Chris Welkin, 2-Part Pilot

Chris Welkin, Planeteer has kind of a weird history. I often question how much writing Russ Winterbotham actually did on the comic strip and how much came from Art Sansom. In the 1950s and 1960s many of the comic strips were chopped up to become printed in comic books in Australia and Canada. In 1966, a storyline from Chris Welkin was published in The Dalek Outer Space Book, a spin-off publication from Doctor Who basically putting Chris Welkin into the Doctor Who-niverse.

Chris Welkin also got a two-part pilot for an animated television series. The show was, obviously, never released or even aired as the animation was very cheaply done and I highly doubt there was much of an audience for Chris Welkin, Planeteer. Thanks to the magic of the Internet, both 12-minute pilots are available to view. You can watch Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Amid lightening and thunder (in space?) we get a zoom in on Earth and an ominous, booming voice saying the name of the show. Honestly, it kind of sounds like when Tom from Tom & Jerry speaks in that haunting voice "Don't you believe it!"

This is Atom City, New Mexico. This is a pretty good looking science fiction city. And I appreciate that whoever animated it kept in mind that it does take place in New Mexico and kept plateaus, buttes, and deserts.

Chris Welkin takes place in 1979 which is about 25 years after when this episode was made. I love how optimistic people were about the future. I like and prefer how Futurama dealt with the future.

This is our introduction to Chris Welkin, apparently the most brilliant scientific mind ever known.

Chris sees a tiny triangle zipping around the radar screen and wonders what it is. He seems awfully calm about it considering it seems to be able to move pretty fast and make sharp, right-angle turns.

Chris' intern or whatever, Rocky Starr comes in. He's a student at Hiawatha University. I don't know why it's Hiawatha University. Your guess is as good as mine. Dr. Budd was late again, but more than that, he hasn't shown up in three days. Chris does not seem very concerned, focusing his attention on the little triangle on the radar.

Rocky utters his catchphrase (if you can call it that) for the first time and you are going to wish he were dead by the time he says it for the last time. If you already didn't want him dead because of his annoying Eddie Deezen-esque voice.

I want to talk a little about the animation. It's done very cheap as you can see. The only thing animated are their mouths and even then, it's very generic. It's reminiscent of the 1959-1960 TV series Clutch Cargo which used real mouths superimposed over the faces. These are at least animated mouths.

Chris Welkin has his own space plane. I love that they animated and recorded the six-second countdown before launching. In the air, Chris and Rocky discover the triangle is another spaceship, not from Earth! Suddenly, a piercing sound comes from the other and Chris and Rocky are knocked unconscious and beamed aboard the ship.

Chris and Rocky come to in the alien ship and announce that they are some 400 miles above Earth. Locked in a room, Chris comments on how everything is smaller and discovers that the door out easily opens with the push of a button. Before they can leave, someone enters. A small-ish, woman-like alien who speaks a different language (the voice track is played in reverse), but she does know English. Her name is Venna(?) and she is here to prevent the destruction of Earth. She even has help from Dr. Budd.

Why didn't they use Amaiza?

Just then, another ship appears. It shoots a magnetic disruptor at the ship which knocks Venna unconscious and unable to fly the ship. Can Chris learn the mechanics of the ship to dodge the next blast?

Chris literally just presses a random button which dodges the next blast. Chris is finally able to wake Venna up and she explains the visitors are Icthusians but doesn't know where they came for or why they want to destroy Earth. Venna is apparently from Venus. The Icthusians have enslaved all of her people.

Suddenly, the Icthusians are on their tale and their leader, Oothon, orders the crew to be captured. Using the gravitron, Chris, Rocky, Dr. Budd, and Venna are pinned against the wall of the ship. Oothon demands to know what kind of defenses Earth has so he knows what he needs to conquer the planet. Rocky almost blurts out information before Chris stops him. Chris, Rocky, and Dr. Budd are tied up and Venna is tied up in her own chair. Why? So she can watch their ship crash directly into Venus.

Starring Walton Goggins as Oothon.

Chris, Rocky, and Dr. Budd are taken aboard the Icthusian ship. Oothon gives Chris an ultimatum: Give him the details of Earth's defenses or watch Venna's ship crash into Venus.

To be continued...!

But not really. These are the only episodes made and very few people even saw them. There are only two people credited in the cast. Marvin Miller and Virginia Gregg. Miller (1913-1985) is best known as Michael Anthony from The Millionaire (1955-1960). The voice he uses for Chris Welkin sounds very similar to the narrator of the classic short Gerald McBoing McBoing. Gregg (1916-1986) is probably best known for...well, a lot of things. Name a show and she was probably in it or doing a voice for it. I'm assuming Miller did all the male voices and the announcer and Gregg did Venna. I could also see Gregg doing Rocky's voice. The animation was done by Sam Singer who is considered "the Ed Wood of animation". Singer is best known for Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse and the Hanna-Barbera-animated Sinbad Jr. and His Magic Belt. After Sinbad was canceled in 1966, Singer retired specifically because of the poor reviews of his cartoons.

Total "Great Curling Triangles": 13

It's "Like Mom Used to Make" Not "Like Your Mom Used to Make"

From 2016. Harry Anderson's final acting role. A Matter of Faith is one of those Christian movies that I think is slightly better than others but let's be honest who the audience for this movie is: Christians and die-hard fans of Harry Anderson.

July 20, 1967

Does Wilberforce have a collection of used oil filters or did Wilberforce just go into the garage and Brutus needs to dispose of his used oil filters? Either way, I feel the blame rests with the parents.

Isn't it kind of hard to ruin meatloaf? Eh, whatever. I wouldn't really want to eat anything from this diner anyway.

On Break(s)

From 2018. Many Tiger Electronic Handheld Games were hit or miss. TaleSpin, I think, leans on the hit side, but barely. It's at least playable and actually works like a game although you can just keep hitting 'up', avoiding all obstacles. There's no limit on how high you can fly. It's like a metaphor or something.

July 15, 1967

Woof. Tough crowd. Not as many feathers, which is good, I suppose. We should go back to tarring and feathering people more. Or, like so many other things, was this something we thought was a big deal but it's not?

If Brutus is still within his 15-minute break window then leave him alone! If Brutus is trying to argue that he gets a break and then a completely separate 'coffee break' then that smoke coming from Veeblefester's head is justified. Although I'm against all form of time and/or wage theft so you take your breaks. You don't have to justify what you do on your break.

Marjane Satrapi, author of Persepolis.
1969 - 2026

She's Just Doing That In Public!

One thing I like to do is research all the ghost towns that are in Kansas. Most of them barely become anything more than just a name on a piece of paper. Some actually turn into a location that barely stretches further than someone's house. Fewer become actual towns that remain on maps. One of those so-called "paper towns" was Wyoming, Kansas in Calhoun County, now northern Shawnee County.

An advertisement appeared in 1857 in newspapers and Wyoming even appeared on a couple of maps, but by the time Kansas became a state, it was gone. From 2018, Wyoming, Kansas. Oh, also Brutus hands in a subpar report so it's just another--what day did this go up?--Friday for Brutus.

July 14, 1967

Wilberforce eats soap. Well, that's a good piece of the puzzle. Especially since he's burping up bubbles while arguing he didn't eat the soap?

It's only been a couple months and Art has no idea what to do with Teeny.

I barely even use the chip card anymore because it's so spotty in if it will work or not. Anymore I just tap the card or use my phone/watch. I certainly will not hand my card to the cashier so they can dance around with it. Maybe that's just me...

Tuesday Quickies

For the last couple of years, I have been working to turn Tank N Tummy into a novel. Combining the Zeke & Harry stories of Tank N Tummy and the real life lives of early Kansas settlers, it's taking a lot of research and work which is why I'm also working on a young adult novel and another novel that suddenly popped into my head that I am three quarters of the way through.

Anyway, from 2001, but published here in 2010, Zeke, Harry, and their friends investigate an old cemetery and abandoned house for ghosts and demons while the story of the family that lived in the house is told.

July 13, 1967

You are not standing on the base and clearly haven't tagged Brutus so I'm thinking that ball is still in play and this guy needs to do something about it. Get up, Brutus, you still have a chance to make it to the base!

Hate to break it to you, Brutus, but you are still talking to yourself. The readers aren't in the comic with you.

Boring Day Off

From 2014. Take a look at the, in my opinion, terrible Super Nintendo video game based on the hit syndicated animated series Mighty Max. This should've been just a straight-forward platformer. At least the music is good.

July 12, 1967

Yeah, I guess dance lessons are a "fabulous prize". I mean, you're only answering who the first president was. That shouldn't require an "umm". George Washington and whoever the current president is should be automatic answers regarding presidents.

Yeah, God forbid a man just relax. I don't know why Brutus is home but he's probably wishing he had work today.

"Well, if it isn't Mr. Excitement!"

"Well, if it isn't Mrs. Bitch!"

Algorithmically Challenged

May 1, 1988

It is May. I think we can wait a few months on the Christmas cards. Clearly doing them early didn't work anyway considering they never got mailed from last year. But now you are a year ahead!

I agree. Go away and come back in November, Gladys.

Considering that our phones listening in on our conversations has been a thing/problem for the last ten years or so, I find this comic being published on May 31, 2026 weird. Also, a lot of dentists in your area publish ads online? Do you need a dentist?

I'm concerned about Brutus' attitude. He can't wait until AI takes his job.

The Last Days of Wilberforce Thornapple

July 11, 1967

Oh, God! It's a gigantic bird with an upside down face! Feets don't fail me now!

Birdwatching is another thing pop culture said was going to play a bigger part in my life. Look, I take walks in nature and have nothing against birds, but I've never specifically gone out to bird watch. But that's all pop culture in the past said would happen. You'd go out birdwatching and get stuck in quicksand.

This is what you're spending your Saturday doing?

And no wonder you have to go to school past Memorial Day. You're only doing six hours a day!?

Summer of Hurricane (Hattie)

July 10, 1967

Is this something Wilberforce eats every morning? If so, then fine. Whatever. If he tries out different concoctions every morning, then I get it. I don't think mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup, and maple syrup pairs well with corn flakes.

It always weirds me out that a good portion of school districts run the school year roughly from Labor Day to early- to mid-June. My school year runs roughly mid-August to Memorial Day. School used to start after Labor Day because of farming, now i think it's because of the heat.

I'd plan things to do with Wilberforce and Hattie. Hattie would be the daughter I never had. But that's just me, I guess.

Brutus Isn't Even Attempting to Raise His Boat

July 8, 1967

A problem Wilberforce? This is a far cry from the idiotic milquetoast Wilberforce we currently have in the strip. I can't picture today's Wilberforce carrying dynamite under his arms, having a two-by-four strapped to his back (or is that a rifle?), and a violin case that is obviously disguising a Tommy gun.

Clearly Brutus doesn't learn from his mistakes because Brutus loses accounts all the time. Master's degree? Brutus is on his doctorate of mistakes by now.

Gunke? I wonder if it's pronounced Gunk, Gunk-ee, Gunk-ay, or Günke like Tobias Fünke in Arrested Development.