Hot Chocolate? It's 73 Degrees In Cleveland

September 14, 1976

Whenever Hurricane Hattie hangs out at the Thornapple's house with her pet skunk, Wilberforce becomes slightly tingly. What's that about?

So, Brutus does help with the dishes? It wasn't clear before.

"Guess what? I have a fever. And the only prescription is more football..."

Gladys' unmoving response ("Do you want some chicken soup or something?") means she doesn't really care about her husband's fever or knows he's just setting up some kind of bit. Either way, she regrets coming into the room.

Keep Your Hands Where I Can See Them

September 13, 1976

Look at Hattie's mom. She's terrified!

I like how Brutus had to tie Hattie up in order to drag her back home. That's the Hattie I know and love. And you know she can slip out of that rope at any time.

I am just going to ignore everything about what's going on in this strip and focus on the dog mug. I'm thinking it's a personalized one of a loyal pup Uncle Ted owned and lost years ago. Jake was an amazing dog. Such a good boy.

Much better than this Brutus guy.

This Is Not a Garage

August 30, 1976

This birthday is just one of many throughout the year for Gladys. Why are there so many dishes? I guess it's the same reason why there's so many damn dishes at my place.

Ooh, part two. See? Calling it a "garage" was a mistake. Moe from The Simpsons was right. We should just call it a "car hole".

You Got the Oil Leak Fixed First, Right?

August 9, 1976

I understand that not wanting your wife to work was a thing because of 🌈𝓶𝓲𝓼𝓸𝓰𝔂𝓷𝔂🌈 but I will never understand the reasoning. You want a home-cooked meal and a clean house? Why don't you help out once in a while?

That is quite a position Gladys has herself in. Must be her angry sitting.

Oh, thank God, the watercooler is back.

What does this guy use his garage for? Probably something stupid like a mancave or it's where he sleeps when his wife is mad at him.

Thick and Thicker

July 30, 1976

That's funny because I eat the opposite of all that.

I just can't understand a fully grown adult using "tummy" unironically. You can't say "stomach" or "gut"? Which this leads to ask why Chip chose "tummy". He's done this before and I'm pretty sure he's a fully grown man and not someone chronically online purring about how "chocky milk makes their tummy angy."

Monday Quickies

July 28, 1976

I guess he can just shut the gas off then. That's why he's there, right? Give him money or he'll turn your gas off? I'm glad they don't do that anymore. The shame of not being able to pay and then it's doubled by watching them turning something you need to survive off.

But there's four more days. Four more long days...

I'm Surprised He'd Even Care

January 26, 1986

ACAB.

This is one thing I never understood about the police. It's my understanding that nearly everything they do requires paperwork--hours of tedious form-filling. That's how it is in every episode of Barney Miller. You would think that the police would do as little as possible to keep from having to fill out paperwork and then, only do their job when absolutely necessary.

Maybe I'm all wrong on this paperwork thing and television has lied to me, yet again.

Geez. When was the last time I saw someone pacing back and forth? Walkin' back and forth with your hands behind your back, slightly hunched over, wearing a little groove in the floor. The anxiety that image portrays is actually kind of endearing.

Unless you are Rancid W. Veeblefester.

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Spring Forward, Fall's Back

July 3, 1976

What surgery did Gladys have? I'm going to jokingly say gallbladder removal.

"You're wife is doing just fine, Mr. Thornapple."

"I don't know. She's so old..."

Talk to the places who had a week (or more in many cases) of one hundred-plus degree days. I'm sure they wouldn't agree summer was short.

It's going to be in the 100s in Phoenix this week and Brutus is carrying an umbrella and wearing his winter business coat as dead leaves fall down around him. Brutus is clearly not on this Earth.

Taste the Meat, Not the Heat

June 29, 1976

So you can call me up to remind me that I missed the retirement party and yell at me, but you can't call and remind me about the retirement party? I feel like me forgetting is now placed on you.

Who is that a picture of? Looks like Veeblefester.

Is there a law saying you can't grill in the fall or winter? I thought this was America.

I, too, prefer charcoal-burned burgers to my crappy stovetop-burned burgers, but I don't have a grill.

Are the Thornapples and O'Haras Friends or At Least Acquaintances?

I've been hanging out with a coworker and her daughter a few times lately, and we went to a bookstore and she wanted nearly everything. I tried explaining that her birthday and Christmas are coming soon which she responds with "But I'm not going to get anything because I've been bad." Well, if you've been bad then why would you get something now?

Kids are great.

Wait.

Some kids are great.

His Full Name? Is There More Than One Wilberforce In Class?

So what if Wilberforce drinks coffee? What are you going to do about it? You can't even read Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry without your years of experience at a job very few people can even fathom being called into question.

The 17th Last Straw

Look how calm Brutus is. He's been expecting this--probably planning this--for a long time. His long nightmare is finally over.

(Brutus isn't fired. He'll be back standing at the watercooler tomorrow.)

Gladys' Dress Makes Brutus Honry

I know there are probably still theaters that are playing Barbie but by the time Chip got on board with today's strip, you can now just stay home and watch it on digital.

I do not like Gladys' dress.

Yacht Rocked

January 16, 1986

Oh, no! The Thornapples are those kind of people.

Fungus Falls sounds like a...fun(?)...place...? People just don't want to watch a slideshow of your vacation because people tend to not care about things that don't happen to them, and they don't want to take a chance and possibly see Gladys in a bikini.

Oh, Brutus just lied about having a yacht. I thought he deceived her using more nefarious methods and I was not going to be on board for that.

Wine-Oh

May 18, 1976

I guess that's progress. How many mistakes can a person make? There's only so many.

What's the word? Thunderbird!

What's the price? Thirty twice!

Why does Brutus need a wine to go with his food? You know, you don't have to order fancy alcoholic drinks when you go out to eat at nice restaurants. And if you do want a nice beverage, you have to understand that it might be a little pricey.

There's a McDonald's right next door to this restaurant, Brutus. Maybe that's more your speed.

Time for Some Creative Writing

May 1, 1976

Wait a minute...

I wonder how many rehashes of 35 year old comics I've missed? At least it's not a word-for-word repeat.

I would just fake it. Say you, your parents, and a friend all drove to a amusement park. Along the way, you pick up an escaped convict you mistakenly think is a hitchhiker. When you finally get to the amusement park, you just tour the park in the monorail and then head back home. Sure, it's the Plucky Duck plot of Tiny Toons: How I Spent My Vacation but what are the chances the teacher knows that?

Balk Show

April 12, 1976

Hattie's skunk is back! And can apparently keep up with a little girl pedaling a tricycle.

Which tracks. Skunks can run up to 10 miles an hour, kids can pedal tricycles up to only eight.

"Know what the problem is with talk shows these days?" That people continue to watch them? Yeah, I agree that it's a problem.

Happy Bald-idays

April 7, 1976

Is this about the Acme account again? This strip is almost word-for-word from the strip in that last link.

Brutus must've done whatever he needed to do with this account because he's still employed. I'm sure he's not positive if that's good or bad.

Why would she know that? Who keeps track of all these made-up holidays? And I use the word 'holiday' very, very loosely.

And Mother Gargle gets the point today. Brutus opened himself up for this and should've known what was going to happen.

Like Father, Like Dog

April 6, 1976

The only note I have for this strip is the first panel should just be a close-up of Gladys' head and then the second panel pulls back to reveal the now-smaller Brutus.

Brutus is just trying to take a nap next to his faithful dog. Take a damn break, Ramona.

All This Talk? It's Been Four Sentences!

March 20, 1976

Wouldn't that just make you more short? 

Postage stamps? Absolutely not! You're getting a quarter, a dime, and nickel or you're not getting anything at all. Can you believe we used to pay for stuff with postage stamps? Kids today will never know--hell, I barely know. Remember when you'd pay your mailman when you ordered something? We've lost so much.

Does Wilberforce get to eat out or is he just going to be locked in his bedroom with some bread and water?

Shouldn't You Be Getting Those Groceries Put Away?

January 11, 1986

"I'm famished! What's for din-din?" Imma stop you right there. You are an adult and unless you are being playful--which it's clear you're not--just say 'dinner'.

What's Shepherd's Surprise? I looked it up and most recipes are for shepherd's pie. It's not a colloquial saying so the only thing I can think of is that shepherd's surprise is the name when you use a minced meat other than beef. Although shepherd's pie is made with minced meat which is any type of ground meat. I'm spending way too much time talking about a food that, I too, do not like.

I'm surprised that Brutus and Gladys haven't moved to just picking up their groceries from the store. That's the one pandemic-era thing that I really enjoy.

Oh, yeah. The pandemic didn't happen in The Born Loser. Lucky bastards.

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Saturday Quickies

March 16, 1976

Well, have you seen the news lately? Just fearmongering and cops and politicians lying to us.

There are still chyrons and graphics so you still know what's going on.

Same energy. I gotta tell you, I am enjoying seeing Brutus and Wilberforce reaction strips to being gastrointestinally abused by Gladys.

Uncle Ted Is 13.8 Billion Years Old?

February 19, 1976

Reverend Dr. John Bonell began a "Dial a Prayer" service from the Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church in New York City in 1956. I'm assuming there were others around the country, some, I guess, that doubled as answering services for rich narcissists.

The most famous "Dial a Prayer" is probably not the 2015 movie starring Brittany Snow and William H Macy, but Springfield's own "Listen Lady".

Is Wilberforce at a school for smart kids? (I kid, Wilberforce isn't smart.) What elementary school is teaching (not just teaching but assigning a book and possibly homework) about the Apollo Space Program? None of the elementary schools I'm around.

So Born Loser-y

February 17, 1976

Kewpie's not gonna listen to you. He/she's their own dog. You can't own them. (As a reminder, we are not positive if Kewpie is a girl or boy.)

Why's Brutus just standing there? I do like that he seems to raise his eyebrow when he sits. Like you have to be more fancy when drinking a martini while sitting down.

How is Gladys all that great? Look, I'm not saying Brutus isn't all of these things but in what way is Gladys a good spouse? To tell you the truth, I think they both could do better.

Plus, She Got to Eat a Bag of Chips

February 17, 1976

It's a recording, Brutus. They can't hear you.

Who's calling the Void Phone at this time of day?

Why is her hair even up? I've been doing this for eleventy-billion years and have seen thousands of Born Loser comics and I have never seen her hair up. And we will probably never see it up again.

It's like if Dennis the Menace finally started combing down the cowlick that sticks up on the back of his head.