Wednesday, January 14, 2009

#177: Dream Weaving

Future Dystopia
I had a terrible nightmare about President Bush a couple months ago, it opened up with a disheveled Tom Brokaw on the news, hair a mess and a decent five o'clock shadow on his face. The headline below the distinguished anchor read 'America Celebrates Bush's 10th Year As President'. No one was happy it was his tenth year but, like The Twilight Zone's "It's a Good Life", you couldn't say anything bad no matter what so you had to celebrate whether you wanted to or not and suffice it to say, no one really wanted to. As you looked out on the cities, it reminded me of scenes from Fritz Lang's Metropolis. Dark, enormous skyscrapers tore through the grainy and oily sky. Outside the cities, oil derricks could be seen and huge plumes of smoke erupted from the cooling towers of coal-burning plants. The sky was a permanent red color and we were effectively cut off from the rest of world, prisoners of a world we didn't create.

Jerk
Back in April, I had a two-part dream which is really weird because I rarely ever continue a dream after waking up. It started out with my cheapskate of a landlord selling my house to someone new. I really wasn't all that thrilled about having a new landlord but my attitude changed when I found out who it was. Kansas University's basketball coach Bill Self. Yeah, I don't get it either.

I'm not a sports fan so I don't know why I'm dreaming about Coach Bill Self. Turns out Coach Self, in my dream, is a douchebag. He raised our rent $200 and wouldn't come fix anything. Then one day, this Korean man and wife came to our door wanting to buy a car from Coach Self and wanted to know where he lived. I drove them to a small neighborhood near 31st and Kasold despite the fact I know Coach Self lives near The Yankee Tank on the west side of town. With me standing there, Coach Self gave the kind Korean man a very good deal on a 2006 Mercedes. Everything seemed all nicely wrapped up in a neat little package.

Until part two...

On a stormy night, I was busy throwing pots and pans under leaks Coach Self refused to have fixed, or reimburse us for fixing when the nice Korean man came back and was complaining that Self raised the price of the car $1,000 over Blue Book value. I had finally had enough of the Coach Bill Self and his National Championship douchebaggery and drove back to his place and complained. For some reason, Coach Self was getting ready for Christmas and was dressed like Santa Claus which made it hard to yell and be mad at him. He gave me a candy cane. It was really fun watching the Korean man tear into Bill Self dressed as Santa Claus. I awoke to the phone ringing so didn't find out if the Korean man got the car but I honestly don't know if I'd really want to find out.

I'm pretty sure Bill Self is one of the nicest guys in collegiate sports because on TV he seems a lot more approachable than a lot of the others so I have nothing against him. I'm just saying Bill Self may be a bad landlord.

Sheriff of Mayberry?
One of the weirdest, but by far my most favorite dream is where I was the sheriff of a small town because I was wearing the uniform. I was in this empty, dusty old house with this girl. I never saw the girl's face but she had long brown hair and I don't know if she was just a friend or if I was trying to woo her but I got a call that a rabid horse was running around destroying the town. The horse ended up running toward the house so I spent the rest of the dream trying to protect the girl from the horse. I woke up before the dream could finish but I've been looking for that girl since or even the house or town. I feel like these dreams are trying to tell me something but I don't know what because I'm not very good at interpreting dreams.

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