Is Successful Really the Right Word When JLo Is So Much More?

What? What?! What??!! Ignoring that Jennifer Lopez is Jennifer Lopez and Gladys is, well, Gladys, these two people aren't even comparable. You don't compare yourself with celebrities because even if you are as attractive and/or talented as them what they have and you don't is fame and fortune. Brutus is right to start a list.

The Pharmacist Looks Round Too To Be Honest

The doctor shouldn't be suggesting that--the company that makes the pill suggests that. That's what all those labels are on your bottle. I mean, people do make mistakes.

Rest in peace, Jessica Walter.

Hey, Readers: Ass

Oh, I bet Veeblefester wishes you all were donkeys. Donkeys actually do things like being pack animals for people in underdeveloped countries. They also can serve as kind of a service animals for horses to deal with stress and anxiety. Some donkeys are also kept for their milk and meat.

I would say the employees at Veeblefester Tea Cozies, Inc., or at least Brutus, are more like, what's a worthless farm animal? Legless chicken? Sheep with alopecia? Hei-Hei?

Yolk's On You

I think I've gotten one egg with two yolks. I also think I've gotten one egg with no yolk. That's pretty impressive that Wilberforce has gotten two two-yolk eggs this year considering we're only three months into it.

I Like Kewpie's Fuzzy Legs

Not a lot of people are clamoring to be Brutus' friend. It sounds like Kewpie wouldn't even be there if she could open the door or get out of her leash. But I do think Kewpie likes Brutus more than she lets on but it's Brutus and he's so bleagh.

Breakfast of Champions

It looks like the bacon is just sitting on the plate in it's barely cooked, still pink and slightly greasy form which is honestly pretty gross.

How long has Brutus been glowering at his breakfast?

Wait. A Large Family TV Dinner In the Microwave?

Based on the comics I've seen--and I've a lot of The Born Loser comics--Gladys' cooking is fair. It's nothing to write home about but it gets the job done. Most of the time.

Wilberforce doesn't give two craps about the dinner. He's just hoping Gladys is also serving one of those Pepperidge Farm frozen cakes for dessert.

Brutus Really Got Her Good This Time

Brutus longs for the day when a man could lock a woman up in a sanitorium just because she was a little angry that day. Not that he approves of tactics like that for all women. Just for one woman. His mother-in-law. She's horrible.

Seconds later:

Mother Gargle: "Your husband must be going deaf because I just spent five minutes in the kitchen talking to him and he didn't hear a word I said."

Uncle Ted's Stuff

I completely agree that since you can't take it with you, you shouldn't be accumulating a bunch of stuff that your family will then have to sort through after you die. That still doesn't stop me from collecting comic books and other pointless things.

Do People Still Use That Term?

What kind of garbage program was Wilberforce watching? Objectifying women and teaching kids wrong ideas about the human body. An old Tom and Jerry cartoon? Oh. Carry on, then.

Actually Wilberforce Fell Down a Well But Pets Are Good, Too

I hate my dog. She's too aggressive when people or animals are anywhere near our house, she gets too focused and refuses to listen, she's a monster when it comes to treats and food, she's too loud, and she's too much of an alpha dog. But I still love her even when she jumps over the fence to eat the face off our neighbors.

Blue Robin...Yum.

In Cleveland, Ohio, right now, it's 44 degrees. Not exactly the weather that would turn a red robin blue. I know these are written and drawn a few weeks in advance but kind in mind weather changes so quickly.

I'm Shocked Hattie Didn't Comment On Men Having the Other 11 Months

I don't have anything for today. Herstory, while a perfectly fine informal word we can use in articles and whatnot, is not a word. I'm also disappointed Ms. Teacher-Lady waited until the 19th to mention Women's History Month.

Stop AAPI Hate! As we've seen from the news over the last year, violent attacks on Asian American and Pacific Islanders have increased. This culminated earlier this week in a mass shooting that killed 8 people. If you witness or are victim of AAPI violence, please notify authorities and Stand Against Hatred from the Asian American Justice Center.

Also, across the country, kids who are trans are being attacked by state legislatures by banning them from playing sports for the gender they identify with. If you live in one those many states, contact your state representative or state senator or even the governor and let them know these bills harm trans kids by inflicting unneeded negative attention on them and encourages bullying.

About Dinner

Sigh. What about dinner would you like to talk to me about? Just ask me. We don't need your fat shaming commentary.

Just Leave a Generic Message On Facebook Like Everybody Else

I want to applaud Chip for not doing a damn St. Patrick's Day strip. Now if only everybody else could follow suit.

Whenever a possible real place or person pop up I like to look it up just to verify it's something or someone that Chip would know. I searched Cliff Berwald, who is probably a real friend of Chip, but all I found was an obituary so maybe that's why Cliff didn't answer the phone, Brutus. He's dead.

Speaking of Downsizing, Comic Strips Used to Take Up the Entire Page

You don't like it when they downsize the size of the product.

You don't like it when they raise the price.

I'm amazed at how quickly the candy bar shrank. Wilberforce saw the change in his lifetime. I had watch in horror over 20 years to watch my favorite candy bar shrink down to nothing. And all Cadbury had to say was "They look smaller because you are getting older." I know how ounces work, Cadbury. I. Know. How. Ounces. Work. And your comment helps no one.

Charge It!

Ugh. I really hope Gladys doesn't do this every three or four years when their credit card is about to expire and that this comic takes place between 1967 and 1971.

Fish Fry

If it's the diner that Brutus usually goes to, I wouldn't trust them with seafood.

We have a local restaurant that does fish fries so my wife ordered one and it was the most disgusting collection of food I have ever seen. She said it was good. I enjoyed my chicken strips from there. I'm 7.

Woe Is Mother Gargle

I don't care...?

Why can't Mother Gargle entertain herself? Doesn't she have Facebook where she can post "inspiring" memes and right-wing nonsense? Can't she watch TV and, I don't know, knit? Go grab a book. What time does Wilberforce go to bed? What time will Brutus and Gladys get home? Just fall asleep. Who cares?

Gonna Need a Bigger Bank

It's nice to see that Veeblefester truly cares about his employees and their families.

What's funny, is that even though this strip takes place in some weird universe where the 21st Century is somewhat reminiscent of the late 1950s or 1960s with several stereotypes confusingly allowed to be maintained, the Veeblefester Tea Cozy Corporation doesn't have a retirement plan for their employees. No pension and, I would assume, no gold watch after retiring from this company after 40 years. Just a "Don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

Brutus has been doing this every hour since 7 A.M.

I tried looking up this study but couldn't find it. I didn't find anything specific about time but at what age most people look their best. I mean, this joke doesn't even need to be done because Mother Gargle is at her worst all the time. As is Brutus.

Lunchtime

I have nothing against cooking shows (though I don't watch them).

I have nothing against bologna sandwiches.

I have nothing against eating lazily in front of the TV.

Decent strip. 8/10, would recommend.

Pierced

I am not one to talk a youth out of doing something. If Hurricane Hattie wants a nose ring (stud, bar or actual ring?) then she can get nose ring. I don't care what she, or anyone else, does with their body as long as they do it responsibly.

Honestly, I don't know why Brutus cares what a kid who's not even his does with her life. I'm guessing it's because Hattie just annoys him or maybe it's because women with nose rings never talk to him.

Good Provider =/= Has Many Bills

Yeah, look at all those bills. Gas company, electric company, car loan, mortgage, two credit cards and the emergency credit card we used to replace the water heater, water, trash, and sewer, school fees, lunch fees, city bus pass, groceries, Wilberforce's orphanage bills, green fees at the golf club, charge accounts at Dillards and Macy's, insurance premiums, and whatever else I am forgetting to mention. It's all just so much. I just...*runs off, fakes death, starts new life*

Homework Egg-signment

She didn't even mention plants in her list. Not that I think Wilberforce would do a good job on this assignment but he could at least pick something that produces eggs. I hope Gladys rolled up that newspaper and began whipping Wilberforce with it.

He Just Goes to the End of the Driveway Anyway

I think it's perfectly fine that couples don't do everything together. Both Brutus and Gladys don't need to go for a walk together, they can do that separately and it gives the other a chance for some personal time. What is not fine is how thrilled Gladys is that her husband start out like an Unsolved Mysteries story.

Spring Cleaning

It's going to take him the entire weekend to clean his room? That doesn't sound right. Just throw everything into a bin and shove that bin in the closet.

The prize pit in an arcade claw machine? So his room is filled with slightly moist cheap stuffed animals?

Time for Chili

I know vegetarian chili can have some pretty weird stuff in it but the most basic recipe I found it just has more beans. I like beans so I'd probably like vegetarian chili.

I've always been confused by Gladys wearing a chef's hat, and by confused I mean I hate it, so I decided to see if a chef's hat actually means anything. Turns out, the higher the hat, the more higher in rank the chef is. Each fold of the hat means that a technique has been mastered. It should be noted that even though Gladys owns a chef's hat thus inflating her own importance, it is neither all that tall or has folds meaning she's not all that important nor a master of anything.

Already Seen

Deja vu is the feeling that you have lived through an experience before. Forgetting what certain words mean is not that. What Brutus is experiencing now is lethologica, where you can't quite remember the word you want to use.

Anyway, it really bothers me that we live in a day and age where everything we ever would want to know is at our fingertips and Wilberforce continues to ask his moronic father about stuff. And I'm not even talking about our phones and the Internet. Surely the Thornapples have a dictionary.

Keto

Brutus should definitely try whatever diet Bruce Lee used.

How much change could there possibly be? It's only been a day.