And Since It's Chinese Food, Tommy Will Be Hungry Again In an Hour

I went to see Blair Witch the other night with my son. I was a huge fan of the original 1999 movie, which I will talk about next month, so I was actually thrilled when I saw that a sequel was coming out and even more thrilled that it would continue the story and be filmed the same way. Overall, it was a good movie. It was a very good companion piece to a movie that sort of reinvented the horror genre. Right away we are introduced to James Donahue, Heather's younger brother. Heather wandered into the woods nearly 20 years ago and apparently just got herself lost according to James who has a hard time letting go. James and his friends load up thousands of dollars of filming equipment and head off to the Black Hills Forest outside of Burkittsville, Maryland to debunk this witch legend and bring Heather home. No one gives a damn about Josh and Mike. Taking two locals with them, the sextuplet soon find themselves camping, getting attacked by weird sounds and discovering makeshift witch-like cross things hanging from the trees. They then decide to leave because it is too much. They soon start to suspect their two guides, Lane and Talia, are behind the strange occurrences and they part ways. The Blair Witch then begins to pick them off one-by-one. But I don't want to review the whole movie, just give out short criticisms on what I didn't like compared to the original movie.

3. Seeing the Blair Witch
To be fair, we don't really see her but we see, albeit briefly, quick flashes of her either as a pale, spindly appendaged creature or a shuffling person-sized hairball. The thing about the original was that we never saw anything. Whether it was Heather running through the woods screaming or Heather getting knocked over in the basement--nothing. No quick flashes of a creature, no odd possession scenes, it was all off-camera. While some of the flashes (the woman covered in hair) was spot-on and stuck to the legend, it just seemed to be something the audience doesn't need to see.

2. Romance
It seemed to me like there was a cut storyline of James and Lisa hooking up. During the scene where James is trying to calm Lisa down by telling her to breathe, I thought that they were going to kiss. The original didn't need a romantic backstory but it seems that everything in pop culture does now. And when there isn't a romantic storyline, fans write one in anyway. I much rather enjoyed the "three friends" motif of the original instead of the "three couples" motif this movie seemed to have.

1. The Set-Up
The movie seemed to waste quite a bit of the beginning on playing around with their gadgets and going to a club. While the original movie had them trying to figure out the cameras, picking people up, and going to the store for supplies, we didn't see much of their personal life. And that was fine. Why did we need to see them going out and partying and getting drunk? While the scene raised an ethical dilemma for Lisa, the audience knows that dilemma doesn't matter.

So is Blair Witch worth seeing? I think it is. It's a good movie and it reminded me that I like horror movies and need to start watching them again.

Mark Trail

Mark is currently trying to help this woman figure out why there are fire ants on this secluded island. It's also the start of a storyline where Mark is sued for paternity.

Mary Worth

I'm hoping Tommy used "I'm addicted to vicodin" for every excuse now. "Why didn't you wash your dishes?" "I'm addicted to vicodin." "Why were you out so late?" "I'm addicted to vicodin." "Why did you run over that child?" "I'm addicted to vicodin."

Rex Morgan, M.D.

"Which is fine because I'd rather deal with this shit than your shit."

U.S. Acres

I don't know. Maybe it's a sign of the end of days or that Donald Trump will actually become president but today's U.S. Acres made me laugh.

The First Six People Had the Same Reaction

Crankshaft

For those who have been living under a rock for the last century or haven't been born yet, Peggy and Lee are named for singer Peggy Lee who did the voice(s) for twin Siamese Cats Si and Am in the Disney animated feature Lady and the Tramp. So it's like a double honor. But I'm really just posting this strip so I can post pictures of my local bookstore's cats.

Dashiell, named for Dashiell Hammett

and Ngaio, named for Ngaio Marsh.

Blondie

There are TWO Dagwood Bumsteads in this world? That seems highly unlikely.

The Lockhorns

This is the seventh person Leroy had told his "joke" to.

U.S. Acres

U.S. Acres tends to use the same four or five jokes: falling off a cliff, Roy's a jerk, Lanolin's a bitch, Wade's a pussy, and sign jokes. Why is Booker freaking out at the sign "yelling" at him? This happens a lot in U.S. Acres as well. U.S. Acres is a very lazy comic strip. Of course, I would do badly at my job too if I got hired at PAWS, Inc. but ended up writing and/or drawing U.S. Acres instead of something to do with Garfield.

Whiny Beedie

Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean

Why is everyone in these comic strips so terrible? And not just in general, they are terrible in every aspect of life. They can't hit balls placed on a tower and they don't just get Stockholm Syndrome, they get THE Stockholm Syndrome.

Mary Worth

"You may have pulled a muscle. I don't know. I'm just a doctor. You shouldn't have to suffer. Take this prescription and get out, I have a dozen other patients out there, all of whom have some form of insurance so I don't have time to be dealing with you."

"This will help with the pain...of everything." Now I am rooting for Tommy being found dead of a vicodin overdose.

U.S. Acres

This is the third time since I began comic strip commentary back in June that Booker has been dangling over the edge of a cliff with a worm. It needs to stop. Just stop.

Lot of Work In Those First Two Steps

Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids

"Daddy, look what I drew!"

"Aw, it's a...what is it?"

"It's a pig."

"Why is it standing up? Is it begging for food? Pigs don't do that."

"It's how the comic strip told me to do it."

"And if a comic strip told you to jump off a bridge, would you?"

"I hate you, Daddy."

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith

I don't know what Hootin' Holler Cream is and I don't care to know.

Crankshaft

Why is Les giving her that look. And more importantly, why is she giving that look back!?

U.S. Acres

Booker just straight up murdered that worm.

Ripley's Believe It or Not

So I see Ripley's is now just taking their information from a children's science book, a Buzzfeed article, and Atlas Obscura.