You Should Be Lucky It Only Tastes Gamey

Look. I can't even believe that I, or anyone else, ever has to mention this, but some of y'all spend way too much time thinking about what goes on in little kids' pants. These schoolkids just want to play sports with their friends and y'all are literally making a federal case out of it and wanting to do gender inspections to make sure kids are playing with the gender they were born as. How about you just love, care for, and respect the kids as they are since it literally doesn't hurt you at all. And if that's something you can't do, how about you fuck off?

Ok. Well, you should tell me that the meat was substituted. And your joke doesn't work. The concept of a hashtag has no meaning outside of a social media context. I'm side-eyeing the reader because the pun is definitely not good and not even a good bad pun. It's just bad.

Why Is She Just Standing There Listening to Brutus Complain?

I don't expect diner coffee to be good. Dump cream and sugar in that mug and shut up.

But first get a new cup with regular coffee in it...

It's "Like Mom Used to Make" Not "Like Your Mom Used to Make"

From 2016. Harry Anderson's final acting role. A Matter of Faith is one of those Christian movies that I think is slightly better than others but let's be honest who the audience for this movie is: Christians and die-hard fans of Harry Anderson.

July 20, 1967

Does Wilberforce have a collection of used oil filters or did Wilberforce just go into the garage and Brutus needs to dispose of his used oil filters? Either way, I feel the blame rests with the parents.

Isn't it kind of hard to ruin meatloaf? Eh, whatever. I wouldn't really want to eat anything from this diner anyway.

Soupposting

July 1, 1967

Is the reverend here between services and spending his downtime harassing parishioners who decided to sleep in? This definitely isn't making me want to go to church, now give me my newspaper.

A well-known secret of a lot of restaurants is that whatever is the special is what they got cheap or what's about to go bad. Not this place. They open fresh cans bright and early in the morning and leave the giant pot of soup to simmer on the stove all day.

Diners to Dollars

May 4, 1967

You guys can't fight about this on the ground? I guess as long as they keep pedaling, they can argue all they want. How does the guy in the middle get on? Lay the bikes down, he climbs on and the other two help push him up?

It's weird seeing "Fifty-cent price increase" in this strip. These days the increase would be a dollar maybe more.

I'm always weary when the menu says "A little something extra". I don't care what it is, it doesn't sound good!

Beany Boy

April 22, 1967

Brutus keeps his change in his wallet? Just keep some coins in your pocket. But let this be a lesson to the ice cream man, take the money first.

Did ice cream melt faster back then? There's a lot of melt between panels one and two. And only, like, five seconds have passed.

"You have to bring in your own beans."

Brutus seems way too excited about three-bean soup in the second panel. Calm down, Brutus. It's three-bean soup. Three. Bean. Soup.

New Diner Items

JAMES VAN DER BEEK

1977 - 2026

March 31, 1967

Ha-ha! Brutus loves Gladys! Brutus had me right up until the "tootsie-boo-boo" part. That is embarrassing. I would sigh, cry, and die as well.

This diner now has a black angus burger? Made with real angus? How much is a regular burger? Those are pretty expensive, too. I think Chip aged the diner waitress. Here she is in October and here she is last week? Are they the same woman? This bothers me more than it should.

Hmmmmm....

Salmonella Pot Pie

March 25, 1967

I love comic strips. What a great use of speech bubbles. I like how it seems like Veeblefester's tirade is pushing Brutus away.

We've had no mention of tea cozies in the comic yet so we don't know what Veeblefester does or what the accounts are for. Brutus has been screwing up Veeblefester's business since 1967.

I don't think they are using the word 'throwback' correctly. Is your grandma's chicken pot pie recipe considered a throwback now? And leftover chicken I understand. But leftover carrots and peas?

Is it me or is the second panel kind of weird? Seems like an odd angle(?) if you ask me.

Thursday Quickies

March 6, 1967

Nobody wants to work anymore. I'm sure the boss will find some way to blame the employees, but someone had to approve that time off and it was either him or Miss Katchandhammer (ok...?) and I doubt this woman in 1967 has vacation approval powers.

Is this Veeblefester? I'm gonna tag him as Veeblefester.

This is how Brutus dies...

Notice No One Is Sitting Near Him

March 4, 1967

Turtle shells don't look like rocks. Gladys is right to be apprehensive. Brutus clearly doesn't know what he's doing. I'm more outdoorsy than Brutus.

People are being dragged out of their homes in freezing weather by federal agents, people are being gassed in the streets, the president is allowing pedophiles and murderers get away with their crimes, meanwhile he's also pardoning people who actively and purposely hurt and stole from other people because they toss him a few dollars. But, sure, YOU have problems, Brutus.

I'm gonna go outside and drown myself in the river by stepping on a turtle that looks like a rock.

Holiday Spirit

January 17, 1967

My only reference for expensive dresses back then are episodes of I Love Lucy. When the Ricardos and Mertzes went to Hollywood, Lucy wants a Don Loper original. I'd never even heard of Don Loper but he sells his dresses for $500 and even I knew that seemed expensive for 1955. Hell, $500 is expensive for 2025.

That sign says "Frodo lives".

Brutus is hitting the seasonal drinks early and hard this year.

Christmas doldrums is still just a purely Charlie Brown thing. Others may try, but only Charlie Brown can do it just right.

Monday Quickies

December 23, 1966

Leave the professional alone. He's the one that went to school or apprenticed to do this. There's a reason he's getting paid.

The eggs have to be over easy? That seems like a weird stipulation. Why can't it just be two eggs?

Wednesday Special

I've been listening to Dr. Demento's last show over the last couple of days and just finished it yesterday afternoon. It was a Top 40 most requested songs of the 55 year history of his show. With just a couple exceptions (I actually think the official tally was 3) I was able to recite all the songs I remember hearing when I was routinely listening to Dr. Demento back between 1996 and 2004.

I got into Dr. Demento when I decided to listen to the Dr. Demento 20th Anniversary Collection that my Mom had. I fell in love with it and needed more. Learning that his show aired out of Kansas City on KYYS Sundays at midnight, I began staying up late to listen. Dr. Demento is the reason I was bad at school. I stopped listening when I just couldn't stay awake anymore. His show had moved stations at least twice since I started listening and, based on someone else's research, left the Kansas City area in 2007. The radio show would come to an end in 2010. Dr. Demento began streaming in 2006 and has been online since. You can listen to thousands of episodes of his show on his website.

No one else I knew listened to the show. I could annoy my friends and anyone near me with dumb novelty songs. I'd quote odd, random things and could take credit for being so funny. I felt like I was a member of a secret club. I'd go back to Dr. Demento and novelty songs numerous times over the years. They were comforting. I got into so much more music because of Dr. Demento. Being a fan of Dr. Demento and novelty songs just reinforced the belief that I should've been born in 1909. I can't even count the ways Dr. Demento has inspired me.

Back in June, Dr. Demento, whose real name is Barry Hansen, announced he was retiring. Keep in mind, he's been doing this radio show for 55 years (since 1970) and is now 84-years-old. He has more than earned a retirement. I saw numerous comments online on how Dr. Demento got them into different music or wanting to do that kind of music. I'm glad Mr. Hansen is able to see and hear how much he means to so many people. Here's to long and happy retirement, Doctor. Thank you for being one of the best.

December 1, 1966

He did this 48 times (counting the one that made it) and probability states that at least 23 of those cigarettes should of made it. I guess it would be less since he couldn't just not caught any, swallowed and spit a few out, bit at the wrong time... Ok, so maybe missing 47 times is possible.

Don't do it Brutus. Doesn't seem worth it. Monetarily or what it's going to do to you later. Just get a burger or some soup and go back to work. You don't need to eat the diner shrimp.

And don't forget to stay demented!

Kiss Her Grits

October 31, 1966

Should we really be eating the thing we make cathode-ray tubes with? Strontium is also used for bone stuff so it's not completely unsafe. Brand X, Strontium 90, cereal is cereal and it's all good. Except for Cocoa Puffs.

I get ice cream with every order so I'm not one to judge. Good for Brutus for getting a shake. It bothers me he didn't specify what kind of shake, but his speech bubble did run out of space. Maybe they only have one flavor. "You'll take vanilla and you'll like it!" Yes. Yes, I will.

I don't know why Flo here looks like Gladys' younger, thinner half-sister. That's a question for another time. But we know Flo is probably named after Flo from Alice portrayed by Polly Holliday who recently passed away.

The Friday Special

October 11, 1966

I love the performance from this waiter. I love his overacting. I love him saying "Now I can afford to have the operation" which is always a great addition when talking about someone being cheap. I love the violin comment. And I love that he's saying this loud enough for everyone in the restaurant to hear and that they clearly love the performance as well. Bravo! Bravo.

"Golly-Neds" as used here is an old-timey colloquial used mainly in West Virginia, which is probably how Art heard it since Ohio is just a stone's throw from West Virginia.

Anyone who has read a BuzzFeed listicle knows restaurant/diner specials are what's leftover, what's about to expire, or what the place ordered cheap so Brutus should already know this. I find it hard to believe Brutus has never read a BuzzFeed listicle.

Diner Whiner

October 3, 1966

What the hell kind of bird is that? He says they got it at Easter so a chicken? Kind of scrawny and reminds me, for some reason, of the dodo bird in Porky in Wackyland.

The last of the dodos.

Look at Gladys sitting there with her tea. "Them's my boys," she proudly thinks.

Does Brutus think du jour is some kind of flavor and not "of the day"? Was "tomato" not written with the soup du jour? I have a lot of questions for this comic. But I always have questions when Brutus is shown eating at this diner.

"TGIF. Right, Brutus?" "That's right, Uncle Ted! Oh, shit! I forgot to go to work today!"

Now we're eating seafood at the diner? What is it with this place? Is it cheap? Does it have a good atmosphere? Is it literally the only place to eat in this city besides the fancy restaurant and the fast food place?

It's All Pig

September 12, 1966

On a casual glance with this comic, I initially thought "Oh, no! Their buddy (probably Thornapple) has been turned into a vampire! What a horrible night for a curse!" But he's just stuck in his sleeping bag and apparently we can't just pull that down to get him out?

It's fried ham slices/pieces. How can you not tell the difference? Has Brutus never seen bacon and/or Canadian bacon before? Is today is first day on Earth?

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 988. If you are a part of the LGBTQ+ community and need help, you can contact the Trevor Project.

Couldn't They Just Write the Special On a Board?

June 13, 1966

Car horn don't typically "die". They do rely on an electrical current to work so I guess a horn that won't stop blaring could eventually drain the battery. I've never had a horn malfunction so can a horn keep blaring if the car is turned off? I guess so, because you can still honk the horn if the car is off. I'm thinking about this and perusing this Boss Horn website too much. Women drivers, amirite?

Hope you like oysters in brown gravy, Brutus!

That was the most disgusting thing I could think of that this diner might have. I spent too much time learning about how car horns work.

You Wanted to Know

My governor, Laura Kelly, sent a letter to Secretary Linda McMahon of the Department of Education asking for some funding back. Someone responded in the comments "We don't rely on money to teach kids." He then says a couple more things then goes "Pay teachers fair wages...". Ignoring the idiocy of saying we don't need money and then saying give teachers money, this person clearly doesn't understand how much money goes into schools.

It was left over money from Covid so I don't know what it would actually be going toward but Covid money was given to schools for health-related stuff (more nurses, supplies, upgrades to things), extra paraeducators, extra social workers, and to help pay for "learning loss" things like after school and summer school programs. He actually says later in a response that "the money isn't going to teachers", but it probably is because summer school and after school programs are not part of a teacher's salary. They get extra pay for that because that stuff tends to fall outside of their duty schedule.

Don't get me wrong, pay teachers, get rid of the bad ones (whatever that means) and just let teachers teach. But we all know that isn't going to happen.

Pay the teachers with what, Ryan?

PAY THEM WITH WHAT?!

May 14, 1966

I've mentioned before how I don't understand how everyone on an island doesn't just get swept into the ocean by a large wave and this island doesn't ease those concerns.

Did the hammock wash up on shore? Physics aside, what happens if he actually falls asleep?

But, seriously, though. Isn't this what restaurants do? They make up the specials from what's expiring or what they bought cheap recently? I mean, sometimes it's what they have too much of, but it can also be those other two things, right?

Does Every Bowl of Stew Get a Hockey Puck?

April 5, 1966

Say what?
Fuck?

Shit?

Goddamn?

Kerfelfluffer?

Ziggity-wing-wang?

Come on, give me a clue. There are a few other words he might say but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to type them out.

My favorite thing when one of the characters in this strip are mad, it looks like they are three seconds away from having a full-blown tantrum. Brutus is going to throw that stew on the floor--hockey puck and all--and begin pounding on the counter.