Sunday, September 9, 2018

Tank N Tummy #7

MaryJane had stayed home from work and there was a good reason for it.

Yesterday, after work, MaryJane stopped to get a large soda from the Tank N Tummy. When she got home, there was a rolled-up flyer stuck between the door knob and the door jamb. She grabbed it and looked at it. On it was information about the Mormon search and Latter-Day Saints. Two missionaries were also pictured in their white shirts, red ties, and black pants.

“Mormons? I missed Mormons?” she angrily dropped the flyer to her side and unlocked her apartment door.


She was sitting on the couch, watching a soap opera with a hand down her pants and the other hand holding the flyer. She was staring intently at the two Mormons on it.

There was a knock on the door. MaryJane threw the pamphlet down and rushed to the door. She wiped her hand on her pants as she opened the door to reveal two Mormons standing in the hallway.

“Hello, nurse,” she said quietly.

“Hi, I’m Elder Shawn and this is Elder Dana,” the taller Mormon spoke. “Would you like to help us with a survey?”

“I’ll help you with a lot more than a survey,” MaryJane sighed and bit her lip.

“Great. It’s nice to meet you. What’s your name?”

“MaryJane. Do you want to come in? We can get a bit more comfortable on the couch,” she invited.

The Mormons seemed shocked at the instant invite. They nodded at each other and followed MaryJane in. They sat down on the couch and looked at MaryJane. “When was the last time you spoke to Jesus?”

“Seven weeks ago?” she questioned herself. “I don’t really talk to him. He’s not attractive but he’s as big as my wrist,” she cooed as she raised her left arm.

“No, no. Jesus--our Lord and Savior,” Elder Shawn said. “Have you allowed Jesus into your life?”

“That Jesus? No. But I’m willing to let anything inside me,” MaryJane said. “Anything.”

“Well, we want to talk to you about Jesus Christ,” Elder Dana began as MaryJane squeezed between them on the couch. As Elder Dana spoke, MaryJane gently rubbed the missionaries’ legs.

“You guys are so open and happy but so uptight at the same time,” MaryJane interrupted. “How can you wear those clothes all the time? It’s like a straitjacket.”

“It’s standard attire,” Elder Dana said.

“You get used to it,” Elder Shawn leaned closer to MaryJane. “It can be a bit...restrictive sometimes,” he bit his lip.

It’s happening, MaryJane’s brain screamed. “Well, feel free to get comfortable.”

“Have you heard of the Book of Mormon?” Elder Dana said as he reached into his backpack. When he looked up, he saw Elder Shawn and MaryJane kissing. “Elder Shawn,” Elder Dana chastised.

“It’s okay, Elder Dana, there’s plenty of me to go around,” MaryJane leaned back and spread her legs.

“I’m here to spread the word of the Lord, not gad around with cheap trash,” Elder Dana stood up.

“High praise,” MaryJane thanked.

“I’m leaving, Elder Shawn, are you coming with me?”

“You can see why I can’t, right?” Elder Shawn kept motioning with his hands to MaryJane.

Elder Dana sighed and rolled his eyes. “God is very disappointed with you.”

“I’ll help you move on from His disappointment,” MaryJane said, pulling Elder Shawn on top of her.




Dominic and his date drove down an empty county road. “Turn right here,” the pointed. Dominic turned. “And then another right.” He made another quick turn and drove up a washed out road that went up a slight hill. He round the curve and saw that they were on top of a hill with a cemetery.

“Uh, Sepulveda? This is the quiet and peaceful place we can be alone?”

“Yeah. What’s more quiet and peaceful than a hill covered in dead people?” Sepulveda asked. Dominic parked and she jumped out of the car.

As Dominic got out, he noticed the cemetery only had about a dozen and a half gravestones. The view was very beautiful but it was an odd place to go while out on their third date.

“So why’d you bring us here?” Dominic asked.

“This is one of my favorite places ever,” Sepulveda said. “I always bring my dates here for our first time.”

“That’s weird,” Dominic said. Sepulveda leaned up against Dominic, they fell against the car, and the two started making out. When Sepulveda pulled away, she was breathing heavily.

“I’m gonna go set up,” she patted his chest. “I’ll let you know when I’m done. Turn around. No peeking.”

Sepulveda opened the trunk and grabbed a backpack that she had brought along and went off into the cemetery. She was gone for a few minutes as Dominic faced the opposite direction. Sepulveda came back and tapped Dominic on the shoulder.

Dominic turned and saw Sepulveda dressed in a flowing nightgown. She led him to a flat gravestone that was even with the ground. Small tea candles were lit and placed about a foot away from the stone on either side. “Are you going to kill me and intermingle my blood with the candle wax?”

She laughed. “No. We’re going to make love,” she cooed. She pressed up against him and they kissed. “Like I said, all my first times have been here. Right here,” she motioned to the flat stone.

Dominic looked at the stone. He could barely read the name in the darkness. CLAUDIA RAKE. 1853-1878. There was more on it but Dominic couldn’t read it. “This is weird,” he said again. “I’m fine having sex with you back in the car in the cemetery but it seems disrespectful to do it right on top of a grave and on the stone.”

“You won’t even know it’s there once we get going,” Sepulveda said.

“I think I will though,” Dominic said, eyeing the stone again.

“I promise,” Sepulveda got down on her knees and began fiddling with his pants. “You’ll forget all about the stone.”

Using her feminine ways, Sepulveda got Dominic with her on the gravestone. He didn’t quite forget that the gravestone was underneath them but it wasn’t a constant thought in his mind like he thought it would be.




The next day, at the Tank N Tummy, Dominic was working the counter when MaryJane came in. “Hey, M.J., how was your evening?”

“It was great. I had sex with one of those Mormons who go door-to-door to bother you about their religion.”

“A missionary?”

“Yeah. But then he felt bad about betraying God or whatever and he started to cry and reaffirmed his commitment to his faith.”

“Ah,” Dominic nodded. “It was my third date with Sepulveda.”

“Ooh. Where’d you go?”

“Well, after dinner she took us to a cemetery where proceeded to have sex on a gravestone.”

“Weird,” she sounded disgusted. “Was it good?” intrigued.

“Yes, it was amazing,” Dominic rolled his eyes. “It was on a gravestone. It was all kinds of messed up. Apparently, she always has her first times there.”

“I took advantage of a devout religious person. That’s messed up, too,” she sighed and both were silent for a couple of seconds. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Had sex,” Dominic finished. He and MaryJane high-fived.

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