Brutus Should've Just Ordered for Her

Growing up, I had this comic book featuring stories about alien encounters. It was very beat up and I would read it and skim through it all the time. I don't actually remember any of the stories in it and they were from comics in the late 1960s and early 1970s. The collection came out in 1978 and published by Golden Press. What I do remember is that the book scared me for some reason. Maybe it was the cover, or maybe one of the stories inside did it but since I can't remember any of the stories I don't know why I was scared of it. To be fair, the cover is pretty ominious and there's the blurb that these are true stories. Clearly, some day I will be confronted by some skeleton-like alien.

Maybe if I give it my wife and baby, it'll
let me go.

I was never a huge fan of UFOs and aliens which is probably why I didn't really get into The X-Files but I did go see Fire In the Sky in theaters with my mom and I remember enjoying that. I'm just not one to think that if UFOs and aliens came here, they would have the need to abduct and run invasive tests on us. They're able to travel millions of light years without problems but they can't observe and research us from afar? They have to take us aboard a ship and shove something up our butts?

I've only had one encounter with what I would consider a UFO or UAP or whatever you want to call it. I was laying in bed, years ago, probably 2002, 2003. I wasn't feeling good and was slipping in and out of sleep while trying to watch TV. I then heard something rumble above in the sky. I rolled over to look out the window and saw a massive object overhead. It didn't look like a plane and was very low to the ground. I watched it continue moving across the sky before it disappeared over the tree line. I asked people about it but no one heard or saw anything. Nothing showed up in the paper. And I've never see any UFO sighting list mention it (the only close one is a 2004 sighting in Chicago). Was it a UFO? Was it something else? Was it just some sickness-induced delirium? I will probably never know.

I like reading about UFO encounters but I am not convinced that aliens are coming here and observing us. Mainly because I don't think they would be more advanced technologically than we are nor do I think we are important enough to warrant an advanced species to intervene in our lives. But, maybe I'm wrong. I've been wrong before. I do not want to be proven wrong if it's some sort of Independence Day-like scenario.

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Ziggy

Aliens may also not visit us because stuff like this happens.

Thank you to Ziggy for being on point today.

Big Nate

Wait until Nate has subs barely older than him. An 18-year-old with absolutely no experience in teaching or child care? These kids will literally eat that sub alive. The picked-clean bones outside the classroom window will serve as a warning to the other would-be substitutes.

Wizard of Id

Cool to see Wizard of Id hopping on the Thanos/Marvel/Infinity War/Endgame bandwagon...nearly three years later. Better late than never, I guess.

Marmaduke

Who's talking in the top panel? One of the kids? Marmaduke?

Dennis the Menace

Donating practically worthless things to the church is pretty menacing, Martha. No one will purchase it and they'll have to use precious time to throw it away. Brilliant! That's showing Dennis how it's done.

The Born Loser

Just order the beef wellington, Gladys. Or the spaghetti. I can't really tell which one you want more. And is it me or does this strip not work as well without the throw-away panel at the top?

If you would like to support my writing or research, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

Four Candles? There's No Way Gladys Is 40

Recently, my students had to read "The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs. Written in 1902, it's become a classic tale about unintended consequences and being careful about what you wish for. One of their assignments was to write an ending for it. Those who know it, know that the story ends with Mr. White using his third wish to wish away whoever is knocking at the door, presumably his own deceased son, but the ambiguous ending leaves just a little room for interpretation. To give the kids kind of an idea, I wrote my own ending, adding a little twist and another unintended consequence courtesy of the paw. If you wish to read the original story, you can read it here.

"What happened?" Mrs. White shrieked. "What happened to our son?"

"I wished whoever was at the door to return being dead. Our son would've been a monster. A disfigured monster. I wanted to spare you that," Mr. White said.

Mrs. White ran over to her husband, crying. "Oh, my Herbert..."

Herbert, still in the cemetery, had awoken, air filling his lungs for the first time in ten days. Engulfed in blackness, Herbert panicked, began pounding on the top of the coffin. If anyone had been in the cemetery, no one would hear him anyway. Soon, the pounding and panicking would stop as the air ran out.

The next day, there was another pounding at the door. Practically paralyzed with mourning, Mrs. White didn't move. Mr. White went to the door and opened it to one of the local constable. "Sorry to bother you this early, sir. We are inquiring about a Mr. Abernathy Meggins. He was out visiting the family of an employee who had died. The family of a Mr. Herbert White. A neighbor reported that they saw him here last night."

Mr. White's eyes widened. The pounding at the door. The wish. What if the pounding at the door wasn't from his reborn son? What if...?

"Sir?" the constable made eye contact with Mr. White. "Would you like to step out here and talk?"

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Marvin

Has Grandpa here ever been around kids? They're loud. They could be sitting right next to each other and they're screaming at each other about their own private business then they get all mad if they discover you listening to them. Then be quiet!

Hi & Lois

Hi should just pay someone. Paying someone has to be cheaper than the medical bills if Hi falls and breaks his neck.

Marmaduke

It's good to see that Marmaduke just can't do anything he wants. Don't go tampering in God's domain, Marm, They'll get you.

Luann

Come on, Toni! Brad's horny!! You better be making sex popcorn in there!

Mallard Fillmore

As some of you may know, Bruce Tinsley, the original creator of Mallard Fillmore, quietly stopped producing the strip late in 2019 and the reins were handed over to Loren Fishman. From what I've seen, the arguments are a bit more intelligent than what Tinsley used and the art doesn't look like it was drawn by a child using their foot.

By the way, I've seen this scenario happen in real time on Twitter. Someone discovered some F-level celebrity followed a pro-lifer and essentially spent the rest of the day ripping their account apart. Social media is fun.

Heathcliff

It must be nice to just take the, what is it? Lasso tool? On Photoshop and just move the character around and not have to redraw it seven times.

The Born Loser

That is a pretty small cake. I get that it's only three people but that cake looks like it would only produce four good-sized pieces.

What a minute! Where's Mother Gargle?! That's something I never thought I'd say but it's her daughter's birthday. You'd think she'd be here.

Sarah Planned All of This

Mary Worth

"I'd put him in spam but that would just make him hornier."

Rex Morgan, M.D.

"Things are going so great. Our daughter is probably going to get hit by a car and get amnesia soon. Worry, worry, worry..."

Marmaduke, 5/1/2014
Apparently, this was what the original panel for Marmaduke looked like back back in 2014 right before it was supposed to appear in newspapers across the globe.

And here is what the actually printed panel was.

You can read all about the change here but what I think is cute is that the editors tried to shield us from possible sexual innuendo when it is plainly clear that we don't need to be sheltered from that and are very open to discussing the sexual appetites and proclivities of fictional Great Danes.

One-Panel Thursday

Ziggy

I see where this is going. Ziggy is going to try to make money by having the purse audition for a variety show. Unfortunately, the purse won't perform when anyone else is around so Ziggy just comes off as crazy and ends up losing all his money when he decides to just open his own theater featuring a singing and dancing purse.

Marmaduke

"Where's Dad?"

Family Circus

Damn you, 2016. DAMN YOU!!!

2016 is almost over. A lot of people have gone on the record saying that 2016 has been the worst year in a long time. Statements like that are relative. I feel like my worst years are a tie between 1994 and 2007. In relation to the celebrities, there is no evidence that this is a bad year for celebrities but I think a lot assume that because of the caliber of celebrities passing away. David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Prince, Patty Duke, Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds, among many others are A-list stars. Aside from the name recognition, the celebrities we, as Millennials or Gen-Xers, grew up with are entering their 60s, 70s, and even 80s. 2017 may be just as hard on our favorites as 2016, and 2018 may be worse. If you have a favorite celebrity who falls into this category, maybe write them a fan letter, email, Facebook post or tweet and let them know how positively they impacted your life.

What Are the Candidates Positions On the Garbage Ape?

FoxTrot

This strip isn't even out in time for the 20th Anniversary of Disney's Pocahontas, which was back in 2015. I wonder if this joke resonates with people now because I don't think it resonated with people back in 1995.

Marmaduke

If I had any type of Photoshop skills--or even a decent photo editing program, I would add two more panels showing Marmaduke dropping his neighbor and the police officer into the hole as well. Instead, I just have to imagine it.

Heathcliff

There are no humans in this conga line. None of these animals can be registered to vote! The animals are illegally voting and they're voting Democrat!! The rigging is real!!!

Seriously, though, if you haven't already, go vote on Tuesday.

GAAH! She Was JUST Outside!!

Marmaduke

Penis.

"Marmaduke's home is where his penis is."

Hi and Lois

Technically, it would be World Series Week because the World Series lasts for 3-7 games. Either one is a stupid idea though.

You'll sit down and write a letter about getting the day off for a baseball game but when it comes to doing any effort in getting Election Day off you're all "Why do we need another holiday?"

Crankshaft

BONUS SUNDAY LEAF INSTALLMENT!!

*kills self*

Thursday Things

Mark Trail

"W,w, w, dot hungry pests dot com backslash the hyphen threat backslash imported hyphen fire hyphen ant dot p, h, p is an address line that I just said."

Nancy Classics

You could just reach over and pull the weed out. You'd barely have to move and could've just stayed lying in a state of apathy for the rest of the day.

Marmaduke

My dog does this. She'll try to hide what she's carrying in her mouth by turning her head away but she'll still give us the side eye. She's never grabbed a wrench though so that's good, I guess.

Existentialist Leroy

Crock

I'm confused why we don't see him ask for the Mercedes. Was there not a way to have him ask and still have the joke?

Marmaduke

"Well, I was upset that we didn't order any pizza but now I'm worried about your hearing considering you didn't hear the loud knocking, the delivery driver yell 'pizza delivery' and 'wrong address', or my barking."

The Lockhorns

I love Leroy's friend: "You make some good points, Leroy. Do you have a Twitter or should I just give you my email?"

1226: I've Killed Off People In Five of Today's Strips

The body was found, pulverized into the ground by a bowling ball. Witnesses claimed that Phil was just playing catch with his loyal Great Dane, but none saw what happened. But they did see and it terrified them all for the rest of their lives.

Does Puddles have a spinal deformity? I ask because Puddles is vaguely reminiscent of this dog that is currently the ugliest dog in the world:

I believe this was the first Calvin and Hobbes strips where I began to question whether what happened was in Calvin's imagination or actually happening. Calvin's still cornered by the bike and is even planning on spending the rest of his life living on the roof while if this was in his imagination, the bike would become lifeless upon his parent's return.

I guess it's good that murderers, rapists and thieves can still maintain friends despite being murderers, rapists and thieves. Bad news for fans of tabloid talk shows though.

I hate when I'm looking up at the clouds and wind up getting my face ripped off by a squirrel.

Or, they can just figure out a way to keep the cube shut and be rid of their County Weirdly problem once and for all.

I can't believe they are trusting me to use a shovel and dig a hole, Daddy Keane thinks, imagining clubbing his children and wife and then tossing their bodies in the hole. As the shovel goes into the ground, hitting the rock, Daddy's face twists in pain and he collapses.

"Don't forget who's in charge here," Billy said as they all stood over Daddy Keane. "We know what you're thinking but it won't work. We're here forever."

"We may act like kings now but soon we will stretch ourselves too thin. There will not be enough food or water and it's hard to conclude what will finally end us--famine, drought or war--but a mass extinction is coming and it's coming hard."

Does Brutus look thinner in today's strip? Maybe Brutus has been sleeping more.