More Than Raw

October 2, 1967

Don't be a hero, Brutus. Instead of trying to say something tough, Brutus should've done something while the robber had the gun tucked under his arm. I mean, I don't know if that's something I would do, but Brutus was willing to do this, so why not just attack?

It's a three-day weekend, Brutus can afford to have tummy bubbles from diner seafood this weekend.

I barely trust this diner with making my chicken fried steak, why would I trust it with sushi?

After Dinner Ailment

September 15, 1967

Ok, I'm not calling the police to chat. If I'm calling the police, then I need the police in some capacity. I'm not calling to talk about my neighborhood, which is looking a little less nice now that I've been hogtied and robbed!

Have we eaten and are now just sitting and drinking coffee to settle our stomachs or something? I'm glad Wilberforce got to eat dinner, but what he's still there for?

Yet Another Day, Yet Another Marital Spat

September 9, 1967

Were Brutus, Gladys, Wilberforce, and maybe Teeny were just going to share one giant steak? A least they have a big salad.

We just did this last week! These two need therapy. I'm willing to pay for some of it. Or their divorce.

Starring The Marx Brothers

September 2, 1967

Why do you want Kewpie to beg? Just have her sit or whatever.

Ok. More animal crackers for me then. Seriously, what kind of stupid remark is this? Do you want a snack or not?

Brutus Is Going to Get Hit With a Wooden Spoon

August 31, 1967

Where do Brutus'(?) feet go? On the wheel hump? Seems uncomfortable and kind of dangerous--as we can see.

I had to write a motorcycle scene in this story (main character was riding on the back of his girlfriend's motorcycle) I am writing and I have never been on a motorcycle so I just treated it like the character was riding a roller coaster. That works, right?

Why is Brutus completely discounting boxed brownie mix? Is Gladys so bad at baking that she can't even stir together a mix, eggs, and oil?

Frozen brownies you just put in the microwave? I need to try this new technology!

Bad Leftovers Are the Worst

August 29, 1967

Ah, the sixties, when you maybe actually wanted to talk to someone on the phone because you probably kind of liked them. Running upstairs, making sure you got to the phone. Wait. Why were phones a good idea again?

I can't believe Brutus just laid there as the phone rang loudly in his ear. I would've thrown it across the room, so I might as well just answer the damn thing.

This is what we did for dinner last night. Not ham loaf, leftovers. Although the leftovers did have ham.

Geez, Gladys seems really happy about these leftovers.

Jolly Ice Cream Dude?

August 26, 1967

The Born Loser takes place in a world where our conscience angels and demons actually exist, are tangible, and can interfere with our lives. That doesn't seem...great.

How does Brutus decide when to wear his toupee? He seems to just do it randomly.

Makes sense. I just assume ice cream from the ice cream truck is, like, $16 now. I rarely got to peruse the ice cream truck when I was a kid. We was po' and scraping together even a couple bucks was sometimes a lesson in futility.

I'm just going to assume that today's comic is a tie-in with the horror/slasher movie Ice Cream Man (now in theaters!) so tomorrows comic is going to be quite a shock to people.

Shrimp of the Day

August 25, 1967

How come there are all these instruments lying around? We've seen Brutus play a cello before, but also bagpipes, another cello, a saxophone, a tuba, yet another cello, a violin, more bagpipes, and another tuba. Where are all these instruments coming from?

And with only a couple of exceptions, he can seemingly play them all.

And you can't make the shrimp hot? You can't deep-fry them? I don't know why I question this diner. They are terrible and no one should eat here.

Mother Gargle Haters Club

August 24, 1967

If the creamed codfish looks like the search images, it looks like lumps of potatoes. I'm not a seafood guy so I would never eat creamed codfish and jelly sandwiches. I feel like Wilberforce is trying to throw up.

Where'd they get malteds?

"Is your mother-in-law really all that annoying?" Yes! Ramona Gargle is terrible! She first showed up for my website way back in March 2008 and she has been getting worse every day since. I will always be on Brutus' side when it comes to hating Mother Gargle.

You're Not Special

August 21, 1967

This happens a lot.

"Why are you telling me? The guy you should be telling--the one with the giant bag, I mean, who brings a large bag into a bank?--is next up in line!"

This is like those fake ads for crap at the bottom of websites where it's like, "90% of people have this debilitating disease" and it's click-bait to tell you about warts or something. Peanut butter gets stuck to the roof of your mouth, that's its whole thing. It's not some rare occurrence.

I Do Not Like This Guy's Mustache

June 19, 1988

Did this guy pay for a pineapple soda or did the soda jerk just give him the soda? At least Brutus got a couple sips in. This is why I always spit in my drink when given one.

I was going to say "I've been saving up to get a pool"? No, you haven't. You are possibly the poorest man on the comics page, Brutus with the exception of Snuffy Smith.

Candy Boy

August 11, 1967

How come parents of a certain generation absolutely hate teaching their children things? Is it because they don't know the answer and it makes them upset or are they just jerks? Explaining gravity is one of the easiest things to tell people, right? It's right up there with "Why is the sky blue?". Right?

Chocolate's expensive. It's getting rarer, right? Because of the chaos and destruction of the rain forest in South America? It's also why coffee is getting more expensive if you use South American beans. But enough about money and global instability, is Brutus a Left Twix person or a Right Twix person?

Bad Meat or Bad Cook?

August 10, 1967

What a piece of shit Wilberforce is. Does Brutus have Park Place, because that's the only reason you would want to make this trade. He's crying. There's no crying in Monopoly. But this is a good example of how capitalism works: Some mean jerkass owns all the properties and companies and then makes the poorer general public poorer and sad.

I guess Brutus does have all the utilities, but still...

I'll give you my review if you take off that stupid hat.

When you ask for a review, you can't get mad. If you don't want to listen and learn from the critique, then don't go asking for critiques.

Slippin' and Slidin'

August 9, 1967

While the height of the Cold War was mostly over by the time this comic strip saw print, worry over the Soviet Union and Communism still persisted in the United States. Many did think that "it can't happen here" either because the United States was so much stronger or believing where they live to be too unimportant to bomb. 

Can Harry see Wilberforce lighting that M-80? If so, then he should do a better job at warning Brutus.

Well, go make more. I don't even know how this happened. She barely moved the tray and all of them just go tumbling onto the floor?

Do you not get a side with the sliders? Some fries or a salad...well, maybe not a salad...but something.

You Need a Cookbook for a Charcuterie Board?

Brutus has never heard of a charcuterie board? And what's this about having a dinner party? Do the Thornapples know enough people to invite to a dinner party? At least there'll be meat and cheese.

Maybe Gladys Just Goes Around Wearing That Apron

Do you think he's cognizant about how bad he's got it?

Let's hope not. Poor bastard.

Look, I get they can spin this to be "It's AI so it learns and changes responses based on how people interact with it" but most people won't then brag about how they "talked with President Theodore Roosevelt about the Panama Canal." That's purely a Trump thing.

If it's only 10 A.M. why are you wearing an apron? What the hell kind of lunch are you making? You need an apron to slap together a sandwich or microwave burritos?

Wilberforce should start pounding the table. "Lunch! Lunch! Lunch! Lunch!"

You Should Be Lucky It Only Tastes Gamey

Look. I can't even believe that I, or anyone else, ever has to mention this, but some of y'all spend way too much time thinking about what goes on in little kids' pants. These schoolkids just want to play sports with their friends and y'all are literally making a federal case out of it and wanting to do gender inspections to make sure kids are playing with the gender they were born as. How about you just love, care for, and respect the kids as they are since it literally doesn't hurt you at all. And if that's something you can't do, how about you fuck off?

Ok. Well, you should tell me that the meat was substituted. And your joke doesn't work. The concept of a hashtag has no meaning outside of a social media context. I'm side-eyeing the reader because the pun is definitely not good and not even a good bad pun. It's just bad.

Shrimp Saturday. No, Wait. Saturday Shrimp.

Salad shrimp is apparently different from regular shrimp so Brutus is going to bring Gladys the wrong shrimp. Men are bad at shopping. Sorry, I don't make the rules.

And He's Paying $50 to Ruin This Steak

Did the waiter throw the plate down on the table? "Here's your burnt meat, sir. Hope you choke on it!" I bet I could tell my wife about this choice of steak and she'd be like, "Why is he ruining such a good piece of meat?" I don't even like steak and I eat (and cook) better steak than this.

Pay-Per-Grain

You know it's nine grains because of the giant number "9" printed on the bag. Or it could be "6", but I'm guessing it's written on the bag elsewhere.

I like stuff with grain in it. Remember a few years ago when everyone was like, "You need to have these grains in order to live a good life" and everyone was just "Yes, that sounds right." If these grains were good enough for Ötzi, they are good enough for us modern humans.