Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Of Food and Men

Is this waitress Brutus' mother? Why are you trying to push him to a cheaper burger? If he wants the triple then you get the man a triple. If he doesn't eat it then that's his money wasted that you get to keep. "Now Brutus, maybe that burger's a little too big for my lummy-wumpkins. Maybe get something smaller?" No:

[stares intently at the name 'Osmosis']

[staring intensifies]

[sighs] Based on my archives, we've seen Brutus fishing maybe twice. He probably doesn't fish because he never catches anything. He probably doesn't hunt because he doesn't shoot anything (he also has easy access to things called grocery stores and doesn't have to forage for food). He probably doesn't hike because that's a good way to snap an ankle. What I'm getting at is he's a born loser--fishing, hunting, hiking are all basically death traps and Brutus is right to avoid them.