I'll Take Things That Never Happened for $500

from FindAGrave

Victor Blakely was born in Topeka, Kansas on September 15, 1897. He was killed October 15, 1918 leading his troops in the Meuse-Argonne Offensive during World War I.

Back in Topeka, he was originally supposed to be honored, along with pilot Louis Phillip Billard, with a street named after him. You can read about that street here.

Pictured is Lt. Blakely's gravestone in the American Cemetery in Lorraine, France.

September 10, 1965

Ooh. We should all do this for 9/11 this year. Really show our patriotism.

Is that someone's bird? Someone's trained bird? Or did a random bird just land on the flag? If it's just a random bird then this would be an amazing picture. Be even better if it were an eagle though.

I find it hard to believe Veeblefester gave you 25 "attaboys". Even when he gives you an "attaboy", it's caked in sarcasm and followed by an insult.

Reason for the Season

May 20, 1975

It's time for a little game I like to call "Could this joke be printed in 2022?"

And we don't know what kind of pictures Hattie's dad takes. There could absolutely be some pornography in there.

Gladys should push Brutus off the stoop, go back inside, and lock the door.

Also, it's not technically fall until the 22nd, five days from now. And, it's going to be nearly 100 degrees here on Tuesday so fall is just a pipe dream for us for the next few days.

Grub Hub

I figured I'd take this year's Labor Day to talk a bit about this website. I started this thing back in January of 2008 originally to hop on the comic strip mockery phase of the Internet. I'm one of the few people still doing that because I enjoy doing it and it helps keep me writing even if it's just a quick one-liner. About a year later, I started doing more writing on here. Some of it people like, some they didn't. I focused mainly on fiction stories and local history but dabbled in other pop culture things as well. With The Born Loser, I have started posting older strips from the 1970s and 1980s along with today's strip in an effort to evolve this website and offer something new for readers.

If you are a new visitor to this site, there are over 3,700 posts that you can read through. There's a list of individual titles you can click on or a list of what I consider my better posts. I hope you enjoy what you read. Feel free to follow me on Twitter and if you would like to support my writing and this website, please consider donating a cup of coffee on Ko-fi.

December 15, 1973

Making a silly face doesn't seem like a Veeblefester thing to do. Why's he getting his picture taken? Work badges? Now his picture is going to look stupid for the next year or so.

Veeblefester seems more like a person to get his portrait painted, not photographed.

I don't want to alarm Brutus but I think everything he's grilling is on fire.

And he's really going to all that trouble to not only grill but to grill kind of expensive things like salmon and shrimp? There are only three people at his house. Four if you count Hurricane Hattie who may or may not be over. Five, if Mother Gargle or Uncle Ted are there. I'd say both might be there but Mother Gargle and Uncle Ted have never crossed paths. Hmm, are Uncle Ted and Mother Gargle the same person?

Mother Gargle Once Said She Had Botulism and Brutus Had to Hear the Entire Story

Shouldn't it be "Never ask Grammie how she's doing"? Ah, who cares? Never talk to Mother Gargle, got it. I try to stay away from people who scowl all the time--especially in, what is that, 5x8? 8x10?, a seemingly professional portrait. Someone paid money for that!

How Many People See Your Driver's License Photo, I Mean Really?

My driver's license is also about to expire. I'm not sitting forlornly at the kitchen table about it though. I've never had a DL photo I didn't like. It's just a photo used for identification, it's not your senior picture. You just stand there and smile or don't smile. I tend to try some kind of Mona Lisa thing. "What's he hiding beneath that smile?" the police officer will think as he writes me my ticket.

Driving Miss License, Part 2

For years I had my weight at 150, it was only recently that I bumped my weight up to 220. That's not my actual weight but who cares? If the state doesn't seem to care, why should anyone else?

Tauy Creek Digest #19: The City Band Concert

Rebekah Ames walked with Ely Jones into Garfield Park where the annual city band concert was about to commence. She had a camera around her neck while Ely had a notepad and pen in his left hand. Every year the city band concert drew hundreds of people. It had started out small but had grown to become an all-day festival with vendors, games, contests, and many other things to see and do.

"So we're just here to get some pictures and some quotes?" Rebekah asked. Rebekah had just graduated to be a photojournalist and she was hired by her local newspaper to be the photographer for the lighter side of the city. Ely had been with the paper for several years and was doing the same thing but he wanted to do it. Rebekah wanted to be a featured photographer going to crime scenes and political events but knew she had to work her up to get there.

"Yep. Just get pictures of people having fun. I'm going to grab some quotes from people and describe the scenery and then we can just enjoy the concert," Ely said.

Rebekah began taking pictures of children playing, couples sitting on blankets, people eating, and crowds. She also got pictures of the gazebo where the concert would be held and scenic views of the park to showcase the beautiful day. She took down the names of the individuals that she photographed into a note-taking app on her phone and quickly typed down possible captions for the pictures. As the sun went down and the concert began, she took pictures of the band on the gazebo and even went up on the gazebo to get a picture of the crowd.

Her pictures were going to be showcased in a two page spread in the middle of the local section of the paper. Each page would have five pictures surrounding text that Ely had written. She spent the next couple of hours at the newspaper, editing and formatting the pictures she took and trying to decide which ten of the nearly one hundred she took would be included. The ones she chose featured kids with their face painted or eating, a couple crowd shots with the limestone courthouse and red brick city hall in the background, two men shaking hands with big smiles on their faces in front of a crowd of people, a shot of the band from the gazebo looking over the crowd and pictures that gave you a sense of what the atmosphere was like. She sent the information she had for each picture and went home for the night.

The next morning, Rebekah arrived at work and saw the newsroom bustling. She took a copy of the newspaper that staffers got for free and went to her desk to look at the spread from the concert. As she began opening the paper, the editor came up to her desk. "Rebekah, did you know what was going on when you took that picture?"

Rebekah raised an eyebrow. "What picture? From the concert?"

The editor took the paper from her and laid the spread out on her desk and pointed to the picture of two guys shaking hands. "That's city councilman Geoffrey Farmer shaking hand with local developer Doug Hopkins."

"I know. Ely told me because I forgot to grab their names," Rebekah said. "What about them?"

"We got a call this morning that they were shaking hands because they just made a deal for Hopkins to buy property over on 17th Street to build a hotel and commercial plaza. Hopkins is going to ask the city council tonight for tax abatements. The property is owned by a relative of Farmer's and Farmer stands to gain a tidy profit from the sale and investment into Hopkins idea."

"Wouldn't this be like Farmer taking a bribe? Or close to it anyway?" Rebekah asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "And you got proof."

"I didn't hear them talk about anything though," Rebekah said. "I just took a picture of two guys enjoying the park."

"The caller told us and we looked into it. Everyone we talked to basically said the same thing. Hopkins was going to massively overpay for the property, Farmer was going to get a small profit from his relative from the sale, Farmer was also going to convince the rest of the council to approve the tax abatements, Hopkins wouldn't have to pay taxes on that property, Farmer would then invest in the plaza, and both parties make a decent amount of money. And you took the picture that will damage both of their reputations."

The editor was ecstatic and walked away. Rebekah just stared and then looked back at the picture. "It was just a city band concert..."