Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Shadow of the Owl

Kudos to Wilberforce for being Superman. Most kids pick Batman because, well, he's the most powerful superhero ever created and he's rich but Superman is the more honorable choice. Yeah, I said it. I don't care. Fight me.

It's a shame we couldn't get Hattie as Wonder Woman. That would've been cool but, well, you know, she's poor.

Comic Comics #218: Horror From the Tomb

Horror From the Tomb was published with a September 1954 cover date by Premier Magazines. It clearly used it's most outrageous and anti-Wertham stories in this issue. Starting with issue 2, it would be retitled Mysterious Stories and would feature less blood and gore and with issue 3, it would code-approved and lean more toward odd stories and comedic horror parodies. Click to enlarge the pages.

The Werewolf of the Alps
by George Woodbridge and Angelo Torres

Is it just me or does this ending feel like a cop-out? A werelion? Really? Also, none of these people are dressed like they are going mountain climbing. I love how the werewolf is shaking his fist in the last panel. "Curse you, irony! Curse you! I...die..."

Revenge from the Grave

It's amazing how easy it is to break out of a grave in stories. Does becoming undead make you stronger? You are in a pretty well made wooden box six feet underground. I don't even understand how it works nowadays considering dead people are now put in a concrete vault in many places.

If you notice, what we are led to believe is a good guy, is really a bad guy. The corpse hates Roger because he's too honest and he died of HAPPINESS!?! Roger Barton was clearly too pure for this world.

Absent-Minded Professor
by Cal Massey and Jack Abel

Let's be honest, haven't we all dated a gelatinous blob held together by fake body parts at some point in our lives?

Wait. Did the professor strangle the dog or break its neck? Either way, he killed it. "You better look away"? I don't know of any woman these days who would be okay with a guy killing a dog while on a date no matter how dangerous it seemed.

The Bone Man
by Mannie Banks

And this is why you don't make people who work in a museum upset. They will kill you and somehow display you in the museum.

One this I love about this story is that there is an ad right after it for a rosary with beads filled with water from the fountain in Lourdes. You finish reading a story where a guy kills half a dozen people and melts the skin off their bones and then you can get yourself a rosary for five bucks. Perfect!

Off With the Head

Speaking of how easy it is to dig your way out of a coffin six feet underground, heads just pop off willy-nilly don't they? Just apply a little pressure and *POP* head comes off.

You Can't Keep a Good King Down
by George Woodbridge and Angelo Torres

For some reason, this reminds of the episode of Bob's Burgers where the kids explore the abandoned taffy factory and find men made of taffy that were made to protect the taffy owner's money from the government.
The skeletal remains also remind me of one of the bosses in the Nintendo game "Ikari Warriors."

Monday, October 30, 2017

We're Gonna Pants So Many People

You can do both. Take the candy that the people offer you and then burn down their house. Hilarious childhood fun!

I hate when people ask for a trick. When I was a kid, my mom gave me a joke to tell. I could never remember the joke and still don't to this day. Only one person has ever asked me for a trick. I couldn't think of anything so fell into the fetal position in a puddle of my own urine. Then he gave me a box of raisins.

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Three Networks? They Didn't Even Have DuMont Anymore

One of the funniest things I remember from "All In the Family", besides Archie Bunker's hilarious casual racism, was their remote control with one button which means you could just move the channel up.

It was years before my mom and I got a TV that you could use a remote on. Our remote usage mainly came from our cable box so we never had to deviate from channel 3 and whoever was watching TV had the privilege of turning it off. Man, the Dark Ages were tough.

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Liberty Horror #1: Return of the Corpse


“What an awesome cabin, Don,” Eric exclaimed as they entered the spacious cabin on Wamapoke Peak.

“The cabin is awesome but the babes are even better,” Don sneered.

“I can’t wait to get me one of those snow bunnies.”

“Why just one?” Don clapped Eric on the back. “There’s a whole litter on this mountain. Let’s go change into our ski suits and take a look around.”

Don and Eric changed and went out to the slopes. They mingled with the other people on Wamapoke Peak and paid special attention to the women. That evening, there was a massive party in the main lodge. It was mostly women--sorority girl taking a trip together.

“I better use a breath mint in case I kiss any of them,” Don said, nudging Eric with his elbow. “Which one strikes your fancy?”

“That one,” Eric motioned to a blonde girl with a slight upturned nose and bright green eyes. “But I don’t think she’s interested.”

“That doesn’t matter. When you’re us you can do whatever you want with them. Just grab them, you know?” Don made a grabbing motion with his hand. Eric shrugged and walked over to the girl. He said something to her. She gasped and turned, storming away. Erick looked at Don. Don raised a glass to his brother. “It’s not an official no until someone is dead,” he said, smiling big.

The next day, most everybody was gone by noon. Don got out of bed around eleven, the girl he slept with long gone. Eric had passed out on the couch, alone. Don woke Eric up and they got dressed to head to the lodge. They noticed how deserted it had become.

“Big snowstorm today,” the proprietor said. “We’re expecting a foot of snow, maybe more. Most everyone has left, wanting to beat the storm.”

“I guess we should do that, too,” Eric said. “Storm’s getting here about three. It’ll take you that long to get down the mountain. It’s better if you stay here although the lodge will be closed so hopefully you boys have enough food and stuff.”

“We’ll be fine,” Don pshawed.

The snow nearly buried everything on the mountain. Don and Eric’s cabin lost electricity but they still had heat thanks to gas. Food was getting scarce. They made what they had last but on the third day stranded, they were down to just cereal and oatmeal.

Eric walked into the trophy room and saw Don getting dressed like he was going hunting. “We need more to eat. I’m sick of cereal. I’m going to see if I can find some animals or something. Want to come with? We may have better luck with both of us out there.”

Eric agreed and quickly got dressed in warm hunting fatigues. He grabbed a gun and he and Don headed outside. It had stopped snowing but the snow was up to their knees making it hard to walk. Eric missed a step and stumbled into the snow. A shot cracked through the air. Don let out a scream and fell into the snow. “Don? Donnie,” Eric scrambled out of the snow and over to Don. The snow was covered in blood and Don was still. Lifeless. Eric pulled Don’s body out and rolled him onto his back. “Come on, Don. Don’t do this. I didn’t mean to. Come on, Don,” Eric cried.

Somehow, Eric dragged Don’s body back to the cabin. “I’ll bury the body in the snow. It’ll keep until I get ourselves back down the mountain,” Eric began digging a hole in the snow. “I’m so sorry, Don.”

Don haunted Eric’s dreams that night, making it hard for him to fall asleep and stay asleep. He woke up the next morning exhausted, shuffling his way to the kitchen where he saw Don sitting at the table. “Don! How’d you get here? I didn’t mean to kill you. I’m sorry,” he screamed at the corpse. He chuckled a bit. “I’m imagining this. It’s just guilt. Don’s real body is still where I buried it.”

Outside, the snow was uncovered where Eric had put the corpse. Eric’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “Nononono. It can’t be. Dead people can’t unbury themselves.” He went back into the cabin, retrieved the body and put it back in the snow. “There. And it’ll be warmer today so we should be able to leave tomorrow,” Eric went back in and sat on the couch. “How did Don get into the kitchen? Maybe I’m still asleep. I don’t remember getting any sleep…” he began mumbling as he drifted off.

When Eric awoke, it was nearly dark. He looked at the clock over the fireplace--7:36. “Boy, I guess I was tired. No bad dreams at least. Woo, I’m hungry.”

Eric went into the kitchen. The chair Don’s corpse was sitting in earlier today was still pulled out and wet with melted snow and had a couple drops of blood on the wood. Eric nervously made himself the last of the oatmeal and went back into the living room. He ate in silence, slight tremors pulsing through his body because his anxiety about Don. He ate the oatmeal and went to take a shower.

Don’s corpse was lying in the shower, his head tilted up so he was staring up at whoever opened the curtain first. “Yow!” Eric screamed. “How? Why?” he fell to his knees and began hitting the corpse. He sobbed against the tub, pounding the edge with his fist.

“It looks like everyone got off the mountain,” Deputy Harland said. “It’s dead up here at the lodge.”

“That’s good,” Deputy Jaramillo said. “Bad stuff can happen up here when no one is around. Like that. What’s going on here?”

Deputy Jaramillo flipped on the police lights and turned the car toward Eric burying Don in what was left of the snow for the third time. The deputies got out of their car and shined a flashlight on Eric. “Sir, please stop what you are doing and put your hands up.”

“He keeps coming back,” Eric said, raising his hands. “Keeps digging his way out. He thinks I killed him on purpose. I didn’t. I swear I didn’t.”

“He’s right,” Deputy Jaramillo said to Dr. Moore several weeks later at the psychiatric hospital. “Based on the angle of the shot, there’s no way it could’ve been on purpose or premeditated. He tripped in the snow like he said.”

“Thank you, Deputy,” Dr. Moore said, taking the file from the deputy. “This will hopefully help in his recovery. We haven’t had any issue with him since he got here but he cannot explain how the body of his dead brother kept getting back into the house.”

“Accidentally killing his brother made him snap,” the deputy shrugged. “Was probably just using that as an excuse since we caught him in the act. Probably never buried the body in the first place.”

“Maybe. Be safe out there. It’s going to be quite a snowstorm tonight,” Dr. Moore said.

Later that night, the snow was high and sleet was tapping against the window. A nurse came running into the doctor’s quarters. “Doctor! We have an issue with our new patient. He keeps banging on the door screaming for ‘Don.’”

“This could be our breakthrough,” Dr. Moore leapt up. They both ran to Eric’s room and Dr. Moore opened the door. “He’s sleepwalking,” he said as Eric dashed out of the room and toward the exit.

“Doctor, should we stop him?”

“No, let’s see what he’s doing.” They followed Eric outside and into the snow. Eric collapsed to his knees and began digging, looking for Don. “So that’s what happened. He was sleepwalking and he dug up his dead brother’s body himself. And he wouldn’t remember any of it.”

“Doctor, he’s burying himself in the snow,” the nurse pointed.

“He’s upset that he can’t find the body. Help me get him up, Nurse.” The two struggled but Eric refused to be budged. “Go get a couple of orderlies. Quickly.”

The nurse rushed off back into the hospital and came back a couple minutes later with a couple of orderlies. “Here they are, Doctor.”

“It’s too late,” Dr. Moore sighed. “The stress of the cold and not finding the body was too much. His heart gave out. Orderlies, take the body downstairs. Nurse, get me his file. I’ll call his parents and let them know Eric was reunited with his brother.”

Leave Him Alone

It's Saturday. Who cares if Brutus hasn't got off the couch all day? I'll never understand the spousal and societal push for having people work all week and then work some more during the weekend. It's the weekend. I don't have to do anything.

Friday, October 27, 2017

Brutus No Longer Deserves That Pie

I understand that there are people out there who make fancy pie crusts and melt some shredded cheese on it. What I usually see is Gruyere or some other fancy cheese that costs $8 for a quarter pound. What Brutus is talking is good old fashioned American cheese. You know, the processed garbage that costs $2 for 64 slices.

Wilberforce is right to be upset at this bit of reminiscent horror. A slice of American cheese on my apple pie is more frightening to me than a Pennywise the Dancing Clown on every street corner.

Thursday, October 26, 2017

What Could He Be Mad About Now?

I think I've noted on here that I think Hattie lives with her father and her mother is out of the picture. Hattie has mentioned her mother on occasion but I think those are older stories but that she does randomly appear every couple years or so.

Why, yes, I do have back stories for all the secondary characters in this comic strip. Why do you ask?

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Tauy Creek Digest #36: The Juniper Tree

Once upon a time, there was a rich man who had a beautiful wife. They loved each other dearly and wanted children. Though they wished for them, and the woman prayed day and night, they didn't get any. In front of their house there stood a juniper tree. One day, in winter, the woman was sitting beneath it, peeling an apple. As the penknife slid around the apple, it slipped and cut her finger.

"Oh," she looked at her finger. A drop of blood fell onto the snow. "I wish I had a child as red as blood and as white as snow." As the last word left her lips, she became quite content and felt sure it would happen.

The months began passing. The snow was gone after the first month, everything was green after the second. The third, all the flowers came out. The trees grow thicker and larger during the fourth and during the fifth, she grew happier and she stood beneath the juniper tree which smelled so sweet. At the sixth month, she grew still and somber. After the seventh month, she picked the juniper berries and ate them greedily. In the eighth month, she grew sick and sorrowful. She called for her husband and cried "If I die, bury me beneath the juniper tree." After the ninth month, she had a son as white as snow and as red as blood. When she saw him, she was so happy. So happy that she died.

Her husband buried her beneath the juniper tree, and began to cry bitterly. After some time he was more at ease, though he still cried, he could bear it. Some time later, he took another wife. He had a daughter by the second wife. When the woman looked at her daughter, she loved her very much, but then she looked at the boy, and it pierced her heart, for she thought that he would always stand in her way, and she was always thinking how she could get the entire inheritance for her daughter. She grew angry with the boy and pushed from one corner to the other, slapped him here and cuffed him there, until the poor child was always afraid, for when he came home he could find no peace.

One day, the woman was in her room when her daughter came in, "Mother, give me an apple," she requested.

"Yes, my child," the woman said and gave her a beautiful apple from a small chest next to her.

"Mother, can brother have one too?" the daughter asked.

This made her angry. "Yes, when he comes home from school." Soon, she saw the boy coming home. She snatched the apple from her daughter. "You shall not have one before your brother." She threw the apple into the chest and shut it. The boy came in the door and the woman asked kindly, "My son, do you want an apple?" her eyes glowed angrily.

The boy was hesitant but nodded sheepishly. "Yes, please."

The woman opened the chest and motioned toward it. "Take an apple for yourself," she said. As the boy leaned over, she slammed down the lid. The boy's head snapped off and fell among the red apples. The woman hid what she had done. "Daughter, go downstairs and start the water for dinner."

The girl happily left. The woman grabbed a silk scarf out of a drawer, placed the head back on the neck and tied the scarf around so nothing could be seen. Then she placed him on a chair with an apple in his hand. The woman went downstairs and into the kitchen. "Daughter, brother has an apple for you upstairs, if he won't give it to you, box his ears."

The girl, again, happily left. "Oh, brother, thank you for holding that apple for me," but he was silent and didn't move. She gave him a slight rap on the ear and his head fell off. The girl was terrified and began crying and screaming. "Mother, I have knocked my brother's head off."

"What have you done? Be quiet and don't tell anybody. It cannot be helped now. We will cook him into stew." The woman took the little boy, chopped him into pieces and put him into the pot. The girl stood by, crying, and all her tears fell into the pot.

Father came home and sat down at the table. "Where is my son?" he asked. The woman served up a large dish of stew. The girl had not stopped crying. "Where is my son?"

"He has gone to visit is great uncle. He asked to stay six weeks."

"What is he doing there? He didn't even say good-bye to me."

"He asked to go."

"It isn't right. He should've said good-bye," the man began to eat. "This is good. Give me more," he ate more and more and as he ate, he threw all the bones under the table until he had finished it all.

After dinner, the girl took her best silk scarf and gathered up all the bones from beneath the table and carried them outside.  She placed under the juniper tree and suddenly felt better and her crying stopped. The branches of the tree moved and a beautiful bird flew out and high into the air singing magnificently. The girl looked down and saw the scarf with the bones was no longer there. She felt as happy as though her brother were alive, and she went inside.

The bird flew across the countryside. Using his song, he entranced a goldsmith to give him a necklace, beautiful red shoes from a shoemaker, and a millstone from a miller. He returned to the juniper tree and began singing his beautiful song again.

"That music," the man said. "It's lovely. I must go see what kind of bird is making it." He ran outside and the bird dropped the necklace over the man's head. He went back inside and showed him what the bird gave him.

"Maybe the bird will give me something," the girl ran out of the house and under the juniper tree. The bird, still singing, dropped the red shoes in front of the girl. The girl tapped herself back into the house. "He gave me these beautiful shoes. Oh, Mother, you should go out and see what the bird has for you."

"It feels as though my blood is boiling. A thousand pin pricks on my skin," she breathed. "Why is it so hot in here?" The singing from the bird seemed to get louder. The woman acted like she was on fire. Finally, unable to stand the feeling her flesh burning and blood boiling, she ran out of the house and the bird dropped the millstone from the tree onto her head, crushing her.

The father and daughter and the bird, singing, were very happy. The three of them went into the kitchen, sat down at the table, and ate.

Story by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
This version by Brian Hall

Work On Work

I think Brutus is as good as he's ever going to be. It's nice that Brutus is striving to be better but he should know by now. We all do, so should he.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017


Hurricane Hattie is going to put on a blue suit that is just slightly too big for her, a bright red tie, and hair that looks like Wilberforce's and wander around the neighborhood going "I have the best. Costume. Of them all. Believe me when I say it is the best. No other costume comes close to this one. Wilberforce as Crooked Hillary is just sad" all while making inane hand gestures.

At least Hattie's hands are the right size.

Monday, October 23, 2017

You Heard What He Said

I've never believed that I would be a millionaire. I grew up wanting to be a writer so I understand I'm not going to make tons of money. I just want to live comfortably which is something we should all strive for. Help me live more comfortably by donating to my Patreon.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Sunday Desserts

I'm going to imagine that Brutus went out specifically to get sugar and still forgot to get it. Luckily, he can just head back out to the store and get more sugar.

I find it strange that Gladys keeps lemons stocked up but doesn't have extra sugar.