Wednesday, September 29, 2010

No. 15: Adam Jehle's Talent

Cho Len was beginning to finish up her violin solo as Adam Jehle and Jordan Turk waited backstage. The entire school, both students and faculty, were sitting in the auditorium along with some parents. Adam was nervous and moving back and forth from foot to foot. He shook his hands in both nervousness and anticipation.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jordan asked.

“I kind of have to. I signed up for this talent thing and I have to follow through on it,” Adam said, once again shaking his hands.

“What exactly are you attempting to accomplish with this?”

“Not being invisible anymore—maybe something resembling respect. Legend status.”

“You’re not invisible and this is kind of weird way to gain respect. You may even lose respect because of this stunt. Not to mention you’ll be lucky if you aren’t expelled.”

“That’s a risk I’ll have to take,” Adam sighed.

Cho Len finished and one of the teachers went up to the microphone. “That was Cho Len. Next, the comedy styling’s of Alan Jehle,” the teacher said pronouncing Adam’s last name ‘Jay-lee’.

Adam approached the microphone and cleared his throat. “Hello, my name is Adam Jehle,” he corrected, pronouncing his last name ‘Yay-lee’, “and I am not going to be doing any comedy or stand-up or anything. I’ve decided to do something completely different. I hope you like it,” Adam thought about the last line he said, made a face and shook his head.

Adam turned around. The audience began mumbling. He took a deep breath and undid his pants. As Adam turned back around, his jeans and underwear fell to the stage. Adam stood silent as the audience took in the sight. Everyone was in shock as they stared at Adam’s genitalia as it dangled between his legs.

Someone in the back of the auditorium began to slowly clap then others joined in and some people hooted. The teachers snapped out of their shock and went up on stage to drag Adam behind the curtain as the applause from his fellow students roared.

Adam and his parents were in the principal’s office along with the principal, assistant principal and the district therapist.

“What were you trying to accomplish up there?” the assistant principal asked.

“Immortality,” Adam answered.

“Why? What did you think you would gain pulling down your pants at school?” he asked.

“I figured I would be remembered. Even the teacher announcing me got my name wrong and she was reading from a card. If you can’t remember the name of a kid with a huge dick who pulled down his pants then what can you remember?” Adam explained.

“I don’t know why you are making such a big deal about this,” Adam’s dad spoke. “I’m sure it was just a one time thing and he won’t do it again. Adam, are you going to do this again?”

Adam faked a thought for a second. “No,” he shook his head. “I’m not.”

“Adam?” the district therapist said using an inquisitive and innocent voice. “What would you like to do after you get out of school?”

“Circus roustabout,” Adam said.

“Pfft…” the assistant principal scoffed. “Is that really what you want to be?”

“Of course not,” Adam angrily said. “I’m a sophomore so I’m not really sure what I want to do. How do I get your job? It looks pretty cozy. I’d be nicer to the students though.”

“Adam…” his mother hushed.

“You know Mr. Jehle, we could expel you for this,” the assistant principal said.

“I don’t think we need to do that, Paul,” the principal said. “I think two weeks suspension is fine. Don’t you think so Mr and Mrs Jehle?”

“I think that is more than fair,” Mr Jehle said.

As Adam and his parents headed out of the school, Lauren MacKenzie passed by them. She looked at Adam, smiled and spoke “Hi, Adam.”

“Hi, Lauren,” Adam replied.

“Who’s she?” asked his father.

“Lauren MacKenzie. She’s never spoken to me before,” Adam said. “I didn’t even think she knew I existed.”

“Well, she knows now,” his mother said.

“I wonder why she knows now,” his father winked.