Uncle Ted Presents A Stay-At-Home Fourth!

For some reason, this is giving big "It is your birthday." vibes. Now, if you'll excuse Dennis, he has to go march on Washington with those other white supremacists.

Mm. Wilberforce is not on board.

ID4: Independence Day

On July 3, 1996, Roland Emmerich's Independence Day debuted in theatres. Starring Will Smith, Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum, and others, this movie changed the way Hollywood made blockbusters. It was the highest-grossest movie of 1996 and seemed destined to be a popular franchise. A short book series was written to fill in some gaps of the movie, toys were produced, and even a terrible PlayStation/Sega Saturn/PC video game came out.

In addition, a three-issue comic book miniseries was published by Marvel Comics. Issue #0 was a prequel to the story while issues #1-2 adapted the movie. I think I got #1-2 at Walmart or Kmart or something. I found #0 in a gas station. I will always defend the comic book spinner rack.

Issue #0 opens in Roswell, New Mexico on July 4, 1947 during a thunderstorm. An alien ship is struck by lightning and crashes on Mac Brazel's ranch. Discovering something not human, Brazel notifies the government who pick everything up and declare the downed alien ship a weather balloon. In a secret location, the alien they captured is dying, it is able to probe the mind of Dr. Rose for a few seconds before dying, repeating just a single word: Kill.

In 1967, Dr. Rose has become the preeminent scientist trying to figure out how the alien ship works and keeping the dead alien in some kind of tube. Dr. Rose is retiring and the government thinks it has a replacement in Dr. Okun, who currently is a lazy hippie. Talking with Okun, Dr. Rose tells him to keep studying the alien and their ship, keep everything secret, and keep away from Nimziki. Jump to 1986, where cropduster Russell Casse is abducted by an alien ship and probed. Unfortunately, no one believes Russell was abducted and he takes to drinking and stops going outside. Russell's anger only grows because he knows the aliens will return.

Elsewhere, Steven Hiller is excitedly watching a rocket launch and wanting to be an astronaut when he grows up. In 1992, Thomas Whitmore announces his candidacy for president with Constance Spano as his communications director. Her husband, David Levinson, is sure she is having an affair and goes so far as to hit Senator Whitmore. Whitmore still becomes president though and appoints Albert Nimziki as Secretary of Defense, despite misgivings. Later, it's 1996 and Steven Hiller is in the Air Force and one of the best pilots they have. He is torn up about his relationship with Jasmine Dubrow, who works as a stripper. But he loves her and chooses to overlook it.

Meanwhile, President Whitmore's approval ratings have tanked. Being reelected is a hard-to-reach goal. He begins wondering what kind of national emergency he could lead the country through. Back at Area 51, an alien escapes and goes on a killing spree. Luckily, it's just a dream Dr. Okun is having. But he still thinks there's behind the cold, dark eyes of these aliens. On July 2, 1996, the signal at Compact Cable is terrible and the person who can fix it, David Levinson, is in the park playing chess with his father. But David probably can't fix this, a massive alien ship has disabled our satellites and is approaching Earth.

Issue #1 begins the same way the movie does. The large ship is passing over the Moon and the American flag where the Moon landing happened. No one knows what is going on because satellites have been destroyed. President Whitmore opts to remain in the Situation Room rather than go to a secure location as the large ship begins sending smaller ship to major cities. David discovers there's a code embedded in the signal the aliens are sending and that it's a countdown to an attack. He calls his ex, Constance, who doesn't believe him. David and his father then try their best to get to Washington to let the president know. Back in Los Angeles, Steven's leave has been canceled and he has to leave Jasmine and her son to return to base. President Whitmore is reluctant to listen to David until witnessing the aliens disintegrate several Apache helicopters. They have less than an hour to get out of the major cities. Barely making it, the aliens attack, destroying New York, Los Angeles, Washington, D.C., and every major city around the world as the President, Constance, David and his father, head to Area 51.

Issue #2 opens with the classic scene of Steven downing one of the alien ships and punching it while saying "Welcome to Earth!" At Area 51, the purpose of the aliens are discovered. They essentially just kill all living things, use up all the planet's resources and leave it an unusable husk and move on to the next planet. The alien notifies President Whitmore that there can be no peace, only the death of humanity. So President Whitmore makes the executive decision to nuke the aliens. David discovers a way through the alien ship's force fields--a computer virus. They will upload a virus onto the ships allowing aircraft with weapons to maneuver in and destroy the ship. Every able-bodied pilot is asked to find and man a plane, including Russell Casse, who is trying to be a good father and wants to get revenge on the aliens that abducted him.

President Whitmore gives his "Independence Day" speech to the troops and the pilots all head into the air. Steven and David arrive on the mothership where David can upload the virus. Unfortunately, what the pilots do only do minimal damage until Russell figures out how to inflict real damage. Russell flies his plane and missile up into the ship, destroying it completely and dying a hero. Still trapped on the mothership, Steven enters the launch codes to launch their missile while he and David tell each other good-bye. Being shaken loose, Steven attempts to guide the ship out of the mothership and back to Earth. Barely making it, the nuke destroys the mothership. Everyone is reunited and, without the mothership, watch as all the other ships crash to the Earth, defeated.

For an adaptation, these comics are serviceable. The events seemed rushed and the coloring seems darker than it needs to be. Also, the choice to put the narration in dark gray boxes with black text was...a choice. Happy Independence Day, Americans, and Happy Fourth of July to everyone else.

Credits:

Issue #0 Written by Phil Crain; Penciled by Terry Pallot, Steve Erwin, Rod Whigham, Gabriel Gecko; Inked by Terry Pallot, Phil Moy, Larry Welch, Steve Moncuse; Colored by Moose Baumann; Cover by Terry Pallot. Issue #1 Written by Ralph Macchio; Art by Leonard Kirk; Colored by Moose Baumann; Cover by Kevin Nowlan. Issue #2 Written by Ralph Macchio; Penciled by Leonard Kirk, Rod Whigham, Steve Erwin; Inked by Terry Pallot, Scott Reed, Steve Moncuse; Colored by Moose Baumann; Cover by Kevin Nowlan.

That'll Cost You Extra

Okay, you can just start washing. You don't need my permission. I clearly have already agreed to and paid for this.

Just go to a car wash. It's one thing washing your house. You can't take your house to a Charlie's House Wash. But you can take your car to a Charlie's Car Wash.

Maybe Gladys Just Goes Around Wearing That Apron

Do you think he's cognizant about how bad he's got it?

Let's hope not. Poor bastard.

Look, I get they can spin this to be "It's AI so it learns and changes responses based on how people interact with it" but most people won't then brag about how they "talked with President Theodore Roosevelt about the Panama Canal." That's purely a Trump thing.

If it's only 10 A.M. why are you wearing an apron? What the hell kind of lunch are you making? You need an apron to slap together a sandwich or microwave burritos?

Wilberforce should start pounding the table. "Lunch! Lunch! Lunch! Lunch!"

You Should Be Lucky It Only Tastes Gamey

Look. I can't even believe that I, or anyone else, ever has to mention this, but some of y'all spend way too much time thinking about what goes on in little kids' pants. These schoolkids just want to play sports with their friends and y'all are literally making a federal case out of it and wanting to do gender inspections to make sure kids are playing with the gender they were born as. How about you just love, care for, and respect the kids as they are since it literally doesn't hurt you at all. And if that's something you can't do, how about you fuck off?

Ok. Well, you should tell me that the meat was substituted. And your joke doesn't work. The concept of a hashtag has no meaning outside of a social media context. I'm side-eyeing the reader because the pun is definitely not good and not even a good bad pun. It's just bad.

Nothing Marriage

Hi & Lois, June 29, 2026

Is...Is Hi & Lois the official comic strip of America250? I guess that makes sense. It's also a good way to only do half a strip. Just slap the America250 logo in the first half of the strip.

And it continues today...

I don't know why Dot and Ditto have to make up an American Revolution battle when there are so many to choose from, but whatever. They're both wearing American Flag Blue so maybe this is a real battle that Big American History is trying to cover up because it was between two American soldiers and about something stupid.

I guess Brutus' lazy Monday has come to an end. Ugh, and Mother Gargle will probably be here all week since it's a holiday week and Ramona doesn't have enough friends in Erie to justify staying there.

Sofa King Lazy

She must not have been looking very hard considering he's just on the couch.

Does Brutus get the whole week off for the Fourth? That must be nice. Mm. But he probably doesn't get paid. Why would Veeblefester pay you if you aren't working?

Not-So-Bad Dream

I went to go see Supergirl on Friday. I enjoyed it just as much as I did Superman. I've read Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow so I knew what I was expecting. There was just the right amount of Lobo. I was worried he'd dominate the movie, but I don't know what I was worried about. Superman handled Guy Gardner, Mister Terrific, and Hawkgirl well.

I will say, when we finally see Kara in the Supergirl uniform, I was very excited. Like, almost giddy.

May 29, 1988

She always hated that tie.

Brutus can only tie bowties. Neckties are completely foreign to Brutus.

But now there's no donuts and you are probably hankering for some donuts right now, aren't you?

It's nice to see Gladys concerned about what happened to Brutus in the dream. I've been in danger in dreams before and my wife never reacted like this to them. I guess she doesn't love me like Gladys loves Brutus.

Shrimp Saturday. No, Wait. Saturday Shrimp.

Salad shrimp is apparently different from regular shrimp so Brutus is going to bring Gladys the wrong shrimp. Men are bad at shopping. Sorry, I don't make the rules.

Shower Power

Shower? But he was cleansed by nature. How much cleaner can he get?

It doesn't look like you are doing anything right now. Take a shower now.

Why Is She Just Standing There Listening to Brutus Complain?

I don't expect diner coffee to be good. Dump cream and sugar in that mug and shut up.

But first get a new cup with regular coffee in it...

My Cousin Eddie

We started seeing Walmart Back to School commercials this past weekend. My wife and I were both like "It's not even July, Walton Goggins!" So anyway, the next time we see Walton Goggins, we're gonna punch him in the face.

I wonder if Veeblefester is one of those people who think teachers get paid year-round for a nine-month job?

Do Brutus and Arnie Work Together Often?

This is Arnie's way of saying that he and Brutus are not in sync, are never in sync, and will never be in sync. No, we're not "in sync". We're more like Backstreet Boys. No, O-Town. No, what was that one group that was kind of made-up? On Nickelodeon? Big Time Rush! We're Big Time Rush.

Monday Quickie

If you've never used your brain before, then you don't need to use AI. It's definitely not gonna make you seem any smarter.

Just Let Brutus Read His...Magazine?

Doesn't it look like Peggy just got done masturbating,
or that someone is currently going down on her?

I completely forgot that a post showcasing Art Sansom's 1949-1951 comic strip Peggy went up yesterday. Between the park and homework and just wanting to vegetate over the summer, things are bit much right now.

Anyway, here are your Sunday comics. I plan on having something new for you on the Fourth of July as well.

May 22, 1988

Where are the grown-ups?! This is really all on the grown-up calling the O'Haras. Who is this guy? Mr. O'Hara's boss? A man from a bank? A friend? Whatever you have to tell Mr. O'Hara must not be very important if you're willing to trust it with Hurricane Hattie.

Oh, yeah. Today's Father's Day. Figlee sounds like a terrible game. Honestly, it sounds like a mobile game and not something you can play on XBox or PlayStation.

And he just opens the comic by screaming in the doorway "Good morning, Pop!"

My Leg Goes to Sleep If I Sit Like That

Big Nate, June 13, 2026

I missed it, but Big Nate dailies have come to an end. Lincoln Peirce has decided to just focus on Sunday strips and, I'm assuming, his popular run of Big Nate graphic novels. On the plus side, Peirce has said he doesn't want reruns to continue in newspapers so that opens up a lot of real estate. Good on you, man.

Baby Blues and Zits will also be winding down over the next year so I'll grab those finales when they happen.

What is Brutus doing? Is he just sitting there with his chin in his hands? Look, I'm not necessarily judging, Mother Gargle is in the wrong, always is, and should die, but Brutus just sitting there like that is weird. At least turn on the TV or something.

Art Sansom's Peggy

Before Chris Welkin, Planeteer, Art Sansom was a bullpen artist for Newspaper Enterprise Association doing fill-in work on other comics. He was tasked, starting around 1949, to write and draw Peggy, about a teenage girl. Or maybe she's early 20s. I'm not sure. Here are some strips from 1949.

And He's Paying $50 to Ruin This Steak

Did the waiter throw the plate down on the table? "Here's your burnt meat, sir. Hope you choke on it!" I bet I could tell my wife about this choice of steak and she'd be like, "Why is he ruining such a good piece of meat?" I don't even like steak and I eat (and cook) better steak than this.

So You Had a Bad Day

"Oh, well, I'll just start over tomorrow. Also, no point in finishing out these last five minutes. See you tomorrow!"

I like the idea of Brutus stumbling and fumbling his way through work and then at 4:55 going "I'm gonna press reset on this day". "Sorry about losing that client and that important paperwork, but if I could just get some fresh air, I know that I can right this ship." Uh-huh, sure.

Pay-Per-Grain

You know it's nine grains because of the giant number "9" printed on the bag. Or it could be "6", but I'm guessing it's written on the bag elsewhere.

I like stuff with grain in it. Remember a few years ago when everyone was like, "You need to have these grains in order to live a good life" and everyone was just "Yes, that sounds right." If these grains were good enough for Ötzi, they are good enough for us modern humans.