Tonight On 'The Born Loser'...

August 5, 1967

At least we know why Teeny stopped appearing in the comic strip. She moved out into her own place because she was sick of the Thornapple's shit.

Only 12 episodes per season? Pfft. We used to have proper seasons: 22-24 episodes and hopefully enough seasons (5) to make it to 100 episodes. Fucking binge Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (594 episodes) or The Simpsons (808 episodes) if you want me to be impressed.

Give me long-running series with 22 episodes a season where 5-7 of them are all certified bangers any day.

"You're Looking Rundown." "Thanks...?"

August 4, 1967

Wilberforce has to go home at some point. You can hit him when he returns cold and hungry.

I will admit that I like the surreal Looney Tunes-esque stuff Art sometimes does. How did he do that?

Ha ha! It's funny because Brutus has sleep apnea and is slowly dying! Of course Brutus has sleep apnea. Gladys probably has it, too. And Mother Gargle. It's an epidemic.

Put Your Legs Under the Desk

August 3, 1967

Is...Is that God? No, it's probably just some advertisement on a building. You don't have to listen to those...unless it's about giving her English muffins this year.

Has Brutus just been sitting like that all morning? His knees, hips, and feet are going to hurt like hell when he goes to stand up.

If Brutus doesn't want to work, he shouldn't be so blatant about it. Hang in the break room, take longer in the restroom, Oh, I have to run out to my car for something, I was talking with Arnie about the Streisand account. Don't just sit at your desk.

I wonder how the Wimberley account went? Not great, I assume.

Droopy Green Thumb

August 2, 1967

Brutus cares not for your social life, Teeny. Get out of the bathroom! There are other people in this house, you know.

Do (Did?) people normally not keep their toothbrush in the bathroom? You lug it around? Seems inconvenient.

 

Brutus this is serious! This is the only place we get our vegetables from now since everything at the store is so expensive. These plants could mean life or death for us and our little boy. And climate change sure isn't helping.

Carpenters Reference?

August 1, 1967

Is Brutus hungover? He also looks like he's going to throw up, but that may be just hearing the word 'horoscope'.

 

Okay, it's rainy days and Mondays, so saying "rainy Tuesdays through Sundays" is at best redundant and at worst interpreting the song incorrectly. "Rainy days" already implies rainy Tuesdays through Sundays.

But he does seem to have the day off so that a good thing, right?

So Many Golf Phrases...

June 5, 1988

Brutus did not want to miss one second of this game, I guess. I don't know how Brutus expects to get home, let alone just move his car but I guess that's an issue for future-Brutus.

Oh, no! Are we going to do a week of reruns during the week I bring back the older strips? As long as we stay pre-November 2020 we should be good.

Does Brutus need a lesson on how to make the golf ball curve? Golf Digest has a decent tutorial. They even mention Jack Nicklaus, who, as I understand it, is pretty big in the golfing world.

 

 

 

 

 

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SaturDate Night

So does Mother Gargle also not like her grandchild or is she just gaming money out of Brutus and Gladys? I hope Mother Gargle knows that stealing money from Brutus is also stealing money from Gladys.

Fake It til You Make It

Brutus is off to do subpar work on the Wimberley account. At least it's Friday. Look, Brutus is apparently a terrible employee but somehow he keeps most of his accounts. I'm sure Wimberley will be fine.

A Summer Reading Program Doesn't Seem Like Something Wilberforce Would Join

I thought this was going to be a joke where Wilberforce says he never got past the first book on his list. Why does he need to remember what happened in it? Does your library/school only count the book if you can answer a short quiz on it?

I just finished a biography on President John Quincy Adams, my favorite president and he was such a man ahead of his time who saw the flaws and holes in our Constitution and wanted them fixed while everyone else in power just shrugged. He stood up for Native American, women, and slave rights at a time when doing that was definitely not popular. He worried for nearly 40 years about the country splitting up over slavery and bemoaned how the Constitution separated powers yet could not overcome party loyalty or presidents just doing what they want anyway. Arguing over admitting Texas into the Union, Adams wrote this in his diary.

"The Constitution is a menstruous rag and the Union is sinking into a military monarchy to be
rent asunder like the Empire of Alexander or the kingdoms of Ephraim and Judah." 

I could spend an entire post just gushing about the guy, but I won't. Although I do wish I was clever and creative enough to write a Broadway musical about him.

Don't Ask Questions You Don't Want to Know the Answer To

"I heard ICE is in town and I want to see how they hold up to someone just as violent as them. Also, do you have any gas-soaked rags?"

This is such an odd request and mainly it's because there's no context. What kind of bottle? Do you want something in it? What are you going to do with it? I don't know about Brutus but I don't really have random bottles just lying around.