Monday, December 31, 2018

Where's Wilberforce?

I'll be honest, I miss Dick Clark, too. I miss pre-stroke Dick Clark. I don't know who Guy Lombardo is--he died in 1977--but he sounds about as lame as Dick Clark was the last ten or so years. Happy New Year's everyone.


Saturday, December 29, 2018

The Bionic Loser

I don't think Brutus knows anybody named Jeff. He's just been holding on this inflation joke for several days and finally had an excuse to tell it. Also, based on a quick search, with inflation, the Six Million Dollar Man would now cost Thirty-three million dollars. Still nowhere close to six billion, Brutus.

Friday, December 28, 2018

Where's Gladys?!

I have no idea what is being said in the last panel. I know what a wire transfer is but after that everything is just static.

Is Veeblefester throwing some sort of rich person three-day New Years party? That explains why Brutus is there all dressed up but not why Veeblefester is in his robe.

Somewhere in Veeblefester Manor, some Eyes Wide Shut wackiness is happening.

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Return of Creterman

 Well, they've lost this account.

Again.

One of the perks(?) of doing this everyday for the past eleven years is that you start to remember the little things. Sure, I don't remember names, dates or places anymore but I do remember that I've seen the name Creterman before. November 19, 2009 to be exact.
On the plus side, they lost the account and then got it back. So there's that.

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Bonus

If I were Brutus, I would be taking a look at my employment contract. Unless the year-end bonuses are specifically tied to performance, Brutus should be entitled to one. Even if they are performance based, Brutus should've been informed that he wasn't going to get a bonus before they were handed out.

This is a jerkass bold move, openly giving bonuses to everybody but one employee. But then again, Veeblefester is a jerkass bold man.

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Salt for the Salty

😑 Why is she questioning the cashews? It's not like Brutus got her coal. He got Gladys some candy which we all know she loves and his mother-in-law some cashews which are a perfectly acceptable Christmas gift. Not that this means Brutus still wouldn't have said "nuts for the nut" but I don't understand why she seems confused by the cashews.

Monday, December 24, 2018

How Could Pop Know That About Santa? Unless...*gasp!*

You should also put out a little Bailey's with the cookies and coffee. *nudge, nudge, wink, wink, Say no more, say no more*

Why does Brutus need coffee so late at night? Is he going to stay up and put stuff together? That's crap. Just wait until the morning.

That fireplace looks fake.

Sunday, December 23, 2018

Arjon #4

“Man is basically good,” Dr. Coot began. “But history has shown us that man will throw those who we love and care about off a cliff if it benefits us.”

“I don’t believe that,” Arjon pshawed. “Sure there are a few bad apples but for the most part, man is good.”

“A few bad apples spoil the bunch.”

Arjon pshawed again. “As you said, man is basically good.”

“You are too trusting of everybody,” Dr. Coot said.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“You can’t trust everybody blindly. That is a recipe for betrayal.”

“Why can’t I trust people until they hurt me?”

“Because it may be too late,” Dr. Coot replied ominously. “Let me explain.”




“I’m gonna do the Pad Challenge someday,” Caleb said.

“You say that every time you’re here. Which is a lot because we eat here, like, every day,” Brittany said. “Quit talking about and just do it.”

“It’s a five pound hamburger. Easier said than done,” Caleb scoffed.

“It’s not that bad. I did it,” Brittany revealed.

“What? You? You took the Pad Challenge?”

“No. I completed the Pad Challenge. And I could do it again.”

“We haven’t ordered. Do it right now,” Caleb said.

“Do what right now?” Randy asked, sitting down at their booth.

“Brittany says she could do the Pad Challenge.”

“Oh, I believe it. She’s got some meat on her. Look at those legs. And that little hint of paunch,” Randy pointed out.

“I’ll have you know, guys love my paunch,” Brittany huffed.

“Oh, I bet,” Randy winked and clicked his tongue.




“Humans being terrible is more than just pointing and saying ‘Hey, look at Hitler over there.’ You don’t have to look at dictators to see how awful human can be. Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Tommy Dursey, Jack Wahball, Bill Doughty.”

“Who are those last three?”

“Kids from the street I grew up on. I would play keep-away with them using a water balloon and somehow always ended up soaked in urine.”

“Those were all men. Don’t women do anything bad?”

“Certainly. The difference is if a woman does something bad, men declare her ‘hysterical’, deem her insane, and burn her at the stake. One evil woman you may have heard of is Elizabeth Bathory who slept with and killed young girls for their blood in an effort to stay young.”

“See? That’s the problem with humans, you don’t look at the majority of the people, you look at the minority and base your assumptions on the outliers,” Arjon said. “What’s interesting is that white men seem to get a pass.”

“Whoa, whoa!” Dr. Coot exclaimed, holding his hand out. “White men are not on trial here.”

“They’re barely on trial anywhere.”

“Have any Bananas committed atrocities?” Dr. Coot asked.

“Generations ago, there was one, Maroy, who invited colonizers to our village. They slaughtered dozens and began a war. After about four years, the colonizers quit sending people to fight because they realized that we have no resources. While the atrocities were committed by colonizers--white men, just so you know--Maroy was captured, tried, and convicted for attempted genocide. Note that even though white men did those horrible things to my ancestors, I don’t blame all white men for it. I don’t blame Caleb or Randy or even you despite you looking and sounding exactly like the colonizers.”

Dr. Coot stopped writing and stared at Arjon.




Brittany was halfway through the hamburger, ketchup was dripping from her mouth with each bite. She was noticeably sweating and breathing heavily.

“You can stop, Brittany. You’re killing yourself,” Randy proclaimed.

“This is a $30 burger. I can’t afford that. I have to finish it,” she said, slightly gurgling. She continued eating, a small crowd had gathered around her, cheering her on.

“I’m confused why this is the most exciting thing I’ve seen in a long time,” Randy said.

“I’m confused why I’m so turned on right now,” Caleb revealed.




“How has your time here been going?” Dr. Coot asked, changing the subject.

“It’s good. I have four good friends and Brittany used me to help keep her ex-boyfriend away,” Arjon answered.

“Do you think you’re going to stay? Are you going to try and become a citizen?”

“I’ll stay as long as I’m in school. I don’t know about citizenship.”

“If you are interested in citizenship, we can help you with that.”

“Maybe. While I’m having a good time here, I am homesick. I do plan on going back to my village during the summer,” Arjon revealed.

Dr. Coot nodded. “Thank you for coming in today. I’ll see you next week.”

Arjon got to the Pad and saw a crowd around Brittany, Caleb, and Randy. She was down to the last couple of bites. She was slumped in her chair. Her pants were undone and she had unbuttoned her shirt. “Go Brittany,” Arjon cheered, following what everyone else was doing.

Brittany saw his face, grabbed the burger and held it up in ceremony. She took a big bite, slowly chewed, and swallowed. She then put the last bite in her mouth, slowly chewed, and swallowed. The whole crowd cheered. Brittany stayed seated but raised her arms.

The cheering died down and soon the crowd dispersed. Arjon sat down next to Brittany. “I missed a lot while I was with Dr. Coot,” Arjon said.

“They...dared me,” she panted and halfheartedly pointed at Caleb and Randy. “Can’t afford…$30 hamburger.”

“I’m sorry I missed most of it. At least I got to see the grand finale,” Arjon said.

Brittany sunk more into the booth and farted, loud and long. When done, Brittany placed her hand on her stomach and smiled. “Oh, yeah,” she moaned.

“Why am I even more turned on now?” Caleb leaned over and quietly asked Randy.

Did She Not Taste It?

Back in April, I had the honor to be present and help out with burial excavation. I just happened to get in contact with the right person at the right time and was very excited. I was there with the property owner, a representative from the Kansas State Historical Society, a former Kansas Bureau of Investigation officer from Wichita State, and anthropology students from Washburn University working on forensic field work. The purpose of the excavation was to give the students some hands-on experience, do an exam on the remains, if possible, and reinter the remains with the family in the nearby cemetery. We all went into this knowing the probability for actually finding anything was next to none. But was excited nonetheless mainly for spending an entire day on the property and watching the students work.

The morning was filled with them just getting the area ready to be dug. Basically, it was things that typically get cut out of, or are part of a quick-paced montage, in episodes of Bones or the CSIs. It was still interesting to watch and a lot of hard work that has to be as precise as possible. A lot of work went into preparing the small grave site for excavation. After they got the dig site set up, we broke for lunch at a neighbor's house where we talked about the history of the area. We then drove to the cemetery to look at the family plot and where the remains, if any, would be reinterred. After the cemetery, we were back at the dig site and work began.

I wandered around the property and talked with the property owner for most of the afternoon, occasionally watching the students work while trying to stay out of their way. Work at the dig site started at about 1 and lasted until a little after 5 or so. They dug about a foot down in a space about a foot and a half where a gravestone had rested. They hadn't found anything dating back as far as the dates on the stone. Heavy machinery was brought out and the search widened slightly. We dug to the top of a limestone layer. Still, nothing dating back to the date of the gravestone was found. The space they had dug was about three feet wide and two feet deep.

Despite nothing of note being found, it was still an educational experience for all involved. It was, by far, my favorite thing about 2018 and I'm hoping 2019 has similar experiences.
A view of the hole dug from inside the nearby home.
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Gladys, they already have a coffee flavor that captures the essence of the holidays. It's called peppermint. Right after Thanksgiving, coffee shops toss out their pumpkin spice to make room for peppermint. It's like drinking a hot liquid candy cane.

Saturday, December 22, 2018

Christmas Shopping

I've tried this year to buy gifts throughout the year or at least find something to buy. It's worked out pretty well but it's still not perfect. I only really buy gifts for two people, how many does Brutus buy for? I can only think of three. Four with Uncle Ted. Veeblefester might actually demand Christmas gifts to guarantee job security in the coming new year.

Friday, December 21, 2018

Complain-y Solstice

The school day is still the same length, guys.

We still had students at school today. Our winter break is technically December 24th through January 7th. Yep, our winter break begins on Christmas freaking Eve.

Thursday, December 20, 2018

Not Enough But At the Same Time Too Much

Henny Youngman is an odd thing to reference with Vaudeville. Youngman isn't considered a part of Vaudeville, having come into comedy in the 1940s. The strip almost makes it clear who it's geared toward. People who know who the hell Henny Youngman is.

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

$149?! Get Outta Here

No.

No. I'm calling this comic out. I did a search for remote controlled monster trucks on Amazon and found dozens of reasonably priced monster trucks ranging from $20 to $70. And the difference between those and the pricier ones are negliglible. Just get your boy the cheaper one and if complains, just say "Well, I guess I could've gotten you nothing."

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Big Mistake

"I know I make more than my share of mistakes, Chief. I know that I routinely come in fifteen minutes to two hours later every day. I know I always lose important files that our clients need. I know that constantly fall asleep at my desk. I know that I am responsible for the fire in warehouse. I know that I'm the reason Robert Mueller is looking into our finances. But believe me, I don't take them lightly..."

Monday, December 17, 2018

The Restaurant Is So Fancy They Don't Even Have Dish Descriptions In the Menu

God. What was wrong with the Sixties? Thankfully, Vietnam and Watergate helped put an end to all that happy free-for-all.

I did a Google search for dances from the Sixties and it led me a Wikipedia article on novelty and fad dances. I'd worry about the state of our young people but this has been happening since at least 1826 so clearly we're immune to the ill-effects of bad and made-up dancing.

Sunday, December 16, 2018

The Word Balloons Seem Bigger

There are going to be some changes to everything I do when the new year hits. First, a change to this site. All the Story Series will be coming to an end with the April issues. I am going to start using the Sunday posts for stories, research, and everything else I want to showcase. I've been contemplating this writing stuff for awhile now and decided that I need to focus on my novels first and foremost. I want to get at least one of the novels I am working on currently finished by the end of 2019 and I can't focus on those if I need to get twelve issues of Supercomics or Tank N Tummy written as well. They will still be around in some capacity though as shorter stories included with the Sunday edition of Losers Are Made, Not Born.

Second, a revamp in my social media presence. I have decided to delete my Facebook at the end of the year. It has not really been a good year for Facebook and, really, I am just tired of their crap. I also plan on ending my Instagram, or at least cutting back on its usage. In their stead, I plan on utilizing Twitter more for my short history posts, pictures, and promotion. Honestly, I just do Twitter better than other social media.

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If Hurricane Hattie could have just one present this Christmas it would be for all the children to hold hands and sing for peace. Barring that, she'll just take a credit card with no limit. Whichever is easier to make happen.

Saturday, December 15, 2018

Making a List

Does Brutus not know the difference between a piece of paper with homework on it and a piece of paper with just a list on it?

Either way, Brutus seems happy about it.

Friday, December 14, 2018

Remake of a Remake

The fact that the remake of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" is the second remake makes you even older. Let's not forget the Jeffrey Tambor / Taylor Momsen version from 2000. It's the only movie where you can see this:

Thursday, December 13, 2018

Hierarchy

I've discussed before that it seems very clear that Brutus is pretty high up on food chain at The Veeblefester Corporation because not only does he have his own clients to sell to, he also seems to be in charge of verifying sales and is even sent out to try to keep accounts they might be about to lose. The only way I could see Brutus being that far down in the pyramid is if the entire row is everyone else who works there and Veeblefester is every other row above that.

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Wonderful

I understand what's going on here. You understand it, too, right? I have to give credit that this isn't a joke about the caloric situation here but Wilberforce's stupidity on how you eat nuts. "You're supposed to eat the shells?" "Yes, Wilberforce, you are. Here, have one. I hope you choke on it."

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

O'Dooley's Irish Pub

So the Chef's Special is the cheap crap they got when when ordered a certain amount of another, more expensive, and better thing? I'm not just guessing. I've seen at least two articles that say not to get whatever the special is at a restaurant because it's probably 1)not of the best quality or 2)about to go bad. Brutus read that damn squirrel article but not the food-related ones?

Monday, December 10, 2018

Monday Coffee

"Then why are walking up to me with them? Why are you teasing me with your double-fisted coffee? That's not what a good friend would do. Maybe you aren't really my buddy!"

Sunday, December 9, 2018

Tank N Tummy #10

The milk delivery truck pulled up to the Tank N Tummy and the milkman got out. He went to the back of the truck and loaded the cases of dairy products onto a hand cart and wheeled it into the store. “Hey, Aaron. How are you doing today?”

“Hey, Milkman Dan.”

“Aaron, I have a story for you,” Milkman Dan and Aaron went into the cooler behind the dairy section and Dan began to reorganize the milk crates. “I have three girlfriends, their names are Doe, Rey, and Me.”

“I see where this is going,” Aaron smiled.

“On our anniversary,” Dan continued, “each one wants to celebrate differently. Doe lets me have sex with her. Rey lets me do butt stuff. Which one gives me a blowjob?”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Me. Me gives you a blowjob.”

“I knew you liked sucking dick,” Dan said.

“I hate you, Milkman Dan.”




Dominic and Ryan walked into the convention center. Inside they saw many people in costumes, some in some sort of comic book attire, and very few dressed like they were--in a simple t-shirt and jeans. “It’s been awhile since I’ve been to one of these,” Dominic said. “When did dressing up in costumes become popular?”

“I’m only here for the comics,” Ryan said. “And you’re here to feast your eyes on some...cow woman?”

“Her name is Momohei. Well, that’s her professional name. Her real name is Melanie and she’s not here as a cow. That’s just the picture I showed you because it’s so good. She’s dressed as some anime character today.”

“I can’t believe you’re going to pay money to get a picture of yourself with her,” Ryan chuckled.

“Eh, whatever. I’m gonna find the cosplay meet-and-greets. I’ll meet you inside in a little bit,” Dominic said and began walking down the hallway.

Ryan turned and went into the giant warehouse where the sellers were. He began walking through the crowd and peering at the boxing, clearly looking for a specific kind. At the fourth booth, Ryan went up to a couple boxes of comics and began flipping through the Ray Man books. Ryan pulled out Ray Man numbers 2, 5, 17, and 26. He thumbed a bit further and his eyes grew wide. “Whoa. The 1983 miniseries,” he pulled out the six issues. “I’ve been looking for these for years.”

“You like Ray Man?” the seller came up to Ryan.

“I’ve been collecting Ray Man stuff for years. I have a full run of his original anthology comic Thunder Comics and his first self-titled 1942 to 1956 series.”

“Wow. How’d you get those? They aren’t Superman or Batman pricey but they’ll run you a few dollars.”

“My grandpa collected them and he gave them to my dad who then gave them to me. I have almost every issue of his 1971 to 1979 series but I’m missing number 15 and numbers 87 through 95.”

“So you’re missing the end of the series. Yeah, the publisher printed very few of those issues because no one was buying it. I used to have issue 90 but someone bought it.”

“I’ve heard the last few issues are insane,” Ryan said. “Probably because they were getting canceled.”

“I’ve heard that too. Number 90 was odd. These two weird aliens were creating their own monsters by drawing them and then sending them to Earth to fight Ray Man,” the seller said.

“Isn’t issue 91 where Ray Man goes to the Seventh Dimension? I’ve heard about that plotline. The Seventh Dimension made a return in the 1989 graphic novel. It was not a great story but I’m glad it did well enough to get Ray Man another series.”

“That 1990 to 2006 series was terrible,” the seller said.

“Okay, now we have a problem,” Ryan pointed his finger at the seller.




Dominic stood in line with dozens of other people waiting to see, talk to, and get a photo with Momohei. Dominic thought that he probably looked pretty good compared to the other guys standing in line but then he reminded himself that he was still standing in line with these other guys. He kept his eyes forward and waited for the line to move enough so that he could see Momohei. He also saw a table of 8x10 prints of her in various costumes. One was of her in her cow suit. They were ten bucks apiece, fifteen if you wanted it signed.

When Dominic got close to the table, he grabbed a cow print. Momohei got done posing with another girl in cosplay. Momohei was wearing some blue armor thing from something and a blonde wig. She then had her picture taken with the next two guys in line and then it was Dominic’s turn.

“Just the print?” she asked.

Dominic had heard her speak on her social media videos but she did not sound like he imagined. Her voice had a more lilting quality to it and also an accent that he couldn’t quite place. “Signed. And a picture,” Dominic said.

“That’ll be $25, please. Name?” Momohei took the print and a marker off the table.

“Dominic,” he answered.

“All right, Dominic. Just give your phone to Emma and she’ll take the picture,” Momohei said.

Dominic unlocked his phone and opened the camera before handing his phone to Emma. He and Momohei posed as Emma took three pictures on his phone. “Look, Momo--Melanie, I just want you to know that you are one of the ones on social media that make me happy. You make me smile. It’s nice to see you having fun and entertaining others and just giving us a look inside your life. Thanks,” Dominic said after he got his phone back from Emma.

“Thank you, Dominic. That’s really nice to hear,” Momohei smiled at him.

“Thanks for the signature and pictures,” Dominic said and walked away. “I was normal, right?” he asked himself. “I was so why do I think I sounded like a complete idiot?”




“What’s wrong with the 1990 series? It was the best since the 1940s series,” Ryan said.

“It changed all his villains into a 90s caricature and focused too much on his romantic life. I stopped reading after he got married,” the seller said. “Superheroes are never as good after they get married. It’s the last good idea before stories just start becoming different variations of earlier stories and it’s not even that good of an idea.”

“That’s true for any long-running thing? How is any superhero different after they get married?”

“Like Peter Parker could get a girl like Mary Jane,” the seller scoffed.

“The reason comic book marriages work is because it shows growth for the character but also because most comic book marriages show a progression of a relationship. Peter Parker and Mary Jane are kind of confidants pushed together by their aunts, Clark Kent and Lois Lane are co-workers competing for the same stories. Cyclops has some kind of redhead and/or telepathy fetish. Not once did those series change when the characters got married,” Ryan explained.

“I suppose and they did do a good job of establishing Ray Man’s relationship with Donna so I can’t complain about that too much.”

“And if you read all the issue like I have then you realize that the 1990 series harkens back to the 1940s when Donna was portrayed almost like Ray Man’s equal. The 1970s version made her a caricature of her former self.”

“What are you two talking about?” Dominic came up to the booth.

“Did you get your picture?” Ryan asked.

Dominic held up the signed print of Momohei in the cow costume. “You tell me,” he replied. “What are you talking about?” he asked again.

“We’re talking about Ray Man and his marriage to Donna,” Ryan said.

“Ugh. I hated that. It ruined the series. I stopped reading after that and can’t believe it lasted seven more years after that happened,” Dominic shook his head.

Ryan looked at the seller who was smiled and kind of chuckling. He looked back at Dominic. “I hate you, Dominic.”

Three Exclamation Points

I’ve found little information on the small hamlet of Aladdin (or Alladin) which, as far as can tell, was just a post office site for several farmers in the area. The post office lasted from April 29, 1875 until September 5, 1881. The area was also known as Collinwood and Collinwood Farm and consisted of about 20 families, the Collinwoods being the most prominent. The most information I could find said that Aladdin was located along Washington Creek so it may have been somewhere near where Lone Star Lake is now since before a post office at Lone Star was established the area had several small post offices including Alfred, Gideon, Bond and Echo.

In May of 1875, shortly after being established, Henry Webber was appointed the postmaster of the Aladdin. Webber lived in section 15 of Willow Springs Township about a mile north of the Washington Creek Church on East 550 Road.
1873 map of Henry Webber's property in Willow Springs, Douglas County, Kansas.
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Yep. The forecast sure called for snow. 10% to be precise. It seems Veeblefester has more sacks of money next to his desk than usual. Probably why he has that picture of himself out again. He's so damn proud of himself.

Saturday, December 8, 2018

Forecast

It must not be that cold considering what you are wearing so the snow isn't going to accumulate. You don't even have to drive in it, you're riding the bus.

Friday, December 7, 2018

Snow Day

I have to admit that despite being early in the morning after a night of snow, the sidewalks seem nicely cleared off. It usually takes me about six hours to get to clearing my sidewalk after it snows.

Thursday, December 6, 2018

The Math Problem

In 1938, the play Gaslight opened. It featured a husband manipulating and changing specific things in he and his wife's environment and then saying she was mistaken or just plain wrong when she would point out the changes. The play spawned two feature film releases and the phrase "gaslighting" which is when someone tries to manipulate someone psychologically either through denial, misdirection, contradiction, or outright lying.

That being said, I don't necessarily know what Veeblefester is doing here but I don't like it.

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Beginning to Spend a Lot Like Christmas

If you can't afford to pay for gifts with your regular paycheck then you sure as hell can't afford credit card debt. Didn't Jimmy Carter try to warn us about this?

Is that seriously a story in the newspaper? This is why people don't like newspapers anymore. When they should be reporting on why the roads are so bad and why even have a mayor if they have no power, they instead do pointless stories that basically equate to "Hey, It's December 5th!"

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Just Slap Some Bumper Stickers On It and Go To Bed

Screw real trees, just get a fake one you can use every year that's pre-lit. Then you can just cram it back into the box when the holiday is over. If you choose to put ornaments on, then just wrap your tree in Saran wrap and keep everything just as is.

Or just start celebrating Festivus.

Monday, December 3, 2018

Sunday, December 2, 2018

Tauy Creek Digest #51: The Wedding Ex

I don’t know why I came, Kate thought. I don’t know why he invited me. We hadn’t seen each other in just over five years and I couldn’t tell if the invitation was an attempt to make amends or to rub his stupid, perfect life in my face. Since there was nothing to make amends for—I dumped him because I got bored with him and, for some reason, he was opposed to me cheating on him—I figured it was just to show off his stupid wife and brag. I could brag, too. We had sex just about every day, have they? If he’s good in bed, it’s because I showed him what to do. We loved each other first so he’s marrying you because I made him comfortable with showing his love. Chris wouldn’t be the man he is today if it weren’t for me.

Before the ceremony, Chris made his way to the front of the church, greeting everybody as he walked by. He looks amazing in his suit, Kate stared and nodded approvingly. He never wore a suit around me. Chris approached her and gently took her hands.

“Thank you for coming, Kate,” he smiled sweetly at her. “I went back and forth on wanting to invite you but you were such an important part of my life I wanted to do something to thank you. Enjoy the ceremony, the dinner, and open bar.”

Oh, you bet your ass, I will, Kate smiled sweetly back at him. “Thank you.” I drifted in and out during the ceremony. I was close to standing up when the pastor asked if there was anyone who objected to the marriage but I don’t object to it, I just don’t like it. Why is that a thing that they ask during a wedding? Seems like it’s just asking for trouble but I’m sure it had a reason at one time.

After the ceremony, the wedding moved to a hotel where they rented a ballroom, had a caterer, and set aside a block of rooms for people to stay in. Like an idiot, I said that I would be staying at the hotel. My roommate was some woman named Marci. I never knew a Marci. Was she a new friend of his or one of hers. Maybe Marci was one of her exes. Maybe Marci and I could team-up to destroy their marriage. I began to doubt Marci was an ex-girlfriend of what’s-her-name but a girl can dream.

I went downstairs and got ready to eat. There were several speeches made—bridesmaid, friend of the bride, friend of the groom, best man—all yammering about friendship and love and how they all met each other. I wondered what they would’ve said about us. We were supposed to save our champagne for the toast that the groom made but I snuck several sips from my glass. During the toast, I dinged the empty glass with the person next to me and faked taking a drink.

After we ate, a kind of snack bar stayed open along with the actual bar which I did take advantage of. How could they afford an open bar? I once had to loan him $400 to pay his rent. Does she have money? I watched them dance with each other, their parents, each other’s parents, and then everyone else. It was sweet although I never recalled him as a dancer. For most of the night, I sat in a corner of the ballroom and watched everybody else have fun. I wanted to have fun as well.

He was fairly attractive. He had slightly longer hair than I liked but I liked his facial hair. I also figured he was single since he didn’t seem to be focused on just one person. I kept an eye on him and headed toward him just before midnight when he walked up to the bar. Most people had left and really the only ones left were probably staying in the hotel. I went up to him and introduced himself.

“Hi, I’m Kate.”

“Hey,” he smiled at me. “Isaac.”

“Friend of the bride or groom?”

“Groom,” he answered. Perfect.

“Are you staying at the hotel?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna go upstairs to your room and I’ll suck your dick?” I nonchalantly asked, looking at my drink.

My plan was to get him hot and bothered and then force myself on him. I know I could’ve just asked if he wanted to have sex but in my head the story sounded better if this guy told Chris, in some way, that he was assaulted by Kate at his wedding. That thought made me hornier as Cameron and I halfway stumbled to his room.

In the room, I undid his pants and pulled them down before shoving him into a chair. I took him in my mouth and loved the way he grew while in there. I reached under my skirt and began playing with myself, getting ready to throw myself on top of him. I wanted him hard and caught off guard.

But he caught me off guard. He bucked and went further down my throat and grabbed my head. He ejaculated and filled my mouth. Like a good girl, I took it and waited before removing my mouth.

“Seriously?” I shouted.

“What?”

“You came so quickly.”

“It felt really good.”

I watched him go limp then stood up and left. “Fuck,” I muttered and walked to my room. The door had a note taped to it near the handle. Dear roomie, Brought this guy back to our room. Hope that’s OK. Feel free to come in but be warned. And it was signed Marci and with a winking face emoji. I rolled my eyes. I wanted to go in so I could lie down but paused because I didn’t want to interrupt or even witness whatever Marci was doing with her guy and I know the beds were in the same room.

I went downstairs to the lobby. It was almost one and the lobby was quiet and empty. Only the person behind the front desk was there. I sat down in a big chair in a room with a TV that had CNN on mute. I watched for a bit—mostly reading the bottom third and the news scroll until I fell asleep.

I Love Shanties

Ken Berry, star of such TV shows as Mayberry R.F.D., F-Troop, and Mama's Family has passed away at the age of 85. He became fascinated with dancing at the age of 13 and was entered into many variety shows. In 1955, at the behest of his army sergeant, Leonard Nimoy, he went to Los Angeles where he studied acting. It was at the Billy Barnes Revue that he caught the eye of Lucille Ball who offered him a job at Desilu Studios. The next several years would see him get the lead in the western comedy F-Troop and then as the replacement for Andy Griffith in the continuation series Mayberry R.F.D. He also appeared in the pilot for Kelly's Kids, a Brady Bunch spin-off that wasn't picked up.
The next few years were a little slow for him but he continued to travel the country and perform on stage. He had appeared numerous times as a guest on The Carol Burnett Show and was given the role of Vinton Harper on Mama's Family, a spin-off of one of the recurring sketches. While the series was canceled after two seasons, it was later picked up for first-run syndication, lasting three more seasons. After Mama's Family, Ken Berry all but retired from acting, his last role being in an episode of Maggie Winters in 1999.






"Yeah, that's funny. So are you really never eating lobster again or will you be joining us tonight?"

Seafood's not that great. There. I said it. And no amount of butter or fried bread coating will change my mind. Come at me!

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Saturday, December 1, 2018

Him So Smart

I call bull on this. There is no way that Wilberforce would use such a big word like "intelligent."

This is very true. Kids should automatically think their parents are the smartest people in the world because they know very few people and parents generally seem to be pretty smart. I don't know why Brutus is getting upset, Wilberforce is a kid saying kid things.