Sunday, February 28, 2021

Wrong Way Wedding

Brides Romance was published by Quality Comics under the Comics Magazine imprint. Stories dealt with the drama of marriage or getting married. It lasted 23 issues between November 1953 and December 1956. From the first issue, the cover story: "Wrong Way Wedding."

I'm not quite sure what wrong way wedding means. It's explained in the story but even then it doesn't make sense. I think it's supposed to be like she's going one way and he's going another. Or something. I wish we knew who the writer and artists were. We do know the editors: Alfred Grenet and Richard Arnold.

The cover is also misleading as the story doesn't take place during the wedding but during the honeymoon. I just want to note that if your husband ever stares at you like this at your wedding then maybe y'all shouldn't gotten married. Marriages that begin with glaring stares like this never work out.

As always, thanks to the Digital Comics Museum for the comic scans. Click the image to bigify.

"Don't introduce me to your rich friends..." is quite a threat. I'd want to keep my options open in case I decide that Dan doesn't love me enough. And what better option than another rich person?

3 weeks!? But I'm not gonna judge. What I am going to judge is the exact count of time. 3 weeks, 4 days, and 6 hours? I don't see anything going wrong with this relationship.

"Being poor sucked ass. I'm not going back to that life. I can't. I won't. Yeah, Fred is definitely the one for me."

"You mean Frank."

"That's who I said."

The officiant looks thrilled to be there.

Ah, 'slave'. This marriage is starting out well.

Now you're going to read her diary? What a great husband you are. And only an hour and a half or so after the wedding.

'Challenge them to battle'? Shouldn't you two be making love? That should've started as soon as you walked through the door.

"Oh, no. Has he reached my junior year of high school? I was told the cat blood would keep my skin smooth..."

"Tentacles? Pegging? They filled a wine glass with...and you...uuggghhh!!"

This is the worst honeymoon ever. Well, second worst.

Oh my God! This is a real Lucy and Viv situation right here.

Yes, 'silly references'. "I don't really love him but he's wealthy and, as I've said before, being poor suuuuuuucks."

"Oh, I'm glad you're actually falling in love with him but I'm married now and need to fix this. If only there was some way we could sort this out without losing our manic pixie façade."

A week!?! Janice's marriage has crumbled within two hours. She doesn't have a week!

Going to bed? It's three in the afternoon.

Dan is honestly acting more mature than I thought he would for a fictitious man in a 1950s comic book. If it wasn't for the storming off, the silence, the above "war paint and hooked me" comment then Dan would be a decent man, husband, and partner.

I swear to God that if we learn Dan knew it wasn't her diary and he is just doing this to torture her or 'teach her a lesson' (whatever that may be) then I'm going to put my fist through a brick wall.

So she gets all sexy to try to win him back but doesn't initiate sex? "You'll laugh about this later. Just trust me on this." Just try sex. That'll probably work.

No, you don't have to be patient. Just tell him he read the wrong diary. All of this could've been sorted out in ten minutes--probably less if Dan hadn't stolen the diary and locked himself in the bedroom to read it.

Oh, good. We finally get to learn who that Frank Nelson-looking ass is on the first page. Phil Evers: A man so rich he can wear a bathrobe wherever he goes and no one blinks an eye.

Dan's a dick. Maybe they should get a divorce. Or she should at least start cheating on him. I mean, Phil's right there.

Phil's both aghast and turned on!

Janice isn't wrong. Instead of acting like a child, Dan should've used his words and talked to his wife. I know that was, I don't know, illegal(?) in 1953 but still.

I will stand by Janice's decision to keep June out of her life because this is partly June's fault. Keep your diary away from mine!

So you will listen to June and Frank but not talk and listen to your own wife? I don't think this is the apology Dan really wants to make.

Again, this isn't the apology Dan wants to make. "I'm new to this marriage thing so just ignore my stupidity and dickishness as just being new to the game" isn't the argument you might think it is.

Is it over? *turns page and sees an ad for Uncle Bernie's Fun Shop* It's over. Janice in the previous panel is right. Janice and Dan should really see a therapist or something. This one misunderstanding crippled their marriage and nearly destroyed it. This marriage clearly needs more than understanding.

Let's all look at this ad for Uncle Bernie's Fun Shop which features a naked woman in the shower.

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