Arjon and Brittany walked together from the student union where they had breakfast together. “I love breakfast food,” Arjon said. “Breakfast food is definitely something I’m taking back to my village.”
“Breakfast food is pretty good. Your village doesn’t have eggs?”
“We have eggs but they are usually put in recipes or hard-boiled for easy use and eating on the go. We don’t scramble them.”
“Were any of your classes canceled?” Brittany asked.
“Just my algebra class which is fine because it’s the only class I’m failing.”
“We’re only two weeks into school. How can you already be failing?”
“We don’t have math in my village. It’s hard to do algebra when you barely know what a number is.”
“I guess that would be a problem,” Brittany sighed.
“Brittany Simonson,” someone suddenly leapt out of the bushes with a bouquet of flowers. “I have been without you for too long and am on bended knee asking you to take me back.”
“Oh, farts,” Brittany said.
“All of my classes canceled, I’m spending all day in bed,” Randy said.
“Mine too so I’m here to stay as well,” Caleb replied.
“I bet I can stay in bed longer than you,” Randy challenged.
“Really? This is something you want to fight about?”
“Yes.”
“You’re on. And I’m going to win.”
“What are you doing here, Brian?” Brittany asked.
“I am asking for your heart and you’re hand back,” Brian said. “We’ve been apart for three months and the saying is true: Absence does make the heart grow fonder.”
“Who is this guy?” Arjon asked.
“His name is Brian. We dated in high school. We broke up a few weeks before college started. He has now apparently went crazy, went into a ‘stalker’ phase and is only a few steps away from opening fire or mowing people down in a van during a walkathon.”
“Oh my.”
“Yes.”
“All I ask is one date to try and rekindle our love. If our does not reignite then I will happily leave. If you turn me down or you are giving your heart to someone else then I’ll still leave but I won’t happy,” Brian pleaded.
“Now that you mention it, I am seeing someone,” Brittany grabbed Arjon’s arm. “Arjon. Arjon and I are dating.”
“Oh, I love these plots,” Dewey suddenly said.
“Where’d you come from?” Arjon asked.
“I’ve been here,” Dewey dropped his backpack on the ground, opened it, and pulled out a bag of popcorn. “Mm?” he offered Arjon some.
“How did you know to make this in advance?” Arjon took a handful and ate it. “How is this still hot?” he asked.
“You’re dating a banana?” Brian finally stood up.
“He’s a very nice guy,” Brittany said.
“He’s produce,” Brian scoffed.
“Be nice,” Brittany replied angrily to Brian.
“Quick question,” Arjon spoke up “how does dating me factor into this? He said he would leave whether or not you were dating anyone.”
Brittany leaned in close to Arjon’s ear and whispered “If I’m single, he may still try to get back together with me. If I’m dating someone maybe he will move on and leave me alone.”
“Gotcha,” Arjon responded loudly.
“The three of us should have lunch together,” Brian suggested. “So I can see how good you are together.”
“You’re nuts. We don’t have to prove our relationship to you. Just leave. Go home,” Brittany demanded.
“I think I’ll stay a while,” Brian swayed on the balls of his feet. “Unless we can have lunch together.”
“I don’t think this kind of plot holds up these days,” Dewey acknowledged, chewing on popcorn.
“Fine. Lunch. And then I load you up into your stupid Tercel and bid you a fond farewell.”
“You know me so well. I do still have the Tercel. Remember the things we used to do in that Tercel?” Brian gave her the bedroom eyes.
“I remember the cramps and lack of satisfaction,” Brittany sighed.
“So lunch?”
“Lunch. And then you’re gone.”
Back at the dorms, Caleb was still in bed playing a game on his phone. Randy was partially under the covers, both hands underneath and Randy staring intently at them. “What are you doing?” Despite making very little movement, what Randy was doing was still very distracting as Caleb played his game.
“Peeing.”
“Are you wetting the bed?”
“Of course not. I’m doing it in a two-liter bottle. Well, one point five liters.”
“That’s not fair. I don’t have anything to pee in and I really need to go.”
“It’s not my fault that you actually clean your half of the room,” Randy brought the bottle out from under the covers. “I can put the lid back on and toss it to you.”
“No. That’s okay,” Caleb said. “Just...keep it.”
At the Pad, the odd date was going better than expected. Arjon and Brittany sat next to each other with Brian across from them. Dewey was sitting across the aisle from them, still watching them.
“I’m glad that you have found someone,” Brian said. “I want you to be happy and I couldn’t see you being happy with anyone else but me but here we are.”
“Because women can only be happy if they have a man, is that right?” Brittany commented.
“Exactly,” Brian replied. “You two go good together.”
“She’ll be a fine addition to my village,” Arjon said and pulled Brittany closer to him.
“Wait. What?” she pulled away. “I’m not moving to your village. I am too comfortable with technology, air conditioning, and humans,” Brittany said.
“We’ll talk about it at the engagement ceremony,” Arjon laughed.
“This was a good lunch. I should get back. I told work that I was going on break. That was four hours ago,” Brian stood up. He gave Brittany a hug and Arjon a handshake and left.
As Brian left, Caleb and Randy came in. “Hey, guys, how has your day been going?” Brittany asked.
“All of our classes were canceled so we tried to see who could stay in bed all day,” Caleb said.
“Who won?” asked Arjon.
“No one. We got hungry and no one was near the door to have something delivered or near our mini-fridge,” Randy said. “We’re starving.”
