Real Thornapples of Cuyahoga County

September 1, 1985

Why, oh why did Brutus say "Any time"? Now he'll never get rid of Wastrel.

Glad 'fiver' is in quotes or else we'd believe that's a real name for the money.

They show you previews of what's going to happen so you'll stick around. They show you what happened previously because they know probably half their audience aren't paying full attention. I love how rage-y Brutus is about this but he's not going to stop watching. None of you are.

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Mother Nature Is Angry

February 8, 1974

Brutus' uncle is just giving away the game of Monopoly piece-by-piece? Is this some sort of complicated way to get the family together a bit more? "My family loves playing Monopoly but they never get together anymore. I have an idea..."

I remember in 2012 when it snowed on May 2. It happens--especially if it gets cold and you live near a massive lake--or several massive lakes.

Or, it's the end of the world. Truthfully, I hope it's that.

Wilberforce Becoming a Roadgeek All of a Sudden?

February 7, 1974

That's quite an outfit this robber is wearing. Maybe with Brutus' money, he can buy a gun and a new suit.

The odds of being robbed are fairly slim but possible. It's about 1 in about 700. Brutus has been robbed about half a dozen times so you'd think he'd be left alone for the next few years.

Why did Brutus give in so easily? The guy didn't even put his hand in his pocket and pretend he had a gun.

What started the stereotype of robbers always wear makes over their eyes? I should look into that.

Freeways are highways with controlled access (entrances, exits, under/overpasses).

Noble School is a real elementary school in Cleveland Heights, Ohio. Readers should head on over and check it out, see if you can spot the real-life inspirations for Wilberforce and Hurricane Hattie. Tell them Chip sent you. They'll know what that means.

He'll Show You!

February 6, 1974

How did Gladys even get that paint on her? Brutus seems to be doing a fine job. He's just slopping on paint--doesn't look like it's supposed to fancy or anything. Did she fall into it and then roll down the wall? How is that Brutus' fault?

Part 2 of the harrowing new chef storyline. I feel it's very rude to say this. If I knew a customer said this about my cooking, I'd make damn sure that bacon was undercooked, the toast was burnt, and those eggs were dry as hell.

Working Wednesday

February 4, 1974

Hey, kids! Cut out today's Brutus, glue him to a popsicle stick, and put on your own puppet show. Your friends, family, and neighbors are guaranteed to love it!*

All Veeblefester's desk needs is a picture of himself and we'd have a trifecta.

You don't want to know...

Is Veeblefester just wandering around telling his employees this, or just Brutus?

*Not a guarantee.

The Job Opening

February 2, 1974

As much fun as it would be that there is a life-size toy of Veeblefester wandering around the office saying this, I like to imagine that Veeblefester just attached a wind-up key to his back and is walking around the office repeating this to each employee.

I see signs and ads all the time like this for local restaurants and diners. I never think anything of it. Of course you don't need experience to slap a burger patty down on a grill.

Schooled

February 1, 1974

Jack Armstrong, the All-American Boy was a radio serial sponsored by Wheaties from 1933 to 1951. He was first created by General Mills as a mascot for Wheaties. Thanks to Jack Armstrong, Wheaties actually became pretty popular. Wheaties is also credited with having the first radio jingle. A proposed animated series of Jack Armstrong was canceled but Hanna-Barbera reworked the series into Johnny Quest.

If Jack Armstrong could see Brutus, he'd be so embarrassed for everyone having to see this. "I fight for this country. I embody the ideals and values of how all American boys should act and when I see childish, buffoonery like this..." Jack sees that Brutus' shirt says 'whoopee' and he shudders in disgust.

You can listen to about two and a half minutes of Jack Armstrong, the All-American Boy along with the opening theme that Brutus is singing here.

I may have taught you everything I know but you do it wrong. Clearly, you don't listen. And the mere fact that you are blaming me, your superior, and not your inferior, proves it.

I Bet Those Fat Cats In Washington Are Eating Brand-Name Corned Beef Hash

August 11, 1985

I'm afraid that I'm going to have to add some sort of warning to this website about racially insensitive stereotypes that have appeared in these older strips. I just hope readers realize it reflects the time these strips were created and not the current views of me or Chip. It was wrong then and it's wrong now.

That aside, this is good. Although I think it's kind of mean to try to take $5 away from Agnes. What's she mopping anyway? The hallway? This carpet was due for a good moppin'.

I have to say, I am not a huge fan of when The Born Loser attempts to make commentary on what's going on today. Groceries prices are high because of supply chain issues (for some reason, people don't want to work high pressure jobs for no money) and because companies are greedy (they've admitted it). But I'm sure that's not what the comments say. I didn't look. I try not to scroll down and see that wasteland.

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Could Use a Bit More Frosting

You know she was cooking because of the hat.

And, no, licking the bowl doesn't count as cleaning up especially since you left so much batter spilling over the side of the bowl.

Now I want some cake...

He's Not Even That Short

"If he's going to call you names then you need to take down that nude portrait you drew of him!"

Has...Has Gladys seriously never heard of the position of shortstop? Her son has played baseball for years. Her husband watches baseball dependably. I'm thinking it's some sort of brain damage. Has she been bonked on the head by a cocont recently?

He Hasn't Been Eating Apples Either

Well, Brutus isn't going to see any results. He should've started those exercises a week ago.

I've been walking more and my doctor was very impressed with my results. Being healthier doesn't have to be torture. Or, do what you want. No one is the boss of you.

Morning Blah

Of course it's asleep. Look at how you're sitting.

Brutus Is Lucky He Got Promoted from the Sub-Sub Basement

Promote Brutus? The guy who thought the blue on the map was land?

"Speaking of the parking lot, Chief, there's something I have to do there right now." *Brutus sits in his car and cries*

Wowee Maui

I am trying to migrate away from Twitter so have been focusing more of my social media usage on Mastodon. History and cemetery posts will continue on Instagram but I'm not sure how much I will actually be online since I want to focus on writing and getting my book edited but I'll be around.

Classic Born Loser strips from the 1970s will return next week but I still have today's strip ready to go.

You are perfectly free to have your conferences in Maui, just don't expect the company to pay for it.

What's the business conference for? Is it for all the board members or other tea cozy CEOs? And is it really a conference or is it a bunch of rich people hunting people for sport on an island 3,000 miles from Maui?

Amazon? No, ma'amazon

August 4, 1985

Brutus should've known something like this would happen but I understand why you want to quickly snap up a cheap, sarcastic dog. I probably would do the same thing. I wonder what kind of dog this is and how the man discovered he could talk.

I hope Kewpie likes other dogs.

I get these occasionally and I always wonder how and why people fall for them. Any company would probably send an email, not a text message. And any links they would send would direct you to Amazon dot com or Netflix dot com. Not All-the-links dot net or Online-Now-43570690 dot xyz. If you fall for these things, you deserve to lose your privilege to make purchases. I don't care how sad you look in the sixth panel.

Food-Themed Friday

I've been going through some stuff over the last few weeks. Due to that stuff and the stress it has caused, I haven't been able to write very much. Even the editing on my book has diminished. Besides work, personal stuff, and writing, I am also burned out on social media. Given this, I know when I'm beat. I'll be taking the next week or so off to finish editing Vagabond Girl and get other stories planned. I will also be offline for much of the next week to recharge my brain. I'm hoping to come back refreshed and ready for more The Born Loser and history-focused Instagram posts.

If you would like to support my writing, research, or website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

January 31, 1974

Sgt. Snorkel after the war.

Or not. Is it just me or does it seem like this diner is more competent than the diner that's shown in modern strips? I guess it was just a different time...

The waiter doesn't need to hear your entire life story, Brutus. Just order the lobster. Veeblefester doesn't seem like a business that would pay for meals for just their employees so go easy on the splurging. It may be your last.

The Number You Have Reached...

As we approach the Easter holiday, I would like to take a moment to comment on the slew of anti-transgender legislation that's been coming up in numerous state legislatures. They are wrong. We should all know and understand that yet many people don't seem to. These bills are passed under the guise of "protecting children" yet it's children these bills attack. The bigotry, hatred, and attacks are even more glaring when you realize that these people passing these bills and attacking parents and children consider themselves Christians. I feel these so-called Christians need to look inward and ask themselves why they want to hurt children--physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Honestly, if you continue to support legislation and policies that cause people to get hurt or killed, you are a terrible human being.  And trying to justify your awfulness just reinforces it.

January 26, 1974

This, my good readers, is a watchman--a guy that would walk the dark streets with a stick and lantern keeping the night safe. I don't know how effective this guy is considering he's so old and had his lantern stolen but it's better than paying for cops.

What is so important that Brutus has to call Veeblefester as he's in his pajamas? Nothing is that important.

35, 55...It All Looks the Same Without My Glasses

January 25, 1974

"Who is Rancid W. Veeblefester and why do they have such a stupid name?" the old flower woman wonders aloud before going back to selling her dead merchandise.

Have you ever driven through a town where they have a speed trap? The ones that I normally see are where there is a sign that reads "Speed limit 55 unless posted" right in front or behind a sign that reads "Speed limit 35" or vice versa. Yeah, I love being confused when I'm driving. That's good for everyone involved.

That cop seems awful close to Brutus' car. And this town must not have much going on if the policeman has time to pull over Brutus.

Less Bad, More Good

January 24, 1974

Is Gladys not within earshot or did Mother Gargle kill her own daughter? Maybe 'kill' is too extreme. Did Mother Gargle give her daughter some sort of drug to put her to sleep. Yeah. That's sounds better.

So it was technically "better". That's good enough for me. See ya, Chief, I'm taking the rest of the day off!

Monday Quickies

January 22, 1974

Maybe it's better the fur all flew off and is on the floor now. You don't want the fur all covered in red paint.

I looked up how to keep your fur coat from shedding and fur coats seem complicated to own. Why would you want one?

"I'd like to see another eye doctor..."

In the Time It Took You to Yammer On About the Dictionary, You Could've Just Spelled 'Courageous'

July 28, 1975

Look, I don't want to poo-poo anyone's idea of a good time but my brain can't seem to mesh the phrase "good time" with the act of see-sawing. Maybe that's because I've never see-sawed before. I'm not a fan of heights and it doesn't look fun.

Noah Webster was the dictionary guy. Daniel Webster was, I'm just going to guess, the Congressman, Secretary of State, and prominent lawyer. I don't know why Brutus can remember a third-tier politician not from his state who died 170 years ago and not the Webster's Dictionary guy.

And why does he say the name? Just say "Get a dictionary, my boy!" We could then end the strip with Wilberforce saying "Gee, Pop, if I don't know how to spell it, how do you expect me to find it in the dictionary?"

If you would like to support my writing, research, or website, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

The Worst Day of the Year

January 21, 1974

This is good. Even with the outdated terminology.

You would think that by now, where we have people making AIs and deepfakes and basically "joking" their way through the internet for clout, LOLs, or sense of superiority, we'd move beyond April Fool. Life is already a minefield of gaslighting and abuse without having an entire day of it.