Thursday, November 29, 2018

Advice

At least this question doesn't involve Uncle Ted being old and how to cope with it.

Is it really considered "avoiding excess" if you don't have the money to get any excess?

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Surprised She Didn't Go With Veeblefester

Wow, Ms. Preen. I know that you are just doing your job but you don't have to have that smile on your face like you're getting some perverse pleasure out of this.

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

What's This Mean?

I'm guessing Brutus tried to get into the new exclusive restaurant, Clēv, and they were booked for the next two years so Brutus just went to his usual diner. It's the only scenario where what he's talking about works so you have to give me this.

Monday, November 26, 2018

The Article Wasn't That Interesting

Uh, nice try, but no I don't.

I used to be one of those people who would rake as soon as all the leaves were off the trees and then do one last mow to chop up what I didn't get. Then I read, probably, the same article and decided to stop raking. Not only does it help with the insects but it also helps squirrels and other rodent creatures find good food for the winter months. I'll get to those leaves in the spring. They'll still be there.

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Arjon #3

The small Toyota Tercel puttered noisily down the highway then exited for Borton College.

Arjon and Brittany walked together from the student union where they had breakfast together. “I love breakfast food,” Arjon said. “Breakfast food is definitely something I’m taking back to my village.”

“Breakfast food is pretty good. Your village doesn’t have eggs?”

“We have eggs but they are usually put in recipes or hard-boiled for easy use and eating on the go. We don’t scramble them.”

“Were any of your classes canceled?” Brittany asked.

“Just my algebra class which is fine because it’s the only class I’m failing.”

“We’re only two weeks into school. How can you already be failing?”

“We don’t have math in my village. It’s hard to do algebra when you barely know what a number is.”

“I guess that would be a problem,” Brittany sighed.

“Brittany Simonson,” someone suddenly leapt out of the bushes with a bouquet of flowers. “I have been without you for too long and am on bended knee asking you to take me back.”

“Oh, farts,” Brittany said.




“All of my classes canceled, I’m spending all day in bed,” Randy said.

“Mine too so I’m here to stay as well,” Caleb replied.

“I bet I can stay in bed longer than you,” Randy challenged.

“Really? This is something you want to fight about?”

“Yes.”

“You’re on. And I’m going to win.”




“What are you doing here, Brian?” Brittany asked.

“I am asking for your heart and you’re hand back,” Brian said. “We’ve been apart for three months and the saying is true: Absence does make the heart grow fonder.”

“Who is this guy?” Arjon asked.

“His name is Brian. We dated in high school. We broke up a few weeks before college started. He has now apparently went crazy, went into a ‘stalker’ phase and is only a few steps away from opening fire or mowing people down in a van during a walkathon.”

“Oh my.”

“Yes.”

“All I ask is one date to try and rekindle our love. If our does not reignite then I will happily leave. If you turn me down or you are giving your heart to someone else then I’ll still leave but I won’t happy,” Brian pleaded.

“Now that you mention it, I am seeing someone,” Brittany grabbed Arjon’s arm. “Arjon. Arjon and I are dating.”

“Oh, I love these plots,” Dewey suddenly said.

“Where’d you come from?” Arjon asked.

“I’ve been here,” Dewey dropped his backpack on the ground, opened it, and pulled out a bag of popcorn. “Mm?” he offered Arjon some.

“How did you know to make this in advance?” Arjon took a handful and ate it. “How is this still hot?” he asked.

“You’re dating a banana?” Brian finally stood up.

“He’s a very nice guy,” Brittany said.

“He’s produce,” Brian scoffed.

“Be nice,” Brittany replied angrily to Brian.

“Quick question,” Arjon spoke up “how does dating me factor into this? He said he would leave whether or not you were dating anyone.”

Brittany leaned in close to Arjon’s ear and whispered “If I’m single, he may still try to get back together with me. If I’m dating someone maybe he will move on and leave me alone.”

“Gotcha,” Arjon responded loudly.

“The three of us should have lunch together,” Brian suggested. “So I can see how good you are together.”

“You’re nuts. We don’t have to prove our relationship to you. Just leave. Go home,” Brittany demanded.

“I think I’ll stay a while,” Brian swayed on the balls of his feet. “Unless we can have lunch together.”

“I don’t think this kind of plot holds up these days,” Dewey acknowledged, chewing on popcorn.

“Fine. Lunch. And then I load you up into your stupid Tercel and bid you a fond farewell.”

“You know me so well. I do still have the Tercel. Remember the things we used to do in that Tercel?” Brian gave her the bedroom eyes.

“I remember the cramps and lack of satisfaction,” Brittany sighed.

“So lunch?”

“Lunch. And then you’re gone.”




Back at the dorms, Caleb was still in bed playing a game on his phone. Randy was partially under the covers, both hands underneath and Randy staring intently at them. “What are you doing?” Despite making very little movement, what Randy was doing was still very distracting as Caleb played his game.

“Peeing.”

“Are you wetting the bed?”

“Of course not. I’m doing it in a two-liter bottle. Well, one point five liters.”

“That’s not fair. I don’t have anything to pee in and I really need to go.”

“It’s not my fault that you actually clean your half of the room,” Randy brought the bottle out from under the covers. “I can put the lid back on and toss it to you.”

“No. That’s okay,” Caleb said. “Just...keep it.”




At the Pad, the odd date was going better than expected. Arjon and Brittany sat next to each other with Brian across from them. Dewey was sitting across the aisle from them, still watching them.

“I’m glad that you have found someone,” Brian said. “I want you to be happy and I couldn’t see you being happy with anyone else but me but here we are.”

“Because women can only be happy if they have a man, is that right?” Brittany commented.

“Exactly,” Brian replied. “You two go good together.”

“She’ll be a fine addition to my village,” Arjon said and pulled Brittany closer to him.

“Wait. What?” she pulled away. “I’m not moving to your village. I am too comfortable with technology, air conditioning, and humans,” Brittany said.

“We’ll talk about it at the engagement ceremony,” Arjon laughed.

“This was a good lunch. I should get back. I told work that I was going on break. That was four hours ago,” Brian stood up. He gave Brittany a hug and Arjon a handshake and left.

As Brian left, Caleb and Randy came in. “Hey, guys, how has your day been going?” Brittany asked.

“All of our classes were canceled so we tried to see who could stay in bed all day,” Caleb said.

“Who won?” asked Arjon.

“No one. We got hungry and no one was near the door to have something delivered or near our mini-fridge,” Randy said. “We’re starving.”

Basic Instincts

Dorn County was established with the creation of Kansas Territory. It comprised the southern half of what is now Neosho County and all of what is now Labette County. The oldest settlement is St. Paul, founded in 1847 as Osage Mission. Most other communities were not founded until the 1870s. In 1861, the American Civil War broke out and the namesake of Dorn County, Andrew Jackson Dorn, who was a general in the U.S. Army and Indian Agent for the Osage, joined the Confederacy. Kansas, now a state, split Dorn County in half and renamed the north half Neosho County, for the Neosho River which winds through much of the county, and the south half Labette County, for the French word "the beast".

In the 1870s, there were still very few people in the area. The largest towns were Coffeyville, Chetopa, and Oswego which were still just small frontier trail stops. In June 1876, Alexander Pattison and Mr. Booth started a small store in Elm Grove Township. From there a small community became established. A post office was started in 1878 and the town of Edna was officially platted in 1886 when the railroad was extended into the area. Edna was incorporated in 1892.

The name Edna, considering which source you use, came from someone's name. According to a list of place name origins, Edna came from a child in the area, Edna Gragory. According to the city, it came from Edna Wimmer, the wife of Owen Wimmer, who were early settlers of the town although, if I can be completely honest, I found no evidence of an Edna Wimmer married to Owen Wimmer. The only Owen Wimmer in the area I found was married to Melinda E. Wimmer. It's possible the E stood for Edna but I haven't looked that far into it.


In 1913, the town was shocked by the death of Mrs. C.B. Littleton, the wife of the local reverend. The death was easily ruled a suicide but the town began questioning that when Reverend Littleton and his organist disappeared. Over the next few months, the story got stranger and the people of Edna and the rest of southeast Kansas tried to understand how something like this could happen there.

I have a goal set up on Ko-Fi to finish research on this story. While a lot of it can be done from home, I would like to go down to Edna and do research in the area and talk to locals about the story. If you would to support my research into this small town scandal, or any of my writing or research, you can give money over at Ko-Fi.

I'm going to ignore the moronic conversation Brutus and Wilberforce are talking about and question how Wilberforce doesn't know that birds fly south for the winter and that it's all based on instincts. I don't get how the public education system is failing Wilberforce so badly.

Saturday, November 24, 2018

Thanksgiving Break

Well, you don't have to get the special. There should be an entire menu that you can choose from that doesn't include turkey, dressing, and green bean casserole. If there isn't, then you can go to another diner. But no, get into an argument with the waitress. That's fine.

Anyone else notice the art and/or coloring mistake in the middle panel?

Friday, November 23, 2018

That Looks Like a Good Hittin' Bag

I'm assuming that Brutus means great as in "great" meaning not all that great. I haven't been shopping for Black Friday--the main part with the rushing into big box stores and elbowing grandmas and soccer moms in the face--in years. I stood in line at a Best Buy for two hours and spent another hour waiting to check out. Decided I was never going to do that again.

I'm kind of shocked they didn't bring Wilberforce. He'd be a good human shield. Eh. He'd probably just slow them down anyway.

Thursday, November 22, 2018

A Second Turkey?

It's pretty impressive that they all just ate an enormous amount of food and they left behind no evidence. I know that the concern is coming from a good place but Gladys could also benefit from some type of light activity to burn off some calories.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

The Olsen Twins Won't Be There

"All my in-laws..."? I didn't know Hattie was married. It's very progressive of her husband to continue letting his child bride go to school.

Everyone has to bring a dish? Get ready for a Thanksgiving with three kinds of mashed potatoes and four green bean casseroles.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

With Money or Happiness?

Money may not be able to buy you happiness but it can help you get closer to achieving it. I feel like I'd be much happier if I didn't have to worry about money every two or so weeks. I think we all would.

Monday, November 19, 2018

But You Should Be Concerned About Snow

That's all the news is anymore. A series of down stories.Dozens of people are dead and hundreds missing in a wildfire. On your way to a wedding? Die in a car crash. Don't forget about voter suppression, the opioid crisis, and that journalist who was killed and dismembered. Interestingly, that migrant caravan is apparently not as rampage-y or murderous as one would've had you believe a couple weeks ago so I guess we can put that in the good news column.

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Supercomics #16

Tyler Lockrum was a seventh grader at Abyssinia Hill Secondary School. He was walking by himself along 165th Street as he always did coming home from his friend’s apartment. Since this was something he did nearly every night, he didn’t think anything was wrong or felt the eyes staring at him.

The figure followed him at a distance for a couple of blocks until finally making a move. “Hey, kid,” the creature hissed.

Tyler stopped and looked but didn’t respond.

“Do you know how to get to Amsterdam Avenue from here?”

Tyler raised an eyebrow. “It’s, like, right up ahead a couple of blocks,” he answered. Tyler continued walking. The creature waited until he was inline with a sewer and then struck.

The creature ran to Tyler, grabbing him and then slid down into the sewer and was out of sight.




At about the same time, Alix Kincaid was leaving Otto’s Market. For the last week, she had been going there after dinner to help Otto close. Twenty bucks for two hours of work. Her days had been spent wandering to different businesses and putting in job applications. “For some reason, a 16-year-old high school dropout isn’t in high demand,” Alix had told her mom and best friend, Traci, one night at dinner.

“You should be going back to school as well,” Alix’s mom, Anna, said.

“I can’t. You can barely afford the two of us and we’re not getting that stimmy from the government since I quit the team. Besides, you know I was never a school person.”

“Maybe you could go part-time,” Anna suggested. “Just take your core classes and then work in the afternoon. Can’t get a decent job without a diploma.”

“I’m not going back and I’m not talking about this again.”

Alix wished there was a way to monetize being a superhero. “I could post something on CraigsList,” she muttered to herself as she walked. “Probably just get a bunch of perverts wanting me to slap them around.”

“Don’t make a sound,” someone said nearby. Alix stopped and listened. She peered around a corner and saw a man with a gun and a woman struggling to get her purse from off her arm. Alix exhaled loudly and then leapt on top of a building overlooking the crime.

She jumped off and landed feet first on the mugger. He was able to get one shot off before Alix crumpled the barrel of his gun. The woman had run away and Alix took two punches at the mugger, knocking him unconscious. She then casually walked away. Someone would find him, probably a cop since they are the only one who are out around this time.

Alix continued walking home and walked into her apartment and bedroom at almost midnight. “Where have you been?” Traci asked.

“What are you still doing up?”

“Waiting for you. I’ve gotten used to you sleeping next to me,” Traci sighed.

Alix changed in front of Traci, into a large baggy shirt that used to be her father’s. “I gotta pee. I’ll be back.” Alix was gone just over a minute and came back into the bedroom. She pulled off her underwear and got into bed next to Traci.

“So where were you?” Traci asked again.

“Job hunting most of the day. Then I did a job for Otto at his market.”

“Otto closes at 9. It’s midnight.”

“Well, mom, I walked slowly, wandered around the neighborhood and stopped a mugging.”

“I’m glad you’re home,” Traci said.

“Me too. Are you going to school tomorrow?”

“No.”

“You should go back to school,” Alix started. “I understand why you don’t want to, 16 and pregnant, but you need to try to finish school.”

“Why? You aren’t.”

“I nearly killed someone. I have much more baggage at school than you. My dealers, the guys I slept with, that one teacher I let feel me up,” Alix explained.

Traci rolled her eyes and smiled. “You are going to have to go back to school at some point. You need a high school diploma to do anything anymore.

“I’ll finish some day. Get my GED or something. Right now my focus is getting a job, making more money for us and making sure you and Mom are taken care of.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Traci said.

“Someone does,” Alix sighed.




Saver’s Market was a discount grocery store that cuts costs by having no name brands, smaller selection, and fewer employees. They paid better with slightly easier work which is what drew Alix to apply with them.

“Are you hiring?” Alix asked the one cashier at the front of the store.

“I think so, yeah,” the young woman answered. “Let me finish here and I’ll take you back to the office.”

When the cashier was done, she and Alix went into warehouse and into a simple glass office. She handed Alix a clipboard with an application on it. “Thanks,” Alix said.

“Fill it out and just leave it on the desk. Terry will call you sometime in the next week or so.”

“Thanks,” Alix said again.

Alix filled out the application in silence. Someone came in and began flipping through the papers on the desk. “Hey, you applying for a job?”

“Yeah,” Alix answered.

“Do you have any experience working in a store?”

“A little. I’ve done some work at Otto’s Market. Stock, trash, sweeping and mopping. He’s an old guy so I help him out for a few bucks.”

“Anything else?” the man sat down at the desk and started writing.

“I’m a fast learner. I’m a very good worker and hard-working too,” Alix tried to make herself sound good. “I also like working with and helping the public.”

“You look young,” the man said.

“I’m 16,” Alix answered.

“So you’re in school?”

“Not right now, no. I really need a job to help out my Mom and best friend who’s pregnant.”

The man nodded. “Can you start tomorrow?” he asked.

“Yes. Yes, absolutely.”

“One thing. Go back to school. It doesn’t have to be right away but at some point. You seem like a smart girl and I don’t want to see you ruin your life because you are trying to do the right thing.”

“Okay. I’ll think about it. Okay?” Alix said. “Thank you. Thank you for this.”

“Come in tomorrow at noon. We’ll do some paperwork and you can shadow Jake or Alison,” the man said.

“Thank you again, Mister…”

“You can call me Terry. I’m the manager here.”

“Thanks, Terry. I appreciate this more than you’ll ever know,” Alix handed him her application on the clipboard.

“You are very welcome, Miss,” he glanced at the application “Kincaid.”

“Alix,” she looked back at him.




For the first couple of classes, Traci was an anomaly. She hadn’t yet started showing but people still stared at her stomach hoping to catch a glimpse. Everybody became accustomed to her by lunch and by then it seemed as if everything was back to normal. Traci was never one to talk to other classmates like she talked to Alix so her lack of conversation and solitude was seen as normal.

“It’s really brave, what you are doing,” a girl named Emily came up to her during passing between seventh and eighth period.

“I’m not the first pregnant girl,” Traci said, raising an eyebrow.

“I mean being here at school. I can’t imagine being pregnant and coming to school. So many I think just drop out.”

“O...kay,” Traci glared at Emily. They had never spoken to each other before so Traci didn’t know where this was coming from. Someone walked by Traci and gently rubbed her stomach. Traci slapped their hand away and pushed the person away. They slammed into a row of lockers. “Don’t touch me!” she screamed.

“Jesus Christ, what’s your problem…?”

“You don’t just touch people. You ask.” A crowd of students were now standing around them.

“I was just…”

“I know what you were doing. Using my pregnancy as an excuse to fondle and molest me. You ever hear of consent? I oughta beat your head into the wall!” Traci raised her fist but someone stepped between her and the boy.

“Ms. Hanscomb. Mr. Reyes,” the teacher said. “You go to the office and I hope you learned a little something about consent. Ms. Hanscomb, why don’t you take a walk and cool down?”

“Fine,” Traci muttered.

“I’ll go with her, Mr. Beatty,” Emily said. The two girls walked down the hall together at first in silence but then Emily began talking. “Is everything okay?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“You nearly hit him. He was just touching your belly. It’s what people do.”

“Well, people shouldn’t. And anyway, he’s in high school. Last time I checked, high school boys don’t want to rub pregnant bellies. He wanted to cop a feel.”

“You’re probably right. Who’s the father if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Can we not talk about that? Or this?” she pointed to her stomach. “I am more than just a baby-making machine.”

“You missed our physics test,” Emily said.

“I probably won’t have to retake it. I’m pretty good at science anyway.”

“Maybe you could help me with it. I’m having trouble with the formulas.”

Traci shrugged. “Sure.”

“What happened to that friend of yours? Allie or something?”

“Alix?” Traci asked. “She’s fine. She’s back in New York now. I’m actually staying with her since my parents kicked me out.”

“Your parents kicked you out? Because of the pregnancy?”

“Yep.”

“Why’d they do that?”

“Having a pregnant daughter didn’t fit into their perfect family motif,” Traci said. “If only they knew…”

“Knew what?”

“Nothing. Let’s go back to class.




“And what’s her name?” Alix asked as she made the bed.

“Emily something-or-other,” Traci said. “I don’t know her last name. Which is odd considering we’ve been in school together since Kindergarten. She seems nice enough. Tell me about your job.”

“I don’t really know yet. I’ll be doing stock and shelving, probably cleaning and working the register. I’m just glad that he’s taking a chance on me.”

“We both had pretty good days.”

“I’m glad you went to school,” Alix said.

“I’m glad too.”




Elsewhere in the neighborhood, another person was followed by a mysterious shadow. Another person was swept away into the sewer. Another person was found murdered.

They Haven't Said Anything to Wilberforce In Almost Two Hours?

On July 9, 1854, the Reverend William H. Goode preached the very first Methodist Episcopal sermon at Kibbee cabin just north of what would become Baldwin City. Three years later, at what would then become the Barricklow cabin, on April 17, a convention of ministers voted to establish Baker University in the town of Palmyra which would later be absorbed into Baldwin City.

Methodist sermons were originally conducted at the cabin north of town until the college building was completed in 1858. For the next ten or so years, church services were held on the third floor of what would become the Old Castle. By 1868, however, the need for a new church would be needed thus the building of Baker University's second building commenced. The Old Stone Church was constructed in 1868 and dedicated in 1870.

The Old Stone Church was built by George Miller and members of the community. It was replaced in 1884 with Centenary Hall. The Stone Church would later become Stone Hall and then Pulliam Hall and house Baker's School of Journalism and Broadcasting.


Centenary Hall was built in 1884, also by George Miller, to house classrooms, an auditorium, and church for Baker University since the Science Building (Parmenter Hall) was at capacity. Centenary Hall was built right next to Parmenter and served the University until it fell out of disuse and repair was razed in 1965. Centenary Hall stopped being the Methodist Church in 1904 when an actual church building was built.

The beautiful stone and brick church building was dedicated on February 14, 1904 and was built to serve Baldwin City for decades to come. The bricks were from Coffeyville, the giant circular stained glass window was a gift from the Southeastern Conference and the woodwork was all done in fine white oak. The dedication ceremony was heralded by Reverend Don S. Colt. Sadly, the church was struck by lightning in 1930 and burned to the ground. Services returned to Centenary Hall until the present church building was completed in 1932.

Over Maple Leaf this year, I was able to go inside and wander to get pictures of this subtely beautiful church.






A couple observations: First, Erie (I'm assuming Pennsylvania) is only an hour and 40 minutes from Cleveland. In the grand scheme of road tripping, that's not bad at all. Second, this is pretty good. An hour and a half or so is just long enough that you are tired of sitting and driving so having to turn around and drive all the way would put anyone in a murderous rage. Third, that's a good looking barn in the background--clearly a well-maintained farm on the Stoltzfus Family Farm (founded 1817) in the heart of Pennsylvania Dutch Country--I don't know what it's doing here in Erie County but whatever. Fourth, I hope this isn't the start of a week long storyline where they are celebrating Thanksgiving with Mother Gargle. I don't know if I can handle that.

If you would like to support my writing or my research, you can buy me a cup of coffee on Ko-Fi.

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Over Coffee

Clearly no one cares about your wedding. Just convert the video to digital and keep it in the cloud somewhere. Make sure you have the password accessible in case you die and need your children to erase incriminating evidence or, I guess, download the video to show at your funerals.

Friday, November 16, 2018

Money Grubber

That's an extra $260 a year. Put a one and two zeroes in front of that and you've got yourself a pretty good chunk of change. I never see Wilberforce do anything so in what way does he deserve an allowance?

Thursday, November 15, 2018

"Happy" Family

Nope, sorry. Veeblefester is the kind of spouse that will hunt you down wherever you go to hide. Seedy motels, domestic violence shelters, your friends, he will track you down. He will leave no stone unturned until you are brought back to where you belong--as his underling. Now get back to work! That water ain't free and your water breaks are a privilege not a right!

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Fun-Sized Post

Yeah. King size is no longer king size. Fun size is now mini. The world is going to Hell. But the real shock is that SOMEONE WAS HANDING OUT KING-SIZE CANDY BARS?!?!

I think you can buy pumpkin spice flavored coffee now. I don't care so I'm not sure but the problem with these seasonal flavors is that they are still seasonal. They still go away leaving you wanting more. More! MORE!!

Monday, November 12, 2018

Wrong Side

Stan Lee
1922 - 2018

EXCELSIOR!
"Gee, you look awful, Thorny!"

"Thanks, dick."

Maybe Brutus and Gladys need a new mattress. Or, based on the bubbles above his head, he is horribly hungover from a night of drinking and debauchery. They usually do that on Saturday night but had to switch because the host couldn't get a sitter.

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Tank N Tummy #9

“I can’t believe that you talked me into this,” MaryJane said, walking into the giant restaurant where their high school reunion was being held. “I’ve already slept with all these guys and it wasn’t all that great.”

“Quit thinking with your penis, MJ,” Dominic said. “It’ll be fun. And if we do this now, we’ll never have to do it ever again.”

“I don’t understand why we have to do it now,” Ryan said.

The three of them stood and watched the goings-on. They only had about 300 in their graduating class. In the ten years since then, at least two classmates had died. Neither Dominic or Ryan knew them.

“I lost my virginity to him,” MaryJane pointed at a guy across the room. “Wait. Or was it him?” she pointed at another guy.

“What are you talking about?” Ryan asked. “You lost your virginity to Trevor Scruggs in the fourth grade. You made him cry. His parents got a restraining order against you. He’s still messed up.”

“Oh, whatever,” MaryJane waved her hand. “Might as well get caught up.”

“Okay, we’ve been here for three minutes, let’s go,” Ryan said.

“Calm down,” Dominic said.

“Ryan?” a woman came up to them. “Ryan Conrad? You’re looking good.”

“Emily?” Ryan asked. “Hey, you’re looking good, too. But you always looked good.”

Emily looked away and pushed some loose hair behind her ear. Ryan and Emily dated their senior year. He’d had a crush on her since middle school and was finally able to talk her into going out with him their senior year. They started dating in September and broke up shortly before graduation because they knew their relationship wouldn’t last the summer.

“Thanks. How are you doing?” she asked.

Ryan thought about his life--being single, living alone, working at a gas station, still close to his high school friends. “I’m doing good. You?”

“I’m good as well. It’s great to see you. Come here, meet my husband,” Emily reached over and grabbed Ryan’s arm.

“You’re married” he was a little disappointed. “I should really get back to my friends.”

“Nonsense. Come on. Come meet Matt,” she began pulling him.

“MaryJane. So you decided to show,” a guy came up to MaryJane. “I figured you threw us all away like yesterday’s trash.”

“Nonsense…” she looked at the guy’s nametag “...Tyler. I loved high school. I’m still friends with Dominic and Ryan. How are you doing? You’re looking good?”

“How am I doing? Why don’t you ask how our son is doing,” Tyler said. “You know our son. The one that my parents adopted and are raising as their own. The son that I have to keep hidden as a younger brother?”

MaryJane looked at him. “So you’re good?”

“You’re a terrible whore of a person and I hope you burn in Hell,” Tyler said and stormed off.

“Whatever,” she shrugged.

“Mr. Hall,” a voice behind Dominic said. “I’m surprised to see you here considering how much you didn’t like school.”

“Ms. Patterson. How are you doing?” Dominic asked.

“Doing good. Still teaching social studies.”

“You had my favorite class,” Dominic said. “I actually liked your class.”

“I recall that you did very well in my classes,” Ms. Patterson said.

“It probably helped that I had a crush on you, Ms. Patterson.”

“Please, we’re both adults now. Call me Jenny,” she said. “So, a crush?” she leaned in close to Dominic.

“MaryJane,” a woman came up to MaryJane with a smile on her face. “Remember me?”

“Dana Walbury? How are you doing?”

“I’m good. Hey, remember in middle school when you convinced me to go to third base with you and after we did it you told everyone that I hated boys?”

“Clearly, you did. You went down on me,” MaryJane laughed.

“You tricked me. You confused me. You basically assaulted me then ruined my teenage years by lying about me. And I may be a lesbian but I wasn’t sure back then. Yes, MaryJane, I hate boys and I hate you.” Dana threw the liquid that was in her glass at MaryJane and stormed off.

MaryJane gasped a couple times, looking down at her wet clothes. “You’re welcome,” she sarcastically shouted at Dana who threw a middle finger at her.

Elsewhere in the restaurant, Ryan was sitting at a table with Emily and Matt. The three of them were seemingly getting along. “So how long did you two date?” Matt asked.

“Only about a year,” Emily answered. “Ryan was my last serious boyfriend before I met you. That’s why I thought you would be perfect for this. You two have quite a bit in common and I am comfortable physically and emotionally with both of you,” Emily explained. As she finished, she took her husband’s hand and squeezed gently. She then turned to look at him then both of them looked at Randy.

“What’s going on?” Ryan asked with a confused and suspicious smile on his face.

“I…” Emily giggled a little, embarrassed, then looked at Matt. “We were wanting to try some experimenting. With sex. And we want you to be a part of our threesome.”

Ryan froze. He stared at Emily and Matt. He stifled a laugh. “Is this some weird joke? Did I hear you right? Threesome?”

Emily and Matt nodded. “We love each other and our marriage isn’t in danger or anything,” Emily began “but Matt recently came out as bisexual and while we’ve tried toys--dildoes, strap-on--we’ve both talked about it and want to bring in an actual second man into it.”

“Emily has always respected you and based on the stories she has told, you seem like a gentle and caring person who would probably be just as apprehensive as we are about doing this. We can get to know each other and when we’re ready, just see what happens,” Matt said.

“MaryJane,” someone came up behind MaryJane as she sat at the bar.

She rolled her eyes and turned to the voice. “Jenna. Are you going wish death on me, too? Throw a drink in my face?”

“No, no. Why would I do that? You only slept with my dad and ruined my parents’ marriage. You remember that?” Jenna asked.

“Your parents’ marriage was in trouble before I got near your dad,” MaryJane took a sip of her drink. “If anything I just helped them realize it was over sooner.”

“My sister killed herself shortly after the divorce,” Jenna revealed. “I sincerely hope you burn in Hell.”

“You’re not the only one,” MaryJane took another drink. Jenna stormed off. “Jeez. Who would’ve thought that my actions would have consequences?” she asked herself.

“Hey, MaryJane,” Ryan came up to her.

“Hey, Ryan. How have I ruined your life?”

“In numerous ways. I just wanted to let you know that I am leaving with Emily and her husband Matt,” Ryan told her. “So I won’t need a ride home.”

“Emily? Your ex-girlfriend Emily? And her husband? Kinky,” MaryJane winked.

“Just...I’ll see you later.”

Dominic came back in from the parking lot. He and Ms. Patterson had finished and she was now on her way home. Dominic looked around and saw MaryJane at the bar. “I just had sex with Ms. Patterson,” he said as he sat down. “Why are you wet?”

“Got a drink thrown on me.”

“Because you’re a terrible person and screwed many people here both literally and figuratively?”

She nodded.

“Let’s get Ryan and go.”

“He already left. With Emily and her husband.”

“Emily his ex-girlfriend?”

She nodded again.

“And her husband?”

“Jealous?”

He shrugged. “You?”

“Very much so. Let’s go.”

Prince of Persuasia

100 years ago today, an armistice was signed ending the Great War. The war began in 1914 and lasted for just over 4 years. Over 70 million military personnel were mobilized and over 15 million people were killed. As we look back on the The War to End All Wars, let's keep all the servicepeople who fight and have fought to keep our country, and the world, safe in our minds and in our hearts.
Never Forget          Never Again


You know, dumb, ugly, boring women are people too and deserve love just as much as everyone else. This idea of stringing them along just so that you won't care if they dump you seems wrong. We need to create a hashtag for this. Women shouldn't have to take this crap but jerks like Fred.

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Curly Shuffle

Oh, look, it's another guy trying to force the Three Stooges down a woman's throat. Gladys should just go out by herself and have fun. Maybe take one of the other members from the PTA. It seems she get along with them just fine.

Why is the root beer not colored?

Thursday, November 8, 2018

Let Me Put It This Way

Today's strip is trying too hard. First of all, you'd have to know who Usain Bolt is. Believe me, those people are out there. Secondly, I feel that even in reverse Usain Bolt would still be fast. Maybe Opposite Usain Bolt or Bizarro Usain Bolt or maybe Tlob Niasu.

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Cracker

I thought old people always woke up early. Up at 5, back in bed by 9. And I see that Brutus is still obsessing over Uncle Ted's retirement that probably happened ten years ago. He's your dad's only living sibling, Brutus, go deep with the questions.

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

We Know Who Brutus Voted for Lost

Ohio apparently doesn't specify if you can take time off in order to go vote. They do say that salaried employees get paid but hourly employees don't. Was Veeblefester just standing at the door waiting for Brutus to walk in?

*door opens*

Veeblefester: "Where have you been, Thorn...Oh, Gladstone. Sorry."

*door opens*

Veeblefester: "Where have you been, Thorn...Oh, Patterson. Sorry."

*door opens*

Veeblefester: "Where have you been, Thorn..."




Monday, November 5, 2018

He Just Signed His Death Warrant

Look, I'm not saying that I just want random kids traipsing through my house uninvited but maybe if you'd lock your doors then Hattie wouldn't be able to come into your house uninvited. Now, she's just going to sit outside and ring your doorbell until you snap and climb up a clock tower with a shotgun.


Sunday, November 4, 2018

Tauy Creek Digest #50: Doors

Alexis was hesitant to take a job at the garage door factory but she needed the money it was 17 dollars an hour she would get the next day. “It requires a lot of heavy lifting,” the man at the unemployment agency said. “Are you fine lifting fifty or more pounds over your head?”

Alexis never thought about that. She assumed she could. “Yeah, I can do that,” she guessed.

“We have several openings for third shift which is 11 P.M. through 8 A.M. Are those hours okay?”

“Yeah. I’d prefer overnight anyway,” Alexis said.

“Can you start tonight? I know it’s short notice.”

Alexis nodded.




The first half of the night was dealing with paperwork and the standard corporate videos about company theft, time theft, and sexual harassment. There was also a video on safety which the guy running this thing emphatically stressed as the most important thing. Everything shut down at lunch and nearly everyone left to go get something. Only Alexis and about seven other people stayed and ate in the break room.

Another girl about Alexis’ age came in and sat alone in the corner and began eating a sandwich. She had her hair tied tightly into two braids. She was in a sleeveless shirt, her sports bra stained with sweat, and short shorts. Alexis kept looking at her as she ate the bag of chips she bought from the vending machine.

The other girl and Alexis made eye contact. Alexis didn’t divert her eyes, thinking that would be more awkward. The other girl stared back as she finished her sandwich. She gave Alexis the middle finger and smiled angrily at her for a brief second before getting up, throwing away her trash, and leaving the break room.




Alexis thought about the girl the whole time she was squirting hot glue onto the backs of the garage doors that passed her on the conveyor belt and as she placed small steel beams in the glue. A couple of times, Alexis saw the other girl pulling giant rolling shelves of doors from one area of the factory to the other. When Alexis saw her, it made the night slightly more bearable despite burning her fingers on the hot glue nozzle and getting glue on her shirt. She also pinched her finger against one of the beams and a door. A blood boil was now forming and it made working a bit slower and she got backed up several times, much to the anger to the people at the start of the assembly line.

The klaxon went off and it was time for third shift to stop working and first shift to start. Exhausted, Alexis went to the entrance to clock out.

“Hey,” someone came up behind her as she slid her timecard into the clock. Alexis turned and saw the other girl standing behind her. “I’m Natalie. Are you one of the new temps?”

“Yeah. It was my first night,” Alexis answered.

“Cool. Glad to see a female about my age working here. The women here are either older factory workers or work in the front offices. I don’t know what first and second shift look like but we’re two anomalies during this shift. So what’s your name?”

“Alexis.”

“Alexis,” Natalie smiled. “I’ll see you around, Alexis,” Natalie reached over and gently pinched Alexis’ upper arm.




The first break time was at 1:45 for Alexis. Break times were assigned by jobs. As Alexis headed to the break room, Natalie came up to her pulling shelves of doors. “Hey, do you want to go to lunch with me?” she asked.

Alexis was taken back by the question. “Uh, sure. I didn’t bring anything anyway. I was just going to buy another bag of chips out of the vending machine.”

“Great. It’s a date,” Natalie winked and, again, pinched Alexis’ arm before resuming pulling her doors.

After break, Alexis was moved one step earlier in her line. She went from sticking steel beams in hot glue to lifting the doors over her head to turn them over. It was hard work and not something Alexis wanted to do. She missing getting burned by the hot glue.

At lunch, they got in Natalie’s car and Natalie drove them to a park about a mile away from the factory. “I thought we were going to eat,” Alexis wondered.

“We’ll grab something,” Natalie said. “I saw that they moved you. You looked good doing all that heavy lifting.”

“I wish I felt good. I’m so hungry and my torso feels so cramped. Not to mention my arms feel like cooked pasta,” Alexis chuckled.

“It’s a tough job. I’ve been doing it for two years. Not many can hack it. Where’d you work before this?”

“A temp job in a mail room and before that, rip-off insurance customer service and before that customer service for a cable provider.”

“Sounds kind of like my job history,” Natalie said. “On the plus side, I get to meet interesting people.”

“Yeah, I have met quite a few people who have become fri…” Natalie’s lips were suddenly on Alexis’. Her eyes widened as she realized what was happening. She kissed back and slowly closed her eyes.

Her seat went down and Natalie was on top of her, one hand caressing her cheek and neck, the other making its way up underneath Alexis’ shirt to her breast. They made out for several minutes until Natalie pulled away and they just looked at each other. After the surprise and feeling of what happened passed, Alexis noticed that Natalie had her right arm in a pinch like she had done yesterday morning.

“Ow,” Alexis said, and pulled her arm away but with a smile.

“Sorry. I do that,” Natalie laughed and rolled off of Alexis and back into the driver’s seat. “Ready to get some lunch?”

“Yeah. I’m hungry,” Alexis said. She noticed a bruise where Natalie had pinched her earlier.

“We don’t have much time to grab something,” Natalie began driving. “We’ll probably be hungry later. Want to have breakfast with me after work?”

“I’d really like that,” Alexis said. She wanted the sun up quickly. She wanted to finish what Natalie had started. Alexis had come out to herself when she found herself dating Michelle Tatum her freshman—and only—year of college. They had started out as friends and just decided that they should date each other. The relationship didn’t last very long and Alexis lost a good friend.

“Great. I’ll meet you outside the employee entrance after you clock out. Okay?”




At breakfast, Alexis and Natalie talked about work and exes. Both revealed how distant they were from their families. They talked about friends, of which Natalie had more of, and things each of them liked to do. Natalie talked about her fondness for music and being in a band, Girls You Can’t Have, for a hot second. Alexis talked about her wanting to do something with kids as a career but had dropped out of college. Natalie had graduated from community college and was very supportive of Alexis going back to school.

After breakfast, Alexis took Natalie home and the two of them continued what had started about four hours ago in the car. Natalie was only Alexis’ third time while Natalie, who had known who she was attracted to at a younger age, was much more experienced. When they finished, Alexis lay in Natalie’s arms. Natalie was pulled gently on Alexis’ arm hair which she liked just a bit more than the arm pinches she had received before.

“Why do you pinch me?” Alexis asked.

“I think it’s because I’m nervous,” Natalie answered.

“Nervous? The first time you saw me you flipped me off.”

“When I really like someone, I get nervous. Maybe even worried.”

“Why?”

“I have a lot of one-night stands, friends with benefits, but relationships are few and far between. I don’t want to screw it up.”

“Relationship?” Alexis interrupted. “Are we dating now?” she looked up at Natalie, smiling.

“Yeah. If you want.”

“If you wanted to date me, then why did you sleep with me so fast?”

“Why did you?”

“I didn’t think you were looking for a relationship so I was fine with accepting a one-night stand,” Alexis admitted. “I figured that I should take that risk. And you?”

“I was worried I wouldn’t be able to actually date you but I know I wanted you even if it was just for a fleeting moment,” Natalie explained, looking at the arm hairs that she was playing with. She then bent down and kissed Alexis on the neck near the shoulder.

“Natalie?” Alexis asked, a slight gasp at her lips on her neck.

“Yeah?”

“You can keep pinching me.”