So you're saying that I buy a kids' meal without a kid, who might be home by the way, I don't get a toy?

September 3, 1966

Are we making chicken strips? Because this starts out like my chicken strip recipe. This is much better loser material than yesterday's comic.

At least they have a book to keep them entertain as they float on vast wasteland of the ocean.

Uh, no. I paid full price for the kids' meals so I am entitled to the toy. I don't even care if they are the same thing at this point.

And It'll Be Four of the Same Toy

September 2, 1966

How is this being a loser? He's not drowning and he can clearly swim. There better be sharks or piranhas coming or something. This comic is called The Born Loser and I expect to see some loser behavior.

Jesus Christ! Even the cashier is concerned. She can't have Brutus' death at the hand of the four kids' cheeseburger meals she will ring up on her conscious.

It's just lunch (I'm assuming). You don't need a giant meal, just enough to tide you over until dinner. Kids' meal and an apple pie should be fine, Brutus. Are you just eating because you're bored?

Eye Spy

April 30, 1966

It's clear this is just some guy who owns a boat and took his friends out on it, right? Ha ha! His friends are going to let him drown. What'd be even funnier is if the woman is his wife and she and these two guys are going to sail off into the sunset and she's going to get railed by both of them on a deserted island. Eiffel Tower!!

Eye drops aren't generally expensive. I mean, I guess $15 for 10 milliliters of liquid can seem kind of steep. Especially when you miss getting it in your eye and in your lashes, on your eyelid or basically anywhere else around the eye.

Are the Thornapples Even Catholic?

April 6, 1966

Is this the crew of the Mary Celeste? Or maybe the Carol Deering. If the captain hand-picked his crew then he is a very bad judge of character. All of these people are clearly shady-looking as hell.

Wh...What's getting fatter? The Tuesdays? The years? I feel you are talking about your body, but where?

I thought today was a rerun because of the copyright date. I guess they put the wrong copyright on today's strip because last year's Shrove Tuesday strip was this.

Back Up Could Also Be a Bathroom Thing

March 9, 1966

"Sure, ma'am, but he's probably dead by now. Skis don't really keep your balance when you're not moving and make it harder to tread water. But I'll keep my eyes peeled. Sorry for your loss."

Why is she asking some random sailor and not someone that can do something like the police, or harbor patrol, or the Coast Guard. I mean, I'd hate having to go to the Coast Guard for something, but I know other people don't have a vendetta against them.

Okay. And where are these donuts? If you are going to use them as an excuse why you're late, then there needs to be some donuts for me.

Sources Say 'No'

February 25, 1966

The Bonnie Banks o' Loch Lomond is a Scottish folk song attributed to the Jacobite rising back in 1745. You may recognize it from a season eight episode of The Office. What you all may remember if you watched old cartoons and sitcoms is from the chorus: "O ye'll tak' the high road, and I'll tak' the low road, And I'll be in Scotland afore ye." That's where the good stuff is.

Are these two men trying to take a romantic gondola ride?

She is really leaning into that crystal ball. If my fortune teller had to look that hard to see my future, I'd ask for my money back.

2019-2025

I have to post today's comic first because Chip (or the syndicate) got my ass today! They edited the dates from 2019/2020 to 2024/2025. Although they should've changed the 2019 in yesterday's strip to 2024. You would think someone would've caught that.

A 2020 calendar would've wound up worthless anyway since the calendar ended on December 31st and today is March 1765, 2020.

January 31, 1966

Now, I'm not religious, but if I saw Noah's Ark complete with two of every animal approaching, I would probably start freaking out. I don't want to die in a flood!

What are those animals? Rabbits, mice, giraffes, and capybaras? Hippos?

Is Veeblefester Playing Angry Birds?

December 30, 1965

Pedestrians technically have the right-of-way, too, but drivers still mow them down. And despite the "hawnnnnk"ing, I don't think the people on that ship can see Claudia and her husband.

"Smart alecks" is an odd insult.

Yeah, these smartphones(?) are a great invention. I don't know how we'd survive 2009 without them.

Are we sure that's a smartphone(?) (are we sure that's what they're called?) and not Veeblefester holding a Switch wrong? Maybe a turtle comm.

Can We Not Talk About Work?

July 5, 1974

So an average-sized canoe cannot hold Gladys. I will relay this news to Michael Scott.

It's nice to see Brutus and Gladys do things as a couple. We rarely see them do anything together these days. Definitely not canoeing, or attempting to canoe.

Today the Thornapples aren't canoeing but are spending today at a natural history museum. You can just reach out and touch those bones.

Reminder that you can read my evisceration of Pinkfong & Baby Shark's Space Adventure here.

Sail Away

Veeblefester probably already has people he pays to be the crew on his yacht. Venezuelans or Chileans or something. And Veeblefester has known Brutus for years, unless Brutus has been taking boat lessons, Veeblefester should already know that Brutus knows nothing of actually sailing boats.