Brutus Should Just Use Wilberforce to Cheat

July 17, 1988

Why would you wear a fake nose and glasses when meeting someone? "Cut the tension"? I'm sure there are better ways to do that than wearing something stupid on your face. Now who's the idiot?

Is Hope a cousin on Gladys' side? The women in her family certainly have a type...

I always feel that having different names for things is a way of gatekeeping. "You don't know what 'hook' and 'slice' mean? Don't make me l-a-f-f laugh!"

I hope Wilberforce is able to keep this positive attitude while he's out on the golf course for five to seven hours today.

Up, Up, and Away

September 12, 1967

Mm. Mother Gargle was always a horrid bitch. Good to know. I don't know why this argument requires waterboarding Brutus, but the 1960s were a different time.

Clark Kent is a well-respected international journalist and author who is married to a well-respected Pulitzer Prize winning international journalist and author. Being Superman is quite literally the least remarkable part of Clark Kent. Even without the punchline, comparing Brutus to Clark Kent doesn't make sense.

Late Night Friday

September 11, 1967

I'm guessing this guy is just making up a poem about the water because I could not find any poem or anything with these words. I originally thought it was from "water, water everywhere nor any drop to drink" which is from The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (Coleridge, 1834) but it's not.

Was being stranded at sea something that happened a lot in the past?

Is that Brutus' blond co-worker? I'm a little concerned that Brutus didn't realize one of his closest co-workers has not been at work.

Or is this some other blond guy Brutus knows? 

Yet Another Day, Yet Another Marital Spat

September 9, 1967

Were Brutus, Gladys, Wilberforce, and maybe Teeny were just going to share one giant steak? A least they have a big salad.

We just did this last week! These two need therapy. I'm willing to pay for some of it. Or their divorce.

House Hole

Tim Curry

1946 - 2026 

Should we give Death one more chance to take an 80-year-old in hopes that he'll snag the right one? And you just know that with every celebrity death that gets an outpouring of grief, Trump is wandering around the White House saying this:

Ben Chang is just a little less insane.

 

September 8, 1967

*slams fist on desk* Get me the suggestion box!

*slams fist on desk* Get me Grinch in accounting!

*slams fist on desk* Get me the giant check!

*slams fist on desk* Get me Thornapple!

Hmm. This giant check makes the $225 I make every other week seem even smaller...

Brutus and Gladys' life is literally falling apart. Are the walls just crumbling or did Wilberforce die during the final boss fight and he ran out of continues? "I'll just hang this picture here and no one will be the wiser..."

Can We Call Him Morty Miata Now?

Dolly Parton

1946 - 2026

"Love to hear that Dolly Parton sing!" 

September 7, 1967

I'm glad that Wilberforce is ACAB, but maybe save that for when you can get your own consequences.

Yeah, we're worrying about boulevard stops when kids are just flopping around unprotected in the backseat.

Who's "they"? I have a coworker who drives an orange Dodge Charger and if you saw him, you would not think this guy would drive a car like that. I don't think anybody says "you can learn about a person by the type of car they drive to work" and you can't convince me otherwise.

Sometimes Brutus drives. And once, Veeblefester gave him a lift.

I Want to See Gladys In High Heels

September 6, 1967

I always considered Brutus' hair as "bald" or maybe, and I'm being very generous here, "balding". Thinning makes it seem like he has hair on top and in front.

Maybe someday I'll go through all the jobs that Brutus has held before Art settled on him being a tea cozy salesman for Veeblefester. It'll be a long list like Homer Simpson's employment history.

Look, I have mad respect for the job title of "Mom" but what's Gladys got going on that's so rough? Was she spending hours cleaning up rivers of dog vomit? Her only child is old enough that he needs limited supervision and she never seems to run errands.

How does Wilberforce know the "Ginger Rogers backwards and in high heels" trope?

This Monday was so bad it sucked the color from life.

Desperate Times, I Guess

July 10, 1988

I'm surprised we've only seen Brutus threaten to quit a couple times. Brutus seems like someone who would threaten to quit every couple weeks or so. Especially these days. But it's hard out there anymore and threatening to quit doesn't work as well as it used to...especially when you suck at your job.

I don't know what Veeblefester expected here. Brutus is a salesman, not an ad guy or marketing person. Tea cozies don't need a flashy ad campaign, they practically sell themselves!

They Have, Like, Two More Weeks

September 5, 1967

He got to 240 within five minutes which seems pretty impressive. I know there are 300 seconds in 5 five minutes so you can get to 240 in that time, I just get distracted and slower as I count because I get bored.

Was he counting out loud the whole time and she just woke up, or did he just get to 240 before she got annoyed?

I'm sure if you get right down to it and dive deep into interrogating the children, there is probably something they like about school. But we don't really want to know because it's either going to be stupid or sad.

Starring The Marx Brothers

September 2, 1967

Why do you want Kewpie to beg? Just have her sit or whatever.

Ok. More animal crackers for me then. Seriously, what kind of stupid remark is this? Do you want a snack or not?