Monday, August 17, 2015

Randy #3


Eleven years ago, Randy and Jess were in the second year of their relationship. They were in his bedroom, Jess on top of Randy, kissed and preparing to lose their virginity. Jess was clearly more into it than Randy and finally, Randy stopped her. “Look, we need to talk, I’m just not feeling this right now. I…”

Randy’s mom, Sally, then came into the bedroom carrying a laundry basket. “Oh, I didn’t know you had Jess over,” Sally apologized. “I was just going to bring you your clean laundry. Don’t mind me, I was never here.” Sally put the laundry basket in the bedroom and then closed the door behind her.

“Your Mom still does your laundry?” Jess asked.

“Yeah. She’s my Mom. That’s what they do,” Randy said. “Look, Jess, I wanted to tell you something. I really like you and I care for you but do you feel that the spark has gone out of our relationship?”

“We’ve been together for two years, that’s bound to happen. That’s why I wanted to make love,” Jess smiled and kissed him again.

“I think it’s more than that,” Randy said quietly. “I’m gay.”

Jess sat up quickly and looked at Randy, raising her eyebrow. “Gay? Really? For how long?”

“I’ve been considering myself gay for the last five months or so but I’ve had a crush on Christian Valentine since seventh grade.”

“I can’t say I’m not surprised. You were never overtly sexual with me and it explains why nothing is going on down there,” Jess pointed. “You didn’t date me because I kind of look like a guy, right?” she asked.

“What? No. You don’t look like a man at all. I asked you out because we’re friends. I figured if I liked it great, if we fell in love, a plus but if it was not meant to be, it would easy to break this off.”

“Aw,” Jess smiled. “I’m gonna go. You have laundry to put away and parents to come out to.”

“Are you kidding? You’ve met my Dad.”

“I’ll see you at school,” Jess smiled.

As she headed out of the house, she passed by Sally in the kitchen. “You don’t have to leave on my account,” she said.

“I’m not. Randy just...Randy and I broke up,” Jess said to her.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. You two were very good together considering that Junior wasn’t really interested in dating you,” Sally said.

“What do you mean?”

“Junior’s gay, right? I’m not sure but I can hear things and I see stuff in his room.”

“It should be him that tells you,” Jess said. “I’ll see you, Mrs. Brubaker.”

Jess was the last of Randy’s friends to arrive at the funeral but she wasn’t missed or noticed as she entered the funeral home. She went over to Sally, lying in a coffin. Randall was standing close, talking to one of his friends. “Mr. Brubaker, I am sorry for your loss,” Jess said softly.

“You dated my son back in high school, didn’t you?” Randall asked. “Before he was queer.”

“He was always It’s not like dating me made him gay,” Jess said. “I had nothing to do with him being gay and vice versa. Randy was just the first in a long line of guys that I dated who broke my heart and I now realize that I am talking very loud and fast and that you don’t care anyway.” Jess exhaled and walked away.

“Don’t you want to talk to anyone out there?” Brian asked Randy, who was camped out in another room away from the funeral.

Randy raspberried. “No. Besides, all those people are just blurs in my life. I don’t know them and a lot of them are former clients of my Dad’s.”

“You can at least mingle with Chrissy or Nathan or me. Jess just got here so you can talk to her.”

“I’d rather just stay here. You guys can come in here with me though,” Randy said.

“Aren’t people supposed to talk at these things?” Nathan asked as he stepped toward Jess. “Like, speeches or something?”

“They’re called eulogies. They should be starting in a few minutes. Mourners have to get in a good mood first before being made depressed,” Jess explained.

“Are you okay?” Nathan asked.

“You always know,” she smiled at him. “It’s Randy being back. It’s making feel inadequate.”


“Uh, because he started the pattern of bad relationships that I’ve had. I can’t even really blame him so it is clearly my fault. Something is wrong with me.”

“Are you sure this is the correct place to start having a nervous breakdown?”

“Randy, they’re going to start the eulogies soon. You should probably go out there,” Chrissy said, coming into the room where Randy and Brian were. “What are you doing in here anyway?”

“I don’t know anybody here and I’m not exactly a fan of my extended family,” he replied. “You should hang out with us.”

“I guess I can stay for a couple of minutes,” Chrissy said and sat next to Brian. “Do you know who is going to speak?”

Randy shrugged. “Erin and Dad did most of the work on the funeral.”

Chrissy chuckled. “She always wanted ice.”

“What?” Randy asked.

“Remember when we would hang out over at your house and she would always ask you to drive and get her another bag of ice?” Chrissy reminded.

“Oh, God, yes. She always wanted ice. You guys would be over for ten minutes and then it was ‘Randy, can you go get me some ice?’ I hated that. It was so embarrassing,” Randy smiled. “That’s one of the reasons I moved so far away--so I wouldn’t have to get her any more damn ice. I did notice that they invested in a refrigerator that makes its own ice.”

“Well, she needed ice and she had no more children,” Brian said. “I think everyone is starting to sit. We should get out there.”

After the funeral and after the graveside service, everyone started to disperse to Randall’s house for a food-laden get-together. Jess and Nathan walked together through the cemetery as everyone left. “Are you going over to Randy’s?” Nathan asked.

“In a bit,” Jess answered.

“Do you want to go grab some coffee with me?”


“Yes, now.”

“I guess I could choke down some coffee with you then we can head over to Randy’s,” Jess smiled and she took Nathan’s hand as they continued walking through the cemetery.