New Beginning, Part 3

I am one of those people who tend to gain a respect for things if I have to spend a lot of time with them. I guess it's kind of a form of Stockholm Syndrome. It happened with The Born Loser and it's happened with New Beginning. For years, I've been detailing my awe at this little independent comic book that I got in a $1 grab bag of crappy comic books. I first wrote about issue #1 back in 2010 and then issues #2 and #3 back in 2016. I am happy to announce that the fourth and final issue has come into my possession. Thanks, 4mjolnir from eBay for having an additional set of New Beginning comics after someone outbid me just minutes before the auction ended (there's someone else who wants this crap?). Sadly, I now have 2 copies of issues #2 and #3 and 3 copies of #1. Anyway, let's get into it. The death-defying fourth issue of New Beginning!

Seriously. What am I supposed to do with these?

A quick recap: While hosting his high school reunion, Terry saves most of his high school chums from a nuclear holocaust when the Russians initiate World War III. After emerging from their safe house, they begin driving across the countryside to see if anyone is still alive. They run into a few decent people and members of a strange cult who want them to join and if they don't, they will be sacrificed. Terry and his crew are then reunited with Terry's estranged brother, Gerry. We left off with Terry and Gerry in the middle of a battle between the cult and the normies.


We resume our story with Terry, Gerry, Sue, Debbie, and the rest fighting with the cultists. Terry is unfortunately knocked unconscious which means everybody has to save themselves without any help from the star of the series. They are able to put some distance between themselves and the cultists so Bruce, Debbie, Sue, and Margaret go one way to try to get to the truck so they can escape. Unfortunately, again, they find the truck with tires slashed and on fire. Seeing the blaze, three other guys show up, Captain Dave and two guys whose names I don't think we learn. Maybe Gary and Paul? Turns out there is a foot bridge and Captain Dave has a couple vehicles on the other side. But the two teams are separated by the cultists so they don't have a way to let Gerry and his team know about the bridge or vehicles.

Terry thought of everything...except making
his truck fireproof.

Shut the hell up, Human
Michelangelo!

Dave figures he can outrun the cultists and make it to where Gerry and the rest are camped. It goes about as well as you would expect. Dave is speared in the back and is unable to run. Jim shows up and rescues him and thanks to Jim's arrival, the gang is able to reunite. Five minutes later, they begin their move to the bridge. A couple nameless grunts are killed but without them, everyone is unsure if they would be able to cross the bridge because the cultist are still hot on their trail. Gerry offers himself and his team as cover so everyone else can cross, then he'll cut the ropes and everyone will be home free. As Howard, Debbie, Margaret, Sue, Bruce, Dave, and Tank, carrying Terry, make their way across the bridge, Gerry, Jim, and two other mooks--maybe Gary and Paul?--Gerry made stay behind, take on the cultists. The two mooks decide that they aren't heroes and turn to make their way across the bridge against Gerry's orders. Both are slaughtered by cultists.

WE! ARE! SPARTA!

The others make it across the bridge and Tank returns to cover Gerry and Jim as they cross the bridge. Tank is out of ammo and the three of them fight as best they can but the cultists are on their heels. "It is a good day to die, Colonel," Tank says. Gerry agrees and cuts the rope to the bridge. Jim is able to hold onto the bridge and is rescued but there's no sign of Gerry or Tank in the waters below. The remaining survivors of the Class of 1978 are safe and sound but Terry is still unconscious and Debbie(?) wonders what's going on in that head of his?

Terry, put your shoes on. We're home.

And there were have it. The story concludes on a close-up of Terry's unconscious face. On the plus side, we get to speculate what issue #5 entails. I imagine that all of this is a dream. Terry never went into the Army, never lost weight, never inherited $11 million, never hosted his high school reunion at his $8 million mansion. There was no World War III, no nuclear holocaust, no cult. But that's probably not what the real Terry had in mind. According to the inside front cover, where Terry discusses the work being done on the book, they've started work #5 and changing how they produce the book so it comes out more regularly. It was pretty sporadic: #1, September 1988, #2, 1989, #3, 1990, #4, 1992. I think it would be interesting to know how the series was going to continue. As far as I know, this is the last issue but if not, please let me know.

This issue also features a lyric contest where if you correctly guess all the lyrics that Jim sings, then you could win $100. There are also pin-ups drawn by readers of the comic book. New Beginning was published by Unicorn Comics. Unicorn Comics is a real comic book store located at 216 South Villa Avenue in Villa Park, Illinois. If you are ever in the area, stop in and say hello.

If you would like to support my writing or research, much of which will be moved to my Twitter after this post, you can buy me a cup of coffee over on Ko-fi.

Sunday Comics #19: New Beginning, Part 2

Almost exactly six years ago, I published a Thursday Comics detailing and mocking the first issue of Unicorn Comics' "New Beginning", a comic book featuring a guy named Terry who saves his high school classmates when a nuclear holocaust breaks out during their 10-year reunion. If you haven't read it yet, go right ahead. I'll wait.

For years, I've been searching for a hint of the other issues. I came to the conclusion that there were four issues spanning from 1988 to 1992. I could never find them which was a huge letdown for me. But then, I found them. Or at least, three issues of them. And they were only four dollars!!

I was right! The back cover on issue #1 was the cover to issue #2.

We open issue two where we left off in issue one. The survivors have emerged from their bunker only to find a pack of probably rabid dogs chowing down on their dead friends and classmates. Debbie tells Terry to go back inside the bunker and wait until the dogs leave but Terry takes another tack.

Issue two is also signed.

The dogs clearly don't listen to Terry and he begins plugging the dogs full of holes. Since there are too many dogs (at least a dozen of them!), the others grab guns and begin shooting. Steve is attacked by one of the dogs, who tears a huge chunk out of his arm. While he cries like a little bitch, Terry finishes off the dogs,

If this page were in color, it might be
pretty beautiful.

commenting "Man's best friend? Yeah, right!" I take it that Terry is not a dog person. Really, Terry isn't even a person person. Terry doesn't trust anyone as far as he can throw them. And all because someone pushed him into a pool in high school. The survivors pump Steve full of morphine because this comic takes place in an alternate universe where morphine is sold over the counter. The other survivors want to stay in the bunker until Steve is all better but "we [don't have the] luxury of time down here" and "it's beginning to stink" so Terry forces his classmates to climb the stairs back into the
world above. What's hilarious is that all of them climb the stairs, find the door blocked by rubble so Terry sends them all back down the stairs in order to blow up the rubble. I am also getting more and more disturbed by the porn-stache on Bruce's face. It's really bothering me for some reason.

Now that the survivors are back on the surface, Terry has more surprises up his sleeve. From an underground garage, he reveals that he has tricked out a couple of armored vehicles. Curtis, a floppy-haired blond guy, comments that Terry's insane. I agree.

Despite me making fun of him spending 8 million of an 11 million dollar settlement and Terry being right, I concur with
Curtis' astute assessment of Terry.

See? I told you so.

The survivors take to the road for several days in order to look for other survivors. The search doesn't go well but they do stumble onto a small town where the guys siphon gas out of abandoned cars for their giant vehicles while the women go shopping. Terry decides that they will never find anyone out in the boonies so they head off to Chicago where just minutes in, they run into a reject gang from A Clockwork Orange. The reject droogs, one whose name is Marvin, begin firing on our survivors, shooting Rob in the arm, side, and hip. Porn-stache, er, Bruce, opens fire with the M-60 on the roof of the truck blasting the reject droogs into Kingdom Come. Marvin, ever the stereotypical

Same.

villain, runs away so he can "kill and mutilate some other day". During Marvin's escape, he runs into Terry and the two attempt to kill each other. Unfortunately, Terry is out of ammo and Marvin underestimates Terry dodging ability. The gang the droogs were harassing integrate themselves into Terry's gang. One of the members of this gang is Jim Nosirrom who was the leader of the rock band The End. We then segue into Jim's origin story which involves being trapped for seven months in a recording studio after the bombing and now only communicating through song lyrics. Terry immediately becomes annoyed by this turn of events because all traces of humor and empathy on him were washed off when he was pushed in that pool ten years ago.

Marvin returns to his base to meet with the Colonel. The Colonel tells Marvin to take his five best guys to hunt down these "renegade soldiers" and then he tells muscular behemoth Tank to keep an eye on Marvin. Marvin and his baddies attack the factory Terry and everybody else is staying at but, like the insane moron he is, fails in his mission and later, while camping on his way back to the Colonel's, Marvin is killed by Tank for failing the mission. When Terry stumbles upon the dangling corpse of Marvin, we learn that the Colonel is really Terry's brother Gerry. To be continued.

Gerry's order falls on deaf ears and two shots are fired at Terry. Tank extends an olive branch to Terry's gang and after a passionate kiss from Debbie, Terry goes to meet the Colonel and is delighted to see that it is his brother. Terry apparently doesn't notice or care that the collar on Gerry's coat has "S.S." embroidered on

"Gerry! You're looking very Reich-ous
these days!" Get it?

it. Gerry invites Terry's gang back to his compound and while Terry agrees to go, he doesn't trust Gerry so he tells everyone to keep on their toes. Terry and Gerry make a convoy to Gerry's compound where they are pulled over by a sheriff still enforcing the laws of his county. That's dedication right there. They also pass a group of robed strangers heading off to "the valley".

"What are you doing speeding?"

"Uh, there's been a nuclear holocaust. Why
are you still enforcing these laws?"

*sniff* "Move along, sir."

They all arrive at the compound where Gerry warns Terry and the others about the robed strangers and Pat reveals that he and several other people want to leave because they are sick of the killing. Terry both chastises and allows Pat and the others to leave and even sends a couple others with them to help them get back to the main road. Terry's such a swell guy. Shortly after dropping off the deserters, their tire is flattened by a board with a nail in it and they are run off the road. Back at the compound, it's going on lock down because tonight is apparently the night where the robed strangers do their annual "purge". How convenient.

When the others don't come back, Terry attempts to leave to find them but Tank won't let anyone past the gates. Terry demands that Tank open the gate and Tank responds with "Make me" so Terry hits him and a fight ensues. While Terry holds his own, Tank gets the better of him and is about to kill Terry when Debbie pulls a gun on Tank. Gerry stops the fight and, while arguing against it, lets Terry and his gang leave the compound to look for the others. They find the wrecked van and discover that they were taken by the hooded strangers to be used in their sacrifices tonight. We end issue three on a massive battle scene featuring Terry and his gang fighting the robed strangers while Gerry's minions enter the fray.

To be continued.

And that's it for "New Beginning" until I am able to get issue four. I've seen a panel from it but haven't found an actual copy yet. I will keep looking or if you have one, let me know.

The 1980s: When Your Grandmother Could Publish a Comic

Ah, the 1980s. Where a good majority of young people today under the age of 35 were born and all bankers and CEOs were hopped up on cocaine (the cool drug, at the time). Something else also happened in the '80s. Comic books became sort of popular which meant everyone had to publish their own comic book, quality be damned! Now, while the '80s did give us good comics like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and, um...I'm sure there was another, it also produced crap. Crap like New Beginning. New Beginning, possibly auto-biographical but not at all true (I don't recall the Soviet Union starting World War III but I didn't watch much news back then). The story is about Terry, a guy who works his way from being a fat ass to the heir of $11 million. Terry never has a job except for his brief stint in the Army but no one questions it. I'm pretty sure I obtained this comic from a grab bag at my local comic store where you got ten comics for a buck but you didn't know what comics were in there because they were in a brown paper bag, just like the booze the people who created this comic were drinking. New Beginning was published by Unicorn Comics in September 1988 and apparently lasted for four issues. I have been unable to find anything on the next three issues but I have looked because I'm pretty sure if I had the entire series I could sell them and be able to buy an Extra Value Meal from McDonald's.

"New Beginning" #1 (September 1988)
Published by Unicorn Comics
Written by Terry Kalkanian
Drawn by Bruce White
Lettered by Debbie Kalkanian
Entire contents copyright (C)1988 Terry Kalkanian. All rights reserved.

The main point of showcasing the first page isn't because it's striking or is guaranteed to blow your mind but is because it is signed by the authors Terry Kalkanian and Bruce White and is numbered 1,128 of 10,000!! (Insert girlish squeal here!) More than likely they only printed 10,000 copies and signed all of them but I guess there is a chance they could be forgeries mainly because it looks as if Terry spelled his name wrong. Also, why is that newscaster calling it the "E & W German Border"? Shouldn't it be "East and West German Border"?

The second page isn't that much of a doozy either, but it shows why and how Terry grew up to become The Kingpin. What? Wrong fat guy? Boy is my face red. As is Terry's. Terry never reveals his last name in the book (although after looking through the credits I have reason to believe that it is Kalkanian) which is kind of weird.

I also think that joining the army is considered an overreaction to being pushed into a pool. I wish we could've seen all the horrible stuff Curtis and Other Guy did all at Terry's expense.

On this page we get a little something for the ladies out there. A completely ripped man whose glutes you could bounce a quarter on. I'm glad Terry found his niche in life: guns and killing. And later, comic books.

WOW! Terry got that ripped just in basic training. That is amazing! As is learning karate and jumping out of airplanes. Sadly, the fun that is the army (I knew it was just like Beetle Bailey) ends when a war suddenly pops up. And not just any war, Grenada.

That is the worst spit take I have ever seen. You know it's never going to end well when someone starts out saying "Let's have some fun with these losers". That's a good sign that someone is going is going to take a bullet to the head.

Oh, sweet Jesus! I didn't mean it!! Of course Terry had no control of what happened next, he was too busy trying to figure out how the damn zoom worked. "Scrapbook"? What kind of demented scrapbook does Al have? I know there's nothing I like better than to show my children and grandchildren the time I participated in the brutal massacre of four pseudo-innocent government coup-ists.

Terry and Al pull their guns on each other with Terry winning the dual. Fortunately Terry's killing of a fellow soldier is covered up by the government and Terry goes on to inherit $11 million from his dead grandfather thus creatinghis $8 million dream house. Yes, the first thing I would do with $11 million is waste $8 million of it on a gigantic house.

Jesus Christ. I know Debbie is your real-life wife and all but get over her. It was ten freaking years ago. I'm sure Debbie has moved on and married someone else. Oh wait, as we learn on the next page while the "party was in full swing" that Debbie married Curtis--the guy who shoved Terry into the pool those many years ago.

"She hadn't aged a day"? Compare Debbie on this page to Debbie on the second page. Debbie has aged a day. People age in 10 years no matter what people say. As we learn over the next couple of pages, Curtis has become an alcoholic as most people did during the 1980s. Curtis, fascinating character that he is proceeds to tell his wife to "shaddup" and calls her a "broad" then shuffles off to the bar.

Also, Terry has gotten Led Zepplin to perform for the high school reunion which is pretty awesome if you think about it. But the party is ruining and Led Zepplin is told to "shut-up" when a Ted Koppel look-alike comes on TV and announces that Russia has invaded West Germany (or "W. Germany" here) and launched nukes at the United States.

So Terry leads a gaggle of people we don't really give a damn about to a fallout shelter because if he didn't then Terry Kalkanian would not be able to publish issue two.

Ha! It's behind a bookshelf. That's so original. Terry should've installed a fire pole so everyone could just slide down into the shelter. Terry, who has taken it upon himself to protect everyone (and loosen his tie), quickly abandons everyone leaving Curtis and Tony to help the others. Curtis excuses himself. I've skipped several pages that show Curtis stealing Terry's booze and revealing the location of the shelter and bashing Tony in the head with wine bottle, killing him. Terry is now pissed so he grabs a gun (one of his many because the Second Amendment might as well be the first) and...

...Begins blasting away at his former friends and classmates. The look on Terry's face on a page I didn't include indicates that Terry is having a flashback to Grenada and Al (or something). Thankfully, Terry punches Curtis telling him that he now has two strikes against him. One, because he left the door open and two, he caused Tony to die (Terry's part of Camp Tony). One more strike and "I'll kill you myself!"

Terry, who has installed a monitoring system of six televisions looks to see what is happening outside of his high school reunion. What's odd is that either Terry has cameras pointed all over this great land of ours or the news channels are showing people frying in the nuclear blasts. Either way, I'm a little disturbed.

In this badly formatted page, five months pass. Terry has ordered all the guns locked up and the food rationed because there's only enough for 10 people for six months and there are 11 down there. I'm wondering what booze-hound Curtis is handling his lack of booze. After five months of going cold turkey, he shouldn't be dependent on it anymore.

Curtis stages a coup much like the people in Grenada only the Grenadians did a better job by immediately killing Grenadian Prime Minister Maurice Bishop while Curtis is just yammering on about how he is sick of being trapped here so he plans on taking Debbie and most of the food and walking out into the irradiated world. Debbie refuses to go resulting in her being hit so Debbie does the one thing someone--anyone should've done pages ago. She shoots Curtis. So now he's dead and three weeks later everyone ventures out into the irradiated unknown.

...Where there are now packs of radioactive dogs meandering around eating the people Terry killed six months earlier. What will happen? I don't know but if the illustration for next issue is any indication, it's not pretty.

What is very possible is that, like the cover to this issue, this drawing may have nothing to do what's actually going on in the book anyway. Join us next week for a look at TinTin.