This Could've Been an Email

September 13, 1967

Not only does Brutus' back hurt, his legs are turning into a wispy mist. That can't be good.

Why "Old Zip Coon"? Why not "Turkey In the Straw"? 😭 

Yeah, it took Veeblefester years. Mainly because Veeblefester's father first ran the company and he didn't pass away until he was 93. "Why did you call me in...Are you counting coins?"

Brutus Should Just Use Wilberforce to Cheat

July 17, 1988

Why would you wear a fake nose and glasses when meeting someone? "Cut the tension"? I'm sure there are better ways to do that than wearing something stupid on your face. Now who's the idiot?

Is Hope a cousin on Gladys' side? The women in her family certainly have a type...

I always feel that having different names for things is a way of gatekeeping. "You don't know what 'hook' and 'slice' mean? Don't make me l-a-f-f laugh!"

I hope Wilberforce is able to keep this positive attitude while he's out on the golf course for five to seven hours today.

Up, Up, and Away

September 12, 1967

Mm. Mother Gargle was always a horrid bitch. Good to know. I don't know why this argument requires waterboarding Brutus, but the 1960s were a different time.

Clark Kent is a well-respected international journalist and author who is married to a well-respected Pulitzer Prize winning international journalist and author. Being Superman is quite literally the least remarkable part of Clark Kent. Even without the punchline, comparing Brutus to Clark Kent doesn't make sense.

Late Night Friday

September 11, 1967

I'm guessing this guy is just making up a poem about the water because I could not find any poem or anything with these words. I originally thought it was from "water, water everywhere nor any drop to drink" which is from The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (Coleridge, 1834) but it's not.

Was being stranded at sea something that happened a lot in the past?

Is that Brutus' blond co-worker? I'm a little concerned that Brutus didn't realize one of his closest co-workers has not been at work.

Or is this some other blond guy Brutus knows? 

Yet Another Day, Yet Another Marital Spat

September 9, 1967

Were Brutus, Gladys, Wilberforce, and maybe Teeny were just going to share one giant steak? A least they have a big salad.

We just did this last week! These two need therapy. I'm willing to pay for some of it. Or their divorce.

House Hole

Tim Curry

1946 - 2026 

Should we give Death one more chance to take an 80-year-old in hopes that he'll snag the right one? And you just know that with every celebrity death that gets an outpouring of grief, Trump is wandering around the White House saying this:

Ben Chang is just a little less insane.

 

September 8, 1967

*slams fist on desk* Get me the suggestion box!

*slams fist on desk* Get me Grinch in accounting!

*slams fist on desk* Get me the giant check!

*slams fist on desk* Get me Thornapple!

Hmm. This giant check makes the $225 I make every other week seem even smaller...

Brutus and Gladys' life is literally falling apart. Are the walls just crumbling or did Wilberforce die during the final boss fight and he ran out of continues? "I'll just hang this picture here and no one will be the wiser..."

Can We Call Him Morty Miata Now?

Dolly Parton

1946 - 2026

"Love to hear that Dolly Parton sing!" 

September 7, 1967

I'm glad that Wilberforce is ACAB, but maybe save that for when you can get your own consequences.

Yeah, we're worrying about boulevard stops when kids are just flopping around unprotected in the backseat.

Who's "they"? I have a coworker who drives an orange Dodge Charger and if you saw him, you would not think this guy would drive a car like that. I don't think anybody says "you can learn about a person by the type of car they drive to work" and you can't convince me otherwise.

Sometimes Brutus drives. And once, Veeblefester gave him a lift.

I Want to See Gladys In High Heels

September 6, 1967

I always considered Brutus' hair as "bald" or maybe, and I'm being very generous here, "balding". Thinning makes it seem like he has hair on top and in front.

Maybe someday I'll go through all the jobs that Brutus has held before Art settled on him being a tea cozy salesman for Veeblefester. It'll be a long list like Homer Simpson's employment history.

Look, I have mad respect for the job title of "Mom" but what's Gladys got going on that's so rough? Was she spending hours cleaning up rivers of dog vomit? Her only child is old enough that he needs limited supervision and she never seems to run errands.

How does Wilberforce know the "Ginger Rogers backwards and in high heels" trope?

This Monday was so bad it sucked the color from life.

Desperate Times, I Guess

July 10, 1988

I'm surprised we've only seen Brutus threaten to quit a couple times. Brutus seems like someone who would threaten to quit every couple weeks or so. Especially these days. But it's hard out there anymore and threatening to quit doesn't work as well as it used to...especially when you suck at your job.

I don't know what Veeblefester expected here. Brutus is a salesman, not an ad guy or marketing person. Tea cozies don't need a flashy ad campaign, they practically sell themselves!

They Have, Like, Two More Weeks

September 5, 1967

He got to 240 within five minutes which seems pretty impressive. I know there are 300 seconds in 5 five minutes so you can get to 240 in that time, I just get distracted and slower as I count because I get bored.

Was he counting out loud the whole time and she just woke up, or did he just get to 240 before she got annoyed?

I'm sure if you get right down to it and dive deep into interrogating the children, there is probably something they like about school. But we don't really want to know because it's either going to be stupid or sad.

Starring The Marx Brothers

September 2, 1967

Why do you want Kewpie to beg? Just have her sit or whatever.

Ok. More animal crackers for me then. Seriously, what kind of stupid remark is this? Do you want a snack or not?

Another Day, Another Marital Spat

September 1, 1967

And now they're both going to be slaughtered. It's a shame Wilberforce will be the one to find them. I don't know if Teeny is still around, but she's resilient. She could definitely handle stumbling on dead bodies.

 

*Sigh* Can we get someone to slaughter these people...?

Brutus and Gladys do this about every other month. And every fight is almost exactly the same.

Brutus Is Going to Get Hit With a Wooden Spoon

August 31, 1967

Where do Brutus'(?) feet go? On the wheel hump? Seems uncomfortable and kind of dangerous--as we can see.

I had to write a motorcycle scene in this story (main character was riding on the back of his girlfriend's motorcycle) I am writing and I have never been on a motorcycle so I just treated it like the character was riding a roller coaster. That works, right?

Why is Brutus completely discounting boxed brownie mix? Is Gladys so bad at baking that she can't even stir together a mix, eggs, and oil?

Frozen brownies you just put in the microwave? I need to try this new technology!

Tuesday Shorts

August 30, 1967

Why are we painting chairs? That chair is clearly has fabric on it and shouldn't be painted at all.

They don't cancel your card for spending money. They cancel it for not paying. That'll happen in a couple months.

Bad Leftovers Are the Worst

August 29, 1967

Ah, the sixties, when you maybe actually wanted to talk to someone on the phone because you probably kind of liked them. Running upstairs, making sure you got to the phone. Wait. Why were phones a good idea again?

I can't believe Brutus just laid there as the phone rang loudly in his ear. I would've thrown it across the room, so I might as well just answer the damn thing.

This is what we did for dinner last night. Not ham loaf, leftovers. Although the leftovers did have ham.

Geez, Gladys seems really happy about these leftovers.

Here's Your Random Soda

I don't know if you've noticed but I've been scarce on social media the last week or so. Partly because I started back at work so I'm there for 7+ hours a day, but mostly because social media has been boring and it hasn't been keeping my interest. Honestly, if I didn't have to post links to my website every day to keep readership up, I'd just drift away from social media and spend time doing other things. Between work, school, the park, writing, and reading, I have plenty of crap going on in my life. I don't need social media.

July 3, 1988

So let me get this straight. Absolutely no one had ever been hit on the head by anything until 1666? I find that hard to believe. In reality, even if Titus Thornapple had been hit by the apple, was Titus Thornapple a scientist? Isaac Newton only started looking into what would become gravity because he was isolating because of the plague and had a lot of time on his hands, and because he asked questions because he's a scientist!

I guess Newton witnessed this apple falling, but didn't decide to do any research until six years later.
Friend: "Isaac, what you working on?"
Newton: *sucking on some mercury* "Six years ago I watched this apple fall and nearly bean a guy on the noggin and it gave me an idea..."

Mother Gargle takes the bus from Cleveland to Erie? That sounds terrible. I just figured she drove.

Oh, boy. A watered-down soda, no change, and Mother Gargle is $50 richer. What a crappy Sunday.

Grmblmxf Saturday

August 28, 1967

What is Gladys taking out of the oven? A beehive?

And where do you get olives that size? I want one.

Wasp nests just don't appear overnight. That thing has been there for days. It can wait a couple more hours.

I like putting my feet up as well. I didn't even know Brutus' green chair was a recliner. Maybe it's only a recliner when the story calls for it.

Jolly Ice Cream Dude?

August 26, 1967

The Born Loser takes place in a world where our conscience angels and demons actually exist, are tangible, and can interfere with our lives. That doesn't seem...great.

How does Brutus decide when to wear his toupee? He seems to just do it randomly.

Makes sense. I just assume ice cream from the ice cream truck is, like, $16 now. I rarely got to peruse the ice cream truck when I was a kid. We was po' and scraping together even a couple bucks was sometimes a lesson in futility.

I'm just going to assume that today's comic is a tie-in with the horror/slasher movie Ice Cream Man (now in theaters!) so tomorrows comic is going to be quite a shock to people.

Shrimp of the Day

August 25, 1967

How come there are all these instruments lying around? We've seen Brutus play a cello before, but also bagpipes, another cello, a saxophone, a tuba, yet another cello, a violin, more bagpipes, and another tuba. Where are all these instruments coming from?

And with only a couple of exceptions, he can seemingly play them all.

And you can't make the shrimp hot? You can't deep-fry them? I don't know why I question this diner. They are terrible and no one should eat here.

Mother Gargle Haters Club

August 24, 1967

If the creamed codfish looks like the search images, it looks like lumps of potatoes. I'm not a seafood guy so I would never eat creamed codfish and jelly sandwiches. I feel like Wilberforce is trying to throw up.

Where'd they get malteds?

"Is your mother-in-law really all that annoying?" Yes! Ramona Gargle is terrible! She first showed up for my website way back in March 2008 and she has been getting worse every day since. I will always be on Brutus' side when it comes to hating Mother Gargle.

Do You Still Get Gum?

August 23, 1967

The one damn part of the speech everybody should know.

I bet if you told someone in 1967 that there would be a Broadway musical about Alexander Hamilton starring a bunch of minorities, they'd probably be like "Alexander Hamilton? Which one was he? Oh! The duel guy!"

I discovered a few weeks ago and got pissed off at learning that trading cards are kind of making a comeback but they are just online. So I pay for them but I don't own them? That's some stupid NFT bullshit. No, sir, I don't like it.

I'm Starting to Think That Veeblefester Is Not That Great of a Boss

August 22, 1967

I like older music so I understand Brutus' frustration here. He's just a middle-aged man who likes waltzes. Is that such a crime? No need to call him a "golden-ager".

I mean, dear lord, Brutus is very excited for the Waltz-time portion of this program.

At least Veeblefester talks. He doesn't just sit there and fall asleep while several people talk beside and behind him like someone else I know.

Even RFKJr is snoozing a bit...

Requiem for a Rainy Sunday

June 26, 1988

Brutus' appendix burst and he died of sepsis so Brutus has been wandering around as a ghost since 1988. Why Brutus continues to live his life and go to work when he's a ghost is something that demands attention though.

Glad to see Gladys driving Brutus to the hospital. An ambulance isn't your own personal taxi to the hospital...wait...

 

We've had enough rain around here. I don't know how it's been in Ohio but I swear it's practically rained everyday here in Kansas. I'm certain everything is fine and we don't need to worry about anything.

 

 

 

 

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