Sunday, December 01, 2024

The Gift of Nothing

Brutus happily walks into the ocean. He is only in up to his knees when someone calls out "Hold on, fella, I'm coming!" A lifeguard suddenly grabs Brutus and picks him up. "What in blazes are you doing?!" Brutus yells. "Rescuing you." "I don't need rescuing!" "No...but we lifeguards need practice, too."
July 4, 1986
I'm impressed that one lifeguard can lift and carry Brutus. But enough fat-shaming. Maybe the lifeguard is trying to keep Brutus from going out too far thus making saving him more difficult. Brutus doesn't strike me as the best swimmer.

Mother Gargle stands in front of Brutus as he sits in the green chair. "I've gotten an early start on my Christmas shopping," Mother Gargle says. "Have you picked out a Christmas present for me yet, Brutus?" she asks. "As a matter of fact, I went shopping for your gift yesterday," Brutus replies. "Really? Did you find something special for me?" Mother Gargle asks, maybe a bit too hopeful considering the way she treats Brutus. "You deserve nothing but the best, and I found the perfect gift for you. But when I priced it, I realized I couldn't afford it. So, since it's nothing but the best for you, and I can't afford that, I'm afraid it's nothing for you!"
Nothing is what I would get her. Call me crazy, but I don't buy presents for people who call me "a loaf of shit". I mean, what even is that. And I am just assuming Mother Gargle has called Brutus this. Off-panel, of course.





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