Monday, July 11, 2016

Tauy Creek Digest #7: Sunday Funday

inspiration from Cinemassacre's Angry Video Game Nerd episode "Bible Games 2"

The sunlight came into Billy's room and hit his eyes. He slowly opened them and blinked. It took him a second to realize but then he saw the time on his alarm clock. "I'm late for Sunday School," he shouted and flung himself out of bed. Billy quickly threw on a white button-down shirt, black slacks and grabbed his skateboard. He hopped on and began boarding down Beach Street. "Why didn't my alarm go off? Oh man, I can hear Ms. Venice. 'Get your butt to Sunday School,'" he said to himself. A group of boys were suddenly in his way, blocking his path to church.

"Nice board," one said, and hit Billy.

"I'm just trying to get to Sunday School, man. Come on," Billy said, placing his hand on his pants pocket.

"We're not going to let that happen," another boy said, and also hit Billy.

Billy then moved on his skateboard in a back and forth motion around the boys, flinging his fists at them. At first, his punches didn't connect but then they did. The boys flew back away from Billy and their skin seemed to get darker. "I've got to get to Sunday School," Billy reminded and skated away. As he was skating, he ran into several hands attacking him from sewer manholes and elderly ladies were tossing some sort of projectiles at him. He also ran into larger boys, dressed similar to him, with giant mouths that looked like they could swallow him. He could take them down with his fists so Billy relented and pulled a couple small bombs from his pocket and dropped them by one of the large boys. The bombs exploded and tore the boy into pieces, arms, legs, and torso scattering in different directions. The boy's face was also blown off which was strange to see. "Who are these raging atheists who don't want me to go to Sunday School?" he asked himself, dodging another projectile from an old woman.

Out of the corner of his eye, Billy saw a clown floating through the air, holding a balloon. Billy skated after the clown and grabbed the balloon from him and floated over to the other side of the river. Misjudging the landing, Billy let go of the balloon and fell into an open manhole and everything went dark.

But then lit up again. Billy got up off the ground and looked around. He was now trapped in the sewer but he still had time to make it to Sunday School--but barely. He began skating off but noticed that there were springs installed in the stonework of the sewer and controlling where they were bouncing him was easier said than done. One of the springs bounced Billy against a light switch and everything in the sewer went dark.

"What is going on? I just want to get to Sunday School," Billy moaned, trying to bounce up and turn the light back on. Billy would bounce on a spring which would send him into some sort of paddle that would propel him back into a spring that would bounce him back down to the spring that would bounce him back up to the paddle starting everything over again. "Come on, I just want to get up there," he grunted as he finally made it onto a pipe.

Billy continued skateboarding, hitting springs and paddles but also being attacked by big bullies and, for some reason, plumbers. One of the bullies, Billy wasn't able to get past so he dropped a couple of bombs at his feet. "There we go. He's got a couple bombs at his feet, he's not moving..." but the bully walked away and the bombs exploded harmlessly. "Gah! Just stand still," Billy grumbled and took out another bomb.

Finally, Billy arrived at a large pool of water--too wide to jump over it but he noticed the springs coming out of the wall. Billy took a deep breath and jumped toward the first spring which bounced him up to the next spring that bounced him down to another spring which bounced him up. "Oh, thank lord there is a pattern here," he sighed with relief. He bounced up to the next spring that bounced him down to the next spring that bounced him down and into the water. "What?" He sputtered as he floated himself to the other side of the pool. "Why do they trick you into thinking there's a pattern?" he screamed, climbing out of the pool.

He climbed the ladder out of the sewer and was only a few blocks away from his church. Only a couple minutes left before Sunday School started. He quickly skateboarded and arrived at the church, entering the school area, still dripping from his time in the sewer.

"Billy, you were almost late," Ms. Venice said in a slight scolding tone. "What happened to you?" she asked, noticing the scrapes, bruises, and dripping wet clothes.

"I just really wanted to get to Sunday School, Ms. Venice," Billy sighed and took his seat in the circle.