Friday, October 31, 2014

990: I Mean, Seriously, Columbus Day?!!

As you may have noticed, I am taking a small hiatus from The Point of Beginning for a couple of weeks. I'm trying to get a bunch of writing done and posts queued up here before doing the randomness that is POB. I'm hoping to get new stuff posted here sometime in November but I'm trying to work up a backlog so I don't have to worry about it as much. In the meantime, hope you're still okay with The Born Loser.

At least he's not texting and driving. But I guess that wouldn't matter since Veeblefester has a chauffeur. Also, Veeblefester is a rich, white man who would be able to hire a bunch of lawyers who could make it so he'd only serve maybe community service if he happened to hit a stupid child who couldn't move out of the way of his speeding car.

We have enough holidays we get time off for, Wilberforce. We seriously need to readjust our federal holiday calendar.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

989: That's the Look of a Teacher Who Has Just Given Up

I'm a bit worried that Wilberforce made it all the way third grade (?) not knowing what a consonant is. Maybe Wilberforce has a hearing problem. Maybe he should go to the nurse's office and listen to some tones.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

988: How Can Brutus Watch Baseball and Not Be Drinking?

Shouldn't this strip have been published a week or so ago and not on the day that Game 6 is being played?

Also, Gladys is a modern woman in America. She can't do what she wants and doesn't need your ignorant invitation, Brutus.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Sunday, October 26, 2014

986: I've Heard Chicken Livers

Once again we see Brutus at a fancy restaurant (so fancy the waiters actually come from France) all by himself. Does he ever take Gladys to these fancy restaurants? Does Chip go to fancy restaurants by himself all the time?

Saturday, October 25, 2014

985: Or 999

Oh, how Brutus wishes it was just "a rake" but we all know that this is how it went down:

Friday, October 24, 2014

984: Was the Doctor Even Really There?

The strip alludes to Brutus not being able to pay for his visit which is why the doctor isn't there. He ran off because it is against the therapist's code to listen to someone complaining about their life without getting compensated at some point. But what I think happens is that the doctor is never there on Friday's and his assistant just lets Brutus in so he can ramble on about nothing to an empty chair.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

983: A Guy Shot a Bunch of People and the Bus Ran Over My Hat

The worst part is that Brutus still has to go to work tomorrow since today is only Thursday.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

982: Ha! Veeblefester Hires Terrible Employees

I've worked many soul-sucking jobs. You could hear part of your soul dying every time the doors opened into the recycled air-filled building. For most of my job career I talked to the elderly about their insurance. It could be very depressing and could wear on you depending on the calls you took. I was always considered, and knew I was, the more negative of the people I worked with. Mainly I was negative because of the system. I wanted to help these people but knew I couldn't and could do nothing to change it.

My job these days is more upbeat. I actually get to help people and it's one of the few jobs I actually like. I am no longer the "negative one." That role has fallen to about 30% of my coworkers and that crap is more grating on you than hearing about how someone is going to die if they can't get Medicare to pay for something. They complain about the kids, the teachers, the parents, the lack of God and basically everything else. I'd actually complain if I knew something would be done but I know nothing will be.

Monday, October 20, 2014

981: It Happens So Often That Brutus Is Immune to the Yells

I like to imagine Veeblefester just goes up to employees and starts screaming "No! NO! NO!" in their face.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

980: Pumpkin Spice Makes Me Angry Too

If you are trying to be nice to someone, why would you get them something only a percentage of people actually like. "But everyone likes pumpkin spice crap." Yeah, they like it about as much as they like McRibs and Shamrock Shakes.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

979: The House On the Lot Was Torn Down After That Meth Lab Exploded

Why does Hurricane Hattie care that there is a lot for sale down the street? And why does she think Wilberforce will care that there is a lot for sale down the street? "What can we do at this lot?" "A ton of stuff. We could make a movie." "What kind of movie?" "Take off your shirt."

"When you're the Born Loser, you end up being allergic to lemons."

"When you're the Born Loser, you aren't handed lemons, they are thrown at you."

"When you're the Born Loser, you have to squirt lemon juice in your eye before you can make lemonade."

Thursday, October 16, 2014

978: I Hope Ted's Eating Muesli

I get the joke but I don't think it's written very well. Preservatives may be harmful to your health but Uncle Ted needs preservatives to live but preservatives may cause you to die sooner but Uncle Ted needs all the preservatives he can get but...

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

977: She Just Lost Her Tip

I love me some carrot cake. I think it is my favorite cake of all the cake. After ice cream cake of course.

Now I know Brutus comes off as kind of a jerk here but in his defense, the waitress should just keep her mouth shut and bring that carrot cake out.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

976: Who Wears Pork-Pie Hats Anymore?

When you are at work, does anything new and exciting ever happen? I've worked several jobs and everyday is usually status quo. Occasionally there may be new information in the Medicare script or an impromptu drive down to Altamont to drop off additional pallets of alcohol or maybe some kid got lice but no one will send her home from school. Either way, it's all still technically status quo--nothing new or exciting.

Monday, October 13, 2014

975: No Money, Mo Problems

Let's not turn this into a big thing. LAMNB is back, continuing the run started back in 2008. Since regular updates to Whiz Bang, Adventure and 16th & Mass are going to be sporadic as heck the first couple of months, I've decided to bring LAMNB back. I know you are excited.

It's too bad that Brutus didn't get his raise Grab the putter, Brutus. but that's the way of business. Beat Veeblefester over the head with it. Tea cozies just haven't rebounded since the recession. Pull down his pants and shove that golf ball inside him as far as you can. Luckily, you still get cost-of-living and regularly scheduled raises. Use the handle of the club if you need to--make him feel that ball in his esophagus.

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

The First Church of Jerks

I've never been a religious person. No one in my family really was. It wasn't until my Grandma passed away that my family inexplicably started worrying about God and Heaven--at least openly anyway. Facing one's own mortality will do that, I guess. The most religious thing in my house for years was a picture of two hands holding what I thought was a chicken nugget. Turns out it was one of his thumbs and he was just holding out his hands. After all these years, I still see a chicken nugget.

My Mom actually tried to get me to go to church one summer. She signed me up for a some sort of summer school thing that lasted a couple weeks. It was something I thought I could survive. It was my first real experience with religion and church and based on everything I had heard, it was going to be a happy and friendly experience. I was in a "class" with about seven boys and three girls. It was an all day thing so we actually got snacks and a time for recess. You would honestly think that being with children who were regular church-goers would be a pretty pleasant experience but it wasn't and it was really the only true experience I've had with bullying. A neighborhood punk even ran over me with his bicycle and I didn't consider that bullying.

What I thought was baffling was that they passed the collection plate. Again, this was my first major experience with church so I didn't know what the hell it was and I just stared at it and the roughly five-to-ten dollars in change that the other kids had thrown in the basket. My mom didn't tell my that I had to give them money. The teacher then asked if I had any offerings (or something like that) and I said no which was a mistake as the boys then made fun of me for being poor which made the girls giggle. I was pushed into the grass during recess. To be fair, I was poor but we could afford fifty cents or a buck to throw in a basket. When I got home I talked to my Mom about it and she promised that she would send money with me for the rest of the school. At no point did anyone ever tell me what the money was for.

When I went back the next day, the collection plate was passed again but now I had money in various coin denominations that my mom had given me. I dropped the money in and went about my day. I believe my milk was stolen.

As the week progressed, I was done. I decided on my last day that I wasn't going to give them the money my mom had given me. When the plate came to me, I just passed it on. The teacher then said "Don't you have anything?" I said no and looked away. Then one of the boys that had been messing with me all week says loudly "Yes, he does! It's in his pocket!" Sure, I was keeping the money but I told no one about it. How did he know and what if I didn't have any money? The teacher stared angrily at me until I dropped the money in the basket. I don't think I was ever more happy to see my mom pick me up from someplace until a babysitter I had fed me a bowl of bread in milk for breakfast one morning.
I threw up a little in my mouth doing an Internet search for this.
The next summer, my mom wanted to enroll me in another church summer school and I said no. She said that we could look for another church and I said no. And that was the last time I ever went to church regularly. When I was in high school, a girlfriend wanted me to go to church with her because church was important to her. I went a couple of times before telling her that going to church wasn't me and that she should love me whether or not I go to church. We broke up soon after.

I've been to church only a few times since my terrible experience at that summer school and each time was a much better experience with meeting kind people and actually enjoying the service. I guess I can just chalk up those two weeks at summer school to kids being kids but you would think your first time going to church would be a more uplifting experience.

Until next time, I remain...