Sunday, November 22, 2015

Sunday Comics #13: Cat-Man

Back when I first got into comics, I created my own comic book characters that I would use to act out stories using refrigerator magnets. Some of the characters I created I have rewritten into stories here and elsewhere. Most of my characters were cat-themed because I was apparently going through a cat phase at that time. What was weird is that sometimes they weren't cats so it was kind of like humans and anthropomorphic cats coexisting with each other. One of these examples was Catman, my Batman clone, who was a man who dressed as a cat. One would think that it would be the felis sapien equivalent of blackface but he always got along with the feline heroes.

My Catman was originally very similar to Batman but soon became more like Wildcat with a hint of Wolverine. In-universe, Catman died along with all the other heroes I created during the Crystal Mission, where a living crystalline alien spreads across the universe engulfing earth. Catman will be reintroduced next month in Incredible Comics #5 and I hope that he becomes a mainstay around here.

The Holyoke Publishing version of Cat-Man debuted in Crash Comics #4 in 1940. Cat-Man had a very Jungle Book-y origin as Cat-Man's secret identity, David Merrywether, is raised by a jungle cat. In India, David is just a baby being raised by his parents. One night, the Family Merrywether are attacked by racist caricatures and slaughtered, leaving only baby David alive.
So much racism.
Soon, a mother tiger arrives to pick at the corpses a bit and discovers David crying in his crib. Her motherly instincts kicking in, the tiger carries David off to raise him as her own.
"This white kid is going to get me in the door of a lot of countries."
According to a giant text box, David grows up with the mother tiger's cubs and learns the language of the jungle. He ends up saving one of his "brothers'" life and is rewarded from the tiger with being shown where a human city is. Because David was raised by tigers in the jungle, he has essentially become a cat so when he returns to civilazation, disappointed by how terrible humans are, he devotes his life combating evil as The Cat-Man!

While listening to a live broadcast of a radio show, David hears an S-O-S coming from the prop machine gun used on the program. Believing that something is wrong, David doffs his street clothes to reveal The Cat-Man!!
Gah! Put the street clothes back on!
When Cat-Man arrives at the studio, he sees the voice actors tied up and no sign of the hoodlums. The criminals have kidnapped Stella Richards because Bull Jackson wants to use her radio program for evil and she refuses to do it. It's not explained how he wants to use it for evil but I assume he wants to add more annoying drive-time deejays with names like "Rockin' Randy and the Clit". Cat-Man busts in, and shows off his skills of leaping tall ceilings in a single bound and his glowing, searchlight-like eyes, saving Ms. Richards. Unfortunately, one of Bull's henchmen pushes over a chimney knocking Cat-Man out cold.

Cat-Man and Stella awake in Bull's dungeon-like prison but are able to escape due to an air vent that was left open.Cat-Man drops Stella off at a police station and then makes another appearance at one of Bull's other hideouts. Cat-Man is immediately stabbed and killed, his body lying in a pool of blood. Bull then speeds off to the police station to recapture Stella.

As Cat-Man dies, the spirit of his feline guardian visits him and restores his life because, since he is a cat, David has nine lives. Bull has taken one life so David has eight lives left. Cat-Man arrives at the police station, picks up Bull and his men and just throws them in jail. The police chief, or whoever, offers Cat-Man a job with the force. Cat-Man turns him down.
"Ok, that's fine, but why are you yelling?"
Cat-Man continued to appear in Crash Comics until Crash was canceled with #5 but then received his own series the following years that lasted sporadically until 1946. As the series wore on, Cat-Man got a better costume and a sidekick in the form of Kitten, his orphaned eleven-year-old niece. So, yes, everyone was on board the child endangerment train.










The Cat-Man has since fallen into the public domain and has been used several times by other publishers. A different version of Catman is currently associated with Batman at DC Comics and there's another, a villain, over at Marvel so there is no shortage of the use of the name.

Did...did he slaughter his Tiger Mother for those gloves?

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Sunday Comics #12: Marge's Tubby

Marjorie Henderson "Marge" Buell's Little Lulu first appeared as a replacement to the comic panel "Henry" in the February 23, 1935 issue of the Saturday Evening Post. "Little Lulu" ran in the Post from 1935 until 1944 and then as a nationally syndicated comic strip from 1944 until 1969. "Little Lulu" continued as a comic book series from 1948 until 1984, a theatrical short series lasting 26 shorts between 1943 and 1948, and two television series--one on ABC from 1976 to 1977 and HBO from 1995 to 1999. Introduced in 1941, Tubby Tompkins became Lulu's portly, misogynistic friend. Tubby was so popular that he got his own comic book series from 1952 to 1961.

Tubby can best be described as the 1950s version of Eric Cartman, less bigoted and murderous but equally misogynistic. Tubby, as leader of The Fellers, his neighborhood boy gang, routinely kept girls away from their clubhouse, insulted them, made them cry, made them feel less than people and was just basically a mean ol' jerk to them. Thankfully, Tubby usually got what was coming to him in the form of public embarrassment or child abuse (re: constant spanking).

Most stories featuring Tubby were about him trying to do something fun and having it backfire causing hijinks to ensue or being a lazy piece of crap. One of my favorite stories that I have read has him doing latter. Trying to keep from practicing his violin.







Monday, November 9, 2015

Riley & Tyler

An enthralling narrative of complex friendships and relationships, father-daughter conflicts and the awakenings of one's sexual identity. This captivating novella of two sisters whose confusion and heartache of teenage life echoes the literary prose of John Green and Rainbow Rowell.

Tauy Creek Quarterly debuts today with all new stories available for purchase on your Amazon Kindle. First up, is the story of Riley and Tyler who become friends and ultimately start dating during their junior year of high school.

Order here for $1.99.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Incredible Comics #4

The small wooden cargo ship crashed into the pier around 2 o’clock. The pier had been abandoned for a couple of years so no one was around to witness the splintering of the wood into the dock. Two figures left the ship, splitting up as they entered the night. One, a small figure, lanky and quick. The other, animal-like and snarling. The creature left the dock and warehouse area and emerged onto the well-lit Water Street. The hulking dog foamed and drooled as it growled and looked around. A couple blocks down the street, the dog spotted a lone figure, a man in tattered clothes wandering the street, ducking into the alley and coming back out after a minute or so.

The dog slowly headed toward the man, picking up speed with each step. The man saw the dog just a second before it knocked him and tore into his flesh. When done, the dog ran off and disappeared into the shadows.




Harold stayed late at the Fix-It Shop the following night to finish some work he had been lax on after spending more time as Time Man. As he left the Shop, he noticed a beat officer walking down the street. “Good evening, officer. What brings you out here? This neighborhood hasn’t had a beat cop in years.”

“A man was murdered nearby, over by the piers. The department is increasing the number of beat cops until the suspect is found,” the officer explained.

“Well, I hope you catch him and welcome to the neighborhood. I’m Harold Banner.”

“Officer Gareth Murdock,” the officer smiled. The two men shook hands and parted ways.

Harold went around the corner and then ducked into an alley, slipped on his sundial and changed into Time Man. He flew into the air and circled around his neighborhood, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. He landed in the alley next to his apartment building, took off the sundial and went upstairs to his apartment.

Officer Murdock continued walking his beat, soon becoming the only person in the neighborhood, save for a few stragglers, night-time workers, homeless people and a couple of prostitutes that Murdock ignored, even when one of them climbed into a car. Around one, Officer Murdock was heading back to the precinct when he heard a blood-curdling scream. He ran to where he thought the scream came from. Down the street, on the next block, Murdock found the mangled corpse of a man. “54, this is Murdock. I need an ambulance and back-up to 112th Street and Belle. Also, send the coroner,” he radioed in.




The next night, Officer Murdock started his beat on only two hours of sleep. He was only thirty minutes into it when Time Man landed beside him. “I want to help,” he said.

Murdock let out a gasp by the sudden voice. “Time Man, right? I would love the help, especially from overhead. We’re dealing with some kind of monster. The victim’s throat was torn out.”

“I think it’s some sort of animal. I don’t know what kind. Has anyone stepped forward, said that they’ve seen it?”

“We had a couple eyewitnesses say they saw two things running from the abandoned docks. One looked human and the other looked like a dog or wolf.”

“We should go look. We may find something.”

The smashed boat was still in pieces at the dock, some of it had washed out with the tide. “Why did no one report this? This had to have been heard from at least a mile away,” Murdock exclaimed.

“No one in this part of the city cares. They tend to ignore what goes on around them,” Time Man said. He went into the ruins of the ship and into the steering compartment. A body lie on the floor. Time Man went over and rolled the body over. “The captain,” he said quietly. He saw a book on a table against the wall. It was the captain’s log. He turned a few pages then turned and left the ship, carrying the book out. “The captain is in there, dead. No one else on board. The ship is from Constanta, Romania. It seems the captain took on a passenger and that passenger killed crewmember after crewmember, dumping the bodies in the ocean during the voyage.”

“What the hell?” Murdock took the log from Time Man. A scream echoed through the streets and alleys.

Murdock and Time Man looked at each other. “The southeast, along Water Street near 109th?”

“Sounds like.”

“I got this,” Time Man said and stopped time. He flew over to Water Street and saw a giant dog standing over a man who was laying in the gutter of the street. Time Man landed next to the two, the man clearly dead. “How do I stop this thing?” he asked himself.

He uneasily kneeled down and wrapped his arms around the dog’s neck and tightened his grip. He squeezed, pulled and twisted the dog’s head and tightly closed his eyes and shuddered when he heard the neck snap.

He stood up and shuddered again, shaking his arms. He unfroze time and the dog collapsed and went limp. A few minutes passed and Officer Murdock arrived at the scene. “That’s it?” he was surprised.

“Yes, this isn’t the passenger the captain was talking about so they are still out there but they don’t seem to causing any problems.”

“Yet,” Murdock said. “I’ll call this in. Thanks for helping. A lot on the force are skeptical of you but you’re okay in my book.”

“Thanks. That’s a ringing endorsement,” Time Man smiled and lifted off.

As Officer Murdock radioed in, a lone figure watched him from the top of a nearby building. She was dirty, with brown hair, wearing a tattered white ie with black designs in front and along the arms and a plain white dress that was also in tatters. When an ambulance and other police cars arrived, the girl lifted her arms, revealing leather-looking bat wings and flew off into the night.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

1300: Please Make It Tens and Twenties

Why cancellation? It's not because I'm running out of ways to snark on an aging legacy comic strip nor is it because of low readership. The main reason is because of dealing with a real job and focusing with my writing, LAMNB has been bounced around like a cow in a tornado. LAMNB was created as a jump-off for my writing and it's because of that reason LAMNB has made itself obsolete. Coupled with working along with The Point of Beginning, Liberty, Capt. Brian's Whiz-Bang and the many Story Series, LAMNB has been put on the back-burner many times or even placed on impromptu hiatuses.

Rather than let this continue, I am letting Losers Are Made, Not Born end it's impressive run. When LAMNB began, there were dozens of websites commenting on comic strips that were loved and read by a multitude of people. Today, only a handful remain with a select few maintaining the popularity that they had back in 2008. I owe part of my readership to them who so kindly linked to my website and make me feel like part of a small community.

Starting in November, #ElevenSeasonsAndAMovie returns along with the new anthology series Adventure featuring brand new Story Series that I have been writing. Incredible Comics will also return and Sunday Comics goes back to its original schedule. Also, beginning in January, a new website will be created featuring the return of Capt. Brian's Whiz-Bang.

If you really need to have your Born Loser hole filled, please continue to read it at GoComics or Like the Official Born Loser Page on Facebook where THE Chip Sansom sometimes gives us behind-the-scenes looks at the creation of a Born Loser strip and small history tidbits. As always, thanks for reading and please, tell your friends about this site.

That's clearly Wilberforce and Hurricane Hattie right? Why didn't they go to Brutus' house first? I mean, Hattie practically lives there some weeks.

Sadly, Wilberforce couldn't afford a truly licensed Batman costume and had to settle for a off-color knock-off. Or maybe he's going as Bat-Manga.

Friday, October 30, 2015

1299: Candy Yield

Wilberforce knows the usage of the word 'yield' here but not vocation? Every day Wilberforce disappoints me a little bit more.

I draw a lot of maps. They usually have no point and are just doodles. I like trying to figure out how to build exits off of highways for the best route the majority of the city I draw. Now, as for maps for trick-or-treating, I was never a fan of trick-or-treating so I can't speak to that.

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

1298: Brutus' Wild Oats

Brutus doesn't strike me as a guy that "sowed his wild oats". Hey, a strip that doesn't have any mention that today is National Chocolate Day. Wait a minute, I just mentioned it. Oh, I've become the thing I hate.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

1297: Those Menus Seem Gigantic

Blue or green. Blonds typically have one of those two colors.

It's nice to see Brutus at a nice restaurant with someone and not by himself. Sadly, it looks like dinner will be just as depressing but at least it's depressing with two people involved.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

1296: Red, Red Wine

...

Oh, I get it. He had a decline in memory shortly after mentioning that drinking red wine could prevent a decline in memory. Had to think about it today. It's not my fault, I'm writing this at 12:30 in the morning.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

1295: Where In the World Is Mother Gargle?

I've never understood the logistics of Mother Gargle to the Thornapples. We only see Mother Gargle when she is at the Thornapple house but we know from this recent strip that she lives in Erie (I'm assuming the one in Pennsylvania) but sometimes she's portrayed as living right there in Cleveland with them.

Bottom line, it doesn't matter where she lives because she spends way too much time at the Thornapple's house and I am 99% sure that she doesn't live with them.

Friday, October 23, 2015

1294: Those Are Called Fetishists

Seems like a waste of money to me but whatever helps you get through the day. It is interesting that Mother Gargle is treating the palmist (really? Palmist?) like she would if she was going to the eye doctor or the ear, nose and throat doctor.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Liberty #55: The Scream

Tim and Meredith laid in bed together kissing, their bodies pressed together under the covers. “Our first night in our new house,” Tim said before he kissed Meredith.

Meredith kissed him back and smiled. “We need to get to sleep,” she said. He moved off of her as she reached over to turn off the lamp. It was now dark in their room. “Tim! What are you doing? We’ve already done that and we need...ah...to get up...” The silence of their bedroom was soon broken by their kissing and moans and by their bed’s soft squeak.

It was almost midnight when they finished and started to go to bed. The room was completely silent and both Tim and Meredith were almost asleep when they heard a scream.

It was a ghastly and constant scream. They jumped out of bed and threw on underwear and robes before leaving the bedroom. They followed the screaming to the kitchen where it seemed as if the source of the screaming changed and moved closer to their bedroom. They followed the scream to their bedroom where it then moved past the kitchen to the hallway.

“It keeps moving,” Meredith said as they walked to the hallway.

“Mommy! What’s that noise?” asked Sammy, their youngest daughter. Sammy was followed down the hall by their son Scott.

“We’re not sure, sweetie,” Meredith said. She bent over and picked Sammy up.

“The source keeps moving,” Tim said, annoyed. “What the hell is going on?”

“Is it some sort of weird alarm system?” Meredith considered out loud.

“Well, that’s great but how do you turn it off?” Tim asked. “Or reprogram it?”

“Maybe it’s a ghost,” Sammy said.

“There’s no such things as ghosts. There has to be a rational explanation to this,” Meredith said. “It’s clearly not hurting anything so let’s split up and try to find it.”

Meredith put down Sammy and the four of them wandered the house, following the scream into rooms, closets and cabinets. After an hour, the screaming continued and the family was no closer to finding a source or stopping it.

“What should we do?” Meredith shrugged.

“I don’t know. I say we just go to bed. We can block out the sound and figure out what’s going on in the morning,” Tim said.

Tim and Meredith covered their heads with pillows and Scott used earbuds and music to block out the screaming. Tim and Meredith woke up occasionally and had to readjust their pillows over their ears while Scott was able to sleep through the night. Only Sammy didn’t sleep. She stayed awake, listening to the screaming.




“You’re home late,” Meredith said as Tim came through the door.

“I stopped at the courthouse after work to do some research on our house,” he said. “Have you had any trouble today with the…?” he spun his finger around and whistled.

“Nope. It’s been perfectly quiet since the screaming stopped when the sun came up. What did you find out?”

“Not much. We’re only the fourth owners from this house and it’s never been in the news, there’s not an Indian burial ground underneath us, no murders. I even cross-referenced names in the obituaries and found that no one even died in the house.”

“So the screaming is an anomaly?” Meredith sighed. “There’s no explanation for it? It just happens?”

“From what I can tell.”

“Can you contact one of the previous owners and ask them?”

“Except for an owner in the ‘70s who lived here for four years, everyone else lived here for really long times. 17, 22, four and 36 years. The scream either didn’t happen with them or they lived with it,” Tim explained.

“I can’t believe they could live with it,” Meredith huffed.

“Is it us? Did we somehow cause it?”

“How?”

“I don’t know,” Tim threw up his arms. “I’m just guessing. Maybe it’s a joke from the previous owner or the realtor?”

“Well, it’s not a very good one. Besides, we couldn’t find a source for the scream so it’s not a recording and it’s not coming from a speaker,” Meredith explained.

“If anything, it’s coming from inside the walls,” Scott said. “Maybe there’s a skull sealed up in our walls.” Everyone looked at Scott. “What? It happens. Nearly every place in Europe has a story about a screaming skull where the skull will scream if it is removed from its resting place.”

“We didn’t remove a skull,” Meredith said.

“Maybe the realtor did. It’s worth a shot,” Scott said. “It makes more sense than any other explanation we’ve come up with.”

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to call,” Meredith said.

“Seriously?” Tim asked in surprise. Meredith, Scott and Sammy looked at him. “Okay, fine. I’m going to feel like an idiot though.” Tim got up and called the realtor. “Hello, Jason? This is Tim O’Rourke. Yeah, the house is fine. Not complaining. I do have a question though. Did you or a contractor or somebody find a skull in one of the walls? No, I didn’t think so. I was just wondering. Thanks,” he hung up.

“Why didn’t you mention the screaming?” Meredith asked.

“I think he thinks I’m crazy enough just mentioning the hypothetical skull,” Tim said. “Maybe tonight will be smoother.”




They all went to bed early and used what they could to block out sound. Only Sammy didn’t try to muffle the scream and was still awake when it started at midnight. Tim, only using a pillow to cover his ears, woke up immediately. Meredith, using headphones plugged into a sound machine, woke up ten minutes into it. Scott, using earbuds and music, stayed asleep.

“I’m just going to ignore it,” Tim said. “It doesn’t seem as loud as last night. You can probably turn up your sound machine and drown it out.”

“We can’t do this every night, Tim,” Meredith said. “We need to figure this out and stop it.”

“I agree,” Tim got out of bed. “Maybe we can record the sound or…” Tim stopped talking to focus on a soft beeping. A piercing, rhythmic beeping was coming from the other side of the house. “Is that the smoke detector?”

Meredith listened and then another detector went off. “Yes,” she leapt out of bed and threw on a robe. Tim and Meredith ran out of the bedroom and met Scott in the kitchen. “Where’s Sammy?” Meredith asked him.

“She wasn’t in her room. I think she’s already out. The fire was in our bathroom,” Scott quickly said as he and his parents ran out of the house.

Sammy was already across the street. Her family joined her. The fire rose on the south end before spreading to the north end. The fire trucks arrived but everyone knew that it was too late.

“What happened?” Meredith asked, holding back tears.

“If it started in the bathroom, how did it start?” Tim wondered.

“I lit all the toilet paper on fire and threw in a couple of hairspray bottles,” Sammy said.

“Why did you burn down our house, Samantha?” Tim knelt down to Sammy.

“To stop the screaming.”

“Where did you get the idea that burning down the house would stop the screaming?”

“Because the screaming told me it would.”

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

1293: This Teacher Drinks A Lot

In Wilberforce's defense, he could mean that he wants to get a job at Disneyworld. I think Wilberforce would be a good Dwarf or maybe that kid from "Up".

Saturday, October 17, 2015

1292: Well, Eff You Too

I am getting a little sick and tired of all these made up "holidays". We complain that official holidays are only used for money-grubbing corporations to separate us from our cash but yet we seem perfectly fine with "holidays" where the whole reason for their existence is to spend money on cakes, pies, cookies, ice cream, coffee on either ourselves, our loved ones, our bosses, our sisters, our twins, our dogs or our cats.

Randy #4

RANDY

“You’ve been retired for six years though,” Randy said to Randall as he poured himself a big cup of coffee into an insulated cup. “Are people even going to hire you?”

“I’ve kept up on my licensing and I still do work around the house here. And why not come out of retirement now? Your mom isn’t here and my two kids have their own lives,” Randall said. “Kinda.”

“I’m just concerned about you, Dad. You’re too old to be climbing around wiring houses,” Randy said.

“I’m just going to do houses and commercial buildings. I’m not going to wire new houses or buildings or anything,” Randall said.

“Just be careful out there. If you need help, let me know,” Randy said as Randall walked out of the house. The door clicked shut and Randy stood for a second. “Maybe now I can get some writing done. But first, I’m going to masturbate.”





“I’m so glad that we are able to have lunch today,” Nathan said as he and Jess walked into the deli. “This makes our relationship seem more legitimate.”

“Really? Legitimate? You’re telling me that if we had lunch more during our marriage then we wouldn’t have gotten divorced?” Jess asked.

“Yes. I’m going to say ‘yes’,” Nathan chuckled. He pulled a chair out for Jess and she sat down. “We just got married too young. We should’ve just dated after high school instead of getting married four months after graduation.”

“I’ve thought that, too,” Jess agreed. “We were young and stupid. But considering that I then got married again seems to lean toward that I am just stupid.”

“No, you’re not. You’re the smartest person I know.”

“Thanks, Nathan, I…”

“After Chrissy and Brian, of course.”

“Ass,” Jess croaked.

“Hi, I’m Ashbury and I will be your server,” said a small, perky blonde, setting two glasses of water on the table in front of Nathan and Jess. “Our special today is the BLT and it comes with a half-size of chicken noodle soup. Would you like more than water to drink?”

“I’ll have a Coke,” Nathan said.

“Raspberry iced tea for me,” Jess said.

“I will go get those,” Ashbury smiled and walked away.

“What are you thinking of having?” Nathan asked.

“Just a salad, I think. I may do a sandwich.”

“I’m getting the special. How’s work going?”

“It’s going good, can’t wait until I graduate and can move into being a teacher. I have to student teach first but it’s only a year.”

Ashbury dropped off the drinks. “Are you ready to order?” she asked.

“Yes, she will have the Ceaser salad and I will have the special,” Nathan ordered.

“All right. I’ll get those orders placed.”

“I never knew you wanted to be a teacher. But I guess, honestly, I never really cared what you wanted after we were married. Or before we were married.”

“You were slightly better than my second husband though,” Jess chuckled and began drinking her tea.

“Really?”

“Nick was way too into sports. Football, basketball, soccer. A baseball team started doing well and went to the playoffs so he started watching that. Nick’s idea of a romantic date was dinner at a “sit-down place” which could range from Steak N Shake to Longhorn Steakhouse and then to someplace where we could have sex.”

“That reminds me of a few dates we’ve had,” Nathan joked.

“A few. I originally just wanted to go to school for child care but I found out that I really liked it so I decided to go further and get a teaching degree.”

“What age are you planning on teaching?”

“Middle or high school. Whichever I can find a job.”

“Why not elementary? I mean, you’re working with those kids now at the day care center.”

“I feel that I can be a better teacher to teenagers. They are the ones that need encouragement to stay and work hard in school.”

“I know I would’ve probably tried harder in school if you were my teacher.”

“In this scenario where I’m your teacher, we’ve still had sex, right?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Of course,” Jess nodded.

Ashbury brought out their salad and sandwich and they began eating but still talked to each other. Jess was halfway through her salad and Nathan was shoving the last of his sandwich in his mouth when someone walked up to them.

“Jess?” the man asked.

“Oh my God, Nick?” Jess covered her mouth as she spoke. “Nathan, this is Nick, my ex-husband. Nick, this is Nathan, my other ex-husband. What is wrong with me?” she asked herself softly.

“Oh, nice to meet you,” Nathan extended his hand.

“Nice to meet the one who broke Jess in,” Nick laughed as he shook Nathan’s hand. “How are you doing, Jess?”

“I’m good. About to graduate from school. I’m going to become a teacher. How are you?”

“Good, good. Got married again--that’s her over there,” he pointed to beautiful redhead by the door. “I’ve also started my own business, it’s that new record store on Antioch.”

“Really? That doesn’t sound like you. You told me that you were never going to quit your job at the sunglass kiosk at the mall.”

“But then I met Mary and things started to change. She wanted to bring out the best in me and she suceeded. It was nice to see you again.”

Nick walked away. Jess turned and watched him and the redhead leave the restaurant together. “Well, this day just got significantly worse,” Jess said.




“Never thought I’d have to Ayn Rand,” Brian said as he and Chrissy walked to the bookstore for book club.

“Don’t be fooled by the choice of book, this is a pretty liberal book club,” Chrissy reassured.

“Why’d you join a book club?” Brian asked.

“To make new friends. Thanks for coming with me, I’m hoping that with someone here I know, I won’t be so quiet.”

“So you need an old friend to help you around your new friends?”

“Shut up, it’s complicated.”

They went into the bookstore where a couple book club members were already there and another woman was getting out chairs. “Hi, Chrissy, right?” asked an older woman with brunette hair.

“Yes, I’m glad you remembered. Elaine, right?” Chrissy laughed. “This is Brian, he tagged along with me tonight.”

“Nice to meet you, Brian,” Elaine said.

“Nice to meet you, too.”

“It’ll be interesting to have a little testosterone injected into this club,” she continued.

“What?” Brian asked Chrissy.

“You’re the only guy here. Let’s help Kath set up chairs,” Chrissy changed the subject.

Friday, October 16, 2015

1291: Happy Boss's Day

I wish that I had more time to write and post things. I was doing so well up until the move. I know the reason for the lackadaisical approach to this website--my job. Sure, I am essentially doing the exact same thing that I have been doing for the last three years but it's just slightly here in the moderately big city. What's really interesting is that even though I now get home earlier, it seems like I have no time to actually do anything. I get home and begin doing work around the house that needs to be done and then I start dinner. After eating, there may be three hours left in the evening before I need to start heading to bed and during those three hours, there may be other house-related stuff to take care of.

It would make sense if the house-related stuff was stuff related to the care of the house which was something I didn't have to bother with before but it's still just regular stuff like washing dishes, cleaning up from last night, litter boxes. It's all stuff that I had to do at the old house, too.

Oh, well. I'll get it figured out someday.

Good God, look at Brutus standing in front of Veeblefester like that. It's like an abused dog who still comes running over to his abusive owner just to get kicked in the chest. There are places you can go that will protect you, Brutus.

Monday, October 12, 2015

1290: Santa Maria

The Santa Maria sank on Columbus' return voyage from the Americas on December 24, 1492. The anchor is now on display in Haiti.

The Nina continued sailing until 1501 when historical records of her voyages cease. Records of the Pinta post-Columbus are not documented so who knows what happened to it.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

1289: Back

Shouldn't football be almost over for schools? So Wilberforce gets to play one, two games in his new position and then he's done for the season? Sounds about right.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

1288: Oh Good, Everyone Is In Therapy

Wait. Do you mean to tell me that even the great and powerful Veeblefester can't even rely on his money to keep him happy? I've never tried it but I heard that wearing underwear made out of pennies feels really good. Or maybe I'm just making that up and hoping that it's true. Either way, worth a shot.

Monday, October 5, 2015

1287: Like They Would Own the Mineral Rights Anyway

Is Brutus upset at Gladys because of the oil in the driveway? If so, he needs to get over it and get the leak in the car fixed.

I can picture Brutus standing in the driveway for ten minutes after seeing the oil stain trying to come up with a good passive-aggressive comment to say to Gladys. Totally worth it.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Sunday Comics #11: TV's Flash

The Flash's second season debuts October 6th on the CW so I thought I would take advantage of that by bringing to your attention a comic book based on the original Flash TV series from 1990. The series debuted on CBS September 20, 1990 with a two-hour pilot. The series starred John Wesley Shipp as Barry Allen/The Flash and Amanda Pays as Tina McGee. Originally scheduled to run opposite NBC powerhouse The Cosby Show, The Flash was placed immediately on life support as Cosby continued his reign of popularity and FOX moved their up-and-coming animated series The Simpsons to the same slot. CBS moved The Flash back thirty minutes and was even moved off of Thursdays within a few weeks. The Flash was able to enjoy a full 22-episode season but was not renewed for a second season. Today, Shipp and Pays can be seen in recurring roles on the CW series.

The comic book, The All-New Flash TV Special #1, was published in 1991 by DC Comics. It features two stories, "The Quick and the Dead" by John Byrne and Javier Saltares and "Meet Kid Flash" by Mark Waid, David Williams, Darick Robertson and Gary Martin.

"Meet Kid Flash" opens with The Central City Police Department unable to bring in a lowly street punk named Vince Everett. Everett has even gone so far as to steal badges from those trying to apprehend him.
I love this guy already.
With the entire CCPD looking for him, Everett decides that he needs something to protect him so he breaks into S.T.A.R. Labs in hopes of stealing an armor to make him bulletproof or something. Instead, what happens is he gets himself in the middle of a reenactment of what happened when Barry got his powers. It's not even clear how that happened, Everett just kind of tips over into it.
"Oh, no! I've forgotten how to walk for a split second. This is the end of meeee!!"
The electricity and chemicals give Everett the exact powers of Barry Allen which allows him to outrun the bullets fired by the S.T.A.R. Labs guards.
That saying is taken, punk.
When Barry gets wind of this new Flash-like person, he runs off to investigate and Everett runs circles around him. Everett even mocks Barry by trying on new personas like Johnny Quick and Mr. Zip but ultimately decides on Kid Flash and steals Barry's Flash insignia as a reward for getting away.
Vince Everett clearly has no respect for job creators.
After sewing a new logo on his suit, Barry devises a new plan to stop Everett. Meanwhile, Everett is going on a speed-ridden crime spree and proudly displays his badges on his leather jacket. He robs a jewelry store in the white space between the panels and even drops the pants of several officers having some sort of lunch at a hotel and steals 23 of their badges. The Flash then shows up again to apprehend Everett and I get the feeling that most of this story is just filler. We see Barry at "work" doing something with a microscope and computer and The Flash battling a building fire along with several panels devoted to the supporting cast of the TV show.

The Flash ends up chasing Kid Flash to an amusement park where Barry gets the idea to steal the kid's leather jacket because, let's face it, he's really fond of his badges.
"Says me, Jerkface!" -actual line from the next panel.
After a quick run-around the park, Barry is able to gain the upper hand by using caramel apples, fun house mirrors and, yes, even cotton candy. Barry then hopes that Everett knows how to stop running but putting a concrete wall in his path. Everett is traveling so fast that he vibrates through the molecules in the wall and is quickly apprehended.
Now the name "Kid Flash" is sullied forever.
The thing about these comics based off of TV shows is that everything is terribly off-model. It's strange seeing The Flash in a rubber-based suit instead of just simple skin-tight one. It's also strange seeing an odd-looking John Wesley Shipp and his early nineties pompadour instead of the Barry Allen we all know and love.
How does he squeeze all that hair into the suit's cowl?