Monday, April 05, 2010

Harter Union: Part Three, Chapter 3

I was standing at the stove in just my sweats cooking an eggs, bacon and hash browns breakfast for Maggie when Heather came in through the front door. I peered around the corner at her and noticed her hair was messed up and her clothes were all askew. “Oh my, look at what the cat dragged in…after coughing it up,” I chuckled.

“Oh, shut up,” Heather retorted.

“Bad night?” I asked, opening a package of bacon.

“No. Well, yea—no, kind of,” Heather stammered.

“Come here and tell me about it. I’ll cook you breakfast.”

“All right,” Heather shrugged and went over to the small dining table next to the kitchen and sat down. “It started as a good night but when we went back to his place that’s when it all started going downhill.”

“Do you want hash browns?” I asked.

“Yes, please.”

“Okay, some people just don’t eat hash browns so I always ask. Go on with your story.”

“Well, while making out he kept slobbering all over my ear and neck which felt good at some points but mainly just grossed me out. Next, we proceeded to have sex and that’s when he started slobbering all over my boobs and since he was taller than me that made the sex awkward.”

“Did he lick your nipples?”

“A couple of times but he mainly licked and kissed around the cleavage.”

“Did you have an orgasm?”

“I don’t know, what does one feel like?” she looked at me questioningly.

I laughed. “If you don’t know what one feels like, you’ve never had one.” I finished making her breakfast and laid the eggs, bacon and hash browns on a plate. “Do you want coffee or orange juice?”

“Juice,” Heather answered.

I poured a glass of orange juice and spoke as I handed Heather the plate and cup. “Well, from what you told me it sounds like a communication failure.”

“What?” asked Heather, eating a piece of bacon.

“He should’ve asked you what you liked but you could’ve also told him and directed him on what you wanted. What gets me mad are girls who just lie there. No motion, no sound, no nothing. If I wanted that, I’d sleep with a dead person.” I began cooking Maggie’s eggs and potatoes while still talking. “Most guys are usually up for anything as long as they’re getting laid so don’t be afraid to ask your partner to do something.”

“Like what?” Heather asked as the egg yolk ran down her chin.

“Be creative. You can do a lot with your body and any pain inflicted will go away. Find out what you like and use it to your advantage,” I finished cooking and fixed Maggie a plate which also included toast and both coffee and juice. “And if you’ll excuse me.” I carried a tray loaded up with plates and cups to the bedroom, carefully opened and shut the door and used my leg to bounce Maggie awake.

“What do you want?” Maggie asked, groggily.

“I brought you breakfast in bed now eat it,” I said, placing the tray over Maggie on the bed.

“You made breakfast?” she rubbed her eyes and looked at the feast in front of her.

“Of course. I have many talents that very few people know about,” I leaned down and kissed her. “I have to get ready for work so enjoy the breakfast and I’ll be out in a bit.” I kissed her again, grabbed a pair of boxers from the top drawer of the dresser and went into the bathroom.

Jason, Aaron and I stared in awe at Cole Bronson scooping his fifth cookies ‘n cream ice cream cone from the freezer. “Where does he put it all?” asked Jason.

“I don’t know but if he goes for a sixth I’m gonna kick him out of here,” I said. “Who is he anyway?”

“Cole Bronson. He comes by every six weeks or so and asks Darrell for a job. Darrell always turns him down but he always comes back,” Aaron explained.

“So what’s his problem?” I asked.

“Besides being retarded? Cole is one of the nicest people you will ever meet and so is his family but Cole tends to be clingy,” Aaron continued.

“And stupid,” Jason said bluntly.

“And some of the things he does just…annoy people. You can’t get mad at him because he probably doesn’t know what he’s doing half the time but…”

“You also can’t kill him,” Jason interrupted.

“When I first met Cole, it was my freshman year in high school and I was a new student to Baldwin and I was sitting alone at a table…”

Cole walked over to Aaron and sat down next to him. “Are you the new student?” Cole asked in his annoying high-pitched voice.

“No, Cole,” Aaron replied sardonically.

“Yes, you are. Don’t lie to me, Aaron McPherson!” Cole revealed, still sounding happy.

“You got me, Cole,” Aaron smiled. Aaron went back to eating his lunch while Cole eyed something on Aaron’s tray.

“Are you going to eat that?” Cole asked, pointing to Aaron’s chocolate cake and sticking his finger right in the middle of it.

“No, Cole.”

“Well then what are you going to do with it?”

“Throw it away.”

“You shouldn’t throw away a piece of perfectly good cake, Aaron.”

“Well, do you want it, Cole?” but before Aaron could finish asking the question, Cole reached over, snatched up the cake and shoved it in his mouth.

Cole chewed up the cake, swallowed it, and then eyed something else on Aaron’s tray. “Are you going to drink that?” Cole asked. As he did, a small chocolate colored drop of spittle flew from Cole’s mouth and into Aaron’s opened, but untouched, carton of chocolate milk.

Aaron’s mouth dropped open as he witnessed the spit drop into his milk. Aaron grabbed the milk and placed it in front of Cole. “Here you go all yours!” Aaron got up and dumped his tray.

“Is that why you have that habit of covering up your cup when you’re around a lot of people?” I asked.

“I don’t do that,” Aaron claimed but Jason and I nodded.

I looked back at Cole who was grabbing another cone and reaching into the freezer with the ice cream scoop. “Okay, that’s enough!” I shouted and walked over to him.

From the kitchen walked Jay and Emily. “So you know that big tree on Sixth Street between Chapel and Dearborn? I was walking under it as I normally do when walking to work,” began Emily, “and suddenly, this acorn lands on my head. I look up and I swear to God there was a squirrel laughing at me.”

“Bombardier squirrel. I swear, you can’t drive down any street in this town without running into a squashed squirrel on the road,” Jay commented. “It’s like Baldwin’s the place squirrels come to die.”

“That still doesn’t explain why that squirrel dropped a nut on my head,” said Emily.

“Just face it, Emily,” began Chris who had been sitting at the table this entire time, “nobody likes you—not even squirrels.”

“Did you guys see Wendy back there?” I asked Jay and Emily.

“She’s back there cutting desserts,” Emily replied.

“Thanks.” I went to the kitchen and to the bakery area where Wendy was slicing up a cake and humming to the radio. “Wendy, I need to see you in my office. I want to try some new stuff on the menu and I need your help.”

“Sure,” Wendy pulled off the plastic gloves she was wearing and followed me to my office. We sat down and she wheeled the extra chair closer to my desk and me.

“I’ve been looking at the menus from the past few months and I noticed that they’ve been getting pretty routine so I want to try something new.”

“Like what?”

“A Chinese food night, a taco bar, maybe new types of pizza. I would also like to try more vegetarian alternatives than just the salad bar,” I explained to Wendy.

“Have you spoken to Darrell about this?”

“I will tomorrow but if we eliminate the two least popular dishes, which would be the beef stir fry and the pork fritters, we would have enough for the Chinese night and alternative dishes and I do believe that the taco bar would more than pay for itself.”

“It’s worth a shot.”

“I want to start trying this in the next couple of weeks so I want to draw up a preliminary menu, so to speak, and show it to Darrell,” I got out a piece of paper and a pen. “Scoot on over here, I don’t bite.”

Wendy wheeled closer to me but seemed a bit uncomfortable. “I met a guy on the Internet,” she said.

“What? On the Internet? Don’t tell me a beautiful girl like you has resorted to meeting guys, and I use the term loosely, on the Internet!”

“It was in a chat room. His name is Steve and he’s from Abilene.”

“And for all you know, he’s a pedophile,” I said.

“He’s a nice guy and he’s willing to date me. You may have noticed that guys are not exactly lining up around the block to date me.”

“I know for a fact that there are people out there who want to date you but you don’t exactly give them a chance to get close to you either.”

“Name one person who wants to date me,” Wendy demanded.

“Jeff Franklin,” I said looking right at her. She looked right back at me. Her eyes were still as dark and mysterious as the first time I met her and I still found her very attractive. We looked at each other for a solid minute before she got up and left my office.

“That would actually mean something if you weren’t dating anyone,” Wendy said.

“I tried,” I shrugged.

Chris leaves the Union; we learn more about Jeff's friends and Heather admits she wants Jeff back.