Sunday, April 29, 2018

Homebody Dad #2

Milo pointed the camera at David and hit record. “And...action.”

David smiled and started talking “Hello, I’m David Livingston and I am a cartoonist for my website…”

“Wait. Cut,” Milo said. “This doesn’t look right. We need to do something about the lighting. It looks like we’re filming in a warehouse or making a ransom video.”

“I don’t know. We can turn on this desk lamp and use a piece of paper to soften it.”

“We can try that,” Milo said. “Also, after you say your name add ‘and these are my demands’.”

“Ha, ha. This is serious. PayMeOn accounts with videos are 20 percent more likely to get funding,” David said.

“Twenty percent? That seems awfully high.”

“I don’t have the exact math, Milo,” David sighed. “Let’s use the desk lamp and a piece of paper.”

David turned on the lamp as Milo turned off the ceiling lights. David taped a piece of paper to the lamp to cover the bulb. Milo looked through the camera and at David as he sat down. “That does look a little better. A bit more natural.”

“That’s good. Okay, cue me.”

“All right…” Mike hit record. “Action.”

“Hello, I’m David Livingston and…”

“...These are his demands,” Milo growled.

“Dammit, Milo,” David lept out of the chair toward Milo and the camera.

“What’s the plan for today?” Alison asked, grabbing her satchel and heading to the door.

“Milo and I don’t have any investor meetings today so I have blocked out all of today to work on my website. I only have about a week of material left so I need to get more done,” David explained.

“Sounds good,” Alison and David gave each other a quick kiss.

“I should be done by lunchtime,” David said.

The familiar horn sound blared and the audience groaned. Drew Carey offered his sympathies to the contestant and then segued to a commercial break and said the Showcase Showdown was next. David was on the couch with a bowl of cereal.

“This show should be on in primetime,” David said with a mouthful of cereal. “But then it wouldn’t be on now…” he said ominously.

As the game show ended, David looked at the time as the next show started: the four ladies who argued with each other. David figured it was time to start working. He went upstairs to the office he made himself in the guest bedroom.

He sat down and began drawing. He drew two guys looking at another guy. Do you know anything about Juan? Not really. He’s quiet and keeps to himself. Huh. I guess it takes Juan to know Juan.

“Hah. Classic,” David said. He then began drawing another but stopped shortly after drawing the panel. He stopped acting enthusiastic about working and began doodling on the legal pad he kept on the desk specifically for notes and doodles. He got up from his desk and went into Oliver’s room. He was taking his mid-morning nap and should be waking up soon. Oliver was still asleep. “Oliver,” David whispered. Oliver didn’t move. “Oliver!” David shouted and shook the crib.

Oliver awoke and began crying.

“Oh, Oliver, it’s okay,” David picked Oliver up and hugged him. “Daddy’s here. Let’s go see if Joe and Blue need help solving another murder. Oh, but someone needs a little change first.”

Around one, David was feeding Oliver some lunch. “How about one where I make fun of kids shows talking to the audience? Dora asks a question and there’s no answer. Each panel we zoom out more until we see her TV is in an abandoned house.”

Oliver didn’t respond and just continued to eat whatever was on the spoon David was using.

“A little too dark? Ah, you’re just a baby. You don’t know what the Internet likes,” David’s cell phone rang. “Hey, babe.”

“Hey. How’s your day of work going?”

“It’s going great. Give me your opinion on this one. This guy is reading the newspaper and with each panel his face shows confusion. In the last panel he smiles and says ‘Oh, I get it. Cathy thinks she’s fat.’” Alison went silent. “Did...did the phone cut out?” David pulled the phone away from his ear and saw the cell phone still connected.

“No,” Alison sighed.

“It’s not funny,” David said.

“No, it’s not that. Just...he’s reading a newspaper. Is Cathy even in the newspaper anymore? I know it came to an end a few years ago. I’m sure it will be funny to someone though.”

“No, I’ll keep working on it. How’s your day?”

“It’s fine. A lot of paperwork today but that is most of my job.”

“Want to quit? Come draw cartoons with me?”

“That sounds amazing especially the part where we’re homeless on a street corner with a cardboard sign that reads ‘Will draw cartoons for food.’”


“I have to go. See you around five.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

“You like my comics,” David said to Oliver. “Here, let’s show you how to post a positive comment on Daddy’s website and create a Facebook account so that you can Like my Page.”

“I can’t believe how many views this comic has gotten just in the last six hours,” David said to Alison as they stared at the computer screen.

The comic was loosely based on he and Alison’s conversation earlier and just their whole life situation so far. The first panel showed David and Alison talking. I want to quit my job and draw cartoons online for a living. The second panel was a close-up on Alison. I guess. Let’s do a six month trial. See how it goes. Third panel. Oh, thank you, honey. I love you. David hugged her. Alison smiled, What’s the worst that could happen? The fourth panel had the whole family on the street in ratty clothes next to a refrigerator box. David was holding a sign that read: Will draw cartoons for food.

“It’s because you’re being real. You’re showing a part of your life. People like that. They like stuff that’s relatable,” Alison said.

“I guess so. I don’t know why people don’t want commentary on comic strips that haven’t been around in almost a decade but whatever,” David shrugged.


I have been waiting for a couple months now for the new Dave Matthews Band album. I always get so excited when I hear one is coming out. It's been this way since having to wait for "Everyday" back in 2000. In 27 years of existence, Dave Matthews Band has put out only eight albums--nine with the one coming out in June. I'm glad they are not a band to endlessly put out albums because then I don't think the quality would be as good and I want time and care to be put on the song musicians write and play.

Over the last month I have been really expecting the title of the album to drop and this week we finally got it. "Come Tomorrow". Like all the other album titles, this one probably comes from one of the song titles or a line in a song. Plus, it has a really cool album cover by Beatrice Coron, an artist who uses silhouette cut-outs. While I was expecting another album drawn by Dave Matthews like on the previous two albums, I love the look of this album art and how versatile it is when used elsewhere to promote the album. I'll be seeing Dave Matthews Band when they're on tour this summer. I'll be at the Rogers, Arkansas show in late May. Maybe I'll see you there.

I don't think I have every dreamed myself as younger. If I ever have a dream where I am back in school or something I am always the same age at the time I dream. So in my dream, I'm in Kindergarten but still in my thirties. It's not weird at all and could be a decent movie starring, oh let's just say, Andy Samberg.

Saturday, April 28, 2018

I Find the FirstLook Thing to Be Boring

So it's not just me that there seems to be a lot more previews before the movies? Not that I care because I like the previews. They give me an idea of what I'll probably watch online or not at all. Usually it's the latter.

Do kids usually not like the previews before the movies? I always enjoyed them because I rarely saw movies in theaters when I was a kid so I was always excited because it was almost like getting bonus movies.

Friday, April 27, 2018

Sand Database

I think it's someone who works for the Department of the Interior. They at least look at and analyze all the sand in the United States. I don't know if other countries have a sand examiner or if the United Nations has one.

Thursday, April 26, 2018

No Equal

Aww, he's so happy in that second panel. I would almost feel bad for Brutus except that this always happens. Brutus, you are a mediocre employee at best, why do you keep asking how amazing you are?

I'm doing a public poll on Patreon on what people would like to see if they were to become a patron. Feel free to partake. You do not need to be a patron or become one to take the poll. I just want to see what people want to see.

You can also support my writing and research by buying me a cup of coffee.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018


Spring cleaning is a thing for various reasons. The reasons in the United States is because March was normally picked as the best month for dusting because it was warm enough to open the windows but not enough for insects to be a problem. I'd rather just have things accumulate until you can no longer move or go in and out of the house then just nail up an ABANDONED sign and just walk away.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

TIcket Quota

I highly doubt that, Brutus.

I can't get over the use of MPH in the last panel. Do we really need the MPH? Can't we just say "51 in a 50"? We know Brutus is talking about speed, he doesn't need to say "miles per hour" or "MPH" in this case. We know what he's talking about.

Monday, April 23, 2018

That's What Brutus Called His Junk This Morning

Why punish the whole house for something Brutus did? Maybe Gladys likes liver and onions but I know we've seen strips where Wilberforce does not. [Remember to find and insert link of evidence.] I just find it odd to punish everyone for Brutus' malfeasance.

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Divine Life #1

About a mile from Ransomville, the highway went from two lanes to a wide four-lane highway. As the Davis family drove into the city, they passed a small industrial park, an equipment rental company and a recreation complex that had tennis courts and baseball fields but not much else. They passed a restaurant called Tastee Kup that seemed to specialize in ice cream. The stoplight at the highway and Lincoln Street turned red. At that intersection was a McDonald’s and gas station, another equipment rental company, and a new housing development. The light turned green and the Davis’ continued a couple of blocks to the intersection of Poplar Street and turned left.

They passed a couple of houses and then the backside of the high school and an elementary school. They pulled up to a farmhouse-looking residence at 6th and Poplar. “We’re here,” Alan Davis said as he shut off the SUV they were in.

Alan Davis was going to the Earth-Space Science teacher at the high school. His wife, Elizabeth, was the author of the successful Honey Creek mystery series. They moved from Kansas City, Missouri to Ransomville, Kansas for the schools and small town life. Both Alan and Beth had grown up in small towns near Kansas City and wanted their kids to experience it.

Their oldest, Jeremy, was going to be a sophomore and he was fine with moving from Kansas City to a smaller town. He wasn’t fine with it but he didn’t really care. His sister, Margaret, an 8th grader, was against the move and had been complaining since their parents made the decision back in March.

Jeremy was glad they hired movers to pack and move everything. He unpacked one box then stopped to read a book he had long forgotten about. He heard furniture being moved downstairs and conversations between his parents. Maggie had closed her bedroom door, hooked up her stereo and was now listening to music. He thought about going over and espousing some brotherly advice but didn’t know what he would say.

Jeremy and Maggie had never been close despite only two years separating them. Maggie had always been outgoing and athletic while Jeremy was withdrawn and had no interest in sports. He read for a bit then went downstairs. It was about four o’clock.

“Getting everything unpacked?” Beth asked. She and Alan were putting things away in the kitchen.

“Yeah, sure,” Jeremy answered. “I’m gonna walk downtown. See what’s all down there. Maybe try to meet people.”

“Okay. Be back by six. I don’t know what we’re doing for dinner but we’ll figure it out.”

“Okay. I will.”

Jeremy left and headed two blocks over to Lincoln Avenue where the downtown area began.Unlike a lot of small towns, Ransomville had a busy and bustling downtown. Most of the buildings were limestone with the occasional brick building filling in the gaps. Jeremy stayed on the west side of Lincoln and passed by the chamber of commerce, a hair salon, and photography studio. The next building, a massive limestone one with decorated stones and large windows was the Palladian Theatre. From what Jeremy could see they could play two, maybe three, movies at a time. They had a kid-friendly movie, the popular comedy of the moment, and the independent drama that’s been getting all the acclaim.

Standing on the sidewalk, near the street, someone was handing out pamphlets to passersby. He thrust one into Jeremy’s hands. Jeremy stopped and looked at it. It was about one of the churches in town--the history, people who attended the church, random happenings, and a brief mention of possible hauntings.

“So what is this?” Jeremy asked.

“It’s a pamphlet I wrote about the old Brethren Church,” he responded. “Our historical society does a bad job with getting history out to the masses.”

“So you pick up where they drop the ball?”

“They don’t even touch the ball,” he scoffed. “I’m Nathan.”


“You new?”

“Yeah, my family just moved here. Today actually.”

“Cool. High school?”


“Cool times two. I’m going to be a sophomore too.”

“Nathan, Mom says to quit selling yourself on the street corner and come home,” a short girl with short curly hair came walking up to them.

“Did Mom really say that?” Nathan asked.

She shrugged. “I used my own words.”

Nathan turned back to Jeremy. “I’ll see you at school,” he pointed. “Probably have at least a couple of classes together. If you have second lunch come find me.”

“Okay,” Jeremy said.

“Savannah,” Nathan and his sister began walking down the sidewalk away from Jeremy “you know I’m not really selling myself on the street corner, right?”

“Of course. But that’s so much less embarrassing than what you are actually doing.”

Jeremy returned home. Beth caught him as he passed by the kitchen on his way upstairs. “Can you grab your sister? Dinner is about ready.”

“Sure. What are we having?”

“Spaghetti and garlic bread. Something easy.”

Jeremy went upstairs to Maggie’s room. He could still hear the music through the door. He knocked. “Maggie. Can I come in?”

A noise, maybe an answer or maybe just a grunt, came from the room.

“I’m coming in,” he turned the knob and was surprised it wasn’t locked. He was also surprised to see how much stuff she had gotten unpacked. Her books were on her shelf, posters on the wall, clothes in the closet. “You’ve gotten a lot done in an hour.”

“I figured that since this is now my home, might as well make it look like it.”

“Look, I wish that there was some kind of advice I could give you for this. I know you had to leave all your friends and being the star athlete in volleyball and track but you will make new friends and Ransomville has volleyball and track in middle school. It will be exactly the same, you’ll see. Just with less diversity and about 400 fewer kids.”

Maggie smiled. “Aaliyah has already texted me making sure we’ll keep in touch. I don’t know how to respond,” she held up her phone.

“I know I’m going to lose contact with Algernon and where else am I supposed to find a friend named Algernon?”

“Do you think you can survive having Dad be one of your teachers?”

“That’s not until next year and it should be fine. He’ll be your teacher sooner than you think,” Jeremy said. “Dinner’s ready so come downstairs.”
“Okay, I’ll be there in a minute.” Jeremy left the room and went back downstairs. She took her phone and began texting Aaliyah back: I don’t know if we can actually keep in touch but I will try. I miss you. If you get a chance, tell Mr. Tilghman that he can go to hell.

No One Heard Chopping?

You would not believe the day I had yesterday. You can read about it on Patreon though since I am still keeping what I was a part of under wraps. This is some of that exclusive content I've been so lax in getting made.

Have you noticed that Nancy has a new cartoonist. Olivia Jaimes, apparently a pseudonym, has taken over the strip after Guy Gilchrist retired from the comic, but not from cartoons, back in February. What makes Jaimes unique to the world of Nancy is that Jaimes is the first woman to draw the iconic little girl in the comic strip. That's right, in the 96 years since Fritzi Ritz began, becoming Nancy in 1938, it has routinely been drawn by men.

That's not really that shocking when you think about it though. Larry Whittington created Fritzi Ritz. The comic was taken over by Ernie Bushmiller in 1925 who introduced Nancy, Fritzi's precocious niece, in 1933. Bushmiller continued on the strip until he passed away in 1982. Afterwards, the strip was done by Al Plastino (1982-1983), Mark Laskey (1983), Jerry Scott (1984-1995), and Guy Gilchrist (1995-2018). Jaimes plans on using Nancy as a sassy and occasionally grouchy commentator on 21st Century happenings.

Since I have always liked Nancy in whatever form she takes, here is the first week of strips which started on April 9. If you would like to read more, go to

And don't forget, there are numerous way that you can support LAMNB, my writing, and my history research. Just click one of the links below.

Patreon --------------->
Ko-Fi ----------------->
Help fix my car ----->

This is such an odd beginning for the new cartoonist. We get Nancy with pie and then she puts salt on it. Then suddenly a hamburger and stick of butter appears. What?

Is Sluggo sort of ethnic now? Someone commented on how jarring the new Nancy is from what Guy Gilchrist did. Well, of course, Gilchrist did Nancy for 22 years. He developed the characters, had a distinct style while also being similar to Bushmiller. I don't know if everything that Gilchrist did is still canon but I love we're only two days into this new format and people are already saying it's terrible.

Okay. Three days of people commenting on Nancy from afar. That's kind of weird. Maybe this is just a way to (re)introduce Nancy to audiences or something.

🎵Feeling like a boss, and staring at the stars, it doesn't matter the cost, cause everybody wants to be famous. 🎵

For the last three, four? weekends, they have been terrible. Rainy, cold, just terrible for doing things outside. Meanwhile, the weekdays are near perfect. Sunny, spring-like, but once the weekend hits, crap!

She's a kid, why does she have to do anything on her break? I'll be honest, I don't care if you spend your time sitting around, playing video games and watching TV as long as you are at least a semi-productive member of society. Reach for the stars, kids!

Sadly, there are no Sunday strips of Nancy, at least not yet. I enjoy the minimalism that Jaimes uses which is similar to Bushmiller and, to be honest, her Nancy is more similar to Bushmiller's art than Gilchrist's was. Personally, I am a fan of what's going on in the new Nancy. I say give it a shot. What do you have to lose?

Why was Brutus not at his son's baseball game? Oh, probably because they always lose and who wants to watch a team lose over and over again? But now here's Brutus telling Wilberforce that they aren't that bad of a team. Then why you watch me play, Dad? Why won't you watch me play?

🤨 What? Why? I understand that Wilberforce and Hattie are kids--9-year-olds to be exact--but this just seems ignorant. And holy crap, that would be a nice looking tree. Look at this thing:
Your fir tree is crap next to this thing. Just plain crap.

Friday, April 20, 2018

Gone in 60 Seconds

How much time do you think Brutus wasted staring at the clock waiting for 4:59?

Thursday, April 19, 2018


I know it won't save too much money but maybe you should quit using an adding machine with paper to figure out your finances. I'm 99% sure that you have a computer, just use a spreadsheet program.

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Brutus Has No Skill Sets

Brutus is pretty high up on the corporate ladder at Veeblefester, Inc. just to be a glorified coffee gopher. Although coffee is important but why hire who is basically a second-in-command to get you coffee when you have a perfectly good administrative assistant right outside your door?

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Yes, Stare At a Book

Yesterday, Asheville, North Carolina police found Night Court actor Harry Anderson dead in his home, he was 65. Anderson got his start as a street magician and self-proclaimed con artist who then made it big by performing his act on Saturday Night Live. He then landed a recurring role as Harry the Hat on Cheers in 1982 before becoming Judge Harold T. Stone on Night Court. After Night Court ended in 1992, Anderson took the role of Dave Barry in the series Dave's World until 1997. Since then, he's been relatively dormant making a couple guest spots on Son of the Beach and 30 Rock. His last major role was as Professor Kaman in the Christian film Leap of Faith.
Harry Anderson had a huge influence on me. His presence on Night Court helped mold me as a teenager when I watched in reruns. Because of Anderson, I wanted to get into law and become a judge. I wanted to start wearing fedoras. I wanted to learn magic. I wanted to start liking Mel Torme. The Mel Torme thing actually happened. I'm listening to Mel as I write this. Even after Night Court, he continued to inspire me. I wanted to be a syndicated newspaper columnist, a loving but sarcastic and lackadaisical father and husband. I wanted to convey professionalism but look like myself even if that wasn't professional. A lot of who I am is because of how much Harry Anderson inspired me.
Harry Anderson is the first celebrity death that makes me feel like I lost a member of my family. That's how important he was to my world. When I created a television series, I specifically based the father on Anderson and secretly hoped that if it was ever made, he would actually be cast. I named the main character in my Zeke & Harry stories after Anderson. When I had to create a pseudonym for one of my jobs, I chose "Brian Anderson". I am huge fan of the play "Harvey" because of Anderson. I read Stephen King's "It" because Harry Anderson starred in the television adaptation.
Even though I never met Harry Anderson, I always wished him a happy birthday on social media. Somehow, something I wrote or something I saw always came back to Harry Anderson. Even though he was mostly retired, I will miss his presence. The world of comedy and magic are a little dimmer now. Harry, my hat's off to you.

Here's to ya, here's toward ya, if I hadn't of met ya, I wouldn't'a know'd ya.

Harry Anderson

I am an advocate for reading. I try to get my kids and my students to read when they have nothing else to do. It can be so hard to do that because for a lot of my kids, the only time they read is when it is for a grade which makes reading not fun, work, and, sometimes, punishment. Unlike me, who grew up with books so reading is more fun than work.

I used to read to my son, usually before bed. Because of that, I think he has a decent respect for reading and can do it if he has to. Doesn't mean he wants to but being able to read is a huge step up from a lot of what I see.

Monday, April 16, 2018

Cereal's Getting Soggy

Wilberforce goes to one of those schools where the kids live at the school for the week and return home on Friday afternoon. You know what they are. You know what I'm talking about.

I wish people would realize that the people who take charge of your kids while they are at school enjoy Friday afternoon too. We love our kids and our job but we also like vegging out in front of three separate screens on the couch, too.

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Supercomics #12

20 Years Ago…
The Senne family joined together in the abandoned house on Jean’s 12th birthday. Jean, dressed in a robe, laid down on the floor, arms and legs spread out. Candles were placed next to her head, hands, and feet. As soon as the candles were lit, her family began chanting, offering Jean as a sacrifice to their god.

Nervous, Jean closed her eyes and when she opened them, she was somewhere else. A cat-like figure, engulfed in flames appeared in front of her.

“Cattarah,” Jean whispered, half to the figure, half to herself. “Cattarah, I give myself to you.”

Jean wasn’t sure what to expect. The fire cat removed her robe, exposing her naked body. She could feel the flames licking at her skin but they were cool to the touch. She felt the weight of Cattarah on her and then he was inside her.

It was her first time and at first it hurt but soon she was enjoying it and wanting more. She gave herself completely to Cattarah. They made love endlessly among the flames and darkness of Cattarah’s realm--the demon fire cat and little girl.

When they were spent, Cattarah began preparing Jean to receive his seed. She was gifted the ability to control and become fire. She could do whatever Cattarah could do and in twenty years would be able to have his children. Both of them engulfed in flames, they made love again before Cattarah sent Jean back to her plane.

Over the years, the thrill of being Cattarah’s bride wore off. Jean distanced herself from her family and what was her religion. She used her powers for good becoming a hero in secret but monitored by Dmitri.

Cattrah was ready to receive his bride, he appeared in the center of Phillipsburg. The All-American Corps quickly received the alert.

“Some sort of weird fire creature downtown,” Geo-Whiz, who was on monitor duty, said.

“A fire creature?” Jean stood up. “Cattarah.”


“I know who this is,” she breathed.

“How do you know him?” Alix came into the room.

“He gave me my powers,” Jean said. “He’s also kind of my husband or fiancee or whatever.”

Alix and Geo-Whiz looked at her. “Well, you should take control of your man,” Geo-Whiz said.

“We’re not that close,” Jean said. “Come on, Alix.”

Fire and Superkitten landed in front of Cattarah. He noticeably got excited, flames leaping off of him. He reached out to Jean and his eyes grew wide. “My bride…” he rasped. She had never heard him speak--didn’t think he could.

“About this bride thing. I’ve changed my mind,” Fire said. “But it’s not you, it’s me. I stopped hanging out with my family--most of them are dead or in jail anyway, and I changed my religion.”

“You outgrew him,” Superkitten said.

“Yes. Exactly. I outgrew you.”

“You defy me?” Cattarah hissed.

“Just leave. You don’t need me,” Fire said.

“No one defies me,” Cattarah said and suddenly grew to about three time his original size, the flames surrounding his body expanded outward and grew warmer.

“All right. I guess we’ll see how similar my powers are to yours,” Fire said and lifted herself several feet off the ground. Both attacked at the same time. Their flames hit and canceled each other out. “Seems like we’re the same. And the only way to get rid of my powers is to kill me so…”

“I’ve killed many a wife,” Cattarah hissed again. “You’ll be no different.”

“I will be different. I won’t let you kill me,” Fire said and flew toward Cattarah. Fire distracted him with an eagle made of fire while Superkitten lept up and struck him from below.

Cattarah then focused on Superkitten. He grabbed Superkitten with his hands in an attempt to burn her. Fire directed her flames into Cattarah. Her flames tore through the middle of him and he screamed in pain and let go of Superkitten, who was able to leap up again and strike his face again as hard as she could. The punch thundered across Phillipsburg.

“You are nothing without me,” Cattarah said. “I made you what you are.”

“That’s true but you gave me these powers so I could incubate any children we had. I use these powers to help people to be better than the ones who gave me these powers. You took advantage of a 12-year-old girl. Religious ceremony, family get-together, newlyweds consummating their marriage, no matter what you call it, it was rape and it was wrong,” Fire explained.

Cattarah actually paused and shrank back down to his normal size.

“That worked?” Superkitten questioned, confused. “No finally means no?”

“You don’t have to come with me,” Cattarah said, barely above a whisper. “Have my children. You will still be treated like a queen. Few can handle this type of power,” he expanded his flames just a little. “Will you at least bear my children?”

“What if I say no?”

“I can’t make you do anything but you will have a very powerful and dangerous enemy,” Cattarah threatened.

“I don’t think so,” Fire said. “You said few can handle this power. Because I survived receiving the power, you respect me.”

“You have opened a Pandora’s box of horrors,” Cattarah said and then disappeared in a puff of smoke and fire.

“Aww, he loves me,” Fire cooed.

“That was weird,” Superkitten said, raising an eyebrow. “How would having his baby work?”

“Let’s find something to eat and I’ll tell you,” Fire said and the two of them headed toward the stores of downtown.

A shadowy figure crept through the museum. She had cut off the power but only had a few minutes before either the police came by to check or CBX, the team that had been monitoring her, caught up with her. She avoided everything in the museum and went straight to a case that held an artifact called a gold hearthstone. It wasn’t a hearthstone but no one else knew what it was. It was carbon dated as being older than anything else in a museum but this museum was leery about giving it that distinction.

No one knew what it was except a handful of people. The figure carefully cut into the glass covering the hearthstone. As she held the stone and was about to pocket it, something flew across the room and hit her hand causing her to drop it.

“Don’t move,” three figures were approaching her. “Keep your hands where we can see them.”

“Looks like you got me,” she replied. “At least for now.” Her hand shot off and a grappling hook flew up to the ceiling. While the three were distracted, she began shooting at them. She then disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

“At least she didn’t get the soul,” another of the figures said.

“But she’ll be back, Lucy. We’re going to need backup and I think I know where we can get it.

Why Is There Suddenly a Chair There?

30 years ago today, 18-year-old Randy Leach disappeared from a party in rural Leavenworth County, Kansas. The disappearance made local headlines but aside from a few rumors, nothing substantial could ever be grasped. For nearly 30 years, Randy's parents, Harold and Alberta, have been inundated with rumors, speculation, and outrageous lies about their son.

From the beginning, the Leavenworth County Sheriff and Kansas Bureau of Investigation followed leads relating to Satanic rituals, drug dealing cover-ups, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and Randy just running away. Yes, there are some strange occurrences surrounding Randy's disappearance. First, the family hosting the party seemed very unable or unwilling to help in the investigation and there was apparently no evidence a party even happened. Second, a severed foot was found along the Kansas River. It was his shoe but law enforcement said it wasn't his foot. Then whose foot was it? Third, outright poor investigating. The farm the party was at was never searched. Witnesses weren't questioned immediately but, in some cases, years later. Known hideouts of criminal element were never looked at--including a drug dealer's shack with dozens of old cars. It was reported that Randy was drunk or high toward the end of the party so people and law enforcement speculated a terrible accident that was covered up.

For nearly 30 years, no one has gotten close to figuring out what happened to Randy Leach. Until this past week when a detective who was working on the case revealed that Randy Leach--either drunk or high--drove off the road and into a creek. Occam's razor.

While a friend offered to take Randy home, when the friend returned from taking other kids home, Randy was gone. According to the detective, Randy took the back route home and as he approached the one-lane bridge that crossed Stranger Creek at Linwood, he miscalculated and drove into the creek, being buried by the silt right there or buried somewhere between Linwood and the Gulf of Mexico. Any evidence of an accident is long gone. Even the bridge is gone, being torn down due to the erosion caused by Stranger Creek. The accident angle wasn't even investigated until 1998.

Well, you can buy universal remotes at just about any place that has an electronics department. I believe you can also order replacement remotes from the TV manufacturer. I'm a bit sad that Gladys immediately shows Brutus that she has a second remote when it would've been much funnier to drive him insane with the constantly changing channels.

In related news, we have a TV remote that also controls a fan. But not all the time. It's very strange.

If you like what you read and want to help support my writing and my research, you can head over to Patreon where you can get the exclusive monthly Story Series Tank N Tummy, or buy me a cup of coffee on Ko-Fi.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Is Something Keeping Her from Doing Something For Herself?

Time to come back from a short break that I took to get caught up on writing and other things and Chip gives me nothing. Nothing!

Tuesday, April 10, 2018


Eh. He'll figure it out.

We had an assignment in class a few weeks ago--maybe months by now, all the days just run together--where kids had to use dictionaries to look up the words. They, of course, hated it because they couldn't understand why they needed to use a dictionary when they have phones and Chromebooks right there. The usual responses of "What if you don't have your phone?" "You need to know how to put things in alphabetical order" and "It teaches you research skills" did not quench their hatred of the assignment.

I'm out for the rest of the week. I'll be back on Saturday. Don't get in trouble out there.

Monday, April 09, 2018

Monday Blues

I like to imagine that Brutus hasn't done anything all day--except nearly hourly visits to the watercooler--and that the papers in the IN box have sat there all day, untouched. Brutus isn't exhausted from work, he just doesn't want to be there.

Sunday, April 08, 2018

Time Man #4

The three men had pulled Ray Hampton into the alley and demanded his money and gold watch. Two pointed guns at Ray while the third impatiently waited for the money and then for Ray to remove the watch.

“Hurry up, we don’t have all night,” he said. Ray put the watch into the one man’s hand and the other two lowered their guns. “Thank you. You have a good rest of your night now.” They turned around and saw a big man standing behind them. “Uh, can you get out of the way, tiny? We have places we need to go.”

“Like Hell?” the man said and a large gun suddenly materialized in his hand. The two thugs held up their guns and the man went for them first.

The bullets scattered through the back of the men’s heads and they collapsed to the ground. The other man held up his hands. “Hold on, maybe we can come to an agreement. You can have the watch?”

The gun went off and the thug went down like his buddies. “I don’t like criminals,” the man said.

“Oh, thank you, sir,” Ray teared up and was ecstatic. “I was hoping someone would walk by and help me.”

“I don’t like criminals,” the man said again and raised his gun at Ray. “But I hate negroes more,” and he pulled the trigger, bullets scattered out of the back of Ray’s head and Ray collapsed with the other three.

The man’s gun disappeared and he walked casually out of the alley.

“Three of these bodies match the description of these robbers we’ve been trying to catch,” Officer Murdock said about half an hour later when the police were called to the scene. “My thought is these three were robbing Mr. Hampton when somebody interrupted.”

“Maybe a fourth member of the gang?” Officer Laretti suggested, pointing at the three criminals. “Turned on the other three and killed the victim?”

“Money and valuables are still here. The assailant clearly wasn’t going for a robbery. Just murder.”

“Maybe a vigilante taking the law into his own hands.”

Murdock nodded. “Could be. What about Mr. Hampton?”

“Bad aim? Collateral damage? Mistake?”

“Here’s hoping that until we find this...person, let’s hope there are no more mistakes,” Murdock said.

The man was walking several feet behind a white guy and his black girlfriend. They were holding hands and every so often she would lean her head onto his arm as they would kiss. He ducked into a doorway as they waited to cross the street. The first bullet blew through her head like a melon and the second tore out his throat as he turned to look at what happened to her. The people on the sidewalk screamed and ran off in different directions. The gun was already gone and the man was off again.

“Watering down our gene pool,” he muttered. “She wasn’t fit to scrub his toilet, let alone have his children.” The man got lost in the screaming crowd which softened to a normal crowd a couple blocks away.

“Think it’s the same person?” Officer Laretti asked Murdock.

“Highly probable,” Murdock thought out loud. “And nobody saw anything?”

“They heard the gunshots and saw a non-descript man in the area who they are all sure is who we’re looking for. Most witnesses say the shots came from over there,” Laretti pointed to the doorway.

“Sir, there’s a situation at Braley’s. We think it’s our gunman,” another officer came up to Murdock and Laretti.

“Get as many officers as you can down there. And see if we can find Time Man,” Murdock said and began running in the direction of Braley’s.

Braley’s was an institution in the neighborhood. Opened in 1922, it served the best food on this side of Golden City despite being considered a diner. The police surrounded Braley’s. Nothing had happened in several minutes but they were being cautious. Time Man landed among the officers and was debriefed by Officer Murdock.

“We think he is still in there but we’re not positive. There hasn’t been any sound or movement in about ten minutes,” Murdock explained.

“Let’s see what’s going on,” Time Man, followed by Murdock and Laretti with their guns drawn, walked up to the restaurant and went inside. As they stepped inside, Time Man’s face dropped upon seeing the scene. Blood was everywhere, dozens of bodies lay on the floor or were slumped over tables or in booths.

Murdock noticed Time Man’s reaction to the scene. “You never get used to it by the way.”

“No, I can’t imagine that you ever do,” Time Man cleared his throat.

Another officer came in. “Suspect has been spotted at 72nd and Grover.”

“Get officers there. I’ll cut him off and hopefully detain him,” Time Man said and flew back out the door. Another two victims were in the intersection. A solitary man was walking away, toward a crowd of people. Time Man swooped down and grabbed the man by the collar of his shirt. “You’ve done a lot in a few hours.”

“Yeah. I guess I found my niche,” the gunman said. A gun suddenly appeared in his hand. He shifted and aimed at Time Man, pulled the trigger and Time Man was knocked back, dropping the gunman.

The gunman landed hard on the street but on his feet. Time Man was still in the air, his shoulder in pain and his suit there in tatters. “He didn’t have a gun when I grabbed him. Where’d it come from? Can he make guns magically appear?” The police began arriving. “He’s there. Right there,” Time Man pointed. The gunman took a couple shots that tore through a couple of officers.

“I’m prepared for war,” the gunman said. A grenade appeared in his hand after he had moved the gun into his other hand. He began running into a building followed by Time Man. As Time Man grabbed the gunman again, the grenade went off. The large explosion brought the building down. It was a hotel and several people were buried along with the gunman and Time Man.

After several minutes, Time Man pushed his way out. “How many buildings have fallen on me?” he asked himself.

The next couple of hours was spent digging people out of the rubble of the hotel. Thankfully, most of the people survived but were a little worse for wear. They never found any evidence of where the gunman went or who he was.

“Careful! Careful,” Dr. Schnebly directed the men moving the giant tomb. The men gently lowered the tomb to the ground and then were waved away by Dr. Schnebly.

“Why is this sarcophagus so large?” Schnebly’s assistant asked.

“Because inside,” with gloved hands he carefully removed the lid and slid it to rest on the floor “is the largest mummy we’ve ever seen.”

The mummy was gigantic. Over six feet tall and as wide as two people with broad shoulders and thick legs. The body seemed untouched by decomposition but without seeing the body, it wasn’t known what the body looked like.

“The tomb it was found in was completely barren. No hieroglyphics, no jewels, nothing. Archaeologists even thought it looked like its tomb had been purposely caved in,” Dr. Schnebly said.

“I wonder which pharaoh it is,” the assistant said.

“We’ll start finding out tomorrow,” Dr. Schnebly said. The two of them left the room. The door closed and the mummy was left alone in the room. The room was sealed--nothing could get in or out. The mummy was alone in the room for a couple hours when, barely noticeable to the naked eye, it began moving.

Interesting Color Scheme

One thing I've realized over the last couple of months is that I'm enjoying writing humorous stories more and more. Aside from Tank N Tummy on Patreon, I'm also doing two new series that lean more comedic and I've noticed Divine Life, which debuts later this month, is turning into more of a comedy. Maybe this is just some catharsis I need or something else is at play but there will be some changes to the Story Series on Sundays in the next couple of months.

Last week, as I said, I went to Leavenworth. I went because I was able to go on a short tour of the tunnels that underneath the city. Check out the Tauy Creek Facebook Page for more information and pictures.

If you enjoy my writing and research and want to help support it...
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I always assumed that Veeblefester made his first million the same way a lot of other millionaires do: borrowing money from their parents. It's nice to know that Veeblefester made his money, or at least his first million, honestly and in a normal way.

What design was that guy putting on his tea cozies?

Saturday, April 07, 2018

Hid In the Ship With the Rats

Why would Mother Gargle talk about Brutus' side of the family tree when she probably doesn't even know it. If Brutus wants to talk about his side of the family then he needs to tell their stories. He needs to talk about how his family first arrived in America in 1640, how his 6th great-grandfather fought in the American Revolution, and how his 3rd great-grandfather emigrated from North Carolina to Missouri. It's your job to explain your side of the family tree, Brutus, not your mother-in-law's.

Friday, April 06, 2018

Happiest Place on Earth

Why goes GoComics keep changing their website layout? Everything I read about maintaining a website says that you shouldn't do that. Every three months they seem to change something. This time, instead of just going to the comic, you start out on an OVERVIEW page which displays a close-up of a panel. You then have to click "Today's Comic" to go to today's comic. Why's it gotta be like that?

My happy place is usually a cemetery. The history, the peacefulness, it's just nice. Maybe someday we'll be out of Third Winter and it will actually be warm enough to spend a good couple of hours in one.

Wednesday, April 04, 2018

100% of Nothing

All right, well this isn't the guy from January who was remarrying his ex-wife although he kind of looks like him only blond. Honestly, everybody who isn't a main or supporting character looks alike. It's like Chip can only draw five different kinds of male faces which is four more than I can draw but still.

Monday, April 02, 2018

Don't Forget: You're Here Forever

Flash forward to the future. A tour guide that Veeblefester, Incorporated has for some reason is leading a group through the cavernous halls of the building.

"Veeblefester Inc. became completely automated in 2024. All of our tea cozies are made by robots and all sales and deliveries are carried out online and by drones. The entire operation can be run by just one man."

The tour guide opens the shade of a window to reveal Brutus still sitting at his desk with a pile of paperwork in his IN box.

Sunday, April 01, 2018

POB #9: TaleSpin from Tiger Electronics

One of my favorite TV shows growing up was Disney's TaleSpin which aired on The Disney Afternoon from 1990 until 1994 and lasted 65 episodes. It starred Baloo from The Jungle Book as a cargo pilot. I wanted to get everything TaleSpin growing up and I did pretty good. The one thing I was disappointed in was the Nintendo game. I could never get past the third stage and overall the whole game was frustrating. I still own it but it's one that I would never play even if my Nintendo was still hooked up.
This screen is my nightmare.
In something a little different, here is a video of a TaleSpin game I can actually beat. The TaleSpin Tiger Electronics Handheld Game. During the 1990s, Tiger Electronics made possibly hundreds of handheld games that basically worked like a calculator. They had static images that lit up at certain times to simulate movement. Some were better configured than others and I do think TaleSpin falls into that category.

You can only move up and down in order to dodge the Air Pirates, mountains, and lightening. If you start running out of gas or obtain too much damage, you can hit a button to refuel or repair. There are four stages that take about 8 minutes to complete. You can continue playing but who would want to?

Please pardon the guerrilla-like recording and I would recommend turning off the sound after you get a little taste of it because it is repetitive and very annoying.