Kiss Her Grits

October 31, 1966

Should we really be eating the thing we make cathode-ray tubes with? Strontium is also used for bone stuff so it's not completely unsafe. Brand X, Strontium 90, cereal is cereal and it's all good. Except for Cocoa Puffs.

I get ice cream with every order so I'm not one to judge. Good for Brutus for getting a shake. It bothers me he didn't specify what kind of shake, but his speech bubble did run out of space. Maybe they only have one flavor. "You'll take vanilla and you'll like it!" Yes. Yes, I will.

I don't know why Flo here looks like Gladys' younger, thinner half-sister. That's a question for another time. But we know Flo is probably named after Flo from Alice portrayed by Polly Holliday who recently passed away.

Shoveling > Raking

August 7, 1973

It's a commercial, Brutus, I'm sure it'll be on again. Brutus is getting so mad, his face is turning red.

I'd rather shovel snow than rake. The snow you just throw to the side, leaves you rake into a pile and then awkwardly shove them into a bag or canister. Part of the reason why I stopped raking leaves.

America's Dumbest Sports Watchers

It is. It is a lot of trouble to go to just to skip commercials and maybe save fractions of a penny on your electric bill. I would also think the turning off and turning back on is worse than just leaving it on (or off).

Are you a true sports fan if you aren't constantly flipping through channels?

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Ad Space

What is Brutus watching that still fades out with "And now a word from our sponsor"? This isn't the 1940s or 1950s when Phillip Morris or Kellogg would sponsor an entire series. A show might now have dozens of sponsors rotating through its advertising space. And this isn't a new development. It's been like this since the late 1960s. Get with the times, Chip.

About Yesterday

So who all watched the Super Bowl last night? One...two...three...Okay, all of you. Something I noticed while watching the game, the commercials and the Halftime Show. People clearly don't know the definition of "good" or "memorable." Most of the commercials were decent. The commercials are not memorable unless they feature something or someone who surprised you. The Clint Eastwood/Chrysler commercial seems to have hit it big but isn't anyone else getting tired of the car companies reminding people of the bailouts they had to take? (Except for Ford). The game was boring until the second half--or more accurately, the fourth quarter. And the Halftime Show featuring Madonna, Nicki Minaj, LMFAO, Cee Lo Green and M.I.A. was just a ladder rung above boring. Ever since the Justin Timberlake/Janet Jackson "wardrobe malfunction" the NFL has tried to get Halftime shows that are generic and non-controversial. Madonna used to be one of the most controversial people in music which shows you how irrelevant she has become since the 1990s.

Don't get me wrong, when I am her age, I hope I can still move like that but if you wanted a really good Halftime show I would've suggested Lady Gaga. She can put on a show, she can do everything Madonna can do but better because she's younger. And I don't even really like Lady Gaga. But the reason she won't be asked to be on the Super Bowl is because she has the potential to be controversial. Her songs and visual effects could be used to promote homosexuality or other things that sports fans just don't want to see on their football field. So we viewers are stuck with boring Halftime shows like Paul McCartney, Rolling Stones, Prince, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Bruce Springsteen, The Who, The Black-Eyed Peas and Madonna. And those are the performers every year since Janet Jackson in 2004. Are these shows memorable aside from BEP being just awful?

Finally, Brutus is fired. It's about time. Brutus has been failing at every little thing for far too long. Now he can get that job at McDerp's which is really the only thing he's qualified for.

Wait a damn minute! Brutus is back at work? Clearly firings by Veeblefester are only temporary. Why get a smartphone that tells you where to go and what to do when you can just get married? Amiright, men? Huh, huh? Burn.

Capitalism at Its Best

Is it me or are toy commercials for kids getting stupider and the products getting more and more pointless. I really started noticing this with those Zhu-zhu Pets but I know toys created just to sell more toys have been around for years.

Our toys seem much cooler.

The KooKoo Birds are a group of toys featuring a bunch of stone-eyed brightly colored birds that...well, I don't really know what they do. They are made by Jay at Play and the Jay at Play website doesn't really elaborate on what the KooKoo Birds are but if you want to know everything about the MushaBellys then this is the place for you.  Here's the KooKoo Birds commercial which kind of explains what the hell they are.

I don't know why all the birds look stoned--I assume it's because the developers were when they created these things. It's good to know that you can put goggles on the birds and that there is a club house you can purchase that can house your KooKoo Birds. And I am all for prefixing ordinary things with random words to cater to the toy companies.  "Turtle" Van, "Lego" Games, "KooKoo" Cars. And the KooKoo version of the Pillow Pet is pure genius.

It's a pillow. It's a pet. It's a Pillow Pet.

I love the KooKoo Birds that fart and poop other KooKoo Birds. The girls in the commercial seem excited about it too. I'm just wondering what the significance is of finding the Golden KooKoo Bird (which, by the way, looks like real gold). Can you trade it in to get your money back for these things?

I would at least try.

Another toy that I don't understand are Gomus. Obviously something from the good people of Japan, Gomus are collectible erasers. Yes, that's right, collectible erasers. Basically it's the eraser equivalent of collecting comic books and cutting out the X-ray specs or sea monkey ads from the back. Gomu is possibly something I could get behind because I like stupid stuff like that. I would just use them as sit-around junk though. The best part about Gomu is the guy singing the theme song.

See? Isn't that awesome?

Almost as awesome as all the varieties of Gomu.

Squinkies are one of those toys that I wonder why people want. Squinkies run about $10 for 10. Squinkies are also very similar to a toy that I can buy from a vending machine at my local pizza buffet for 25 cents. I'm not saying that the makers of Squinkies are just after our money but it's very likely.