Thursday, September 29, 2016

And Since It's Chinese Food, Tommy Will Be Hungry Again In an Hour


I went to see Blair Witch the other night with my son. I was a huge fan of the original 1999 movie, which I will talk about next month, so I was actually thrilled when I saw that a sequel was coming out and even more thrilled that it would continue the story and be filmed the same way. Overall, it was a good movie. It was a very good companion piece to a movie that sort of reinvented the horror genre. Right away we are introduced to James Donahue, Heather's younger brother. Heather wandered into the woods nearly 20 years ago and apparently just got herself lost according to James who has a hard time letting go. James and his friends load up thousands of dollars of filming equipment and head off to the Black Hills Forest outside of Burkittsville, Maryland to debunk this witch legend and bring Heather home. No one gives a damn about Josh and Mike. Taking two locals with them, the sextuplet soon find themselves camping, getting attacked by weird sounds and discovering makeshift witch-like cross things hanging from the trees. They then decide to leave because it is too much. They soon start to suspect their two guides, Lane and Talia, are behind the strange occurrences and they part ways. The Blair Witch then begins to pick them off one-by-one. But I don't want to review the whole movie, just give out short criticisms on what I didn't like compared to the original movie.

3. Seeing the Blair Witch
To be fair, we don't really see her but we see, albeit briefly, quick flashes of her either as a pale, spindly appendaged creature or a shuffling person-sized hairball. The thing about the original was that we never saw anything. Whether it was Heather running through the woods screaming or Heather getting knocked over in the basement--nothing. No quick flashes of a creature, no odd possession scenes, it was all off-camera. While some of the flashes (the woman covered in hair) was spot-on and stuck to the legend, it just seemed to be something the audience doesn't need to see.

2. Romance
It seemed to me like there was a cut storyline of James and Lisa hooking up. During the scene where James is trying to calm Lisa down by telling her to breathe, I thought that they were going to kiss. The original didn't need a romantic backstory but it seems that everything in pop culture does now. And when there isn't a romantic storyline, fans write one in anyway. I much rather enjoyed the "three friends" motif of the original instead of the "three couples" motif this movie seemed to have.

1. The Set-Up
The movie seemed to waste quite a bit of the beginning on playing around with their gadgets and going to a club. While the original movie had them trying to figure out the cameras, picking people up, and going to the store for supplies, we didn't see much of their personal life. And that was fine. Why did we need to see them going out and partying and getting drunk? While the scene raised an ethical dilemma for Lisa, the audience knows that dilemma doesn't matter.

So is Blair Witch worth seeing? I think it is. It's a good movie and it reminded me that I like horror movies and need to start watching them again.

Mark Trail
Mark is currently trying to help this woman figure out why there are fire ants on this secluded island. It's also the start of a storyline where Mark is sued for paternity.

Mary Worth
I'm hoping Tommy used "I'm addicted to vicodin" for every excuse now. "Why didn't you wash your dishes?" "I'm addicted to vicodin." "Why were you out so late?" "I'm addicted to vicodin." "Why did you run over that child?" "I'm addicted to vicodin."

Rex Morgan, M.D.
"Which is fine because I'd rather deal with this shit than your shit."

U.S. Acres
I don't know. Maybe it's a sign of the end of days or that Donald Trump will actually become president but today's U.S. Acres made me laugh.

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