Sunday, October 28, 2018

Arjon #2

Their biology class over, Arjon and Caleb walked out of the room together. “I think biology is my favorite class. I like learning about the other species on this planet and it helps foster a oneness with nature,” Arjon explained.

“I think it’s my favorite class, too,” Caleb said.

“Oh? What do you find interesting about it?”

“Brittany Simonson is so hot,” Caleb exclaimed through gritted teeth. “Did you see she wasn’t wearing a bra today?”

“I don’t understand anything you just said.”

“Well, I think Brittany is good-looking and a bra...You know, that doesn’t matter,” Caleb waved. “Ooh. You should start a biology study group so I can get to know her.”

“Why don’t you just go and talk to her? It’ll probably be easier,” Arjon said.

“Nope. I’ve already decided that you’re going to start a biology study group.”

“Why can’t you start it?”

“She’ll be suspicious if I do it. It has to be you,” Caleb slapped Arjon on the back. “It’ll be fine. I’ll get my friend Randy to join us. He also has biology just on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

“She’s right there,” Arjon pointed. “‘Hi, Brittany, I’m Caleb. Would you like to grab lunch today?’ It’s so easy.”

“Maybe on our third or fourth time meeting each other. Come on, I’ll print up a flyer that you can give to her.”

A few days later, Caleb reserved one of the spaces in the library and he and Arjon waited for 3 o’clock. At 3:05 they were about to pick up and leave when someone walked in. “We were just about to leave. The room’s all yours,” Caleb said.

“Did I miss the biology study group? The flyer says it’s at 3,” the guy held up the flyer.

Caleb grabbed it from him. “I only made one flyer. How’d you get this?”

“From the trash. I’m not good at science so I thought I’d come and try to head my Fs off at the pass.”

“All right. What’s your name?” Caleb asked.

“I go by Dewey.”

“Is that a nickname?”

“I chose it because Dewey is my favorite Donald Duck nephew,” Dewey explained.

“Aren’t they all pretty interchangeable?”

“Sorry I’m late,” Randy came in. “Where’s the girl?”

“I don’t think she’s coming,” Caleb sighed. “This was a stupid idea.”

“No, it was a good idea,” Brittany came into the room. “What was stupid was just printing one flyer.” She looked around the room at Arjon, Caleb, Randy, and Dewey. “So this is a real study group? Not just some part of an elaborate plan?”

“Yep, this is a totally real study group for psychology,” Caleb smiled.

“Biology,” Arjon corrected.


“This does feel more like an elaborate ruse when you think about it,” Dewey said. “Only one flyer. No textbooks. The organizer doesn’t know what we’re studying for.”

“I think you’re overthinking it, Dewey,” Caleb gritted his teeth.

“No, this has all the markings of a TV show where a character tries to deceive another character. The only problem is that those characters are usually friends and always make up half an hour later. You two aren’t friends so there’s no guarantee you will make up half an hour later.”

Everyone stared at Dewey.

“So it is a plan. A plan to, what? Get in my pants?” Brittany asked.

“I just want to get good grades,” Dewey threw up his hands.

“It was all Caleb’s idea,” Randy pointed.

“I had good intentions,” Caleb became defensive. “I wanted to get to know you. Maybe have lunch or something.”

“Then just ask me out. ‘Brittany? Would you like to grab some lunch with me?’ ‘That’d be nice, Caleb. When and where?’”

“Sorry. I guess I should’ve listened to you, Arjon,” Caleb said. “So. Brittany. Would you like to grab some lunch with me?” he smiled.

“You should’ve asked that before you had this printed,” she grabbed the flyer from Dewey. She threw it down and left the meeting room.

“That went well,” Randy said. “I’ll see you back at the dorm, man,” Randy clapped Caleb on the back.

Later, as Arjon left the library, he ran into Brittany who was walking back in. “Is Caleb gone?” she asked.

“Not yet. Once everyone knew it was a kind-of-fake study group everybody went home. Why?”

“I wanted to apologize. The truth is that while I don’t like being tricked like I was but I was there under false pretenses as well.”


“I went there because I knew you would be there. I thought I could be your new and cool American friend.”

Arjon gasped. “So you are no better than Caleb?”

“I just wanted to be your friend. Caleb wanted to have sex with me,” Brittany corrected.

“Let’s go back inside and let’s start from the beginning,” Arjon said.

Arjon and Brittany went back to the study hall. Caleb was about to leave but stopped when he saw them come in. “You came back?”

“Look, I didn’t like being tricked but I was just here for Arjon so we were both here under false pretenses,” Brittany said. “Can we start over?”

“If you want. I’m sorry I started this fake study group. I mean, seriously, Dewey is terrible at science,” Caleb said.

“Probably because that part of his brain is filled up with TV theme songs.”

“He knows both the opening and ending credits theme to WKRP In Cincinnati.”

“We can help him,” Arjon said. “With the science, I mean.”

“Do you want to grab a burger with us?” Caleb asked Brittany.

“Yeah. I’ll join you,” Brittany confirmed. “Thanks for asking like a normal person.”

“I can do normal. I can do the hell out of normal,” Caleb said.

“Please stop,” Brittany sighed.

As Caleb, Brittany, and Arjon left the library, a street performer started playing his guitar.

“That sounds really familiar,” Caleb said.

The street performer began singing. “Mad tooth bar chin up boxing out her hair. Still do the modern day whack-a-mole ditto, uh-huh.”

“Also starring Dr. Malcolm Coot,” Arjon said.

“Executive producer Brian Hall,” Brittany shrugged.

“What’s that bartender, I had better head out. I said I wouldn’t do it if a poodle had a lid on, uh-huh.”

“Meow,” all three said in unison.