Starring The Marx Brothers

September 2, 1967

Why do you want Kewpie to beg? Just have her sit or whatever.

Ok. More animal crackers for me then. Seriously, what kind of stupid remark is this? Do you want a snack or not?

He Needs a New Bike So He Can Better Represent Cleveland

August 7, 1967

We're just going to ignore that Brutus is running around in a bunny costume. I don't know what color the costume is supposed to be, but I imagine it being pink.

He looks like a deranged Easter bunny. A pink nightmare.

We should follow Tyrone home so we can get a glimpse of Tyrone and Naomi at home. He can regale us with his cool dog catcher stories.

I could've sworn that Wilberforce mentioned a bike earlier in the summer, but I can't find it--or it never existed. I remember lots of these strips. Birthdays, anniversaries, 98% of my students, all completely forgotten, but I can find a specific Born Loser strip with a vague description.

"Pop, can I have a new bike? Pop, can I have a new bike? Pop, can I have a new bike...?" "Everyday for the past two months 'Pop, can I have a new bike? Pop, can I have a new bike?'"

I Don't Think That List Is Enforceable

It has been a busy week. Each Monday through Friday post had a link from an old post in it. Mighty Max, Tank N Tummy, Wyoming (Kansas), the TaleSpin Tiger Electronic Handheld Game, A Matter of Faith, and Lucy and Sophie Say Good Bye. There was also a Saturday post about the animated pilot for Chris Welkin Planeteer. Plus, a short social media post about a copy of Through the Looking Glass my store has on display. If you find any of this interesting, you can throw me a tip at one of the links in the About page.

May 8, 1988

Were dog whistles more of thing, too? Dog whistles have made way too many appearances in this comic. I can count on one hand how many times I think this comic has mentioned dog whistles. You know how many dog whistles I've actually seen? None!

They must be like quicksand.

If my spouse gave me a honey-do list, she'd have to find herself a new honey to do those things.

Is Uncle Ted visiting or did Brutus storm all the way to Uncle Ted's to complain about the list of chores?

Just a Man Waiting for Dinner

June 10, 1967

There could be ducks over there. Just not this duck.

We could spend a whole week doing a Looney Tunes-esque comic strip story of Brutus trying to shoot this wisecracking duck, but we won't. Be here tomorrow for some of Gladys' meat loaf.

Speaking of meat loaf...

You better be used to it. You've been married and eating her cooking for *mumbles random number* years.

I like that we don't see Gladys reply. Gladys isn't there. She hasn't been for years. It's just Brutus in this void. Just Brutus.

Infectious Humor

May 27, 1967

I don't understand why people constantly talk to or goad dogs when they walk by. My dog is a huge bitch and would probably eat your face if she could--or freeze instantly because she doesn't know what to do if she had an opportunity to eat your face. But still, just leave dogs alone. Walk on by.

One of my favorite things to do on a morning where I don't have to work is crack open my newspaper and immediately go to the comics page to start my day on a laugh. Instead, I see that Gladys has an infection. What am I supposed to do with that information?

Snow Blow

December 12, 1987

I'm sure Mrs. Preen enjoys having these men stand around her as she answers the doctors' medical questions. Can she get a little privacy?

And Brutus, you're not pregnant. You're just getting old.

Man, Kewpie's a picky pup. If my dogs don't want to go out that's fine, but sooner or later they will and it doesn't matter if it's raining, snowing, or whatever, they'll go outside.

I don't think we needed three panels explaining why Brutus is snowblowing the grass, but here we are.

Toothpaste Was Probably One of the Better Choices

*Sigh* Someday. (You can add Noem, RFK Jr., Patel, whoever you want
to either side of who I have labeled Vance and Johnson.)

I'll be honest, this is the only logical way out of this. Even if we do elections in November and can get Trump impeached, Vance is still there and Trump will still be around doing what he wants, just using Vance to get his way. Trump could also just leave office and we vote in a new president in 2028, but Trump has exposed so much of what we need to change as a country.

Clearly the guardrails put in place cannot be enforced if those put into power to enforce those powers do absolutely nothing. I don't understand how MAGA can see everything they claimed President Obama was going to do happen and be fine with it, but I guess that's why we consider it a cult. All these years, they were just projecting. Republicans and conservatives worried about Obama taking their guns, locking them up, or killing them because deep down, that's what they want to do to Democrats and other liberals.

And don't worry. I understand the irony of me alluding to Hitler/Mussolini for the Trump Administration, but there needs to be consequences of great magnitude to insure that someone else who might want to do this, will think twice.

February 21, 1967

ACAB includes dog catchers. When I watch TV or movies, I often see things and am like "Nope, I'd be out." I gotta chase this dog around, trying to catch it? I'm out. I'm going to break into this house over the holidays, but a little brat just shot me in the balls with some little steel balls? I'm out. I'm not going to break my body mentally and physically for my job. I can't. I won't.

I wonder how Chip came up with toothpaste as his solution to the correction fluid situation. He's just running around the house in a panic and frustrated trying to find different white colored things he can smear over ink.

Chip's wife, watching him try to finish this comic.

Kewpie Is for the Squirrels

Congratulations to those who won their elections last night. Unless you are Republican. If you're Republican then you are in a cult, your policies are bad, and you should feel bad.

Even though there were no major races in Kansas, we had a lot of city commission, mayoral, and school board races here. The pro-Trump candidate for mayor of Topeka lost which is good. I know being mayor of Topeka is a do-nothing job, but you still don't want a Trump supporter with even the made-up prospect of power. Plus, Republicans in our legislature couldn't gin up enough of themselves to further gerrymander the state so they can oust the one Democrat we have in Congress. They promise to do that when the legislature reconvenes in January, but we'll see.

Anyway, fuck Donald Trump and his three pieces of paper held up by Scotch tape with printed gold ink that say "The Oval Office."

December 19, 1966

Oh, this isn't good. This firefighter has a few things to learn. The Thornapples have lost everything and Wilberforce is clearly traumatized. And it's almost Christmas.

So what if Kewpie is burying acorns. What's it to you? Why so angry? Maybe those buried acorns will help out the squirrels when the snow falls and they've forgotten where they've buried their own nuts.

Doggone Funny

August 2, 1987

Did he run all the way back to the clubhouse to get that sandwich? I hope he didn't run to some deli that blocks away.

If Brutus is asking for a sandwich then why didn't the caddy ask him what kind? Liverwurst on pumpernickel sounds like a terrible sandwich. Is there a condiment on it even?

Brutus has never heard of the "sometimes dogs start looking like their owners and vice versa" trope? I find that hard to believe. I feel he's lying but why would he lie about something like this?

Kewpie's like, "If I ever start to look like anyone in this family, please kill me."

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A Dog's Night

The classic comic strip Peanuts made its debut on this day 75 years ago. With these four simple panels, Charlie Brown, Shermy, and Patty would enter the American zeitgeist and become pop culture legends. Well, Charlie Brown will.

November 14, 1966

I completely understand that we could get an original Born Loser and a new Born Loser that talks about golf or work or maybe even the bus stop, but the odds of being this specific about bringing in the dog has to be astronomical. I should go buy a lottery ticket.

How do you forget your dog is outside? I mean, I've forgotten him while I'm doing something else but I always remember "Hey, I need to let him in!" and I definitely never forget him at night. Anyway, Kewpie has been stranded outside for at least an hour and has already eaten all the poop laying around the yard.

Oversleep

October 6, 1966

Tulip seems like fun.

If we didn't have that little nose wiggle line in the first panel, Brutus would look dead. Kind of like I commented on before.

We're Not Even Sure Biff Is a Friend

September 21, 1966

That dog, I'm assuming it's a dog anyway, kind of looks like Killer from All Dog Go to Heaven.

That movie had dogs shooting other dogs with
machine guns.

Was the music already playing or did the dog put on the record before dancing with Brutus?

What is wrong with her? Why is she phrasing it like this? "I just heard about Biff Hooper. He has appendicitis. Do you have any questions?" No. Why do I even care? Appendicitis isn't contagious. Appendicitis also isn't all that serious. Get back to me when he has something communicable or terminal.

Resting Scowl Face

September 18, 1966

I don't think bulldogs actually know or understand the purpose of Yale's fight song, but whatever you think will help, I guess. You couldn't just beat the dog with your umbrella or go into one of those doors?

Eli Yale, or Elihu Yale, was the primary benefactor for Yale University, for those that don't know. I even had to look up what the hell is Bulldog thing was about.

Brutus knows you aren't supposed to tell women to smile anymore, right? Now Mother Gargle has even more of a reason to be a complete menace to him. He's tired of scowling now, just wait, it'll get even worse now. Brutus will wish he were dead.

Worst Independence Day Ever

It's a sad day in the history of your country when fucking Hi & Lois shows more fight and backbone than a majority of the people actually elected to fight and show backbone. This is a legacy strip, it's only goal is to stay the course, not ruffle feathers, and give readers a light chuckle (not a guarantee). Not upset the populace by suggesting that we might have to fight a tyrannical ruler again.

And look at their faces, with the exception of Trixie, the Flagstons absolutely know that fascism is here, several of their neighbors are Nazis and nothing set up to keep this from happening is going to work. Dot's thrilled to start fighting though.

August 23, 1966

Just to the front door? I would think you could make it to the mailbox or the street (whichever is further). Maybe the bathroom is further away. I could definitely make it to the street with toothpaste at my house.

It's amazing how the Fourth of July turns people into inconsiderate scofflaws. "Hey, my dog gets anxious with fireworks, can you go easy this year?" I'll make sure to point the loud ones at your house. "The neighbor down the street is a veteran with PTSD." Then he should understand that he fought for my right to shoot off loud noise makers. "Why are people shooting off fireworks? It's June 29th." It's our right and perfectly legal. All within the law (law says no fireworks until July 3 and 4). "Our city is thinking about banning fireworks." I'll still shoot them off. It's my right.

You're all jerks!

Another Dollar Lost

Before we get started on today's Born Loser strips, just pointing out that summer is among us so I am out of work for the next couple of months. If you enjoy what pops up here, you can click on the Support link at the top of the page and support me or the website.

If you didn't see, there's a new post about my arch-nemesis, Capt. Kid. He says he knows famous actress Not Rita Hayworth because he's a liar and needs to seek therapy.

February 15, 1987

If this happened today, Brutus would've been beaten by the other restaurant patrons and arrested. Ha ha. We're living in a terrible timeline.

And Brutus, you're fine. No need to be embarrassed or worried. No need to make a federal case out of going into the wrong bathroom. It's 1987, not 2025.

"He says whatever I tell him to say." "I was with Hurricane Hattie at whatever time you say the crime happened. You can't pin this on her, pigs!"

You taught Kewpie to talk? You were only gone 15 minutes.

Water, Water Nowhere

June 28, 1966

Abner's name here is Doodle? Ok. Floobush is a name. Floobush--it's a funny sounding last name. Ha ha. Doodle isn't a name. It's especially not a funny last name. It's nothing. Abner Doodle? No, thank you.

And we're supposed to believe that's a sheep?

Wilberforce, at school: "My mom goes around the house and fake waters the plants. The plants aren't real and there's no water, but that's what she does. It's sad watching Mom slip away from us, but it makes her happy. Keep watering those plants, Mom. You just keep watering them..."

My Afternoon With Hattie

June 21, 1966

Honestly, I feel you could just connect these panels and call it good.

See? That looks fine.

I've never been a fan of dog whistle jokes. I don't think they are/were as prevalent as movies, TV, and old cartoons lead us to believe.

Yes. My answer would have to be yes.

I don't know. I think Hurricane Hattie would be a fun daughter to have. I've always wanted a daughter so I'm going to grab any opportunity to be a loving father figure to Hurricane-esque girls.

Dog's Day

May 6, 1966

Wouldn't she then be a princess if she marries the frog? Maybe he's a frog prince and not a prince who was turned into a frog. Perhaps true love's kiss won't turn this frog back into a human.

I can't imagine any royal family being fine with an interspecies relationship so it probably wouldn't work out anyway.

My dogs absolutely love/hate the trash men. They get a clear view of them as they go through the alley and I can't ever tell if they are upset that they can see the trash men or upset that the trash men are stealing our trash.

Hair-Brained

May 4, 1966

I don't think there's ever been a time where people wanted to hear criticism of how they do things. Especially when you are the one in charge. I don't know why people they would know better than Birdie Tebbets, whose life was baseball for 30 years. Yes, George "Birdie" Tebbets was a real person! He was a catcher who was very good at directing the pitchers. Tebbets played from 1936 until 1952 and then managed from 1954 until 1966. I don't know, maybe what this guy said sunk it considering Tebbets would retire from the Cleveland Indians after the 1966 season. He would continue being a scout for various teams until his retirement in 1997. Birdie Tebbets would pass away in 1999 at 86.

I guess we're just ignoring all of Kewpie's fur that is on his head and focusing on the two longer hairs that I always figured were oddly placed eyelashes/eyebrows.

Why are they just staring at Kewpie?

Wednesday Quickies

April 23, 1966

Whistling is one thing. You taught him to wolf whistle? That's the one kind of whistling I would not teach a dog.

He at least seems apologetic about it.

Laid back doesn't mean 'tired'.