think I know how you can stay close to me but have a true home,” Wilbur exclaimed.

“How?”

“My neighbor Amy. She loves cats and we’re pretty good friends,” Wilbur said. “I’ll ask her tomorrow at school.”




The next day, Wilbur and Amy climbed up into the tree house and Kolak bounded over to them like a playful kitten. “Oh, he’s adorable Wilbur!” Amy said.

“I thought you’d like him. So, you’re certain your parents will let you keep him?” Wilbur asked.

“Pretty certain. I’ll take him home now.”

“No!” Wilbur screamed. “I mean, I want a little more time with him. I’ll bring him over in a couple minutes,” Wilbur snatched Kolak away from Amy.

“Okay. If that’s what you want. I’ll be at home talking to my parents just to confirm if it’s okay,” Amy looked at Wilbur oddly and climbed down the ladder of the tree house.

“Smooth,” Kolak said.

“I want to say good-bye. You be good over there, all right?” Wilbur ordered, holding Kolak out at arm’s length and looking right at him.

“I am twenty times more evolved than your primitive Earth-cats so I think I can handle it,” Kolak smirked at Wilbur and struggled out of Wilbur’s grip. “Is she your girlfriend?”

“What? No! Why does everyone think that?”

“You may think that now but it will soon change. Treat her good because she’s going to need a good friend down the line and she’s going to come to you.”

“How do you know?” asked Wilbur heading down the ladder.

“Another one of my many powers.”

“Kolak? This may be the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” Wilbur chuckled.

“That’s right, Wilbur, use a tired cliché to end the story.”

“Story? What are you talking?”

“Nothing. Just take me home...” Kolak chuckled and leapt out of the tree house.

Veeblefesters Cry Too


Hmm. I always figured Veeblefester would just outright kill people, not just lock them out. Learn something new every day.

Monday, April 11, 2011

The Caffeine Should Wear Off By Then


I love how Chip is doing some different things with "Thornapple" lately. First we got this, now we have a simple "Thornapple" with a faint gray underline. And it's the little things like that which really pull the strip together.

A List That Makes Me Sad


What annoys me is how the GOP are all up in a tizzy about Planned Parenthood and not giving the rich the tax breaks they so obviously deserve and getting rid of those overpaid teacher with their 1996 Toyota Tercels that they seemed to have stopped caring about the still languishing economic crisis. Jobs are still slim pickens, people are still being laid off, gas and groceries are getting a tad expensive.

Just for kicks, let's see what my own state's government has done to help job growth in Kansas.
  • Late-term abortion restrictions
  • Ordering an audit of the Kansas Bioscience Authority because a representative doesn't like the guy in charge
  • Planning "marriage initiatives" to keep people from filing for divorce
  • Loosening regulations on AT&T
  • Approved a budget that slashes the budget of education to the lowest level in a decade
  • Approving a bill requiring to show an ID in order to vote
  • Abolishing the Kansas Arts Commission, which was eventually overturned. Had it been shut down, Kansas would've been the only state without an arts commission.
  • Approving a bill raising speed limits and making it OK for motorcyclists to run red lights
  • Approving unannounced and surprise state investigations for abortion clinics
  • Wanting to introduce "faith-based solutions" into the state-run program of SRS
  • Repealing a law that says undocumented immigrants can pay in-state tuition
I still don't see how any of this creates jobs.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

On Katzenjammer

It's Sunday again and your Sunday DCR is now posted. There's some Momma, Mark Trail and a rant about The Katzenjammer Kids.

There's also been some updates to WTS as well. You will see that the ads have been reduced to just the top row of small ads and that there is a "donate" button. All money received from the ads and from donations go back into the site so feel free to donate or click on one of the ads above.

And please remember to follow me on Twitter and tell your friends about this blog.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Stull #12

The moon was bright in the sky as Frank, Matt, Katie and John headed toward the Little Vawter Bridge in Pacific Township. It was almost one thirty in the morning as they turned onto Vawter Road to head to the bridge.

“I got the form filled out to send to the National Register,” Frank said. “Hopefully it’s approved.”

“Why are we going out there tonight?” Matt asked.

“After Katie fell off the bridge a few months ago, I’ve been wanting to get back out here and see if it was just a fluke that she fell off or if she was really pulled off the bridge,” Frank said. “And she refused to let me go without her.”

“I didn’t just fall off the bridge. I was pulled. I felt something tug on my arm,” Katie said. “I’m not some clumsy idiot who can’t sit down without toppling over.”

“Nobody said you were,” John said. “But I agree that there is not ghost out there. The ‘tug’ you felt was probably the wind or some odd body spasm that felt like someone grabbing you. You moved your body in an odd fashion thus causing you to fall into the creek.”

“That excuse still makes me a clumsy idiot!”

“And that excuse doesn’t explain how Judith’s friend died,” Matt reminded.

“He was being stupid and got himself drowned,” John argued. “I’m not saying I have all the answers but I know there is no ghost out there.”

Frank pulled over and put the truck in park and shut off the headlights. “We’ll see. We’re here.” Frank opened his door and stepped out. The others followed, each with a flashlight. Frank also had a camera.

The moon reflected off of the Little Vawter River and the bridge causing the bridge to be seen clearly as if it was the daytime. Frank headed toward the bridge, his flashlight leading the way.

John lagged behind the others pointed his flashlight toward the tops of the trees. “Watch out for snakes,” he said. 




“In Memory Of”

“I was sitting right here,” Katie patted her hand down where she was sitting when she fell over the bridge. “I felt something grab my arm which was kind of behind me with my fingers holding onto the edge. It then pulled on me and down I went.”

John shined his flashlight over the bridge and looked down at the river. “That’s a long way down. I’m shocked you only broke your arm,” he said.

“It could’ve been worse,” Frank began. “Cracked your skull, crushed a rib, broke your back.”

“Yes, thank you Frank,” Katie said angrily. “And I only broke my arm because that’s the arm I landed on.”

“So what are we doing here?” Matt sighed. “As much as I would love to get back at the ghost who hurt Katie, do we actually have a plan here?”

“We’re going to reenact the night Katie fell off the bridge while a couple of us investigate the river bank,” Frank revealed.

“I’m not sitting on this bridge again,” Katie spoke up.

“You won’t. John will. You will stay here and make sure nothing takes him while me and Matt put on boots and walk up and down the river bank.”

“Put on boots?” Matt questioned. “I don’t think ‘wearing boots’ is part of my job description.”

“Your job description says ‘…and any other duties or tasks ordered by the Society head’. And I am the Society head so go back to the truck and get the boots. Katie, here is a camera. Take as many pictures as you can but make sure John doesn’t go over the side of the bridge.”

“That’s reassuring,” John said.




Frank and Matt began following the Little Vawter River toward the west. They stayed along the south bank. “So how’s everything going?” Frank asked Matt.

“What?”

“How’s everything going? It’s been awhile since we’ve hung out together outside of work. We’ve been spending a lot of time trying to find out why the male members of your family keep dying young and you’ve been doing a bulk of the work. I just want to make sure you are still doing okay.”

“I’m doing fine. Katie’s been really helping me through all of this.”

“That’s good. I know I’ve been spending too much time on trying to find that stupid book. I’ve been thinking of just forgetting about it and moving on to something else. Like the ghost you had sex with.”

“Can we not mention that?” Matt asked.

“Or figuring out what happened to the people of Rock Creek. There’s so much more we could be doing than trying to find a book that may not even exist anymore,” Frank sighed.

“I know what you mean. I’ve been wanting to take some time off and maybe do some stuff I’ve always wanted to do. Also, our ten year high school reunion is coming up and I feel like I haven’t really accomplished anything,” Matt said.

“Really? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stand in your way…”

“No, I’ve loved working for you and helping out with the Society but don’t you ever want to leave and see the country?”

“I have been thinking about expanding our paranormal investigating to outside of Ohio,” Frank said. “If you really want to do some traveling, you could do some part-time investigating for the Society. I have been getting calls from people wanting us to investigate places in Wisconsin, Iowa and California.”

“I’ll think about it. It would be nice,” Matt said. “How far do you think we’ve walked?”

“I don’t know. Quarter of a mile maybe?” Frank looked back where they had come from. “I really haven’t been paying atten…” Frank stubbed his foot on a hard rock and toppled over, landing hands first into some mud.

Matt chuckled. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah,” Frank grunted as he stood up. “That was a really sturdy rock.” Frank shined his flashlight on it and saw that it wasn’t a rock.

“It’s a tombstone,” Matt said. “’In memory of Amelia Betts. Buried in Pacific City Cemetery’. Why is this all the way out here?”

“I don’t know. Here, hold the flashlights over it so I can get a picture. Maybe I can find something out about Amelia Betts when we get back to the Society.”




“I have your baby,” Katie said, leaning over the bridge as John sat on the edge. “I have your baby!”

“I don’t think this is working,” John said as Katie huffed and crossed her arms.

“I didn’t think it would,” Katie said. “Maybe I was just imagining being grabbed,” she sighed and leaned against the railing.

“Or you did actually feel something. Just because something isn’t there doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Whether it was a ghost or your own imagination, something grabbed you and pulled you off of the bridge,” John explained as he jumped off the railing and stood in front of Katie.

Frank and Matt emerged from the woods. “I see John is still alive and well,” Frank said. “So nothing happened?”

“No,” Katie said. “Did you find anything?”

“We found a tombstone,” Matt said.

“We’re thinking it’s the tombstone of the woman who supposedly drowned here. When we get back to the Society I can do some research on this,” Frank said.




Frank and Matt were alone in the Rock Creek Township Historical Society. Frank had finished researching Amelia Betts. Mrs. Betts went out for a walk in the woods but slipped into the river and drowned. Her body was found where the tombstone is now but she was buried Pacific City Cemetery. The stone near the river was eventually forgotten.

“I’m glad we found it, that way we can try to preserve it,” Frank said.

“Frank?” Matt began. “I’ve been thinking about our talk tonight and I have decided to do the out-of-state investigating. After our reunion, of course.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Yes. I think I need to get out of not only Stull but the county.”

Frank hesitated for a moment. “That’s cool. I think expanding our paranormal positions will really get our name out there. I’ll get to work on it,” Frank smiled.

Hattie Is Not Second Best


Hattie, you just have to prove to the coach that you are the better player and deserve to be the starter. Or you can shatter the knee caps of the kid the coach picked to start. Just make sure it looks like an accident, get someone to do it for you, or sneak up on him at night while he's taking out the trash.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Watch It, Chip. Your Anti-Communism Is Showing


Air raid siren? You mean a tornado siren or civil defense siren or outdoor warning siren? They haven't been called air raid sirens since the end of the Cold War.

If You Haven't Had One, You Can't Comment


Yes, let's highly regulate something that is legal and make it so people won't get them and there will be even more poverty and unwanted children.

Look, I don't claim to know anything about sports, the military or how to build a house and I think politicians need to admit that they don't know anything about abortion, the people getting abortions or the people performing the abortions.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Born Loser Featuring Rancid Veeblefester


You know how on TV shows one of the characters becomes popular and the show suddenly starts revolving all the plots around that one character with no regard to how good or bad the series could end up? It happened on "Happy Days" with Fonzie, "Night Court" with Dan, "How I Met Your Mother" with Barney and "The Big Bang Theory" with Sheldon. Heck, it even happened on Peanuts with Snoopy. Well, I think that has happened with Veeblefester. I just wonder how Chip got in his mind that Veeblefester was popular.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

But What About My Family?

HEY! I believe in a lot of municipalities there is something called an election going on for city council/commission, possibly school board and numerous other things so you should get out and vote. It's one of the few things out there that is both a right and privilege.


Finally, a massive shake-up at the Veeblefester Corporation. Brutus, not wanting to admit that he may be one of the millions of unemployed in the next few weeks decides to look on the bright side and create his own definition for "downsize".

Monday, April 4, 2011

Battle of the Bulge, Take IV


I'm guessing that Gladys is so upset that no matter what Brutus says it will piss her off. Or, she knows Brutus is lying and is basically saying 'shut up' to him. Or, Gladys feels that she is perfect and her mom is not and resents being lumped into the same vat of perfect. I love how Gladys is never at fault for any fight the Thornapples have.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

It's the Weasels Year


So do you think Wilberforce participates in these city-sponsored (or neighborhood sponsored) sports because he wants to or do you think Brutus makes him? Either way, I'm sure Wilberforce's team is better than the Royals. I think they also spend more money than the Royals do.