Algorithmically Challenged

May 1, 1988

It is May. I think we can wait a few months on the Christmas cards. Clearly doing them early didn't work anyway considering they never got mailed from last year. But now you are a year ahead!

I agree. Go away and come back in November, Gladys.

Considering that our phones listening in on our conversations has been a thing/problem for the last ten years or so, I find this comic being published on May 31, 2026 weird. Also, a lot of dentists in your area publish ads online? Do you need a dentist?

I'm concerned about Brutus' attitude. He can't wait until AI takes his job.

Diner Whiner

October 3, 1966

What the hell kind of bird is that? He says they got it at Easter so a chicken? Kind of scrawny and reminds me, for some reason, of the dodo bird in Porky in Wackyland.

The last of the dodos.

Look at Gladys sitting there with her tea. "Them's my boys," she proudly thinks.

Does Brutus think du jour is some kind of flavor and not "of the day"? Was "tomato" not written with the soup du jour? I have a lot of questions for this comic. But I always have questions when Brutus is shown eating at this diner.

"TGIF. Right, Brutus?" "That's right, Uncle Ted! Oh, shit! I forgot to go to work today!"

Now we're eating seafood at the diner? What is it with this place? Is it cheap? Does it have a good atmosphere? Is it literally the only place to eat in this city besides the fancy restaurant and the fast food place?

Can We Go Back To Talking About Malts?

May 17, 1987

I don't know. Is it? I think no, it's just frowned on. It's so weird how many comics hang their entire punchline on readers knowing the rules of golf.

It's nice to see a woman playing golf, though. Unless her being a woman is supposed to be part of the punchline. It's so hard to tell sometimes.

Ok. What would you like to do? You want to go out to a nice dinner? See a movie? Paint the town red as it were? Then you gotta make plans. Doesn't mean we'll be going out because maybe Brutus will get a gallbladder attack like I did yesterday. Hard to enjoy a Saturday when you can barely move and are spasming all the time.

Yes, please stop Mother Gargle from talking about all the dates she used to go on in high school. I have nothing against stories like that, but I do have something against How I Met Your Grandfather-esque stories that last about two seasons too many, has no character growth, and an unsatisfactory ending.

Take a look at Saturday's post on the Towhead Creek Bridge. If you would like to support me or this website, you can leave a tip on the Support page.

What Man Doesn't Enjoy a Good Lie Down?

February 21, 1966

I actually laughed out loud at this. I don't really know why. I do find it funny seeing Brutus open his mouth wider to make fun of his wife. I mean, who does this?

And I immediately go to something dirty and sexual about why he wants his wife's mouth a certain size so what does that say about me?

For the love of Jeezum Crow, it's Saturday! Let a goddamn working person lounge around on Saturday! Do you want to go do something, Wilberforce? Then just say so! Quit lazy-shaming a person!

17 Years Entertaining Maybe One or Two Dozen People!

2008 - 2025

That's What She Said

As you may have seen, Post News, the social media site specifically created to cater to longreads and journalists is shutting down. As with every other social media site that emerged when Elon Musk took over Twitter and then renamed it to a porn site, I joined and had hoped it could become a new home for these Born Loser posts and maybe more. I was on Post for about six months before abandoning it mainly because I wasn't getting any traction or followers. It was a grand idea and I wish more journalists and writers would've tried it out. It could've been a good place to get your news that's not controlled by algorithms.

In other social media news, about a month ago, I deleted my Hive Social account because it doesn't seem to be getting updated anymore, the founder has locked their account, and it seemed as if I was the only one on my timeline still updating their account. You can check out all my socials on the About page.

September 15, 1965

How much buried treasure is there in this country? You hear stories, sure, but how much buried treasure actually exists in the United States? Is it enough for this guy to buy a new hat? I hope so and I hope he finds the treasure.

Oh! Now Wilberforce is coming for his own father! Again, get wrecked, old dork! Wait. Brutus is roughly my age. Oh, no!!

Here's the real strip. Why can't Brutus just have a damn day off? Let him relax, jeez.

Another Lazy Sunday

October 28, 1984

A recording? I think robbers would catch on when they don't actually see a dog anywhere in the house. I know Kewpie is worthless but she's better than a stupid recording.

And how long is that recording?

"Do something productive"? He's a 9-year-old boy. What could he possibly do that's productive? Send him outside and over to Hattie's house. If you send him to his room, what's to stop him from taking a nap?

And where's Brutus? Shouldn't he be sitting for hours in front of the TV watching sports?

If you would like to support my writing, research, and this website, you can buy me a cup of coffee on Ko-fi.

His Sitting Position Has To Be Hard On His Knees

"When you're retired like I am, time is meaningless. It makes me think of everything I have wasted when in my youth. Relationships. Family. Fun. All innocent victims of time. Now, I'm old and have been closer to my death than my birth for years and cannot enjoy the things I wanted to in life. Don't make the same mistake I did, Wilberforce."

"Jesus Christ, Uncle Ted, I just asked you what your favorite day of the week was."

Curly Shuffle

Oh, look, it's another guy trying to force the Three Stooges down a woman's throat. Gladys should just go out by herself and have fun. Maybe take one of the other members from the PTA. It seems she get along with them just fine.

Why is the root beer not colored?

Double-Up Saturday

Wilberforce: "Father, wouldst thou like some soup?"

Brutus: "What?"

Wilberforce: "I'm making some soup for you, Papa. Please come sit at the table."

Brutus: "What the hell is going on?"

*Brutus sits down at table. Wilberforce brings in soup.*

Wilberforce: "Here you go, Daddy. Your soup. Take caution, it's still hot."

Brutus: "Are you having a stroke?"

*looks down at soup*

Brutus: "Okay, Mr. Smarty-Pants..."

Is it me or is Gladys becoming more of a nag? What's going on in Chip's home life that is causing this? Also, since Brutus is the only one in the house that actually does any work, I don't think Gladys is really in the best position to complain.

Naptime

It's the weekend. I can do what I want.

It. Is. Saturday.

There are some weekends where I just want to sit around and do nothing but there are some weekends where I want to do stuff--mostly when it is warmer or I absolutely have to. I was originally going to go out and do stuff today--a short hike, cemetery traipsing, check a few planned pictures off the list, but since the temperature is going to be a crisp 22 degrees today, I've decided to keep my time outside to getting coffee and, maybe, some groceries.

Leave Him Alone

It's Saturday. Who cares if Brutus hasn't got off the couch all day? I'll never understand the spousal and societal push for having people work all week and then work some more during the weekend. It's the weekend. I don't have to do anything.

1120: I Love Sitting At Home On Saturdays Watching TV

I always figured that Brutus and Gladys were the same age and they probably are but Brutus is lamenting the fact that Gladys married someone her own age 20-some years ago instead of someone 10 years younger because nothing says love like a 25-year-old marrying a 15-year-old.

I'm probably on some sort of list now for writing that.

1020: Even God Rested for One Day

It's a Saturday. Brutus spends five days a week trying to sell tea cozies or whatever! He, as do all of us, deserves at least one day off from the tedious awfulness of life.