How Am I Supposed To Read With All That Blah-Blah-Blah Happening?

When I first got a computer, one of the earliest games I played was Hugo's House of Horrors. It was a fun and quirky game created in 1990 by David Gray. It's reminescent of Maniac Mansion but Gray has said he had never heard of or played Maniac Mansion.

The object of the game is to rescue your girlfriend, Penelope, from a haunted house that she was last at babysitting. Players use the arrow keys to move Hugo and use text commands to make Hugo find, pick up, and use items that you find around the house. The game uses some light humor ("Care for a chop, sir?" and if you're wearing a mask, you get a pork chop that you can use. If you're not wearing the mask, the butler chops off your head) and uses a couple decent silly moments to add to the fun. If you know where to go, or use a walkthrough, you can get done with the game in about 15 minutes.

We open outside the haunted house. Hugo finds a key and is able to enter the house. Once inside, you see someone go into a room upstairs. There is a candle on the table, two rooms on the side, a room under the stairs, and three rooms upstairs. Heading upstairs, the first room has a mask in the wardrobe, the next room--the bathroom--has "333" scrawled on the mirror, and the next room has a laboratory with a mad scientist and his assistant Igor.

The scientist forces you into a contraption and tells Igor to press the blue button. Igor, who is colorblind, presses a different button which shrinks Hugo. The scientist, frustrated by Igor's incompetence, decides to take a nap. You are now small and trapped in that lab but it's cool because you need to be small to get behind something. You then tell Igor to bring the right button and after three tries, you are back to normal. Slipping on the mask you picked up in the first room, head downstairs for a little dinner party.

While crashing the dinner party, the butler asks if you would a chop. Since you are wearing a mask, he gives you a pork chop that you will need later. If you weren't wearing the mask, he chops your head off. It's funny. Heading into the kitchen, take a step and to the shed in the backyard then when you come back in, go into a weird room with a man-eating dog in it.

This dog is the bane of my existence. I don't think I've ever made it past him. As soon as you walk into the room, he comes up and eats you and it's game over. I tried everything to get past this dog and nothing works. Until I learned, just recently, that you are supposed to take that pork chop you got earlier and throw it into the room. You can't throw it in before you go in, you have to throw it as soon as you get into the room. So you have to type the command, enter the room, and press Enter. The dog has his pork chop and you are free to go into the room, go down the trapdoor under the rug, and continue on with the game.

Heading downstairs into the basement/dungeon, there is a locked metal door and someone sobbing. (Penelope?!). Moving behind the rocks, you have to blow a whistle to confuse bats that will also kill you. It's the same scenario as the dog as you have to type the command before you go behind the rocks. After distracting the bats, you enter a cave where a mummy attacks you. It took forever for me to get past the mummy, too.

Using a boat to cross a small cave stream, Hugo encounters a strange man fishing. The man asks you many questions in order to let you pass and go into the tunnel. In the tunnel, Hugo finds a giant man--who looks like Igor only orange, not green--guarding a hole in the wall. Apparently, Penelope is in the cell behind the giant guard. Then who is sobbing in the cell in the basement? You give the guard some gold from the treasure you found and he lets you pass. In the next room, you find Penelope. Well, at least Penelope's silhouette. The tunnel loops around so the cell at the bottom of the basement so that answers that question. You rescue Penelope, head back upstairs and out of the house.

Hugo and Penelope lived happily ever after. At least until the next game, Hugo II: Whodunit? in which Penelope has to rescue Hugo and solve Uncle Harold's murder. I don't think I ever completed that game either. I do think I finished Hugo III: Jungle of Doom. Maybe I'll post about those someday.

Is...Is Penelope wearing her wedding dress while held captive?
That means she wore it to her babysitting gig.

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Mary Worth

It has been at least a week since Wilbur fell overboard, probably longer, the loved ones in your life have been thinking you're dead for at least 7 days. You're lucky Mary, Estelle, and Dawn don't throw you back into the ocean.

Crankshaft

I see so many "get your vaccine" commercials that it makes me want to take the vaccine out of my body. Luckily, there are plenty of YouTube videos telling people exactly how to do that.

Tom Batiuk must signed a deal with the CDC to help convince an underserved community to get the vaccine and/or booster. I didn't look at the comments on Crankshaft webpage but I don't think this is going to convince them.

The Family Circus

Have a husband who snores loudly and keeps you awake at night? It could be worse. They could be dead.

The Born Loser

If she's talking on her cell phone then that means the Thornapples have finally entered the 2010s and ditched their landline. Their landline which, I believe, hasn't been seen since 2020. It's good to see the Thornapples take a step out of the past. The future is now!

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